lucky luke Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 My partner and I live separately because we decided that, even though hubby needed to do two more years work in the UK, it was better for our daughter to be in the French education system earlier rather than later. Hence I have been here 16 months on my own, while my OH is working in the UK. It's certainly worked out educationally - our daughter started school aged 7 and has settled in very well. I'm not sure it would have been as easy for her had she been 10 (which is how old she will be when my husband comes over permaently). Coming early not only boosted her French but also made it easier to say bye to friends and school in England. The separation has also helped us integrate - I have time to help at the school and as I'm the only one helping with French homework, it's improved my language as well. That said, it's not always easy and if we could have all come out together I would have preferred it.LL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RumziGal Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 [quote user="Sprogster"]I would have thought that in some if not many cases the situation has been forced by necessity, whereby a couple have moved to France but one of them has had to return to the UK for work, because they cannot make an adequate living in France. Part of the reason probably being lack of language fluency?[/quote]Fluency isn't the only reason. I'm back in Britainland for work, had to leave Man and Boy and Doglet in France. My French is fluent, I'm well qualified, experienced, adaptable, etc etc etc, but clearly my CV just doesn't speak to French employers. I did the ANPE thing, including a 3-month bilan de competences and the only thing they could suggest was that I retrained as a secretary. Harrrrumph. I did look at the secretarial jobs on offer in my area, and any that didn't demand years of experience were minimum wage, and they were almost certainly looking for young things straight from school, of whom there is an abundance in my overpopulated area. Luckily for me, there was a spending freeze on training courses at the time, so I took that as a sign from above that I wasn't destined to become a secretary! I did cleaning and old-people care for a year instead, then jacked it in because of the attitude of........ the secretary! [:)]So here I am in an R&D lab grappling with exciting things like Tivoli Federated Integration Manager and information architecture. Yurk. I like mini challenges like that, and there was no sign of anything challenging happening in France. I have a butterfly brain, and it's happy to have the chance to flutter its wings!Oh yes, and I'm getting paid for it too!! I'm paying rent here and I've had to buy a car, but there's still more left over than I could possibly earn in France. And another oh yes - employer is happy to turn a blind eye to me working remotely, so if I choose to go back to la belle France to do my butterfly grappling, I can. Et voila. [:)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnOther Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 I think that what this thread demonstrates is that anyone hoping to to move to France but needing to work to support themselves and not wanting to fall into the "new kind of widow (or widower) hood", had better either have a decent job lined up or be in a profession which is in such international demand that employers will be clamouring over them.Coming over "on spec" seems to be a recipe for disaster unless, as Will likes to put it, you would be happy working in a Pig Proccesing Plant !As futher demonstrated, language fluency is no guarantee of anything either but it can only help of course.As a non French speaking Brit in France why would anybody imagine they have any better chance of good employment than say a non English speaking Frenchman has in the UK ?The sale of rose coloured spectacles should come with a wealth warning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YCCMB Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 In an odd way, it's not just the "Brits with rose-tinted glasses" types who labour under these misconceptions. My French neighbours, who are keen to have real people living next door to them, as opposed to occasional visitors who arrive, paint stuff and leave again, keep saying to me "Oh, but you'll easily find a job with your fluent French!" . This is the point at which I gently remind them that there are over 60 million people in France, 59.9 million of whom probably speak better French than me, and a significant percentage of whom are unemployed. At this point, they usually start to nod and agree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teamedup Posted January 13, 2007 Author Share Posted January 13, 2007 Rumzigal, it just illustrates how blinkered french employers were when they had no interest in someone like yourself. They should have been fighting over you......... and they didn't. A sad indictment of the ways things are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loiseau Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 I have the impression that French employers can't cope with anything that doesn't follow the traditional French education/training path, and are deeply suspicious of anything remotely out of the ordinary on a CV. So whereas having had an interesting gap year job, or run some quirky one-horse business single-handed might indicate to a potential UK employer that you had a bit of backbone, to the French it might be a reason to ignore your application altogether.Angela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Llantony Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 What's wrong with being a feminist Coco? It just means believing in equality which is surely human rights. You surely don't believe women should be paid less for doing the same job or men make all the decisions in a relationship? I'm in no way militant (a bit of a wimp even) but I do object to men being seen as superior. Also the stereotypical thinking e.g. in a