How do you use this board?

[idun]

Very odd, I look at the DSK thread and nearly 100.000 hits and yet only 1250 posts. Then I look at other posts and lots of people look but don't post.

So how do you use this board, do any of you read and re-read and re-read eternally, posting rarely.

Or the very sad alternative is that the vast  majority are voyeurs, who watch and never post and I don't understand that. We all make a start on here at some point and do not know a soul, the odd person being recommended to come on here, and then we find that we get on with people and make friends, and sometimes enemies, but that is what life is like in the real world.

In my life I have never stopped meeting new people and making friends, and from all over the place.

So, if I am right about the voyeurs, well join in!!!! go on, just do it!!!!!

[Alex H]

As you can see, I have been on this board for 7 years, but have hardly posted at all.

For the majority of that time, I had a holiday home and was seeking information about how things are done and where to get items to restore our house, so most of my viewing was reading only. If I find the answer I have no need to post.

Now I have lived here for a year and my posting has increased slightly, but to get to your main point.

How can you call anyone on here a 'friend'?

Not many people here use their real name, (is your name really 'idun'?) are vague about where they live and may have many views opposed to yours, but you may never know because they will always be anonymous.

The very sad alternative for me is (and I must apologise if this includes you) is people who post 5 or 6 times a day on average (over the lifetime of their membership - moderators excluded) - do they have nothing else to do away from the forum?

Also I would like this forum even better if I could do away with seeing certain messages (e.g. Earning a Living, French Education) as I have no interest in them.

[suej]

Hi Idun,

 I'm one of those who, when I have the time / am at home ,frequently read the forum and relatively rarely post.

I don't think this has anything to do with being a voyeur just the way that people differ.

I am very appreciative of all the factual info that I pick up thanks to the input of people with a variety of interests and areas of expertise.

 I only post occasionally, most often when I need some help or some advice or on rare occasions when I think I may have some info to add but i don't often 'chatter along'.

Some people are naturally more chatty than others and it's lovely as a reader to enjoy those posts but without necessarily being able to contribute oneself.

Some people too just have more confidence about breaking into an established group than others.

Personally while I admit that I don't often feel that I have much to say myself, the pleasure, information and apprecaition that I feel while enjoying other people's posts has nothing whatsoever to do with being a voyeur.

It takes all sorts......

regards Sue

[Clarkkent]

Hi Idun

As you know, I've been on this board as long as anyone (I remember when you had the problem over someone identifying and flaming you) but I tend only to post when there is a subject I feel I can make some contribution. All too often I feel that there are members who behave as a self-appointed, mutual admiration clique.

I like to give the benefit to others of being a holiday home owner of 17 years experience and of what I know and think about various subjects. I sigh when I see fluffy France postings - unless I can contribute something real, I ignore them. France is not crotch deep in pixie dust but whatever I say is ignored or flamed. And I walk away (metaphorically) when postings deteriorate into private mutual love-ins!

Where is Dick Smith when you need him? Or the delightful Saligo Bay?

At the moment I am in France and am forced to use interminable dial-up (So slow that sending a letter would be quicker) or risk my life by eating a t Macdonalds for their free wi-fi. Hence am not responding much.

[idun]

But how can I not have friends from here? That is a strange notion to me. We communicate and some people I just instinctively like and some I like a lot, and I would say that they become friends.

 

You don't have to read the education threads if you are not interested. You can open the board and look at the sections and cherry pick.

 

But it has to be said that you three post. Whereas look at all the hits some threads have and so few posts, it is the skulkers I was thinking of. Skulking is what I tended to do when I was a shy teen, even up to being twenty, when I was shy and very insecure.

 

edit, ps [:)]CK. I rather thought that showing my full name and address was rather more than flaming me. It was an all out attack really, or felt like it. [:-))]

 

See not only can amité come from this board, but I can also feel very threatened!

[idun]

I have this board up when I am doing other things on the puter. I pop in and out as I am waiting for pages to come up for me etc; OR I am just sick of hunting things down and not finding what I want, just little breaks for me really.

[cooperlola]

[quote user="Alex H"]The very sad alternative for me is (and I must apologise if this includes you) is people who post 5 or 6 times a day on average (over the lifetime of their membership - moderators excluded) - do they have nothing else to do away from the forum?

