We are debating on a move to France. Any advice appreciated!

[Chancer]

[quote user="Stan Streason"]

I accept that my "just pull yourself together" attitude does not go down well with everyone including our HR department who keep me as far away from any of the touchy feely stuff as possible..

[/quote]

Refreshing and realistic though.

The key is to be flexible, take what life throws at you with a smile on your face and regret only those things that you wished that you had done but were too scared to try.

My father regretted not having taken more risks in his life, but to be fair he had a family to provide for and deep down he was a worrier.

I did little or no research and came on the sniff of a good opportunity which 5 years on is still as far away from being realised at it seemed (optimistically) at the start. I certainly have not found the France that I thought I was coming to but I never kidded myself that it was anything but an illusion.

Life is what you make of it, or as my Grandfather taught me "the man who never made a mistake never made anything".

Editted. The often quoted advice "do your homework before considering a move" is of course valid but I wonder how many of the reported 400K (IIRC) French living and working in the UK did so?

[carmelle]

for everyone .

In your couple , who has decided in first to come in France ?

( I have my own idea about that ) 

[Chancer]

I cant answer as I came on my own but I rather think that any "couple" would decide jointly, excepting perhaps some of the patriarchal French ones generalised beforehand.

[powerdesal]

[quote user="Stan Streason"]

I certainly do not feel the need to share my problems with anyone (not even my wife of 30 years).

I accept that my "just pull yourself together" attitude does not go down well with everyone

[/quote]

I'm with you Stan on the second part, but not on the first. We are a team, but each to his/her own on that one.

[Lori]

For us it was a joint decision.

[Panda]

Yes, it was a joint decision I can't imagine anyone changing country just because one of a couple wanted to.

[Cerise]

A joint decision, and we only decided on France because I spoke the language.  We thought, perhaps wrongly in the case of France, that somewhere different might be easier if you understood the language. 

[Stan Streason]

[quote user="powerdesal"][quote user="Stan Streason"]

I certainly do not feel the need to share my problems with anyone (not even my wife of 30 years).

I accept that my "just pull yourself together" attitude does not go down well with everyone

[/quote]

I'm with you Stan on the second part, but not on the first. We are a team, but each to his/her own on that one.
[/quote]

 

My wife is a worrier - I am not.  Unless she can help resolve the problem in some way any solace I would get from sharing a problem causes her many times greater distress.  I was also brought up to be very much the alpha male. Not a pretty trait at times I admit and I certainly dont think of her as "the little woman" but it is the mans job to be head of the household and to be responsible for providing well for all under his care.  (How pathetic is that yet deep down I really do believe it).

My sons joke that the reason I have bought a house in france is to fulfill the image I can see of myself sitting at the head of a long table with all my sons, daughters in law and grandchildren listening "godfather" like to me.

[powerdesal]

How very perceptive of your sons Stan.

An honest answer from you but we dont all think the same way - fortunately, life would be boring if we did.

I go out to work to earn the money to allow my wife to run the household, my wife runs the household to allow me to go out to earn the money. In my (our) view, this is an equal partnership. We are both responsible, jointly and individually.

We both decide how money is spent on capital goods because we both understand the needs and desires of each other.

Niether I nor my wife are 'actual' head of the household.....we are both in that position. Luckily for us, because, being apart for many months of the year, and having been so for most of our 40 yrs of married life, it could not work any other way.

As I said, each to his / her own,.....it works for us.

[Panda]

[quote user="Stan Streason"]  but it is the mans job to be head of the household and to be responsible for providing well for all under his care.  (How pathetic is that yet deep down I really do believe it).

My sons joke that the reason I have bought a house in france is to fulfill the image I can see of myself sitting at the head of a long table with all my sons, daughters in law and grandchildren listening "godfather" like to me.

[/quote]

Ha, yes right,  OK, you must love France at that's how most of the population think, even those in their 20's and 30's.

I, however live in this century where women want a bit more out of life and not only want to but have to take on an equal role in the family set up.

[Braco]

Any couple should be greater than the sum of its parts – differences yes – subservience no.

PS I am allowed into the kitchen on good behaviour to eat. The thought that I might mess up the kitchen by cooking ranks right up there with infidelity.

[baypond]

For me, mutual respect (and love hopefully) is all that matters. The balance then sorts itself out. No one rule fits all.

I am the hunter gatherer of the family, and proud to be, but given the catastrophic tsunami that swept through banking, I couldn't have done my job without my wife's unqualified support and understanding. Who was the stronger person at that time? In some senses it was her.

[Chancer]

[quote user="Panda"][quote user="Stan Streason"]  

[/quote]

Ha, yes right,  OK, you must love France at that's how most of the population think, even those in their 20's and 30's.

I, however live in this century where women want a bit more out of life and not only want to but have to take on an equal role in the family set up.

[/quote]

All the more amusing that the young (I think) Carmelle considers that the UK is "too French and too old"!!!!!!

I wonder if she has even visited?

[Maricopa]

[quote user="J.Rs gone native"]All the more amusing that the young (I think) Carmelle .....[/quote]

You may need to quantify young as Carmelle said....

[quote user="carmelle"]........ and I am not too young enough..........  [/quote]

How young is young, maybe she will put you all out of your collective inquisitiveness.

As regards the OP, you can only do what you feel is right.  Moving lock, stock & barrel to France was right for us, but there is only the two of us, we don't have anyone else we are responsible for.

Good fortune whatever you decide.

[Braco]

Not sure how old young is, but old is at least ten years more than your current age.