marriage/partnership women always do the cooking and men look after the money (it's more or less the other way round with us and works fine!)Back to the thread, I did hear of a sad situation where a man worked in the UK and wife & kids were in France. She was very lonely and compensated by shopping - but how many handbags does one need in rural France? (or anywhere, come to that - I stick to 1) I think she gave up and returned to the UK in the end. I don't know if I'd manage on my own for long (kids are grown up) but a friend reminded me not to stop driving as she's seen several widows who did and it makes them more isolated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Russethouse Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 I wonder how many people worry about their partners remaining faithful in a situation like that ? Perhaps worrying about it is a good thing where as being unfaithful is not (well, not in my book anyway[Www] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
opas Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 [quote user="Teamedup"]Rumzigal, it just illustrates how blinkered french employers were when they had no interest in someone like yourself. They should have been fighting over you......... and they didn't. A sad indictment of the ways things are.[/quote]Not quite in the same league but they fought over MrO when we first arrived............but couldn't put their money where their mouth was, hence his little daliances to the UK. Where incidently he earns more in his short trips that he would in 4 months here doing the same work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnOther Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 [quote user="Russethouse"] I wonder how many people worry about their partners remaining faithful in a situation like that ? Perhaps worrying about it is a good thing where as being unfaithful is not (well, not in my book anyway[Www][/quote]Inclination aside not much in the way of temptation 140m out in the North Sea...There are the odd females dotted about (not where I am) but by and large they seem to be specially chosen for their "uncomeliness" and there's no [B] to dull the senses either....[+o(] [blink]This is going to get me into trouble, I can feel it....! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nimportequoi Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 I haven't got the inclination to be unfaithful and I'd be hard pushed to find the time even if I could find a Frenchman around here taller than me! It isn't always easy, but absence can make the heart grow fonder and just because you don't live with someone permenently it doesn't necessarily increase the chance of infidelity in a relationship. It suppose it helps to have a good solid relationship first, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Smith Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 Ernie - first rule of holes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnOther Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 [quote user="Mister Fluffy"]Ernie - first rule of holes![/quote]Not only stopped but thrown the shovel away so don't worry....[8-|] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pads Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 My OH has always worked away from home since I first met him some times for as long as 8 months. It was much harder in the old days when the only option we had to talk was one phone call a day If he could find a phone box, at the time that I would be home from work and as my hours were always staggered this proofed to be hard and quite often came home to a loney message on the answer phone. Although I did use to get loverly Post cards from all over the world. (boxes and boxes of them now all under the spare bed!) But with todays technology we can talk 24 hours aday if we want, I have my mobile at work, we have E mail, texting, MSN, Phone, and now camera phone via the internet. But sadley now very few post cards[:(] We have both been very happy living like this and time spent together is very dear to us both. But the actiude of over people some times realy gets up my nose , I have lost count of the times smug couples have said oh no we couldnt live like that, how can you trust him ? Dont you get loney? Only then to get hit on by the husband the very next time Im alone with him (some times when the wife has just gone to the loo in the pub!!) with corney lines like, If you get loney at night I could always come and keep you company..............[+o(] Sorry give me my hubby anyday, I dont live with rose tinted glasses Im sure he has had his moments, but I trust him and if anything was to happen I know hes a honest man and he would tell me. But at the end of the day its a 2 way thing trust, you either have it or not and we do and that is what has brought us threw to where we are to day close to finalising our dream off turning our holiday home in france to our home in the near futher, and both still happy to be together as we were 24 years ago.[:D] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnOther Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 [quote user="Pads"] My OH has always worked away from home since I first met him some times for as long as 8 months. It was much harder in the old days when the only option we had to talk was one phone call a day If he could find a phone box, at the time that I would be home from work and as my hours were always staggered this proofed to be hard and quite often came home to a loney message on the answer phone. Although I did use to get loverly Post cards from all over the world. (boxes and boxes of them now all under the spare bed!) But with todays technology we can talk 24 hours aday if we want, I have my mobile at work, we have E mail, texting, MSN, Phone, and now camera phone via the internet. But sadley now very few post cards[:(] We have both been very happy living like this and time spent together is very dear to us both. But the actiude of over people some times realy gets up my nose , I have lost count of the times smug couples have said oh no we couldnt live like that, how can you trust him ? Dont you get loney? Only then to get hit on by the husband the very next time Im alone with him (some times when the wife has just gone to the loo in the pub!!) with corney lines like, If you get loney at night I could always come and keep you company..............