Reactions to the announcement - Moving to France

[KathyC]

We bought our house in the autumn of 2005 and had planned to be living there in the spring of 2006, autumn at the latest. Various circumstances have led to us putting our move off until early summer 2007 but we have been down about 5 times since we bought it. I have to say that although it's beginning to seem like home it's been pretty boring spending holidays there. That's partly because we aren't the sort of people to return to the same place for holidays but also because our criteria for buying a place to live in permanently were different from those we would have used if we'd been buying a holiday home. We looked at pretty mundane things like shops, medical facilities and social facilities etc, in the same way that you would if you were moving areas in the UK.

I do wonder if some people's problems are caused by buying a holiday home - based on rather different criteria - and then deciding to live in it full time. Your needs on holiday are so different from the requirements of permanent living that I would think that this could lead to a lot of dissatisfaction. Just my thoughts, we're all different.

[Blanche Neige]

"I do wonder if some people's problems are caused by buying a holiday home - based on rather different criteria - and then deciding to live in it full time. Your needs on holiday are so different from the requirements of permanent living that I would think that this could lead to a lot of dissatisfaction. Just my thoughts, we're all different."

a valid point Kathy C

If we moved permanently we would have to take all our worldly goods (aka junk, belongings[;-)]) with us and we would want a larger property.

I do like living in clutter free house when in France, just wish I could achieve that here but have been in the same house for years and accumulated loads of "things" that might be useful one day. I put it down to being a "baby boomer"[8-|] and a post-war upbringing, make do and mend firmly in my genes.

[Llwyncelyn]

KathyC precisely that.  We originally bought in 2001 on a wonderful August day.  Idyllic.  However it was a holiday home and at that time to escape the stress of professional lives in the UK.  Then semi- retired and three holidays a year with our dearly loved dogs in the countryside was a wonderful.  Easter then Summer then say October perfect.

However then moved permanently and two hard winters later and a lack of activities limited integration has taken its toll.  Therefore we are on the move and further south and having learnt the lessons both of the purchase and the need for a greater involvement in the local hub of things we hopefully will not make the same mistake again?

Two of our dearest friends have taken a slightly differing approach.  They live in a wonderful stone farmhouse with splendid views and it really is superb.  However continual maintenance and the attendent problems of health and being post 70 has convinced them to move into a small village nearby.  However they have bought on a lotissement under floor heating no fosse septique and had the house designed as they wanted it for their old age.

For us the south is a second chance if it does not work out then at least we have had an experience and have tried.   We will then go back to the UK. 

In reality one of the greatest problems I face is that of meeting people.  People the law and advocacy have been the three strands of my life for such a long time.  I miss it enormously. They say that people in the law never retire and at least Rumpole kept on going!

 

rdgs

[LanguedocGal2]

I agree with you KathyC  and the last few posts.   

I too get the impression that many Brits buy holiday homes in France with a view to eventually retiring there. The mixing of these two very different areas of need, I think end up posing problems for many. 

When I was looking for my home, I was beaten to two properties; one by a monied Parisian couple who just had to have it  for weekends ( those Parisens again![:)]) but the second was by an elderly languedocien couple who had sold their remote near ruin to another couple - from a country that shall remain nameless - in order to buy in the centre of town to be near all services and entertainment. I found out later that their buyers were also approaching retirement.   The languedocien couple now live literally minutes from the local cinemas, restaurants, theatres, MVA’s , not to mention the medical facilities.

I just thought it was ironic that the local people should move to be near services but their property be acquired by a ‘foreign’ couple who were going to require these same services but had distanced themselves.

Monika

My initial response to you may have seemed negative but please do not take it as such. It was just that, reading your first post, I got the impression that you didn’t understand why your friends and family weren’t excited by your holiday home. I just wanted to say that others have different perceptions of these things.  You know what you get emotionally from your holiday home as you need your own  pillow. 

People like me (and perhaps those you know), however, are more of the ‘’Wherever I lay my hat (head), that’s my home’ and I like it to be as different as possible where holidays are concerned. It’s not necessarily a criticism of your choice but your choice is inconceivable for many people and no malice is intended.

So, I don’t think you should be disappointed (or care) if others do not wax lyrical about your choice. We are all of course very different – thank goodness!

 

[Tresco]

Most peoples reactions were positive. The least positive reaction was a non-specific bewilderment.

I've noticed recently, though,  that both our mothers - who are well into their '80's - have started making 'when are you coming back' noises. [:(]

[Blanche Neige]

[quote user="Tresco"]

Most peoples reactions were positive. The least positive reaction was a non-specific bewilderment.

