Home Alone?

[Jon 1]

I know there are many factors to be taken into account, but have come to believe that a general measure of how much you like France and the French is whether you would continue to live here should you out-live your spouse/partner.  My wife and I are quite emphatic that we could/would not.

 

Would you continue to live in France in such a circumstance?

[Tresco]

If MOH died I would go back straight away. I'm fairly sure he would stay here if I died, I know he has said he would, but i wonder about it.

This is for now, I've been here less than 2 years and i wonder sometimes if it will ever get easier, that I will be able to just chat casually without constantly worrying about what i'm saying. 

Perhaps 10 years down the line my answer will change.

[Christine Animal]

Yes, I would definitely stay.

I would never leave my animals or France (especially as I now know how to post pictures on here!).

Christine Animal

[Val_2]

No choice but to stay, I don't know the UK now after being here for over ten years and what I do hear about it,I don't like. Besides my children by then (if we don't work ourselves to death first) should have their own families and another generation to live here for. This is where we have made our life and this is where we will die and remain.

[Missy]

[quote]I know there are many factors to be taken into account, but have come to believe that a general measure of how much you like France and the French is whether you would continue to live here should you...[/quote]

I ask you the same with the same measure of how much I like this place and the people etc....but with a difference?...

Would you stay in UK if you out-live your OH ?

YES! YES!! YES!!! My place is booked on the first ferry out that day! Fireworks, buttings etc... on the quaiside to celebrate!!!.......

[Teamedup]

I would always have gone back if alone. And many of the british women I have spoken to over the years have said the same, not all though, but the 'go back' ones were in the majority.

Nothing to do with liking France or the french. Now my kids have left home I am bored here. As a single woman  I would hate to be here alone. There is little enough to do as it is. Might be a little different if I lived in a city rather than out in the sticks, but not much. I would come back and see friends here though without any hesitation.

[Lori]

Tough question. I am usually here on my own anyway (with my daughter - 11 years old). Husband works in the Middle East, so is rarely here. We are from California. I doubt I would go back there. Don't really like what it has become - although it is still far better than the rest of the U.S.A.

Since we are raising a child here, I suspect I would stay here as she is one of the main reasons we settled down (stopped moving all the time) in the first place.

So, at this point, I say I would stay - me age 42 now, hubby age 47. Maybe its me, but I do think age comes into play here.

[Happy Expat]

Something we have discussed too, we are 61 & 70 and it cannot be avoided. We both agree that we would not like to return as in either case it would mean living with family and that is not what we moved out here for. We are very fortunate in having excellent friends locally and in living in a beautiful part of France which we can appreciate without moving literally more than a few metres. The French health service is also vastly superior to the UK version.

Why should either of us want to return to a country which is dirty, generally rude and ill-mannered, is full of broken promises with more to come and overcrowded? No, thank you, here we most certainly will stay!

Bob & Jane (47)

[Vraititi<P>PSG till I die -fluctuat nec mergitur.<P>]

Happy expat, please, please, let's try to keep this forum as smug-free as we can. The UK is no more 'dirty, generally rude and ill-mannered' (to quote you) than France is.

[Happy Expat]

Thank you for your advice. I am not 'smug' etc but speaking as I find from personal experience. I recently returned to UK for a few days and totally hated the place because of stated reasons which I stand by.

[Vraititi<P>PSG till I die -fluctuat nec mergitur.<P>]

You might not be smug, but you last but one post reeked of smugness de Chez Smugness ! You are not comparing like for like, and that can be a dangerous thing to do. I spent 25 yrs in France, 12 of which were in very dirty, filthy areas (and I was not the only one there !), some of my University yrs were also in some terribly filthy quartiers in Lyon, etc. Yes, if you live in the French country, you're bound to find many differences with rural or rurban areas in the UK, but that could apply to anywhere in the world, France, Uk or wherever. Please, do not gratuitously bash the UK while extolling the virtues of some rural corner of France, charming though it is, it is a million miles away from the UK world you alluded to. That is the ultimate form of smugness to me.

[Vraititi<P>PSG till I die -fluctuat nec mergitur.<P>]

You might not be smug, but you last but one post reeked of smugness de Chez Smugness ! You are not comparing like for like, and that can be a dangerous thing to do. I spent 25 yrs in France, 12 of which were in very dirty, filthy areas (and I was not the only one there !), some of my University yrs were also in some terribly filthy quartiers in Lyon, etc. Yes, if you live in the French country, you're bound to find many differences with rural or rurban areas in the UK, but that could apply to anywhere in the world, France, Uk or wherever. Please, do not gratuitously bash the UK while extolling the virtues of some rural corner of France, charming though it is, it is a million miles away from the UK world you alluded to. That is the ultimate form of smugness to me.

