The Secret to a Long & Happy Marriage - Your Stories & Annecdotes

[AnOther]

Actually I don't believe there is a "secret" as such and what works is different for everyone but with the prevalence of seperation and divorce clearly some couples have got staying power and some not so what is your recipe?

I'll kick it off:

When asked for the secret of their long and happy marriage the very elderly husband replied "long periods apart and increasing deafness"

Having worked abroad for many years, frequently spending months apart, I can unequivocally vouch for the former, the deafness part I still have to fake though...! 

A good sense of humour is also in invaluable asset.

A few years ago myself and 'er indoors were in a plumbers merchants waiting to be served. It was quite busy and we were in a queue and as I turned to speak to her I noticed that, with her face framed against the light from the window, there was a tiny whisker protuding from her chin so, peering closer, I plucked it out and then said to her in a normal conversational voice "you didn't shave this morning did you"?

Well you can imagine the place exploded in laughter and sure enough I got a slap around the ear but depite the momentary embarassment she saw the funny side of it and enjoyed a good laugh along with everyone else. It certainy brightened up an otherwise dull morning and probably also gave the other customers something to tell their wives and mates in the pub.

We're are still married BTW and due to celebrate our 40th next year, oh, and she doesn't go out without shaving now either..............[6]

[Bugsy]

The day we were married the vicar gave us a piece of advice, namely, "Never let the sun set on your wrath". We have always tried to live to that little piece of advice and 36 mostly happy years, and two lovely daughters later, it's worked for us.

 

[KathyC]

[quote user="Bugbear"]

The day we were married the vicar gave us a piece of advice, namely, "Never let the sun set on your wraith". We have always tried to live to that little piece of advice and 36 mostly happy years, and two lovely daughters later, it's worked for us.

 

[/quote]

I thought wraiths didn't come out until sunset![:D]

[KathyC]

Bugbear, you've brightened my Monday morning no end!

 

Back to topic. My parents were married for over 50 years, for most of which my dad was a postman. His recipe for marital happiness was " Not having to face your mother over breakfast". We weren't really morning people in my family so I think he had a point.

[hastobe]

I don't think there is a 'rosy, pretty pink secret' to a long marraige.  For me its pretty straightforward - discovering (quite quickly!) that your partner can be a complete pain in the ass at times and accepting it - and realising that the grass is rarely greener on the other side.  If you constantly look for idyllic bliss then you'll just end up disappointed - or changing one pain in the butt for another.

We've been married for 23 years this year, occassionally its been dreamy, but mostly it's just life as usual - and longevity in a relationship comes from accepting that and not looking for some magical romance..

Kathie

[Teamedup]

We are chalk and cheese. I knew I needed someone so very different to me from the beginning. And for all our differences we are  in tune too and have moments of silliness and I don't know if other couples are as mad together as us.

We sometimes row, we've never done the not going to bed without making up thing.

Lots of laughter and love making and I don't think a couple can go wrong.

[Russethouse]

[IMG]http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y194/russethouse/GwenHarry001.jpg[/IMG]

My aunt & uncle (pictured on their honeymoon !)were married nearly 60 years,  they started 'walking out' when my aunt was 13 - they said their secret was to marry their best friend, and thats what I looked for - 28 years this year...........

[Patf]

That's a good point. Gay. I belong to Friends Reunited and it's fascinating reading the life stories of people I went to school with. What I find surprising is that many of them married someone from their own peer group, whom they had known most of their lives, and I can remember them "going out" together while at school. We've been married just over 30 years and like Bugbear, don't let the sun go down on our wrath. Also we are fortunate enough to have enough space to get away from eachother  for a while, if necessary. But most important,  although different in many ways, we have the same views on things like how to bring up the children, rules of honesty and general decent behaviour.etc. Pat.

[Suninfrance]

I have to confess that I am in my second marriage.  The first one was a complete absolute control freak and I am a natural free spirit.  However, having got over that "blip" my now (one and only) OH and I have been married 23 years in May and I think we have only ever had one, maybe two serious rows.  We have differences of opinion now and then, but we compromise and neither of us is disappointed with the outcome.  I am more outgoing where as OH is a bit of an introvert (leaning towards grumpy ol' git in his latter years), but I wouldn't swap him for anything, nothing, nada, zilch.  We spend time together, we spend time apart.

Funny thing is, when we were in England, he was at work, I was at work, he was out, I was out.  When we made the decision to move to France we suddently realised that we would be with each other 24/7 and wondered how it would turn out.  After we'd had that revelation, both of us dreamt of murder that night - lol.  Having said that, we've been here two and a half years now, not a single row.  He does his thing, I do mine, we go out together and with friends.  We work together and play together. 

So, if I don't pop my clogs before then, I'm looking forward to the next 23 years together.

My mum and dad were chalk and cheese but they were married for 43 years before my dad passed on and despite my mum being a bit of a "Hyacinth Bucket", and dad being more like me, they muddled through and were very happy.

