Alan Zoff Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 Excellent, Pierre. (But Messrs Blair and Campbell are apparently not amused.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pierre ZFP Posted August 24, 2010 Share Posted August 24, 2010 Note found on fridge door.My Dear Wife: You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy... I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel . Please don't be upset I shall be home before midnight. When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table. My Dear Husband: I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old.. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant soccer Coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave&Olive Posted August 25, 2010 Author Share Posted August 25, 2010 Subject: ponder this!I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die ofnatural causes. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing aweed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of theground easily, it is a valuable plant. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy areplacement. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead. Life is sexually transmitted. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you stillcan't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying ofnothing. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talksabout seeing UFOs like they used to? The 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weirdand people take Prozac to make it normal. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeezethese dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?" Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat thenext thing that comes outta its butt." Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't pointto their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bugsy Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk.Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: Hello WOMAN: Honey, it's me. Are you at the club? MAN: Yes WOMAN: I am at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2, 000. Is it OK if I buy it? MAN: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. WOMAN: I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new Models. I saw one I really liked. MAN: How much? WOMAN: $ 90,000 MAN: OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. WOMAN: Great!Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 MAN: Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it.If not, we can go the extra 80 thousand if it's really a pretty good deal. WOMAN: OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much! MAN: Bye! I love you, too. The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape. He turns and asks: 'Anyone know who this phone belongs to?'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pierre ZFP Posted August 27, 2010 Share Posted August 27, 2010 The 33 trapped miners in Chile are now being supplied with rice and beans. And relatives have lit candles around the entrance.They haven't thought this through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan Zoff Posted August 27, 2010 Share Posted August 27, 2010 Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. ' Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo! ' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave. The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about. 'Was the other Indian crazy or what? ' The Indian replied ' No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo! ' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us. Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo! ' Immediately, there was the answer. 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo! ' from deep inside.. He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening. The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, 'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It's bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave! ' He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo! ' Like the others, he then heard an answering call, ' WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO! ' With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran. The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read................ ^^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan Zoff Posted August 28, 2010 Share Posted August 28, 2010 A blonde gets a job as a teacherShe notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.'You ok?' she says.'Yes.' he says.'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.'It's best I stay here.' he says.'Why?' asks the blonde. "Because I'm the goal keeper" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Afy Posted September 13, 2010 Share Posted September 13, 2010 What do you call Black Hair dye in the Nordics?;;;;;;;;;;;Artificial Intelligence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave&Olive Posted September 16, 2010 Author Share Posted September 16, 2010 One afternoon Mac was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," Mac said. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along," Mac replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also." The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all, as well," Mac answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to Mac and said, "Sir, you are too kind.. Thank you for taking all of us with you.” Mac replied, "Glad to do it. "You'll really love my place. "The grass is almost a foot high" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Afy Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldhardly speak.After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.The monsignor replied, "When I am worried aboutgetting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodkanext to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, Itake a sip."So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At thebeginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took adrink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon hisreturn to his office after the mass, he found thefollowing note on the door: 1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred toas Daddy, Junior and the spook.8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out ofhim.9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked offhis donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper hesaid, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He didnot say "Eat me"12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with theCherry,.13. The recommended grace before a meal is not:Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contestat ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St.Taffy's.(Got this in an email.. thought I would share it. If anyone finds it offensive I will happily delete it) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave&Olive Posted September 20, 2010 Author Share Posted September 20, 2010 An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator...' