the Fluffines Shaved Thread: what they dont tell you.

[woolybanana]

I thought it would be appropriate to have a thread that runs counter to the France Show and try to list the things they don't tell you before you move to France. I'll kick off:

It gets very cold in winter in France and big old houses let the wind pass straight through.

 

 

[Boiling a frog]

The vast majority of people speak French and only a very few speak English to any degree of competence

[Judie]

You will drown in a sea of paperwork that you don't understand as you have failed to observe the first principle of moving to France.

[Ron Avery]

1)You can only get away with pointing at things in shops and nodding for a certain amount of time

2) The first phone call in French will really catch you out.

3 There are not english speaking helplines for everything in France

3)  Not all dentists/doctors/nurses speak English.

4) You do not have a choice as to where you pay your taxes

5) Your neighbours may smile and talk to you but they probably really resent you being here .

 

Edit added

Not every pig sty/ calf pen/log store can be converted into a gite and let for £1000 per week[:D]

[Pierre ZFP]

[quote user="woolybanana"]

big old houses let the wind pass straight through.

[/quote]

And there was me thinking it was the beans causing it!! [+o(]

How about  'There may be one or two teeny forms to fill in regarding tax, cars, health, making a living if you want to be legit'

I'll fetch me tin 'at now !

[Cerise]

There are several Government departments formed for the sole purpose of preventing you earning any money.  Should you be wily enough to get round this, the same departments will find another way of taking the money away.

[Boiling a frog]

Customer service exists in France.

They are experts at saying no

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Cat]

Fluffines?  Are they like tartines? 

Nobody told me that you should shave them [:$]

 

[woolybanana]

It sounds better than 'Fluffies'[6]

[andyh4]

Your little restoration job that a local builder can do for 10000€ will actually cost you ten time that because

1.  The builders bill is only 10k, but builders ONLY do building work - so

2.  You need 15k for the windows and joinery

3. 10k for a new roof

4.  8k for the electrics

5.  18k for the plumbing (and all those extra bathrooms will come home to roost when the taxe foncier arrives)

6  12k for guttering

7  15k for tiling

8  12k for relandscaping the garden after the heavy plant form 1 thoough 7 have turned it into a rutted solid clay mat.

 

And now your budget is well up the swanny and no kitchen fitted.  Still you could always sell and find that the 100k you have invested has increased the sales value of the property by around 60k.

 

[Chrissie]

Your cosy little retreat in the country will almost certainly suffer a twice-a-week invasion by unshaven, uncouth, inebriated men who will fire large guns at anything that moves.  The suggestion that this behaviour is unwanted will be met by sheer disbelief and total disregard.  (Well, you wanted your children to be adept at dodging bullets, didn't you?[:D])

Chrissie (81)

[AnOther]

Everyone knows that registering your UK car is impossibly difficult and expensive but you're in luck, all your neighbours are still running around on UK plates years after arriving here so it must be OK, just don't have an accident.

[Will]

I don't think anybody cares about what they do or don't tell you. It's a well-known fact that the British living in France are permanently drunk.

 

[mint]

[quote user="ErnieY"]Everyone knows that registering your UK car is impossibly difficult and expensive but you're in luck, all your neighbours are still running around on UK plates years after arriving here so it must be OK, just don't have an accident.

[/quote]

Following on from Erns' post, I should perhaps mention in passing the Brits who don't think they have to fill in a French tax return althought this is their principal or only home.

They tell you the taxman will send them a form if he wants them to fill one in.

First rule of living in France:

If you come across a Brit who "knows" it all and is adamant that he/she is doing nothing wrong, you steer a very wide berth from them.

[krusty]

All the land you get ...............dont mention the moles... the speed grass grows [:P]

[Boiling a frog]

You will meet lots of English who

Will say"" I dont understand you"" while you try and interpret their south of england accent.

Who will tell you that the UK has gone to the dogs wif all those immigrants and expect you to agree with them.

Will make racist comments about Blacks ,Indians, Muslims and expect you to agree. 

Will complain about hunters and will refuse to talk to you when you point out that we are in the middle of the French countryside and hunting is the norm.

Will complain about everyone ripping them off because they think that the French work for a bottle of wine and a baguette.

Will want to involve you in dinner parties and weekly meeting of all the English in a pub(British owned).