Also I would like this forum even better if I could do away with seeing certain messages (e.g. Earning a Living, French Education) as I have no interest in them.

[/quote]Well, Alex, my own posting numbers shot up during the healthcare thing as there was a lot of topical stuff to respond to when FHI was active.

Since my accident then yes, I have turned into one of the saddos of whom you speak because the computer is my way of getting in touch with the world and having a "chat" to people with diverse views without having to participate in a shouting match or engage directly with them.  When getting out and about is an effort then the fora which I belong to (this and a motor racing one) and - to a lesser extent - social networking sites like facebook, do provide another dimension to life which can be very useful. 

Do I have friends on here?  Yes, I most certainly do, and when I met some of them in person I was pretty much bang on about how I would feel about them in real life, from what I had gleened from their virtual selves.  People may not give their names away but I reckon one does learn a surprising amount about them from their postings and pm's - even those who only contribute to the more specialist boards.

Alex, I find that using the "Active Topics" option avoids my having to trawl through all the subject boards which bore me rigid!

[NormanH]

[quote user="Alex H"]As you can see, I have been on this board for 7 years, but have hardly posted at all.

The very sad alternative for me is (and I must apologise if this includes you) is people who post 5 or 6 times a day on average (over the lifetime of their membership - moderators excluded) - do they have nothing else to do away from the forum?

Also I would like this forum even better if I could do away with seeing certain messages (e.g. Earning a Living, French Education) as I have no interest in them.

[/quote]

So ideally you want a Forum where there are only topics that interest you, one where you have no need to contribute, and one where the sad people who post frequently do other things instead.

Where would the answers come from?

I  am one of the sad losers who post frequently. I could of course do other things such as getting skin cancer on the beach, guffawing loudly and obtrusively in bars as I get drunk on cheap rosé with my fat wife  to the amusement of the indigenous population, or spand my time shouting in DIY shops at those strange French  chappies who don't quite understand my Essex accent.

Perhaps I would then be less 'sad' in your judgement ?

[5-element]

[quote user="Clarkkent"]

 Or the delightful Saligo Bay?

[/quote]

I shall pass that on to her. She liked you, too. [:)]

[5-element]

A forum such as this one can be invaluable for practical information, to get the benefit of other people's experiences. If I believe that there is a little experience I have on a practical matter, which can be useful to someone, I post.

It is also invaluable as a distraction during a life crisis - which everyone gets, in varying degrees, at different times. During those times, which can be, for instance, waiting over a matter of life and death, it is wonderful to be able to come on here and read and see that there are other preoccupations and other problems than one's own.

As for entering into serious debate, that is not something I usually wish to do on a forum - although I have been known to be pulled into that direction, usually ending up regretting it. Serious matters are something that I prefer to discuss and air in a different sort of set-up. So I leave it to others, although I tend to read and lurk.

I have made some friends - real life friends - via forums. That in itself, is precious, and worth every infuriating or indifferent moment spent on here. I think that it is lovely to have feelings of kinship with certain people, even if I am unlikely to ever meet them.

And sometimes, I can really, really laugh too. Laughter is almost as precious as friendship.

I don't think there is anything sad about posting several times a day. It is a matter of who you are, where you are in your life, but mostly, a matter of what you have to say.

[Patf]

I use the forum (and others) as a sort of reward and break for rest in the daily chores. Sometimes I post, but more often I just read.

I don't think I contribute as much as I used to, partly from laziness, and partly because a lot of the topics I used to find interesting have been covered several times already.

Mainly I like to read the comments from the "characters" on here and see how they interact, so that's voyeurism in a way.

I've also been a member for a long time, I think I joined in 2001.

ps - trust idun to start an interesting topic - she can pick them!

[Renaud]

When I first started using this forum it was a great source of advice and amusement. I visit as it is near the top of my Mac's list of favourite sites. I too have found friends here.

At first the forum seemed partly peopled by lonely expats isolated in rural areas and partly by those who requesting help so that they might also inhabit the same areas.

Happily, there are you intelligent and amusing people who keep the site interesting.