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gardian Posted October 8, 2010 Share Posted October 8, 2010 ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBANDIt is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman. My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Carol Anne. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Carol Anne to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out is not an option in the evening. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed. Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, Boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.. When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the lawn. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man.. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while.. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too. . I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Carol Anne. I'm not saying that showing this much patience & consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, Guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.EDITOR'S NOTE: Ron died suddenly on January 31 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer lying nearby. His wife Carol Anne was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defence that Ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just john Posted October 14, 2010 Share Posted October 14, 2010 Just because they're out there, please don't shoot the messenger[:)] Legendary quotes on France ' France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes.' - Mark Twain 'I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.' - General George S. Patton 'Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.' - Norman Schwartzkopf 'We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.' - Marge Simpson 'As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure.' - Jacques Chirac, President of France 'The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris, sipping coffee.' - Regis Philbin 'You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it.' - John McCain , U.S. Senator from Arizona 'The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag.' - David Letterman 'Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada .' - Ted Nugent 'War without France would be like .. World War II.' - Unknown 'The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says 'First Iraq , then France .'' - Tom Brokaw 'What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?' - Dennis Miller 'It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us.' - Alan Kent 'They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house.' - Argus Hamilton 'Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day --the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'' - Rep. Roy Blunt, MO 'The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq ' - Dennis Miller Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII? A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur? 'Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris ? It's not known, it's never been tried.' - Rep. R. Blount, MO 'Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining.' - John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney - (AP), Paris , March 5, 2003 The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris , caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoneySuckleDreams Posted October 14, 2010 Share Posted October 14, 2010 Mary and Michael have been married many a year and are quite happy, but Mary has never experienced an Orga$m...and her mother told her that an Irish girl is entitled to at least one in her married life. But, living in such a small community they didn't know who to discuss the problem with, certainly not with the parish priest or the local doctor. Michael, remembered something when he had problems with his livestock so he turned to his local Vet. "Well..Michael...oi believe when cows can't conceive it's because they's be too hot. I suggest you get someone to help out with a towel to help cool you both down" So after a few beers in the pub, Michael hired a very fit young man to stand there waving a towel over him and Mary whilst they did the neccessary.... but after a very long night...no luck.Back at the vets , the vet suggested that maybe Mary should swap partners...so back at the house...Mary tried it with the young stud, with Michael holding the towel...and lo and behold had multiple Orga$m$ all nightAfter it was all over, Michael turned to the young man and said"... and that, young feller me lad, is hows you waves a ****** towel" I thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
casa99 Posted October 14, 2010 Share Posted October 14, 2010 A man was doing a house to house survey on which washing powder people used to wash there clothes, he hadn`t had much sucess until he knocked on a door and a chinese man opened it " good morning said the survey man, i`m doing a survey about what washing powder peole use , tell me do you wash in Daz " oh no says the chinaman no wash in daz , well do you wash in ariel , oh no no wash in ariel , ok then he says do you wash in Tide ? oh yes says the chinaman wash in Tide , tell me says the guy why do you wash in Tide ? TOO BL**DY COLD OUT -TIDE.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Racerbear02 Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 A few brain teasers for you, try not to cheat by looking at the answersFirst QuestionYou are a participant in a race, you overtake the second person. What position are you now in??Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you need to think again [:)] if you overtake the second place person, you take his place and are second.Try to do better this time. Answer this , but don't take as long this time.Second QuestionIf you overtake the last person, then you are ....?AnswerOK who said second to last? Think about it then tell me how you can overtake the last person??How are we doing so far?OK we will try some sums then, answer by doing mental arithmetic, do not use a pen and paper or calculatorThird QuestionTake 1000 and add 40 to itNow add another 1000Now add 30And another 1000Add 20Add another 1000Now add 10What is the total?AnswerDid you get 5000??Then you are wrong, it is actually 4100 prove it with a pen and paper or calculator[:)]OK we will try againFourth QuestionMary's father has five daughters1. Nana 2. Nene 3.Nini 4. Nono and 5....