[+o(] Sorry give me my hubby anyday, I dont live with rose tinted glasses Im sure he has had his moments, but I trust him and if anything was to happen I know hes a honest man and he would tell me. But at the end of the day its a 2 way thing trust, you either have it or not and we do and that is what has brought us threw to where we are to day close to finalising our dream off turning our holiday home in france to our home in the near futher, and both still happy to be together as we were 24 years ago.[:D] [/quote]When I read this I had to check it wasn't my OH writing, virtually a mirror of our lives and we've managed to survive 39 years with no sign of flagging. Lost count of the honeymoons...[:$][:$][:$] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pads Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 Ernie well I hope you still remember to send the odd romatic postcard now and again , I love to find one in the post box and take it back to bed with my morning coffee to read , Much more heart warming than a email[:D] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnOther Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 I'm only away for 2 weeks at a time now but do still manage to pull the odd rabbit out of the bag...[:)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 Fidelity is often the topic of conversation, especially when people hear that a couple live apart. But, as has been said, it is a matter of love and trust, you either have it or you don't. With today's technology, there a dozens of ways to stay in touch. What you do with your webcam is up to you.The time we spend together is some of the best we have ever had. There are hundreds of ways to keep a relationship sizzling, even through distance. If you want to, you will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teamedup Posted January 14, 2007 Author Share Posted January 14, 2007 I really do understand the love and trust as we have had times apart. He has worked in the North Sea, two weeks away, two weeks home, that wasn't too bad, but later we had several months apart and that was hard for us both. So what about libido. As this isn't a relationship board I'll be careful what I say. Maybe one has to have a particular type of libido that can turn on and off to live apart most of the time. I am suggesting that, but I can't quite imagine doing that.Accepting that not all couples who live together all the time have regular intimacy in their lives, there are a lot of us that do. And maybe that is why people like me don't understand the way other couples live apart. And for me at least, explains the reactions you 'living apart' couples get from other people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 TU, without getting too personal, there are lots of ways to enjoy s e x. Speaking for myself, my libido is stronger now than it has ever been in my life. So, the fact that my husband is not here all the time has not hampered this area of my life. Yet, I should add, I have no interest in having a relationship with anyone other than my husband. I think, in some ways, the distance has added to the libido. I think it is a matter of lifestyle adjustments. It isn't difficult for me. Might be marriage ending to others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nimportequoi Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 It is quality and not quantity which counts! As Lori said, you tend to make up for the time apart when you are together in all aspects of life. We don't find it difficult but I'm sure it wouldn't suit everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
opas Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 When hubby is away I am often asked where he his by the gents of the village, 2 inparticular have made it clear that I could make use of them...........if only, they are both in their 80s[Www] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 Opas - how funny...in their 80's. There must be hope for old age yet..Susan is right. When apart, there are many ways to keep your sexual relationship healthy. I think before a couple lives in separate countries, they must discuss this issue in order to understand how each one feels and what each person may expect or want from the other. From there, the sky is the limit on how that couple decides to proceed.To think that couples who don't live together all the days of the year don't have extremely good sex lives (with each other) would be false. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassis Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 [quote user="Pads"]But the actiude of over people some times realy gets up my nose , I have lost count of the times smug couples have said oh no we couldnt live like that, how can you trust him ? Dont you get loney? [/quote]Hmmm. Speaks volumes for their relationships, and backed up by what you go on to say!It's our 25th anniversary tomorrow AND the day after. There was a "work to rule" by the registrars so we had to go to the civic centre to do the legal bit on the 15th, then got married in the church on the 16th (a Saturday - the registrar's were refusing to work Saturdays). Jude says the one on the 16th is the "real" date. [:)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoddy Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 Pads wrote"I have lost count of the times smug couples have said oh no we couldnt live like that, how can you trust him ? "Some of those smug people might be shocked at how commonly these supposed 'friends' make advances to widows. A shocking and unexpected outcome of widowhood.Hoddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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