Our French dream is over

[Quillan]

OK I know its from the Daily Mail but its interesting all the same. I am sure there are one or two things in the article that some may relate to either first or second hand.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1259430/Lauren-Booth-Our-French-dream--I-fear-happy-marriage.html

 

[Dog]

... and I thought you were banging on about the abject failure of the English rugbyists.

[woolybanana]

Yes, it seemed very honest and accurate for once though I think they have gone a bit over the top with the problems.

 

[Gluestick]

Surely, one can be an alky in Brighton, Surbiton or anywhere?

It has always seemed to me that there are any number of muppets who really believe some magic mystery in a foreign clime, be it France, Spain, Greece, Australia, whatever, will cure all their emotional ills................

Whereas what they really need to do is simply grow up and analyse the primary raison d'être for a relocation.

For me, the only core reason to move to another country is since one enjoys the various differences of culture and lifestyle.

Sun and cheap sangria can be simply replicated with sun lamps and regular booze cruises: however, with the Pound-Euro in its current relationship, far better to save the cost of fuel and ferry and simply shop at the nearest Tesco, Sainsbury, Asda or Lidl.

 

[mint]

Gluey, thank you for saying all the things I would have said had I your clarity of thinking and your ability to put your thoughts into words.

Just so, so true...........

I have no sympathy and even less concern for such as these.  That's life and, if they want to blame everyone else and everything else than themselves, then they will come across all these problems again and again, even if in another guise and in another country.

Life gives you lessons to learn and, if you don't learn them, you get the same lessons repeatedly until you learn them.  Mind you, once you learn your lessons, it doesn't mean you have no more lessons to learn.  As sure as eggs is eggs, you will get lessons to learn, except you get different ones!

[Chancer]

Oh thats a bit harsh SW17, how can a father of two young children, responsible for their welfare and the running of the house during the mothers absence be held to be responsible for drinking 5 times the legal limit, riding his motorcycle without a helmet (the only time honest!) and crashing into a post, that sort of thing happens all the time doesnt it? [6]

At least she can cash in on writing an article on it, and I agree one of the first honest ones but I woud not want to display my dirty laundry in public like that no matter how hard up I was.

Imagine if the drunken fool had hit a car carrying a French family involving the injury or death of one or more of them, they would be headline news for sure but it would not be her writing them, in that respect they should count themselves very lucky.

[krusty]

"Craig’s cataclysm was largely the result of a clash of expectations with the reality of life in rural France – the difficulties and the responsibilities that were not fully explained in Channel Four’s A Place In The Sun series after all..."

Oh so it is Channel Four’s fault ..........maybe she can sue them ? [;-)]

[mint]

Chancer, you know we hardly ever disagree.

Personally, like you say, I cannot imagine drinking like that and being in charge of young children.  Also, I can't imagine airing all my woes like she has done.  Mind you, I'm not above having a moan or two on the Forum but, mostly, I do it to raise a bit of a laugh and I don't mind people laughing AT me as well as WITH me.

But, to coin a phrase, there is not much difference between the famous and the obscure; the famous are just that much more ready to draw attention to themselves.

[Dog]

I was laughing when I started the article then it all got a bit gruesome.

Can you really believe this is a true account - written by a journalist?

It just doesn't ring true - as a motorcyclist I always wear a helmet when drunk riding.

 

[Babbles]

It makes me laugh when people right off a whole country when they've lived in one place, we tried the Gers found it too quiet, with quite a lot of peoples lives based around drink it seemed so moved to the Herault and love it, it has more to do with country v town than which country you're in ( assuming you make a modicum of effort to learn the language. And as a side line we found moving to rural Lancashire far more difficult in being accepted than we have in France.

[Quillan]

I got the impression that he did not drink so much when they were in the UK. He developed more serious drinking problems here in France. I have to say I have seen a lot of English getting drunk in bars (well sitting outside bars). Many thought they would get work here amongst the Expat community but now the work has dried up due to lack of money. The others are those that have renovated their house and don't know what to do with themselves.