I regret though it now seems a calm backwater. All the trolls, sock puppets and obsessive characters have gone and with them some of the zany and thoughtful folk too.

[Rabbie]

As a recent arrival at this forum I would say that I find it informative and helpful, sometimes thought provoking and often amusing. I try not to post unless I can add something to the thread. I find the different characters who post entertaining and they come across as very different personalities. Some who can be a bit sarcastic on occasion can also be extremely helpful at other times.

In fact it is a bit like a good local pub - plenty of amusing banter and information.

[Russethouse]

 I go through spells of posting a lot or hardly at all, sometimes there are interesting debates and sometimes threads are an eye opener. I know that a lot of real, practical support is given one way and the other too.

Of course we get to virtually 'know' people, some we like and some not so much, but that's life ! Better to come hear and read other peoples views than have a closed mind !

[idun]

So not a lurker coming out of the wood work, I am very disappointed. We don't bite, honest, we don't.

[Rob Roy]

[quote user="Patf"]I use the forum (and others) as a sort of reward and break for rest in the daily chores. Sometimes I post, but more often I just read.
I don't think I contribute as much as I used to, partly from laziness, and partly because a lot of the topics I used to find interesting have been covered several times already.
Mainly I like to read the comments from the "characters" on here and see how they interact, so that's voyeurism in a way.
I've also been a member for a long time, I think I joined in 2001.
ps - trust idun to start an interesting topic - she can pick them!
[/quote]

I'm similar to Patf in that I've been a member even longer than her (I think nearly all the 'older' members have had to re-register at some point at least once!) and many of the topics are repeats of what were discussed years ago, but it's still nice to see other peoples' take on things. Re the lurkers - if an item is interesting and you have perhaps 10 people discussing it and another 10 following and popping in to see the most recent posting that means you have 20 people going in to the topic, maybe once a day, and it can soon mount up the 'viewing' figures.

ClarkKent - you've brought up two 'blasts from the past' there haven't you? [:)] I also used to enjoy Dick Clarke's and Salingo Bay's contributions.[:(]

[Judith]

[quote user="Patf"]I use the forum (and others) as a sort of reward and break for rest in the daily chores. Sometimes I post, but more often I just read.

I don't think I contribute as much as I used to, partly from laziness, and partly because a lot of the topics I used to find interesting have been covered several times already.

Mainly I like to read the comments from the "characters" on here and see how they interact, so that's voyeurism in a way.

I've also been a member for a long time, I think I joined in 2001.

ps - trust idun to start an interesting topic - she can pick them!

[/quote]

Very much my use / opinion also ... very useful when I first started the plans for coming to France, and I am happy to post when I feel I can contribute, but often the posts have moved on to other topics (often somewhat irrelevant (And irreverent) chitchat) by the time I get to them, so posting is not very useful.  I tend only to start topics when I need information, as I don't have much time for intense thinking along some of the subjects discussed.

Certainly we have lost some of the livelier contributors who were very vocal when I first joined, but in some respects that's not all bad, as much of their "discussion" was really quite irrelevant to the topic as a whole, and I often stopped looking ... I've also suffered from criticism, which is not kindly received, and on more than one occasion decided against posting as I really could not be bothered to receive more of the same......

I am sometimes far too busy to do more than browse, it has to be something I feel I can contribute to or which stirs me to  post which gets me active rather than passive.

[mint]

Hm....(thoughtful icon here), why do I post so much?

Right at the very beginning and I was new to the internet, my first post was a fosse question about the first house we bought.  How I wish now that I'd followed the advice I was given then!

Knowing nothing better, once moved over here, I had loads and loads of questions as all France was new to me.  Didn't know the language, hadn't visited the country since I was a teenager, so it felt very good to have my utter ignorance alleviated in a helpful way without my being made to feel stupid.

Just to give an idea of the help I have had, in no particular order:

Obtaining things from the UK (Forum friends have brought them for me)

Help with explaining French terms and expressions

Help with filling in our first tax form

Information on everything from internet connection to fosse requirements, registering with a doctor, the do's and don'ts of French social life

Recommendations of French books, music, poetry, places to see and visit 

And, once, when OH broke his knee cap and I sent a sort of SOS post, never having encountered a French A & E, the information was prompt, sympathetic and useful

Well, you get the idea, I could go on and take up a couple of pages just on that.

