Piprob Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 Well, ... basically, ... err,... could have a problem not very far ahead - and it's entirely of my own making. For some reason, quite irrational I know, I had assumed that moving to France would cut us off from family, friends, and general acquaintances. Accordingly, at the beginning of all this (when I didn't really believe we were actually doing it), if anyone said they'd miss us, I would blithely reply they could visit. I did not seriously entertain the idea that anyone would actually want to.Now, three weeks before the move, a large number of people, invited and uninvited (though I can no longer remember which is which) are trying to earmark visit dates and times to 'catchup on events in France'. This would all be very well if it wasn't for the fact that herself has lined-up a mass of things to do, enough to prevent any slacking for the first six months, if not several years after we arrive.If we hire a bulldozer as a first job, and back-fill the pool with soil, will that be enough to restore our prospects for peace and tranquility? I am alone in suffering premature invitation mania? Is there any tried and tested remedy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaligoBay Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 Ah yes, something else they never mention on those "Home in the Sun" programs! I've had guests for 6 of the first 8 weeks of this year. None spoke French, none were willing to drive, it gets to be hard work, even if you love them!There are some mysteries about guests tho, that I haven't resolved yet. They bring loads of Cheddar because they know you're desperate, then they eat it all themselves. And how can someone spend 3 weeks in your house and STILL not know where the milk is kept, or where the knives and forks go? Let them all come. The ones that really take advantage don't get to come back a second time, that's all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tresco Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 It's a tricky one isn't it. We had no visitors at all for the first 8 months, and that was a conscious decision on our parts. What I did last spring/summer, was have a sort of double entry calendar, with 'pretend' and real guest 'bookings'. I allowed plenty of time between each set of visitors, to lessen the fatigue. Some people got fobbed off completely, i.e, people who clearly just wanted a free holiday. You have got me thinking now Pip, as I need to come up with a new set of excuses for my evil twin, who seems to have forgotten that we have not got on since about 1970, and has suddenly become very interested in spending some quality time with me in France.tresco Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Will Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 A very large, very smelly, and preferably incontinent dog can prove very useful in these circumstances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrissie Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 You greet each prospective guest's call with cries of "oh yes, we'd love to have you here. We're really desperate for a hand with stripping and painting the such-and-such, and I know you're good enough friends not to mind the problem with the drains. Looking forward to seeing you. Oh, by the way, can you bring.....(here follows a list of nasty, heavy DIY objects and smelly food products).If they are still willing to come, then maybe they'll be useful!Chrissie (81) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddie Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 Turn all the heating off and replace their snuggly winter duvets with summer ones when they are not looking! Feed them the same food every day (preferably soup of some description). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alcazar Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 We've used a similar approach to Chrissie, although our property still lacks a bathroom at the mo, so that puts most folk off. we use the shower in the touring caravan in the barn, and we do have a proper loo.Anyone who wants to come is told OK, so long as they cut the grass, all 2000 sq m of it, using the motor mower, NOT ride on type. And they're usually told this AFTER we explain that the grass is likely to be 2 feet high!!!Alcazar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Val_2 Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 We had our fill of both invited and unwanted visitors during the first few years here and now,thank God our summers are uninterrupted and are for us to do with as we please as they have all gone elsewhere on these cheap flights to the sun. I may sound miserable but unless it is very close family,you get driven up the wall and are forever keeping one eye on the electric meter and hot water supply with usually no donations of any sort either in money or food from non-close family visitors who see it as a free holiday in most cases and you are still expected to wait on them hand and foot. Now I just say that we are decorating/working etc if anyone wants to visit that we don't like. Having four cats keeps the allergic ones away too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pangur Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 My experience is that a lot of those who say they will definitely come don't bother You just have to learn to be strict and set groundrules before the flights are booked. We both work so we have told all who are interested that if they want to get around they will have hire a car, which cuts down on airport collections and makes them a lot less dependent on you for their activities. I suggest things to do, but don't organise anything and certainly don't pay for anything upfront.Also, bring them shopping at the start of their visit. Just be honest and say, let's split the cost of this week's food. That way they can choose what they will and will not eat. Perhaps we are just lucky with our friends and family, but most offer to cook at least once in the week. And, you just have to cheerily say 'why don't you wash/dry etc' if they are not pulling their weight. They're guests in your home and it is up to you to set the rules.At the end of the day, it is up to you to give the okay to come and it is oh so easy to find an excuse for the troublesome ones. Give yourself a couple of months breather at the start, but it is great to have familiar faces over. For us, a big draw with France was that we would see a lot more of friends and family as no one wanted to visit us in the UK. Our calender is definitely a lot fuller these days Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