I don't remember her saying that they didn't speak French just that they didn't speak French well enough which in his particular case left him 'out of the conversation' at a more technical level with his fellow workers. With her it was her written French that let her down. Well I can only write very, and I mean very, basic French and use stock letters or get things translated for me. The thing is I am quite willing to admit this but there are loads out there that that think that just because they did 'O' level French 40 years ago think they are totally fluent when they are not.

I can remember somebody discussing their return home on this forum ( and few current members agreeing with their comments) and they also said how rural life had turned from being their dream in to a nightmare and they were going back. I also know first hand of at least one couple you have also experienced this and have gone home. Some people just can 'cut it' with rural life, they probably wouldn't have coped in the UK but doing it in a foreign country just makes it 100% worse. I mean, we have a couple near buy that came from a rural community in the UK and told me that it wouldn't be a problem here. Well they have been here three years and put their house up for sale last week and moving in to town where the English are. "Why are you moving in to town" I said, "Because we can't afford to move back to the UK" they said, so there you go.

[Bugsy]

[quote user="Dog"]It just doesn't ring true - as a motorcyclist I always wear a helmet when drunk riding. [/quote]

[:D][:D][:D][:D]

Thanks dog, thats made my morning.

.

[Gluestick]

Thirty years ago, before the area around Marbella had suffered saturation development, above the pleasant marina of Estapona (Which lies outside Marbella heading towards Gib) nestling in the hills was a pretty little village called San Pedro de Alcantera.

Many Brit ex pats settled there.

In those days, Larius gin was just 30 shillings for a litre bottle: 45% strength. Decent brandy probably a couple of quid: and very drinkable Rioja (Bodegas Berbarana Carta d'Oro e.g.) retail just £1 a bottle.

And San Pedro was running alive with serious winos. They had their own local radio station, newspaper etc, all in English.

Those who truly integrated, however and had moved to Southern Spain for the weather, the culture and the Andalusian life, were very happy.

Mrs Gluey and I much love Andalusia and seriously considered it: however, in the end the plethora of tacky "English" bars and eateries serving such epicurean delights as "All Day Breakfast", "Sundee roast dinner", and "Watney's Red Barrel" - most of them failing, BTW - was far too negative.

The golf became far too expensive too.

To capture "Real" Andalusia now, one has to move well inland into the foothills of the mountains; to such as Frigigliana.

I am reliably informed that the coastal bit and slightly inland is now swarming with tacky old site static caravans and tourers and that many of the residents of these have been living, illegally from UK benefits payments and simply cannot afford now to survive.

All they did, of course, was to move their misery to another place.

Once again.

 

[Théière]

[quote user="Bugsy"][quote user="Dog"]It just doesn't ring true - as a motorcyclist I always wear a helmet when drunk riding. [/quote]

[:D][:D][:D][:D]


Thanks dog, thats made my morning.
.
[/quote]

And who on earth would have painted a white line into a post [:D]

[Weedon]

Maybe my view of life is too simplistic but it strikes me that many (not all) of the people who decide to move back to the UK have, in the first instance, come to France thinking it can solve problems they had in the first place. So they simply packed their problems as well as their possessions when they moved here and France isn't the place to cure underlying problems.

I won't bore you with the reasons why but a few years ago, after being here for 4 years, my life was turned completely upside down but as I have always thought that the trick in life was to find contentment (more than happiness) I am still here and love it for it being quiet, peaceful and most probably if the truth be told, boring.  I wouldn'thave turned to drink in the UK and I see no reason why I should do so here.....in any case you ought to take a look at my local bar...and the owner. I dare say though she looks lovelier after the first few.

I fully accept though that it is a whole different ball game living here in retirement rather than trying to earn a living to support yourself.

[paw862]

Interesting to note that the lady who wrote the article is Cherie Blair's half sister!  Maybe they went to France to escape their in-laws!