Will eventually ,after they have made use of you  for interpretation , drop you from their friend list.   

and lastly

Will return to the UK within 2 years because they do not like it in France [:D]

[Owens88]

[quote user="Boiling a frog"]

Customer service exists in France.

They are experts at saying no

[/quote]

But also real artisans/tradesmen and shopkeepers. A dying breed in the UK.

 

 

FWIW I think that village france is different than corporate france. Give me 'Expert' customer service vs 'Auchan' customer service anyday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[YCCMB]

Sorry, Owen, don't take this personally...[:$]

....will totally drop the word "plumber" or "builder" or "carpenter" or "bricklayer" from your vocabulary because the word "artisan" sounds so much more rustic and professional.

[Will]

Betty, they're the same people who never 'move' to France; they 'relocate'. And like to show they are so integrated by dropping bits of badly-pronounced French into all their English speech. After all, a fosse septique is so much more refined than a septic tank.

And they rush to defend France if they think anybody is being critical about any aspect of life there - it's a slight on them and their chosen place. Too many senses of humour and irony-detectors are left abandoned on the quayside in Dover. [;-)]

[Quillan]

After reading all the posts and apart from the Customer Service issue you could equally be talking about the UK. I think the UK is just as good at getting money out of you as France.

One I really liked was people who pay to park their car on the road outside their house. They pave over their front garden and park their car there and no longer pay to park on the road. The garden can no longer absorb water when it rains so it runs off in to the drain says the council. The council then charges extra because it has to deal with the runoff. Funny enough the extra charge is the same as parking your car on the road.

Couldn't get the lid on the bin closed yesterday, I'm not worried, they don't fine you in France (well not round here anyway). We also get our bin emptied twice weekly.

Somebody, a Brit of course, tried to sue the council in Quillan because they tripped over a paving slab on the walkway. They were told to bog off and look where they are going next time.

I can get a beer in the Golden Arches. My wife can have a glass of wine in the motorway restaurant if she wants.

When you first arrive in France its a bit of a culture shock because things are different, like shops closing 12:00 till 14:00 and being closed two days a week because we enjoyed 24/7 shopping back in the UK. Things are different but after a while you get used to it and its not too bad. Walk round a UK supermarket, you will hear loads of different languages spoken. The most common phrase I hear the Brits say is "Well we wouldn't do that in the UK", they need to remember they are no longer in the UK. Try watching the UK news if you want a reason why you left. Seven years in and I would rather be here than there.

Of course if you really don't like it here in France then there is the obvious choice, go back or move on.

 

[Cat]

Few people mention that many newcomers will be shunned and ridiculed by the been-there-done-that-got-the-Tshirt brigade who have quite forgotten that they too were once a little wet behind the ears [;-)]

[woolybanana]

That is wrong Cat. The people who are shunned are those who never bothered to do their homework, cant be bothered to learn France or the French and who generally have a rather Daily Mail attitude to France and life in general.

[Will]

Two moderators coming out of the woodwork to post together? Can I surmise that one of the sensitive souls has reported this topic?

Quliian, the Britain where I live part of the time bears no resemblance to the Britain that you describe from certain news bulletins and papers. Just the same as the France where I live the rest of the time is not recognisable from either the fluffy forums or the whingeing posts. Though I do think that if we can't laugh at ourselves and our surroundings without sneering, it's a pretty poor show.

[Cat]

[quote user="Will"]

Two moderators coming out of the woodwork to post together? Can I surmise that one of the sensitive souls has reported this topic?

[/quote]

Nope, I guess we both just happened to crawl out of the woodwork at the same time.

[quote user="Will"]

Though I do think that if we can't laugh at ourselves and our surroundings without sneering, it's a pretty poor show.

[/quote]

You took the word right out of my mouth [:)]

[Chancer]

[quote user="woolybanana"]

That is wrong Cat. The people who are shunned are those who never bothered to do their homework, cant be bothered to learn France or the French and who generally have a rather Daily Mail attitude to France and life in general.

[/quote]

Not in my case Wooly

Other than not doing my homework as i have always acted on gut feeling and find it makes for a more exciting and enjoyable life, I am the complete opposite to what you list above and I have been very very shunned.....................

 

 

 

 

 

By the British ex-pats and relocatees [:D]