[8-)]?What is the name of the 5th daughter?? Answer OK how many of you got Nunu??WrongRead the question again and see if Mary is not a better answerOK last oneQuestion FiveA mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush, by imitating the action for brushing his teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.Next, a blind man comes into the shopping wanting to buy a pair of sunglasses, how does he indicate what he wants to the shopkeeper??AnswerIt is really very simple, He asks for them [:D]The simple questions are often the hardest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave&Olive Posted October 21, 2010 Author Share Posted October 21, 2010 Hi ok AnswerOK who said second to last? Thinks about it then tell me how you can overtake the last person??How are we doing so far? Take it you are not a F1 fan where you see half the field overtaking the Lotus team ( in last position ) every 2 weeks Dave [:)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave&Olive Posted October 22, 2010 Author Share Posted October 22, 2010 A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck." "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. "And you can talk!"Exclaims the barman. "I see your ears are working, too," Says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?" "Certainly, sorry about that," Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this way?" "I'm working on the building site across the road," Explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer." The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves. The same thing happens for two weeks.. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!" "Sounds marvelous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call." So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money." "I'm always looking for the next job," Says the duck. "Where is it?" "At the circus," Says the barman. "The circus?" Repeats the duck. "That's right," Replies the barman. "The circus?" The duck asks again. with the big tent?" "Yeah," the barman replies. "With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck. "Of course," the barman replies. "And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck. "That's right!" says the barman. The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . ...> .> > > .> > > > > .> > > > > > > .> > > > > .> > > > "What the fcuk would they want with a plasterer??!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Racerbear02 Posted November 3, 2010 Share Posted November 3, 2010 Once upon a time, an Australian blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown.A few days later, after arriving in New Zealand for a driving holiday, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!"The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, "352."This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair colour, can I have my dog back?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan Zoff Posted November 3, 2010 Share Posted November 3, 2010 A man is screaming for help as his dog is drowning. A woman rushes to the river bank, leaps fully clothed into the river and drags out the animal. She then expertly gives the dog artificial respiration and, in a thick German accent, gives very clear instructions to the dog's owner on follow-up treatment. "Vet?", asks the man. "Vet?, VET??", replies the woman. "I'm vucking zoaked." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulT Posted November 6, 2010 Share Posted November 6, 2010 French visions An elderly man was walking through the French countryside, admiring the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he spotted a young couple making love in a field. Getting over his initial shock he said to himself,' Ah, young love... ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers... C'est magnifique!' and continued to watch, remembering good times. Suddenly he drew in a gasp and said,' Mais... Sacre bleu! Ze woman - she is dead!' and he hurried along as fast as he could to the town to tell Jean, the police chief.He came, out of breath, to the police station and shouted,' Jean... Jean zere is zis man, zis woman... naked in farmer Gaston's field making love.' The police chief smiled and said;' Come, come, Henri you are not so old; remember ze young love, ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers? Ah, L'amour! Zis is ok.''Mais non! You do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!'Hearing this, Jean leapt up from his seat, rushed out of the station, jumped on his bike, pedaled down to the field, confirmed Henri's story, and pedaled all the way back non-stop to call the doctor:'Pierre, Pierre,. .. this is Jean, I was in Gaston's field; zere is a young couple naked' aving sex'To which Pierre replied,' Jean, I am a man of science. You must remember, it is spring, ze air, ze flowers, Ah, L'amour! Zis is very natural.'Jean, still out of breath, grasped in reply,' NON, you do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!'Hearing this, Pierre exclaimed,' Mon dieu!' grabbed his black medicine bag; stuffed in his thermometer, stethoscope, and other tools; jumped in the car; and drove like a madman down to Gaston's field.After carefully examining the participants he drove calmly back to Henri and Jean, who were waiting at the station. He got there, went inside, smiled patiently, and said,' Ah, mes amis, do not worry. Ze woman, she is not dead; she is British.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gluestick Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctors.'Doctor, I don't feel too good,' said the little paper bag.'Hmm, you look OK to me,' said the Doctor, 'but I'll do a blood test and see what that shows, Come back and see me in a couple of days.'The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the results. "What's wrong with me?" asked the little paper bag.'I'm afraid you are HIV positive!' said the doctor.'No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!' Said the little paper bag.'Have you been having unprotected sex?' asked the doctor.'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!''Well have you been sharing needles with other intravenous drug users?' asked the doctor.'NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!''Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a jab or a blood transfusion?' queried the doctor.'NO, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!''Well', said the doctor, 'are you in a homosexual relationship?''NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm Just a little paper bag!''Then there can be only one explanation.' said the doctor,SCROLL DOWN KEEP GOINGThis is good - wait for it .... .... .... ...... ....'Your mother must have been a carrier' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave&Olive Posted November 9, 2010 Author Share Posted November 9, 2010 STOP PRESS . Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bubbles Posted November 9, 2010 Share Posted November 9, 2010 had to read that twice.but then of course i was......please keep on sending these funnies.they often seem to arrive when I need them most. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Racerbear02 Posted November 13, 2010 Share Posted November 13, 2010 One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied,'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.'The florist was pleased and left the shop.When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.'The cop was happy and left the shop.The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.Then an MP came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied,'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.'The MP was very happy and left the shop..The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen MP’s lined up waiting for a free haircut.And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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