Opinions Please

[Belle]

A few years ago, I met an English lady, during our conversation, speaking french came up, I told her that we would be retiring here very shortly and that I was doing all I could to learn the language, evening classes, tapes and books, as she was listening to this, she kept shaking her head, when I asked the reason for this, she said, it will all be a wast of time, and that I would never meet, see or speak to enough french people to use and remember all these lessons, I duly ignored all this, and when we did arrive, enrolled in classes, and did 3 hours of lessons every week, however, I am actually finding that she was right, I very rairly see any french, all our neighbours are at work all day, and don't seem to arrive home till 6/7 o'clock, and lead very busy lives at week-ends, and rush about doing their own thing, although I have been filling my head with french for two years, I am still not good enough to strike up a conversation with just anybody, i.e in the supermarket, having said that over the last couple of months, I spoke to two cashiers in Hyper-u, and found out that they wanted to improve their english, so I gave them both my phone number, and offered to help them, if they would help me, I have heard nothing from them, I finished my french lessons at the beginning of June, since when I havn't spoken a single word of french, the other night I got my notes out, and was angry, annoyed and frustrated with myself to find out that there was a lot that I had already forgotten, my feelings now are, is it worth me returning to lessons when they re-start, if I'm not using all that I am learning.

[Hereford]

Don't worry - you will get to use your French.  I joined a French sewing group in order to use mine.  Try to find a group that appeals.  We are in your position: no neighbours nearby at all, so often speak little French during the week.  Watch French tv (Yes most is terrible..), quizzes are great for keeping up your knowledge and learning new phrases.

Good luck

Mrs H

[nectarine]

Don't give up on your lessons, they are proving useful and will help you to integrate.  Keep a radio in the house tuned to a French talk programme and you will be surprised at how soon you will be able to start following (in snatches) the conversation and it will improve your confidence.  Speak French to everybody, neighbours, shop assistants, bank tellers, the dustbin men, just keep it going and you will be surprised at how quickly many French will respond.  One of the complaints I hear from many French people is that some English don't bother to learn their language and therefore the French are inhibited about talking to them, offering help, because of the language barrier.  You are in the position of learning - and being seen to be eager to learn - their language so it helps a lot.  Good luck!

[Frenchie]

Belle, please, is it possible to know in which part of France you are?

[Belle]

I am in the Vendee Frenchie

[Frenchie]

Next to which bigger town? Fontenay Le Comte? Luçon ? La Roche Sur Yon?

[cooperlola]

Belle, I can see how this happens to people in your situation because, imo, although the locals are very friendly, social life does seem to centre around family and interests more here.  Thus I do think that joining a group of people with whom you share common interests  - if not a common language - can be really good.  The local ramblers worked for me, and there must be something that would interest you where you could meet people. Also, don't feel as inhibited about inviting your neighbours round as you might in the UK.  Why not have  little "apero" party one evening and invite them?  It sounds daunting but really it isn't. 

I think that some people are inclined to think that if you don't make the first move, then you probably just want to keep yourself to yourself and they will respect that  - not realising that you are lonely and keen to make friends.

As far as the language is concerned - this is what language learning is like but it honestly isn't really a case of "use it or lose it" - it just seems to go dormant!  When you do find your feet you will be astonished at how much of it is buried in your head somewhere and once you do find some French friends, you'll discover that you have in fact remembered quite a lot of what you've learnt.  So don't give up but keep studying - it will prove a real lifeline one day and the satisfaction of being able to have a proper conversation with a local is a real boost to the confidence once it happens. 

If you're uncertain about taking the plunge yourself, then why not find some "old hand" Brits who know some locals and ask them to introduce you?  Everybody started somewhere and I'm sure they'd help out.

And if there are social events in your village/town, go along and join in.  Once you've turned up a few times, people will soon get to recognise you and you'll begin to make friends.  Or maybe do a bit of voluntary work?  The trick is to try not to get into a self-perpetuating downward spiral because it's easy not to make the effort, and then to feel depressed because you are bored and fed up.  I realise that France isn't a bed of roses for you but there are things you can do to help change it.  Bon courage!

[Belle]

Thank you for all your responses, and of course advise, Frenchie, I am near La Roche Sur Yon

[woolybananasbrother]

You are at Coex Belle, aren't you? I am in Apremont. Let's meet and chat French once day. I'll wear a beret and have onions on my shoulder and have anti Brit opinions all the time and you can reply, and even ask questions like why my wife wears a tabard and why I hate the brits etc. Or lets just get p issed by the lake.[6]

[tigerfeet]

wooly are you really married to her who wears the tabard ?

