The Riff-Raff Element Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 A funny thing happened to me on the way to the decheterie today. I was toddling along in my ancient ex GDF Renault 5 (it may be old, scratched and faintly malodorous, but it has passed its CT and is very cheap to run, plus has tremendous cachet amongst a certain class of motorist that you just don’t get with a BMW) with a trailer load of rubble (have barn, will build gite) when I became aware of another car approaching at great speed from behind. Doing as I was only 80 in a 90 zone, I wasn’t entirely surprised to be tailgated by the driver as they weaved in and out looking for a six inch gap in the oncoming traffic. None being forthcoming I was flashed a few times to try and encourage me to either pull over, speed up or disappear into thin air. I always wave cheerfully at this point and slow down just a little to show that I know they are there and appreciate that they are making an effort to injure me. Anyway, a gap duly appeared and the car behind pulled out over the solid white line and disappeared at a considerable rate of knots into the sunset. In itself not unusual at all in France, but one tiny aspect was notable – it was a car full of nuns. And this is the second time this has happened in the past couple of weeks. I’ve no idea what order they were, but I think that they were very short; either that or they had removed the seats in order to kneel in supplication whilst on the move. Anyone else been on the receiving end of reckless driving by celibates in religious orders lately? Or is it just me that they are toying with? The nuns of my youth, far from being the blood-lust firebrands popular in autobiography today, were generally fluffy, Miss Marple types, whose only discernable vice were the odd fag behind the bikeshed. This occurance has left me with the unnerving feeling of just having been mugged by a gang of penguins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zeb Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 LOL. No, not nuns, but I have been tailgated by a combine!!! Really scarey! I had all these really gory visions flashing before me, when it swerved down a farm track and disappeared. Bit like that film......er.....er.......damn! Senile moment!helen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teejay Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 [quote]LOL. No, not nuns, but I have been tailgated by a combine!!! Really scarey! I had all these really gory visions flashing before me, when it swerved down a farm track and disappeared. Bit like that...[/quote]Duel? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaligoBay Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 Be fair, Jond, nuns have to get their thrills somehow.As long as it doesn't become a habit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnM Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 [quote]LOL. No, not nuns, but I have been tailgated by a combine!!! Really scarey! I had all these really gory visions flashing before me, when it swerved down a farm track and disappeared. Bit like that...[/quote]I don't think I've seen "Damn! Senile Moment". Who is in it???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Battypuss Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 I have been driven once by one of our local nuns. Had I been aware of her lack of ability, I would have removed the damn seat myself in order to pray...I really hope God is in the passenger seat; she needs Him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Time<%@ Page Language="C#" %><%= Request.Browser.Browser %> Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 My father tells an entertaining (and true) story of a simmillar vein..He was travelling with his freind many moons ago (mid sixties) in France for the first time, driving a Porche rag-top of a simillar vintage (not sure of the exact model!) at a not un-reasonable speed, which was, knowing my father, over the speed limit, when they were over-taken by a group of four nuns in a Citroen 2CV..God is merciful to nuns apparently, he not only saves them from nasty car accidents, but he soups their blooming cars up to boot! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Later Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 Jond, did they sing "so long, farewell" as they passed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fontremy Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 Funniest post I've read in a long while - thanks for making me laugh out loud! FR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Riff-Raff Element Posted October 6, 2004 Author Share Posted October 6, 2004 [quote]Jond, did they sing "so long, farewell" as they passed?[/quote]Oddly, no. Doesn't that routine involve some knee-bending though? Its been a long time since I saw the film. I'll be paying closer attention to the nuns that hang around the kids school from now on though. Do you think that Bernie Ecclestone could be interested in marketing Formula Nun? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Battypuss Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Actually, it serves me right. I should have guessed what was coming next by the fact that she couldn't open the boot and had difficulty putting the key in the ignition. Only two speeds as well, start or stop. Trouble was, they didn't coincide with the traffic lights.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diana Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 A few years ago we were driving through Poland when our fast modern car was overtaken by a go-faster Trabbant that was being driven by a priest. Diana Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Later Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Formula Nun: pit stops would be replaced by a quick mass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baz Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 www.dontmovetofrance.org.uk John,A very good website, perhaps if it was compulsory reading before moving to France, then the 50% plus who return to the UK within 24 months may be saved the agony and cost. The grass is only greener if it works and sadly for the large percentage it does not.Baz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Riff-Raff Element Posted October 6, 2004 Author Share Posted October 6, 2004 [quote]Formula Nun: pit stops would be replaced by a quick mass.[/quote]Egads! - we could really have something here. Qualifying could involve having to say "hail Mary's" (obviously fewer the higher up the grid each sister was) before a Le Mans style running start. I'd pay money to see something like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Later Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 jondIMO penguins sort of waddle rather than run, so I think we're actually talking about a few hail mary's followed by a quick waddle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Later Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 You could have David Attenborough as the race commentator. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Not quite nuns - but it's about the nuns boss.....After getting all of the Pope's luggage loaded intothe limo (and he doesn't travel light), the drivernotices that the Pope is still standing on the curb."Excuse me, Your Eminence," says the driver, "Wouldyou please take your seat so we can leave?""Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "theynever let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really liketo drive today.""I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose myjob! And what if something should happen?" proteststhe driver, wishing he'd never gone to work thatmorning."There might be something extra in it for you," saysthe Pope. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back asthe Pope climbs in behind the wheel.The driver quickly regrets his decision when, afterexiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it,accelerating the limo to 105 mph."Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads theworried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to themetal until they hear sirens."Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans thedriver.The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as thecop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him,goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio."I need to talk to the Chief," he says to thedispatcher.The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him thathe's stopped a limo going a hundred and five."So bust him," said the Chief."I don't think we want to do that, he's reallyimportant," said the cop.The Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason!""No, I mean really important," said the cop.The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"Cop: "Bigger."Chief: "Governor?"Cop: "Bigger.""Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"Cop: "I think it's God!"Chief: "What makes you think it's God?"Cop: "He's got the Pope for a limo driver!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Riff-Raff Element Posted October 6, 2004 Author Share Posted October 6, 2004 [quote]Not quite nuns - but it's about the nuns boss.....After getting all of the Pope's luggage loaded intothe limo (and he doesn't travel light), the drivernotices that the Pope is still standing on the cu...[/quote]Now this is what the internet is really for. Top quality joke - I thank you for this - and I shall be rendering it into French in due course. I can only hope that it goes down better than the gorilla joke, which only our mayor found amusing. But then, he laughs at anything provided it might get him re-elected (mayor for fifteen years but only on the council by virtue of a single vote).Later - with regard to the entirely legitimate flaw you pointed out (waddling start rather than running), I think that we could get round this by tying a short length of rope betwixt the ankles of each nun. No reply from Bernie as yet. I remain hopeful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Later Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Hobbled waddling nuns, now there's a vision for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Creusois Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 They have to get there first; they are, of course, invincible; they are all Petit Alain Prost's; for all their laid-back lifestyle, once on the road they are lethal - and that, in a nutshell, is why they all drive like mucking faniacs - la vitesse est normale - c'est La France Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaligoBay Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 To Sir James of Forum Admin of that Ilk,Your esteemed organ is going to the dogs. Mucky fannies and bondage nuns indeed, those of us of a sensitive disposition are getting quite trembly.While I reflect on the wisdom of withdrawing my generous contribution to Party funds, I'll just pop over and see if TeamedUp has decided to verser les haricots on the butter-spreading issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iceni Posted October 7, 2004 Share Posted October 7, 2004 The secret is out then about the new R Coltrane fillum.John Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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