[Quillan]

[quote user="Théière"]

[quote user="Bugsy"][quote user="Dog"]It just doesn't ring true - as a motorcyclist I always wear a helmet when drunk riding. [/quote]

[:D][:D][:D][:D]


Thanks dog, thats made my morning.
.
[/quote]

And who on earth would have painted a white line into a post [:D]

[/quote]

Funny enough I do remember that many years ago when I stayed on the Isle of White that we visited a pub in the centre of the island. After a nice meal and a glass of wine (just the one) we headed back towards the coast where we were staying. As we drove, in the dark, across country on a narrow little road I spotted something in the middle of the road, I thought it was a large dog or something. As we got closer I realised it was a human on all fours. I stopped and went over to the person who turned out to be the husband of the people who lived next door but one back in Cheam (talk about strange occurances). He was absolutely ratted and when I asked what he was doing he said following the white lines home. Needless to say we gave him a lift back to the holiday camp he and his wife were staying, how he got there I do not know, a taxi, a lift perhaps, an argument with the wife, but it was a fair few miles to where he was staying. He could have been hit by a car or worse, bit of a stupid thing to do.

Anyway back to the subject. Not everyone that emigrates from the UK is doing so to "move their misery to another place", I certainly didn't. Sometimes, even after 'doing their homework, they find things are not quite what they thought they were going to be through no real fault of their own. We all know whats happening with the exchange rate and nobody could predict it would get to almost parity but it has and it's bought misery to millions of expats living abroad that rely on a UK income and that was not necessarily their fault. I have been extremely lucky. I never rented for a year to try things out like a recommend everyone to do when considering a move abroad and its worked out well for me and mine but more by luck than anything else. Life is like poker, you never know what cards you are going to draw and sometimes after many winning hands you get a real bum one and you loose the lot.

The thing is we (humans) don't like to admit to failure, not to our family or to our friends (I really admire those that do, takes some balls). Some try to carry on whilst getting themselves further in to debt etc. I have seen expats at the ATM in the bank going through their (considerable amount of) debit/credit cards to find one that will give them some money then its straight round to the bar where to hear them speak you would think they were well monied. The trouble is its not just them that it effects its the rest of the family they bring with them. Ignorance is bliss they say but the trouble is it has a nasty habit of giving you a big slap in the face at the end of the day.

The other point is that as somebody asked in a different thread (where to live) and as mentioned here places vary within France. I wouldn't say one area is any better in a general sense than any other its down to personal like and dislikes. What may seem perfect to some may be considered hell to another. I don't want to live in a town at present, I like being semi rural with a big garden and mountains on my doorstep but there will be a time when I will move in to a town as I get older so I don't have to drive and shops are just a short walk away.

I think the lady who has written this article is either very stupid or very brave to bare her personal life like this and to be honest I think its the latter, I think she is very brave.

[Chancer]

You can put a very different slant on most of what is said, and also what is not said, and there is a lot of it.

Perhaps, just perhaps, it was she that drove the crash test dummy to drink?

Pezrhaps he had already been seeking/implementing a divorce which may or may not have been connected to what may or may not have been going on either in France or England during her absences?

Her in-laws, later described as "loving parents",  telling the doctors whilst he was in a coma that they were divorcing.

Her being refused access to see her husband, could it have been him that instigated this? He certainly wasnt in a coma when he gave in when she camped outside his room with the children.

Perhaps the return to the UK is because of a divorce, wasn't  it said that he would be cared for by his loving parents?

If it werent for the fact that she had written about and profited from such an esentially private family affair including names and photos of the children I would feel terrible about even thinking such things let alone posting them on a public forum.

[cooperlola]

Well for sure, - EDIT, Sorry, Quillan (don't know why I did that!), journalists cannot win.  If they make it sound all wine and roses they are deceiving us, if they admit that France isn't paradise, they're naive and stupid.  We all make mistakes and this woman (for sure her o/h) made loads.  And major accidents turn your life upside-down, however they are caused.  The article - whatever the virtues or otherwise of this person and her family - should be required reading for anybody considering a move out here.  If I had been unable to communicate in French, the last 18 months spent mostly in institutions where nobody spoke my mother tongue would have been virtually impossible.  Without his basic understanding of French, my o/h couln't have managed at all as he was left to organise all the things which had previously been mine to do - the finances, running the house etc. - he was no longer able to answer the phone with his usual "c'est ma femme qui vous voulez" (sic.)

