Aperitif Protocol ?

[Jon 1]

HELP..........We found a note pinned to our front door at 1700 inviting us for an aperitif at 17.30.  Due to the early time we assumed it was an informal quick drink and chat, thus rushed out to buy a selection of nice cakes and arrived just a little hot and bothered in our shorts!  Our hosts were surprised to see us.  They had made a mistake on the note and wrote 17.30 instead of 19.30.  We then discovered that our hosts have also invited members of their family.  Will this be a dress up affair?  What should we arrive with by way of a gift?  Was the selection of cakes inappropriate in this changed context?  How long should we stay?  Will they have had their meal?or will we be expected to leave so that the family can then eat?  It was the use of aperitif at 17.30 that threw us.

Advice urgently needed as the clock is ticking..... only 1 hour 15 mins to go!

[YCCMB]

Take flowers or chocolates if you're going to take anything at all, although if it's just for an aperitif a gift isn't really all that necessary!

If it seriously is only an apero and others are invited, I'd take your lead from them: if they make a move to go, you do the same. There's an awful tendency sometimes to have an aperitif prolonge - i.e. loads of snacky things and maybe even something a bit more substantial.that never quite morphs into a full meal. If snacks keep coming, then stay. Have a sandwich or something NOW just in case, to soak up the alcohol, and don't make the mistake I made of putting something in the oven on a low light to eat when you get back, just in case (had to make excuses and nip back to turn it off when our aperitif prolonge with the neighbours lasted till midnight!!). Good luck, and don't worry, I'm sure you'll have fun!!

Jane

(PS have also been caught by other invitees to the neighbours' apero having a quick bowl of pasta before going for the apero - on the grounds that I'm starving if I haven't eaten by 9-ish, and I can't drink on an empty stomach. They laughed because they still reckon we're clinically insane for having our main meal in the evening and a sandwich for lunch)

 

 

[Tourangelle]

The apero is a strange thing, it can be quite formal or very relaxed.  I would say bringing cake is not really appropriate, and I agree with Jane, flowers or chocolate, or nothing.  I think rather than bringing something it would be best to invite them back on another occasion.  I wouldn't go in shorts in case the other people are invited to a meal and come a bit dressed up.  But do go casual, I wouldn't expect their male guests to be in ties, for example.  They certainly wont have eaten, otherwise they would be inviting you to the digestif but I think it is a great suggestion try to eat something first, these things can last for hours  Hope it goes well!

[Teamedup]

An apero, I'd take a bottle if it were a last minute thing. I would never take cakes to an apero. An apero is as far as I am concerned a savoury affair and with some warning I may take some sort of nibbles that I've made or bought.

 

ps the cakes may be OK in other parts of France, but I've never seen or heard of it, but it is a big country.

[Alexis]

No cake.  No bottle either.  Only take a bottle for a meal and then perhaps.  Depends if French or English.  Flowers or chocolates here.

If they have invited their family, I would imagine they will be eating later.  Your invitation wasn't marked to eat as well....

Normally, around here, it is two drinks and then leave.

When the dinner in the oven starts burning and they lay the table, best go!

[Lori]

You are probably on your way by now.  It is 7:15 pm.

Our experience with invitations to a French apero has in fact lasted until about midnight, started at 7:30 pm.  It was great fun, but next time, I would eat something before hand as the alcohol was flowing and I had eaten nothing since lunch.  Now, I know better.  As for offerings,  I would bring flowers, a homeade savoury item or chilled champagne...

Have fun

[Ziggystardust]

Taking this a bit further, my partner and I were invited to my neighbours for an aperitif one Sunday a few weeks ago.  We both thought that this would just mean a drink and went along with a few beers after having our usual evening meal.  There were some other people there too and we had a pleasant glass of wine only to then find that the daughter of the house started laying the table and we then sat down to a four course meal!  Should we have made our excuses at this time and left?  I seem to remember our host counted us in when the daughter asked how many to lay for.  It also became a bit difficult for me because I am a fussy vegetarian and the second course what lamb.  What is the protocol here?  Had I known that we were invited to a meal I could have advised him of my fussiness!