[Happy Expat]

I shall not dignify your latest tirade with any other response than this - you are equally entitled to your opinion as i and unless that is blatantly offensive then there is a right ot express it openly.

I shall also not post this twice ....

[Patf]

We have always said that we would go back to uk when one of us became physically unable to cope, or we got short of money. I go back regularly and though the traffic is terrible I still feel I belong there and get a real buzz from visiting London. Husband feels the same, and perhaps moreso as his french isn't too good. We still have a house in uk which would make it easier. Having said all that I would miss the gorgeous scenery and feeling of open spaces here. And as someone else said, the dogs would be miserable. Pat.

[Happy Expat]

Thank you Patf for bringing this thread back to a level of sane maturity, I can understand your reasons for wanting to return should circumstances prevail. Surely it was what makes one happy that is the ultimate test?

Bob & Jane (47)

[Vraititi<P>PSG till I die -fluctuat nec mergitur.<P>]

Never mind sane maturity Happy Expat. Maturity in this forum is really about being able to take some flak without feigning to be outraged, and give more substantiated replies than the 'sane levels of maturity' that you used somewhat lightly and, dare I say, pusillaninously. If you re-read your post about life in the UK s France, you will find I'm pretty sure that it was a terribly unfair to the detriment of the UK, and when you think of the UK as not just a few urban filfthy spots (just like France has) as you alluded to them, it is not the 'filthy' country inhabited by 'rude people' that you described. The same sort of quick and unfounded comparisons made, this time, by French people after a quick visit, I'm sure, would have got your hackles up, and for good reasons. This is supposed to be a debate B and J, I felt the tone of your post was unfair to the UK, and smug to boot. Whatever your reasons for living in France, I don't understand why you felt necessary to tarnish the image of your own country on what are very debatable grounds.

[Iceni]

If I had posted first, my comments would have been similar to Happy Expat. I am in France because I no longer want to live in the UK. I have lived in 3 continents (and one of the countries would probably win an award as one of the unpleasant places in the world) and would be willing to try a 4th or 5th (youngest leaves for Oz in a couple of days so there is an opportunity). I would never return to the UK to live. In the UK I lived in a 'nice' riverside village in a quiet area. All the things HE mentioned were there, the noise, dirt, drugs. I realise that I live in a totally different part of France and there is no comparison BUT that is my life, I am lucky enough to be able to live it and in the same way I will not return to some places I have lived in the past, I will not return to the country of my birth to live again if I have a choice.

We each have a right to our views, yours to your view of the UK and us to ours - all are valid and if you really cannot take anothers view as valid - you should find another forum where all is sweetness and light - the real world is not like that.

[Normann]

 pusillaninously!!!!!   ......... you lot are so weird!... keep it up.....

...... and people wonder how I live without tv.....

[Sprogster]

According to so called official statistics, 80% of British Expats return to the UK eventually. Mainly through ill health and/or bereavement.

That said this is an impossible question to answer properly, because unless you have recently lost your partner, are terminally ill, or no longer able to care for yourself, you cannot possibly anticipate how you will feel under those very difficult circumstances.

I imagine a lot depends on where your immediate family are, as most people who are lucky to have close family, would probably want them nearer to hand under the above circumstances.

To put things in perspective, personal geographical preferences on this Earth cease to have any meaning when you are faced with the harsh reality of your own, or loved ones mortality.

Sorry, if I appear morbid but you do sometimes feel that some participants on this forum need a reality check.

[letrangere]

I think a lot of people return to the UK because the physical location of the property they have in France and possibly the property itself isn't conducive to living in alone.  Many women in particular may not feel too comfortable being alone in the country, even a small hamlet, especially if the other properties around them, as is often the case, are only occupied sporadically.  Perhaps they don't drive or simply don't want to have to get the car out everytime they need a loaf of bread or even post a letter.  Once alone, they probably own up to the fact that it is a pain keeping the house warm in the winter and the charm (if it ever were) of cleaning out a grate each morning and carting firewood quickly evaporates as soon as there's no one to share the chores with.  Keeping old properties clean is also a never ending task and do people really want this in older age?  Then you have the loneliness factor and a lot of British expats are lonely in France, even when their partners are alive.  

The death of a partner merely prompts a perfectly understandable lifestyle reevaluation.  And it's not unique to expats for even in the UK the recently bereaved often move house for similar reasons.