Then, there are the people I have met and done things with.  People I have visited or who have visited me, people I have broken bread with, people I have travelled with and the list goes on.

There are the people whom I have never met and probably will never meet but whom I exchange emails with, sometimes phone calls with.  And, are they friends?  Yes, not only that, lots of them I consider to be better friends than ones I have had in "real" life.

Once I'd had all the help I wanted, I really felt that I should contribute and put something back.  So, if I have experienced some aspects of French life that I could usefully pass on to a newcomer, I generally do.

Then, there are people who post and get no replies and, just out of charity, I might post to say "welcome" and sort of introduce myself.

Have you ever been a house or dinner guest?  Do you never feel that it's only polite to contribute to the conversation, tell an amusing anecdote, respond to some remark made by someone else?  Certainly, the way I was brought up, one plays one's part with good grace.  Someone after all has to keep the conversational ball rolling and it's churlish not to make an effort.

The most important point I leave till last.  I have some autistic tendencies (yes, all documented so not my imagination) and I often find interactions in real life quite stressful.  For example, I even find the phone threatening at times so the internet is an ideal way for me to interact with others.  It is non threatening, I don't have to speak if I don't wish to and all the interactions are on my terms and with which I feel comfortable and, for me, it is a wonderful way to connect with others.

Sad?  No, not usually.  In fact, I am often joyful and happy to live where I do.  I get up in the mornings and try to remember what a privileged life I lead and I feel gratitude for all the blessings that flow through my life.

No, you'd be wrong if you thought that I am some sort of depressed individual to be on here so much.  I ENJOY being here, I love telling stories against myself and I love exchanging a bit of banter and information to all our mutual benefit.

[Rob Roy]

That sums it up really Sweet, and very eloquently too.[:D]

[Russethouse]

 Sweet and I disagree on lots of things, but we are in accord about this......

[Frenchie]

Yes, it is like real life. I made friends on here, people I ve met and see again regularly.

People I ve never met and consider as friends though.

People I like, people I really dislike, that's life....

 

[just john]

Like many I found the forum after buying a house in France, and while gleaning relevant info dipped into some of the discussions and japes, finding friends along the way. This virtual world is not the same as the real one, it is easier to voyeuristically eavesdrop or join in than popping into the local bar and joining every conversation. Also perhaps to ease conscience, contributing where useful or entertaining, (even serious) thereby becoming a part of the community for better or worse rather than remaining silent on the outside. [Www]

 

 

[Alex H]

[quote user="NormanH"]

So ideally you want a Forum where there are only topics that interest you,

Is that not the reason everyone is here on this forum?

one where you have no need to contribute,

Now Norman, you know that is not true - I just don't contribute as much as you, but a lot more than some

and one where the sad people who post frequently do other things instead.

I'm sure that most of them do have another life - but as someone else has said, this is sometimes a bit like a pub and I've never been one for those, a lot of the posts seem to be 'chatter'  - however, my opinion may vary to yours

Where would the answers come from?

Answers? - There are less answers on here than you would think - there are an awful lot of opinions though, sometimes given without being asked for

I  am one of the sad losers who post frequently. I could of course do other things such as getting skin cancer on the beach, guffawing loudly and obtrusively in bars as I get drunk on cheap rosé with my fat wife  to the amusement of the indigenous population, or spand my time shouting in DIY shops at those strange French  chappies who don't quite understand my Essex accent.

Perhaps I would then be less 'sad' in your judgement ?

Sorry Norman, I don't remember calling you a 'loser'. Did I?

[/quote]

Oh Dear! Another post, that'll put my average up :-)

[Russethouse]

 Could the reason that there are a lot less answers be that there are a lot less questions ? The numbers moving to France seem to have dropped somewhat and so much info is available on the internet now (some of it from this forum) that the number of questions has died down.

[tinabee]

[quote user="Russethouse"] Could the reason that there are a lot less answers be that there are a lot less questions ? The numbers moving to France seem to have dropped somewhat and so much info is available on the internet now (some of it from this forum) that the number of questions has died down.[/quote]

Absolutely, just what I was thinking