[Frenchie]

Belle if you had been a bit closer we could have met.. I wear no tabard, and onions are only used when I cook !! [;-)][:D]

 

[woolybananasbrother]

the b ugger makes me wear the tabard[;-)]

[woolybananasbrother]

[quote user="Frenchie"]

Belle if you had been a bit closer we could have met.. I wear no tabard, and onions are only used when I cook !! [;-)][:D]

 

[/quote]

Careful, she's a real Frenchie but Vendéens and Deux Sèvrians don't talk. Something to do with sheep

[Belle]

Thank you so much to both of you, Frenchie that would have been super, us meeting, what a shame we can't, also WBB I don't actually live in coex, but only 10 mins away, so watch out for my e-mail to arrange a meet, I often go to the church in Apremont to light a candle, so if you are passing by poke your head in the door, and see if you can see a little person sitting down the front. Hugs to both of you x

[woolybananasbrother]

I certainly look for you in the church, Belle, but I wear dark glasses as Church and I are not great mates.[6]

[cooperlola]

He's going to be easy to spot for sure, Belle.  There cannot be too many wooly bananas in berets and dark glasses with onions over their shoulders, even in the Vendee.

[woolybananasbrother]

Hello, I'm Randy.

I'll make sure he sets out sober but there is a bar just below the church so I cant guarantee anything. And I'll hide the Sarkozy mask he has been wearing round the place for a month.

[Frenchie]

Belle, thanks for the lovely posting.

Yes, it s a shame we are far.

It is true that there's a rivalry between deux Sevriens, and Vendéens ( têtes de chien..)[:P] ; but I am out of this quarrel as I was born 900 k from here, on the côte d'azur.. and my heart is half English...

But no, WB, I won't make your curtains    !  [:D]

[woolybananasbrother]

heartless woman. see what I mean about the Deux Sèvres.

[Frenchie]

[:D][:D][:D]   At least you make me laugh .. !!! [:D]

 

[AnOther]

I can sympathise with your dilemma Belle.

I do want to learn the language but am finding it difficult. I'm not one for poring over text books and writing notes etc. and after a reasonable start listening to Michele Thomas now sends me to sleep. Osmosis is my preferred method which is the hub of my problem - lack of exposure.

I'm only here for 3 weeks out of 5 and for those 3 weeks I'm mostly at home working on the house and garden so not really out and about soaking it up.

'er indoors on the other hand is exactly the opposite, she loves studying and is learning French formally so I think my best chance won't really present until I do finally retire (hopefully 2 or 3 years) by which time OH should be quite proficient and can more or less teach me [kiss]

 

[woolybananasbrother]

oooops, sounds like a recipe for a quiet Ernie to me

[Weedon]

I don't get much chance to practice my French as my nearest neighbour is half a mile away, but I am a great observer of local customs and have so far adopted these five.

1.  When out walking I stare long and hard at every passing vehicle.

2. When it comes to my turn in a queue I try to engage the person serving me in a long conversation, the more people behind me the longer my conversation.

3. Upon approaching a roundabout I signal left, or right, depending on my mood.  Then I trundle round the outside until I decide which exit to take.  I then carry on signalling until I get to my next turning.

4. If my car is parked on the street I open the door as wide as possible, ignoring any approaching traffic.

5. In the supermarket aisle if I spot somebody taking their time to select an item I park my trolley next to theirs so that nobody can pass.

Michel Thomas doesn't mention any of these in his language course.

If there are any others that I haven't noticed please tell me 

[Tancrède]

[quote user="Weedon"]but I am a great observer of local customs and have so far adopted these five… [/quote]Weedon, This is an excellent guide to inculturation.

But No. 1:

[quote user="Weedon"]When out walking I stare long and hard at every passing vehicle.[/quote]Surely you also turn around to stare again after the vehicle has passed by?

And one omission.  When parking a car, it is essential to make a loud rasping noise, by drawing up the hand-brake with the ratchet still engaged.  My four year old godson was so enchanted with this after a visit to France that he incorporated the noise into his imaginary car-driving routine.

[tinabee]

you should also really try to park almost inside the supermarket door, even if there are yellow lines and bollards AND never never reverse into a parking space [;-)]