[dave21478]

Well, after 13 pages of you crusty old pensioners whinging, the original poster is certainly not likely to make the move now! [;-)]

I dont know how old he is, but his children are certainly young enough to go thrugh the move and the potential for failure with no ill effects. Sure, its hardr for an adult, but assuming he makes some sensible choices, his WORST case scenario would be spending a few years here, and having to sell up and move back to UK (or somewhere else). Its not the end of the world. THe thing is.....it might just work out fine and dandy, but unlss he makes the effort, he will never know.

Pend a few weeks travelling around the country to find an area you like, take on a longer rental for a few months to get established in the healthcare, banking and education systems, then assuming its still going well, make the more permanant move.

Make sure you move somewhere dynamic though - I had a rant about my area in another thread somewhere, infact its here....http://www.completefrance.com/cs/forums/3/1384230/ShowPost.aspx#1384230

I apologise if my post lacks correct spelling, grammer or basic sense. Im quite thoroughly pi55ed.

[Russethouse]

 

 I think the timing might be a little tight for the eldest child......in addition if there is the faintest chance that either child was slightly out the norm educationally I would think extra long and hard.

I'd also think carefully about whether it may be possible to change life style within the UK...

 

[Ron Avery]

"his WORST case scenario would be spending a few years here, and having to sell up and move back to UK" 

Oh that's all right then. Assuming that he can afford to buy anything in the UK on his return,  I wonder how his kids will feel after those "wasted" years in France trying to get an education in a language that they don't understand.  Be alright though, when they go back to the UK they can always catch up can't they??.  The kids will go back to the UK anyway to get a half decent job so no real harm done as long as the parents live the dream........... 

[Chancer]

Well Dave did say "his" worst case scenario, the kids would be sufficiently uncrusty and unpensioner like to not be traumatised!

As an eternal optimist and even wearing my pessimist hat, given the current financial situation I would give even money that a "failed" family woud return to the UK with enough dosh to buy an even bigger house. 

[Panda]

The biggest issue most people face is having ''dropped out' of the job market in the UK your CV doesn't look great on return (if no job or low skilled job for more than a year) and it is likely you will not be able to pick up your career where you left it and will end up in a lower paid job.  It also depends on your age.

[powerdesal]

[quote user="Panda"]

The biggest issue most people face is having ''dropped out' of the job market in the UK your CV doesn't look great on return (if no job or low skilled job for more than a year) and it is likely you will not be able to pick up your career where you left it and will end up in a lower paid job.  It also depends on your age.

[/quote]

Even if you have a great CV you will struggle to get a job in UK if you have been out of the UK job market for any length of time, if you are 40 / 45 + you can generally forget it, unless you are very senior in your field.

[dave21478]

Calm yourself, Ron. As I said, "assuming he makes some sensible choices...." and I stand by that. Not being able to make a living here doesnt mean he has to return to UK in poverty, the only thing likely to be lost is his time. As for the kids, I would say that a coule of years abroad then perhaps having to return to UK before their education enters the more serious levels would broaden their horizons a lot more than staying within the UK ever would.

Perhaps the Crusty Pensioner gag cut a little close to the bone? [:P]

[Panda]

[quote user="powerdesal"][quote user="Panda"]

The biggest issue most people face is having ''dropped out' of the job market in the UK your CV doesn't look great on return (if no job or low skilled job for more than a year) and it is likely you will not be able to pick up your career where you left it and will end up in a lower paid job.  It also depends on your age.

[/quote]

Even if you have a great CV you will struggle to get a job in UK if you have been out of the UK job market for any length of time, if you are 40 / 45 + you can generally forget it, unless you are very senior in your field.
[/quote]

In my very current experience, it's not quite that bad that you should forget it.  I'm doing exactly this after 6 years, I'm lucky that I have been working on contract for a UK company during my time here so have no break in employment and so am stepping back in at my previous level with the same company on a permanent basis.

My OH though hasn't worked a great deal here but has still got some options, not in his orignal field though and for less money, hence my previous post.

Panda

[KathyF]

[quote user="dave21478"]. Not being able to make a living here doesnt mean he has to return to UK in poverty, the only thing likely to be lost is his time. .....[/quote]

Not too sure about that, Dave. If the OP had to live on his savings for any length of time without replenishing them by working, he would be going back with considerably less in the bank than when he arrived. With the volatility of the exchange rate and the housing market on both sides of the Channel, he could lose a lot more than his time.

[powerdesal]

[quote user="Panda"][quote user="powerdesal"][quote user="Panda"]

The biggest issue most people face is having ''dropped out' of the job market in the UK your CV doesn't look great on return (if no job or low skilled job for more than a year) and it is likely you will not be able to pick up your career where you left it and will end up in a lower paid job.  It also depends on your age.

[/quote]

Even if you have a great CV you will struggle to get a job in UK if you have been out of the UK job market for any length of time, if you are 40 / 45 + you can generally forget it, unless you are very senior in your field.

[/quote]

In my very current experience, it's not quite that bad that you should forget it.  I'm doing exactly this after 6 years, I'm lucky that I have been working on contract for a UK company during my time here so have no break in employment and so am stepping back in at my previous level with the same company on a permanent basis.

My OH though hasn't worked a great deal here but has still got some options, not in his orignal field though and for less money, hence my previous post.

Panda

[/quote]

Not quite the same though is it Panda?, you are a known employee going back into the same Company with, as you say, no break in employment. Its substantially different to 'coming in from the cold' to a new employer who knows nothing about you (or you him).

I do speak from a degree of experience in this respect, before being 'head-hunted' into my present job I had actively searched the European job market and discovered the hard way that the experience of age is generally offset by that very age that allowed the experience.