Would appreciate a few pointers!

Lou.

[Teamedup]

ZSD, maybe you should have said that you had already eaten when you got there, a little laugh about having a digestif rather than an apero, which most hosts I know would happily have catered for too.

We've been to apero's which have turned into meals.

I have had apero's that have turned into meals too.

 

[Alexis]

Do we all drink the same stuff when we go for apperos?

I was thinking about this last night.

Ricard for the men.  Port or Muscat for us Girlies.  Bottles on the table when you arrive so there is no confusion.

Never ever been offered beer or wine.

They are for other times of the day

I remember inviting some newcomers for apperos...they had had their tea before so in typical British fashion were there for the night.  All the rest of us, of course, were eating later.  (Not together)  Just thinking about it makes me groan  We were too polite - and stupid - to say right that's it, dinner time.

[Jon 1]

Many thanks to all of you who came to our rescue at very short notice.  I had a quick shower and changed which left just minutes to peruse the responses.  The quick scan of conflicting replies led to a last minute confusion.  However, I conveyed the gist of the situation and all the responses to our hosts who found it all very amusing.  It really helped to break the ice.  Fortunately we were not over-dressed, and our hosts presented a really nice spread of things on toasted baguette, like smoked salmon, different hams etc, and a nice pear tart.  This was washed down with green apple sorbet kir, white and red wines etc.  The husband was an excellent cook as it was his hobby.  It was a most enjoyable evening with a wide ranging discussion.  Fortunately our hosts two sons, and daughter in law to be, spoke excellent English, so this helped immensely when we were having difficulties with our French.  After a few kirs etc I invited them back the following evening, ie tonight for 7pm.  This was very much to my wife's dismay, because she would have very little time to cook etc.  I suppose we were also a little intimidated by the spread that we were presented with.  One of the sons said that this was for drinks only, so now we are just as confused as how to respond.  Will they be expecting a similar spread, or does it really mean for drinks only?  We left a message on their mobile seeking clarification, but as yet have not had a reply.

[GRT17]

Good to hear that it all turned out well. As regards your invite to them, just relax and enjoy, don't go overboard, they will be pleased to have been invited and you could graduate to more of a meal next time. you could try Pate (usually available in jars from local shops) on little squares of toast, some crips and nuts and assorted nibbles..

Alexis, in our area (17) it is mostly Pineau that is drunk at Apero's sometimes Pastis for the blokes.

Gill

[Christine Animal]

This is the lovely "saga" of French relations, when everyone feels good together, it just goes on and on.  If ever you are invited to lunch you can often expect to leave table around 5 pm, with everyone helping with the clearing and washing up...... only to lay the table have aperitif, and start all over again!

One thing intrigued me.  What is "green apple sorbet kir"?

Have a lovely evening....again.  With the "nibbles" you could maybe buy a quiche or two, warm them up and cut them into pieces (just a suggestion).

Look forward to hearing from you tomorrow!

 

[Alexis]

There you go.  Everywhere in this country is different

I wouldn't dream of offering wine for appero.

Now I've just got to find the department they offer gin and tonic.....

[Russethouse]

I have been offered Pineau, Kir or white wine and once or twice the stuff that is rather like sweet martini, the OH has Pastis.

I know a couple of households where you would be offered a G &T, one in Brittany and one in Normandy.....when else would you drink it ?

Gill - why did you mention Pineau ? - I want one now........

[Maddie]

I suppose it depends on which part of this great land you're in!  I've been offered anything from champagne, chilled rose, G n T to a large tumbler of whisky as "that's what English people drink isn't it?"  Nibbles - crisps, pate on toast, salmon on toast, olives, etc.  Strictly 2 hours too.