I agree Q, I think it's pretty brave of her to finally admit that a life abroad was not for her.  If more people did this early enough (and if the writer and her family had done so in more timely fashion) there would be far less misery.  Whilst people certainly do exist who just move to escape (my parents move 12 times before finally splitting up when after 17 years of marriage and my mother has moved a further 8 times since), it's not true for everybody - some are looking for a better life but just don't find it here.  That's not stupid - it's just trying for something and failing.  It happens.  Nowt wrong with that.  At least they tried.

[Quillan]

I think there is another group of people out there that are in denial, and whilst not aimed at anyone in particular, they are those that have moved here and 'cracked it'. If you are doing well or at least OK and life here is what you expected, warts and all, its very easy to look at those that have failed and think them stupid, have other reasons not associated with France directly for their failure or whatever. Sometimes that is true but normally its down to just bad luck. I know of somebody who returned because of health reasons, the were not as 'lucky' as Coops with their French and were taken in to hospital with a dangerous illness (totally unpredictable). Their return to the UK was because they would get treatment in their native tongue which was more important to them than the quality of care. I admit I use an English speaking doctor and even though my French has improved I do at times turn to English to explain my problem because my medical French is pretty dire and I am frightened of giving a wrong answer when asked. I also use an English speaking vet for my animals, same reason. Day to day conversation with my mates is not much of a problem and I can get by plus they are very understanding and put up with me and my, at times, terrible pronounciation (I am very lucky and grateful to them).

[Gluestick]

Personally, I believe one of the reasons for stress, disappointment and return, has been brits seeking to transpose a sort of "Leafy Surbiton" utopia on a wholly different society.

Now this was all too often driven by people realising capital at the top of an insane home property market and believing they could move significantly upscale due to the wide difference in prices between France and UK.

I've seen all too often brits moving in and ripping up antique tiled floors and replacing them inferior but fashionable new tiling: laying expensive carpet on top of tiles - and wondering why it has gone green two years later...............- and the dream shatters when they suddenly realise they don't live in Surrey in a much larger house than their previous neighbours and friends and have rolling grounds: but those idyllic paddocks and lawns need significant upkeep and hard graft!

One couple Mrs Gluey and I met near us proudly boasted how they now had "Ten acres or more of land!"

The agent managing the renovation, a close friend of mine, winked at me when the lady was speaking: and later told me that, in fact, they had ten hectares: which proved too much for them and they returned to UK.

 

[Frederick]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-418623/Lauren-Booths-dramatic-collapse-TV-bungee-jump.html

I thought she did this to get some cash to to start a new life in France because her marriage was dodgy then ?  I imagine she will recreate her celebrity life  when back in the UK full time and we shall see more of her on TV and in the papers ..  I believe she managed to get herself trapped in Gaza  some years ago ...she not known for making the best moves in life .

[NormanH]

[quote user="paw862"]Interesting to note that the lady who wrote the article is Cherie Blair's half sister!  Maybe they went to France to escape their in-laws!

[/quote]

So that is how she got published[:)]

I have warned before here and on other boards  about the dangers of rural isolation, and the problems of not having sufficient language skills to cope in a variety of situations, but I have usually been attacked by the 'Jolly jolly' brigade as being negative.

I would add another category to those who go back to the UK.

Those who want to retire there among civilised and educated people after bringing up children and working in France.

I know two couples (both fluent French speakers, in fact one writes text books of French grammar)  who having brought up the children in a rural idyll in France have moved back to University towns in the UK where they can enjoy their retirement.

[NormanH]

[quote user="Gluestick"]

Personally, I believe one of the reasons for stress, disappointment and return, has been brits seeking to transpose a sort of "Leafy Surbiton" utopia on a wholly different society.

Now this was all too often driven by people realising capital at the top of an insane home property market and believing they could move significantly upscale due to the wide difference in prices between France and UK.

[/quote]

True and sad, but also a major cause of the crash.

It wasn't real capital: it was debt transferred to the next generation of owners.

[Chancer]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1176721/Lauren-Booth-I-changed-Facebook-profile-row-husband-coma.html

Looks like I wasnt so far off the mark.

Apparently Facebook can now be added to Channel 4 on the list of those responsible for her husbands accident.