[Winegum]

Blimey, I have a terrible track record - three living-together relationships (one 15 years) and two marriages. I'm convinced that the way to a happy marriage is to pick the right person in the first place. An old friend once told me when you both feel the same way about each other then that's when you have 'the pixie dust', and he reckoned it only happens once in a lifetime - if you're lucky. Maybe my past failures were something to do with being a hopeless romantic, an eternal optimist and having such a restless spirit. I'm so glad I've found my ideal man at last - complete with 'pixie-dust' (And a motor bike).[:D]

Jude

[cooperlola]

Don't be afraid to do your own thing.  You may have things in common but don't feel you need to share absolutely everything. Don't resent the time your partner wants to spend on his/her own.

Be there when your partner needs you.

Talk about your problems, don't just put up with things that annoy you - have it out.

Don't expect to change your partner's personality - it ain't going to happen.

Spend time together just chatting and having a laugh.

Keep a portion of the household income for each of you to spend as you like. You shouldn't need to have to ask your partner's permission to treat yourself occasionally.

Never make the big decisions unilaterally (job, where you're going to live etc) - consult your partner first.

34 years and counting.

Oh, and don't have kids....[:D][Www]

[Anton Redman]

<< When asked for the secret of their long and happy marriage the very elderly husband replied "long periods apart and increasing deafness >>  Barry Sheene to Sally Hunt never spend more that 13 nights apart.

 

[cooperlola]

deleted

[Bugsy]

[quote user="cooperlola"]

deleted

[/quote]

Does that mean you got divorced Coops ?..........................[:D][:D]

[cooperlola]

[quote user="Bugbear"][quote user="cooperlola"]

deleted

[/quote]

Does that mean you got divorced Coops ?..........................[:D][:D]

[/quote]Not that I've noticed! 

 

[powerdesal]

I totally (almost) agree with Cooperlola, but have modified her list slightly:-

Trust each other, broken trust can never be repaired.

Accept that you are both equal individuals.

Don't be afraid to do your own thing.  You may have things in common

but don't feel you need to share absolutely everything. Don't resent

the time your partner wants to spend on his/her own.

Accept that you both wont necessarily like the same thing, the same food, the same wine, it doesnt make one of you right and the other wrong or vice-versa.

Be there when your partner needs you.

Talk about your problems, don't just put up with things that annoy you - have it out.

Don't expect to change your partner's personality - it ain't going to happen, but as you mature together you both change anyway.

Spend time together just chatting and having a laugh.

Never make the big decisions unilaterally (job, where you're going to live etc) - you are a team, make a joint decision.

40 years and counting.

Oh, and don't have kids- or have them when you are young, then they become your best friends and you all enjoy things together.

[Hoddy]

I know this is the Lighter Side and I don't want to spoil anyone's fun but ....

the most basic requirement for a long marriage is that you both live long lives.

Hoddy

[Chezstevens]

Agree with above post and:

 ''When asked for the secret of their long and happy marriage the very elderly husband replied "long periods apart and increasing deafness"

Having worked abroad for many years, frequently spending months apart, I can unequivocally vouch for the former, the deafness part I still have to fake though...!''

19 years of which probably a quarter has been seperated by continents - still phonecalls are cheap nowadays. 

If you are wrong, and can't pretend SWMBO was mistakened, then own up!!

regards

Vern

'Pardon? were you talking to me, Darling '

[hoverfrog]

"Trust each other, broken trust can never be repaired."

is this always true though?

[Russethouse]

Maybe it should be 'you can never trust in the same way again'. I have seen a partnership where trust took a very severe knock, several times, go on. True it changed the relationship , whether it was for better or worse only the two of them will ever really know.

[Owens88]

[quote user="powerdesal"]

Oh, and don't have kids- or have them when you are young, then they become your best friends and you all enjoy things together.

[/quote]

 

We had ours late. I value the freedoms we had before kids. 

We still share avidly experiences with our teenagers. In fact they dominate our lives.

John

[powerdesal]

[quote user="Owens88"][quote user="powerdesal"]

Oh, and don't have kids- or have them when you are young, then they become your best friends and you all enjoy things together.

[/quote]

 

We had ours late. I value the freedoms we had before kids. 

We still share avidly experiences with our teenagers. In fact they dominate our lives.

John

[/quote]

Each to his own, we never regret having our children early. We always said " people are portable" and, as a young family, did not worry about moving around the World whenever we wished. They also had children early and we now have a large extended family and enjoy our grandchildren whilst we are still young enough to do so. They dont dominate our lives as they are usually 4000+ miles from us [:P]

[peter@pons]

Seperate bathrooms.

Peter

[[email protected]]

My other half  is either too stupid to realise wotawally they married 27 years ago , or perhaps they are far too nice to mention it !

[Frederick]

Earplugs !......if one of you snores .....the other loses sleep......lost sleep means tired and bad tempered during the day.....earplugs ....would never be without them !