I've noticed recently, though,  that both our mothers - who are well into their '80's - have started making 'when are you coming back' noises. [:(]

[/quote]

Tresco

In my experience the elderly relatives do well probably until they hit 80 and then............................suddenly they become more dependent and gradually the roles are reversed. Anyone moving over who has elderly parents could do well to bear this in mind and have some spare dosh for emergency visits.

[Tresco]

Anyone moving over who has elderly parents could do well to bear this in mind and have some spare dosh for emergency visits.

I agree Gill, and the possibility of emergency visits was budgeted for. I insisted on it.

Neither of us has had to make one so far, but I'm 'upping' the number of routine times I go back in a year.

What we didn't count on that these hardy, supportive and 'positive' mothers, would both start to go 'flaky' on us within 4 years. [;-)]

It's not their health either, as that has remained pretty steady, but their general attitude which seems to be 'come back now, you've had your bit of fun'.[:D]

I don't mind going back more often. I do miss seeing my family more than I thought I would. No amount of  advances in communications can replace face to face contact.

[mint]

i so agree with most of what has been said in the last few posts.  before we bought last summer, we had been looking for nearly 2 years.  there were 3 properties that we made offers on.  we had to withdraw our offer on 2 of the properties more or less straightaway as we found that they were near sewage disposal works.  the third one still makes me regretful when i think about it because it was so beautiful and wonderful value.  however, i was worried about the cost of replacing the roof and the boundary wall (and we were at the top end of our budget)

looking back, it was all just as well because we have now been landed with a dog (whom i love dearly but she does tie us down).  so now, holidays are not going to be so easy and we also need land for her to run around as she has been bred to be a gun dog and has abundant energy.  also, i feel we have ended up further south than we ever anticipated (llwyncelyn, i understand why you wish to move) and that is perhaps for the best as heating costs are going up all the time and when i was last in the sarthe region in the winter of 06, i was so cold i had some problem with my asthma.

we did have a holiday home in somerset for many years and, while it was a pleasure to drive down at weekends and high days and holidays, the journey gradually became longer and longer as the m4 and m5 got busier and busier.  in the end, we were leaving our home in wales later and later on fridays until we'd find ourselves starting our journey at 11pm and still finding the m5 chock a block with caravans and so forth at midnight!

eventually, we sold up because we thought that the cost of owning and maintaining the place cost the equivalent of staying in the best 4* hotels anywhere in the world!  alas, we only had a couple of years of "freedom" before dog, so now we are back to square one

we have learned our lesson, however, and we have bought a house that would do for a permanent home once we have improved it. i have heard from several acquaintances who have bought in france that they are now sorry they have bought properties that are too big for their needs (having been tempted by the comparatively low prices).  i must admit i would also have made the same mistake except that we couldn't have afforded anything bigger or better!

it's lovely to hear blanche neige say that she is happy with her lot.  to me, that is everything, to be happy with your lot.  i love hearing people say that because it makes me happy for them and admire them for a tremendous attitude to life

[cooperlola]

Have to say some of my friends here were quite amazed when my 83 year old mother came here by train on here own.  Guess there'll come a day when she won't be up for such things but as we did Canada last autumn and she wants to go again.....

[Russethouse]

You really are lucky, my mother is now 86, sadly both my father and brother have passed away and my mother is left.  I have often said, and I am only half joking, that my sister would probably lay down in front of the car to stop us boarding the ferry if she thought we were leaving permanently.

[KathyC]

It must depend with elderly relatives how near you lived to them when you were in the UK. For most of the last years of my parents' lives I was living in Shropshire and they were in Surrey, not too far from Heathrow. There would have been many parts of France that I could have flown back from more quickly than getting down from the midlands.

[cooperlola]

[quote user="Russethouse"]You really are lucky, my mother is now 86, sadly both my father and brother have passed away and my mother is left.  I have often said, and I am only half joking, that my sister would probably lay down in front of the car to stop us boarding the ferry if she thought we were leaving permanently.[/quote]Yes, oddly my sister was far worse about this than my mother.  Sadly, she is no longer around.

[Blanche Neige]

KathyC" It must depend with elderly relatives how near you lived to them when you were in the UK. For most of the last years of my parents' lives I was living in Shropshire and they were in Surrey, not too far from Heathrow. There would have been many parts of France that I could have flown back from more quickly than getting down from the midlands"

Indeed Kathy. When my mother was 80 and getting v. frail my parents "emigrated" from Wiltshire to live with my sister in West Wales and that was an awful journey from Surrey. It was far easier to travel to our house in France than drive all the way to W.Wales.