0BRIAN WOODHEADI,m here in franceddMMyyyy0Falseen-USI,m here in franceTrue Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 Dont tell anyone where you live helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgina Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 "For us, a big draw with France was that we would see a lot more of friends and family as no one wanted to visit us in the UK. Our calender is definitely a lot fuller these days"Hate to burst your bubble Pangar, but you say no one wanted to visit you in the UK, so why do you want them to visit you now? You can make much more genuine friends in France surely. I had my friend of many years visit me with her daughter (tweenager). After never a wrong word in over 30 years, her daughter certainly caused a lot of friction. She would not walk anywhere for a start so we were stuck like glue 24/7. If it is hard with extremely close friends when you have them in your house, how could it work with the ones you hardly saw before?Georgina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pangur Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 I'm not from the UK Georgina, but lived in London and I can totally understand why friends and family didn't want to come from Ireland and spend an expensive week there, in cramped surroundings spending a weird currency. A short weekend was more than enough for all.Nothing to do with how genuine or not they are, or how close we are - it wouldn't have been much fun for either party. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alcazar Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 Val2: "Close family"??Hmmmmm, something like the wife's younger sister then? That lass has now organised three "family get togethers" for their side of the family, one at her younger brothers, one at an older brothers, and one, against MY will, but with wife's consent, at our house in the UK.Her "organisation" consists of having the idea, and issuing invites.So far, she has turned up at each one minus any drink, food or even flowers or chocs for the hostess, but WITH her odious family, and afterwards, left the hosts to clear upI did try to suggest to her that it might be HER turn next, but no go: SHE lives too far away in Surrey, while we all live oop north!She has had one try at a freebie at our French house, but wife just told her it "isn't suitable yet" and that she'd let her know when it was!Personally, I'd rather have mates to stay than family..........Alcazar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a.foreman Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 You can pick yours mates but can not pick your family Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piprob Posted March 9, 2005 Author Share Posted March 9, 2005 I'm afraid Outcast's advice has come too late. It also reminds me that I hope to meet up with some LF contributors already 'here in France'! Maybe I can say we've moved already - maybe down the road - to Quillie's address. Or perhaps we can borrow his mum-in-law if he's stopped using her to frighten his moles. I'm sorry that is rather incorrect, politically speaking, but his posting some months ago was very amusing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard-R Posted March 9, 2005 Share Posted March 9, 2005 We used 'still doing up and no beds but you can bring a sleeping bag and sleep in the shed, its the only waterproof building' rouse to put off unwanted friends and friends of friends. The family can pop down any time they like but the sewage works make it better to visit in winter when the snow is a foot of 2 deep.:-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
opas Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Its OK Piprob,I can take a hint! anyway I`ve had a offer from someone else and he has got a seaview! Mrs O Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renaud Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 "Guests are like fish - after three days they start to smell". Oscar Wilde Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jill<br><br>Jill (99) Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 [quote]Well, ... basically, ... err,... could have a problem not very far ahead - and it's entirely of my own making. For some reason, quite irrational I know, I had assumed that moving to France would cut u...[/quote]I may have the wrong person here, but is it you that is in Limousin? Why not tell them it is a great place to live, but hopeless holiday destination. We had a week there last year but could find very little to do. Too many castles in the adverts that are closed to the public. Of course the problem could come if they are keen walkers as I know it is walking country. Alternatively, just say you have lots of work to do on your property and won't be ready to have visitors for a while yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iceni Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Although I lived among the English for over 50 years, they still baffle me.The simple answer is "Just say NO" (remember Nancy Reagan ?). You don't want these people to visit you so how can it matter if they are offended ? With luck they will never even ask again.Perhaps it is just the old stiff upper lip thing and not wanting to show true feelings - far better to feel miserable oneself than risk hurting another ? outcast, for once, has spoken sensibly - don't tell them your address or better still, don't give them directions. With so many French hamlets not on the map they'll be lost for months.Johnnot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tourangelle Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Nancy Regan? Grange Hill more like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piprob Posted March 11, 2005 Author Share Posted March 11, 2005 Jill, its in the Aude region, between Carcassonne and Perpignan and I guess it's a place for walkers, cyclists, white water rafters, skiers (in the season), etc., unless castles are really your big thing.My lot, it seems, are game to try anything. We'll see soon enough.Thanks everyone for your replies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Em Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 LURV this thread!We have had several near misses with friendship in the last 18 months. The classics were -guest saying, as I was more than half way through preparing dinner, "Ohh, I was going to cook tonight". guests who genuinly believe we want to visit Mont St Michel again.guest asking if we had more towels. (I always give our guests copious quantities, but I do believe she thought we were a hotel!)guests who sit by the pool whilst I do the saturday gite changeover and don't offer to help ( I don't want help, but I would like you to notice!!!)guests who don't even make the bed, let alone strip it on their last day.guests who stay more than three nights.guests who bring a vehicle and don't pack it out with British produce on the way over, but make sure it is full to suspension bursting with wine and French stuff on the way home.guests who bring a vehicle; and don't use it except for packing it out with French produce.guests who get up too early.HAVING SAID all the above, and meant it, I couldn't do without our visitors. It is just that the anticipation is SO much better than you will be feeling on the third day. If you get to the fourth, it's all down hill. Whey hey!Happy summer!! Oh yes, and guests who arrive in winter are the worst, 'cause there's absolutely nothing to take them outside!!!!Em Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bixy Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 I often wonder what people visualise when they know they're going to "a country house in France". I think some of them are quite shocked to find that they are not sleeping in a room with en-suite facilities and that the sun doesn't shine every day. I blame the glossy brochures.Patrick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tresco Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 'I blame the glossy brochures'So it's your fault, Patrick. No matter what we all say, they have somehow seen the glossy brochures which only you have mentioned. Evil twin now re-directed to your place, make certain you lock up anything more valuable than a toothpick. tresco Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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