M

 

 

 

[Creusois]

Good question, but quite impossible to answer!   There are far too many "supposings", and far too much unpredictability - it is one of those hateful questions that can only be answered at the time it happens - everything said/intended up to that point has to be pure conjecture.   I'd like to think that should anything happen to either of us, the one left would .................

[letrangere]

But thinking more about this - and someone else mentions the scary term "reality check" and need for - so few of us give any thought, let alone plan, for the inevitable.  I guess it's understandable, bereavement isn't something we want to think about, but wouldn't it be a bit easier if we did give it thought and made adjustments to our life beforehand.

We know a couple in the UK who both took early retirement in their mid/late 50s.  They were both in reasonably good health at the time.  But, ever practical as is their nature, they immediately sold the large house with beautiful garden and swapped it for a luxury, purpose built flat in a block with a lift closer to the shops.  At the time, everyone thought they were absolutely bonkers, especially as the flat didn't come cheap, so it wasn't even a financial saving.  But within 5 years he'd had a stroke that left him partially disabled and her arthritis had got much, much worse.  He died last year after another stroke, leaving her alone.  But she's doing OK and even though she can no longer drive, at least she doesn't have the additional strain of having to move.  She actually counts her blessings.

M

[Mistral]

My answer is more or less the same as Val2's.  I've been here so long and my life is so tied up in france, that I can't ever see myself leaving. My children may be bilingual, half French etc but in reality they are much more french than british. At the age they are, it would be possible to change countries with them. But there will come a time when they will have made their own lives and that's probably going to be here.

On the other hand, I would probably move up north like a shot.

[Val_2]

Well its nice and cool up here today Mistral. Still no rain or storms to water the gardens and top up the rivers but the coastal fogs keep everything moist for us. Going back to the original question,an english lady I have known here for ten years now lost her husband last year. She has now discovered after a long winter without him in a six bed house with five acres of garden to look after that she can no longer stand it and wants to sell up and go back to be near her only daughter in the UK. I don' blame her,there is nothing here for her- not many friends,no close neighbours and she does not speak good french to make herself understood enough. Even her doctor here has told her to go back before she too,gets dragged down by all the work to keep up on her house. When you have family nearby its a whole different ballgame and for me, eventually there won't be anyone in the UK to go back to either as the siblings have all gone their own ways years ago.

[Iceni]

We know a couple in the UK who both took early retirement in their mid/late 50s.  They were both in reasonably good health at the time.  But, ever practical as is their nature, they immediately sold the large house with beautiful garden and swapped it for a luxury, purpose built flat in a block with a lift closer to the shops.  At the time, everyone thought they were absolutely bonkers, especially as the flat didn't come cheap, so it wasn't even a financial saving.  But within 5 years he'd had a stroke that left him partially disabled and her arthritis had got much, much worse.  He died last year after another stroke, leaving her alone.  But she's doing OK and even though she can no longer drive, at least she doesn't have the additional strain of having to move.  She actually counts her blessings.

I am afraid that I think the above proves a point that was made to me years ago when I moved into a large bungalow due to my daughters disability. I was told by a consultant that I would suffer - and I sure did - I lost the ability to climb many stairs yet I was young, after a few years we bought a chalet bungalow but I am still to this day not very good coming down stairs. He said that the worse thing someone who has just retired can do (and he was talking about folk in their 60's) was buy a property on one level or downsize the garden if they were used to a large one - it would impact their life expectancy due to lack of exercise and 'wish fulfillment'.

So a nice large house with a garden was swapped for a single level gardenless flat and all the associated exercise was lost. They had 'mentally' retired (which is what the consultant discussed with me) and so their bodies responded accordingly - late 50's is YOUNG - you should be looking for new horizons if you are fit and well, not getting ready for illnesses that being 70 can bring.

When John had his back problem we were given two alternatives, he would have to take it easy and not garden and live on one level and cope with the disability, pain and Zimmer frame for the rest of his life (he was mid 50's and this was the NHS) or start exercising, cycling, walking up steep hills etc (Chiropractor and sports physio). We bought a larger house with a small room on the ground floor which could be used as a bedroom at a pinch with a much smaller garden. He walked, cycled (even got a job as a temp postman when he could not do his regular job) and got fit, we quickly realised that the house/garden was restricting him. We now have a rural property BUT have plans to sell and buy a smaller house in the local village 2 km away as we near 70 or when we need to.

If I was on my own I would sell up but I would buy or rent in France - why would I have to return to the UK to buy another property?

Friends of ours in their 70's are discussing going to a new continent for a bit - they are bored - they inspire me and NO they are not in perfect health, far from it but mental health -well that is another matter, more power to their elbow and I hope I am around to attend their 100th birthdays as I am sure that they will both reach that age.