It all ended rather sadly and like others on here we just have just my 85 year old father left, sister and mother died within 6 months of each other. My father has now moved and lives in a sheltered flat in Surrey about half an hour drive from us and very close to my younger sister. He has travelled a lot and he is still excellent for his age but the day will  no doubt come. On his last trip to stay with us in France he complained about the airline, the bed, wanted to hear Radio 4 and to do The Times crossword and was definitely less adaptable and interested in being in France than he had been on a visit 3 years before that.

[Russethouse]

Kathy C, I see your point, however my mother is 20 - 30 mins away from me and about an hour from my sister. I have often wondered if other peoples siblings have voiced a view.

Cooperlola - I suppose that is because your sister envisaged a reonsibility she may not have welcomed ?

Today, quite on the spur of the moment, I looked at a retirement flat with my mother in mind - its 5 mins from here, am I mad ?

On the other hand the way the 'house manager' said 'and it is for? and looked straight at me, didn't do a lot for my self esteem !!! [:D]

[Monika]

Don't worry Languedocgal2, your reaction was the reaction of my best friend, and we are still "best friends", as you say, it's good we are not all the same!

Regards, elderly parents, all her life, my mother was a stoic woman, she "forgave" me that I married an English man and never complained that I only saw her twice or three times a year. Towards the end of her life, she started to complain more and more, she suddenly could not understand that I was not there, like my sister, and she became very hostile towards my husband.

[bedders]

There are those that may remember my "last chance saloon" ramblings last April/May time. Basically, it was about the choice between following your "dreams/ambitions" of moving to France and either leaving behind elderly Parents, or trying to coax them along with you.

When our house went onto the market last year, the reaction was, "you go with our blessing of course" which was totally out of character. Now the reality has set in this has turned to "we're being dumped" "have we been such bad parents" "we're finished with you if you go" etc etc.

We now have possible buyers for our property, without a chain, and we could find ourselves moving in March. All the above said has really taken the gloss off our proposed move, although things would never be the same even if we stayed. It's what's known as a lose lose situation.

Answers on a postcard please.  [:(] 

[ali-cat]

Bedders, what an awful situation to be in & I really feel for you..  We had a similar experience, with Mark's dad (only living parent, between us) & it was very difficult, for us, to make the final decision. 

If it's any consolation, since we arrived he has been very interested in knowing what we have been up to & seems happy that we are settled. 

I remember your postings last year - it was as we were going through our final arrangements - & I really hope that you are able to sort everything out & are able to move to France, knowing it is the right thing for you, to do. 

 

[LanguedocGal2]

A very difficult one and just a suggestion.

If your home in France is in good condition, perhaps you could persuade them to come out with you for a few weeks when you move out to 'help you settle in''?  It may make them feel part of your new home and maybe a little less resistant.  It may even be an idea to get them involved in the whole process of moving out by asking their advice on pratical matters, irrespective of what you actually do.

I didn't read your posts last year so you may already have tried the above. Good luck and hope you find a solution.

[Zak Dingle]

Bedders, maybe the thoughts of your parents will change as they seem to be with Ali's Father in Law, as you say it is 'lose lose' so good luck to you and I hope that they come round and wish you good luck too.

best regards

Zak

[bedders]

Thanks for your thoughts.

Aliards, i remember your problems and "final arrangements" how do you find Charente?

Yes is know its drive off the ferry and turn right, [:)] but generally, are you pleased with your choice?

We certainly enjoyed our visit there, but there are so many regions in which we would be quite happy.

[Russethouse]

My parents once asked my sister and I what we might do with any  inheritance, when I mentioned French property, my mother was very put out and threatened to alter her will !

[The Riff-Raff Element]

Both my parents died some time before we considered a move (many years in the case of my mother) but I can understand how this responsibility can be a deciding factor in any permanent departure. Had they lived, I cannot see that they would have been anything other than strongly approving of the move: both were great Francophiles and would have found the whole buisness highly amusing.

[Teamedup]

Bedders you have my deepest sympathy.

Blackmail and threats, dear me, what sort of parenting is that? It isn't that I don't know what it is like, I had a more than a bit of that from my mother, only I just packed up and walked out,  that was many years before we moved to France.  We were on speaking terms by the time we planned our move to France, and she said not a word about it.

[Just Katie]

[quote user="Russethouse"]My parents once asked my sister and I what we might do with any  inheritance, when I mentioned French property, my mother was very put out and threatened to alter her will ![/quote]

I hope you fibbed your way out of that one Gay.

[Russethouse]

Bien sur. In any case my father liked France, he would have liked to visit the D Day beaches etc before he died (he landed there but on July 4th and then fought his way around Caen & up to the low countries) but my mother wasn't interested so they never went.