[Iceni]

Last week I met the elder stateswoman of our hamlet + daughter-in-law whilst I was taking rubbish to bin. D-i-l invited me to join them for an apero so I rushed home to collect Di, pick up bottle of Clairette de Die but changing out of working T shirt and shorts did not occur to me.

The drink offered was Kir Royal - Uncle's 1995 Cassis + champagne with nibbles of crisps then home produced hazelnuts. Host and his son were still in their working clothes (not very clean T shirts and shorts) - so I was appropriately dressed.

By the end the party consisted of

Host + wife + 2 teenage children + a niece

Elder stateswoman

Host's brother + his wife

Us

Isn't it amazing how our French seems to improve after a few drinks whilst their ability to speak excellent English re-surfaces.

Eventually things broke up sometime around 10.00/10.15 having started just after 8.00.

John not

 

 

 

[bizzer]

Hi guys,

we have been invited to quite a few aperos and each time it has been different an apero in the country seems to last longer than an apero in the town or city. We were invited along with other French friends to one evening which consisted of virtually neat whisky and a few cheesey nibbles and another, which we were told afterwards it was an apero dinatoire (not sure if that is spelt correctly-- need more wine)where les toasts promptly arrived and kept arriving until way past 11.30 pm along with red wine, pineau or excellent brandy ---- mixed with soda water...

We have been told not to take French wine to aperos but, French friends have said that is ok we do take Ricard but if we are invited to one apero each evening it gets a bit expensive... so sometimes we take gifts from where we used to live in England ... small ceramic/porcelain/china gifts sometimes with some homemade chocolates inside and our hosts have been delighted..and we have all had a fab night

And yes alcohol can have quite a gymnastic effect on both my tongue and lips as they seem more able to form difficult postures to help me get my pronunciation correct especially if the word has lots of ROUILL's in as in boiling , kettle or fog...

I had better get practising in the mirror

cheers

Barry

www.lelavalette.com

[Jon 1]

Once again thanks to you all for your input.  Incidentally our French neighbours were quite intrigued to hear of this site where numerous Brits communicate concerning all things French.

Just as my wife was getting really uptight concerning the food, one of our neighbour’s sons telephoned in response to our mobile message.  He reiterated that all they expected was a drink.  However, we provided various nibbles and nuts etc.  I had always believed that the French were very disdainful with regard to New World wines.  However, I was pleasantly surprised when they wanted to try an Australian Shiraz and a NZ Sauvignon Blanc.  I was even more surprised when they said they were very good.  My 12 year old Cragganmore single malt was also appreciated by one member of the family.  We were also flattered when the wife said she was going to enrol in English classes in order to communicate with us in English.  This time we got the dress code wrong.  As we understood the get together was to be a brief one with minimal food, we dressed down to shorts.  They turned up in smart casual!   I agree that once they relax they are much less reticent and more confident to try out their English.  The two events have been a most pleasant experience.

One thing intrigued me.  What is "green apple sorbet kir"?

It is green apple sorbet mixed with champagne............delicious!!   They sneak up on you though!!

 

[ChezShells]

Welcome to France

It feels really good when something like this happens, although we havn't experienced anything like this, having no immidiete neighbours but the farmers always wave or have a chat
You wouldn't believe we are only 25 miles apart but we act like they are aliens.

Enjoy

[SaligoBay]

but we act like they are aliens.

LOL Chezshells, the feeling is entirely mutual!!   

Yours, eccentrically, fatly, Royalistically, and full of flegm. 

[Dormouse]

I am looking forward to this part of French life - but as our neighbour on one side is a hotel, and on the other is a college, perhaps we would end up with a lot of neighbours over - all the pupils perhaps!? I suspect we might ask the principal of the college over, and maybe the hotel owners (on their night off - which oddly is a Saturday night!)

Will my French hold up, I wonder (well, it will after a few drinks...)