Alcohol...

[Afy]

I do think I have a dependency on alcohol, and do drink 7 nights a week. And quite a bit at that, 2-4 whiskies a night. I do want to cut back, since I am realising that the only thing in life that I do want to do increasingly is drink....

Ideas?

[Beryl]

A couple of suggestions.

Small steps.

Put your whisky in a smaller glass, seriously, I bought some new wine glasses recently and the bottle now goes a lot further.But stick to two glasses.

If you don't have it neat, dilute it a little more .

Change your routine, so that you get away from your 'whisky' time. Do a crossword, buy a dog or a Play Station.

Make sure your thirst is quenched . You may drink less whisky if your natural thirst is sated before you start;

Best of luck

 

[Lori]

I think Beryl's offered some good advice.  After living here for a few years, I found I was pouring too much wine (the only alcohol I drink).  I bought smaller glasses and stuck to the lesser number of glasses.  No drinking at lunch, unless it is a very special occasion.

If you could ween yourself off the strong liquors and move down to lesser alcohol content, that might be a start, but you should not be tempted to over drink those.  Perhaps get rid of the high alcohol bottles and don't replinish them.

I agree too with the idea of changing your schedule/routine.  If your daily cocktail hour begins at 7 pm (or whatever), plan to do something during that hour or hour and a half - perhaps taking a long walk - something good for your health.  If not a walk, perhaps writing in a journal (better than reading a book as I think this would just be a fidgety and you will be unable to concentrate).  Garden work, if weather permits, works very well.  Just don't be sitting in the house at this time as you will most likely not be able to resist.  If your cocktail hour starts earlier in the day, try to begin to move that hour and stop taking any alcohol before the evening hours.  At the same time, you will not be able to "make up for lost time" by drinking too much in the evening.

Have you tried going a few days without a drink?  If not, do give it a try.  You can always do it one day at a time and see how you cope.  You could surprise yourself.

You could consider signing up for an evening class that could take up a night or two of your evenings and keep you occupied, mind focused on something else. 

If you can occupy the time you would normally take a drink by doing other things, after a certain time (different for everyone) you will probably be able to cut down the amount of drinks you take. 

If you are able to let friends know you are trying to cut back, they should offer support and not tempt you, perhaps even organising an activity here and there during the week to take your mind elsewhere.  However, friends and family cannot preach to you as the desire to cut back or stop must come from you.

I wish you all the best.  I know you can do it.  If you find you really really can't stop, you owe it to yourself to get some medical counseling.  I'm betting you won't need that.

Let us know how you are coping.  We can always offer you moral support.

 

 

 

[Will]

Good ideas.

If you recognise that you need to cut down, and admit it, then I don't think you have a problem yet. People with real drink problems tend to hide it (as opposed to the laddish type of behaviour when they celebrate binge drinking - still drinking too much of course, but not depending on it).

There's nothing wrong with alcohol - in moderation. In fact if you can switch from whisky to red wine, and just a couple of glasses each evening, you will be doing what a lot of French doctors recommend.

Maybe you could find other things to occupy your time so you are not so tempted (very difficult in rural France, as I know well).

Edit - Lori posted while I was writing this, so we have duplicated a few things.

[Russethouse]

When I really wanted to cut down I allowed myself one whisky just before bed - I found I forgot quite often...........

Try never to be 'drunk in charge of a keyboard' lethal ![6][6]

 

[Afy]

All good advise.

I do have unusually long days, typically begining at 5AM and I dont get back home until about 9 PM. (Long commute et al).

I dont have any non-virtual friends so they cant really ahve an impact on my drinking, but yes using smaller glasses is definetely an idea I am implimenting.

I do have a dog, (A great dane) and I do try an go for a walk with her when I can, though in the eveinings it isnt always practical. Right now sticking to trying not to smoke, and not wake up with a hangover at the same time. :)

 

[Lori]

Well, with a schedule like that, I don't know how you cope !  How much sleep do you get?

I am no expert, but I would imagine it would be very difficult to stop smoking AND drinking at the same time.  I'm not sure which would be the right one to begin with.  That would have to be your decision, but I think trying to stop them both at the same time would be a recipe for disaster.  Maybe I'm wrong.

I think that if you try to go a night without drinking and see how much better you feel when you wake up, that will help give you incentive to continue.  There is no worse feeling than waking with a hangover, especially when you know it is your own fault.   You could choose certain nights out of the week that are "no drinking" nights.  This is a start.  You know you can take a drink the other nights - hopefully a few less, relieving some of the pressure.  Then, gradually, you can add another night to the "no drink" nights.  This should cut back your overall intake.

Not having anything but virtual friends is not a really good thing.  Have you considered joining some sort of weekend activity (assuming you get weekends off)?

At any rate.  Keep trying.

[Chrissie]

You could also try taking a glass or two of water in between the alcoholic glasses. 

Chrissie

[Crevette]

I think the old government guidance used by be x units a week but they changed this as people were having the x units on a friday night!

The latest guidance suggest that you should give your liver a break for at least 2 days every week.

I find it good to find a good non alcoholic "replacement drink" and try to stick to that if you get cravings.

Good luck!

-Rob-

[Afy]

How much sleep a night: Well typically 4-5 hrs

Weekends Off: Only if I am lucky. I have had six weekends off this year.

And I am attacking smoking first. I do need to keep breathing. Also the alcohol cut back bit will really kick in as I approach the surgery. (Need to have a Haitial Hernia taken care off).

Actually when you think about it... I dont even have too many virtual friends... maybe I should regress to real imgainary friends... I dont know.

[Renaud]

Afy - the good news is that you are looking at your situation. Frankly with your working hours I am surprised that you have kept you alcohol consumption so low. Good for you to attacking your smoking and I salute you for cutting down on the booze.

However these are the symptoms of your situation, your impossible hours of work and commuting are the things that are making you so desperate (and probably friendless). Is there any way that you can address this side of your work/life balance?

Best wishes from your virtual pals on this forum.

[Chris Head]

Afy, I respect your honesty and wish you well with the challenges that lie ahead. You need to sound off then I think you know that you've found a bunch here that'll stand next to you.

[Dick Smith]

I'm with Renaud - is there any way you can get your work-life balance back in whack? It so often seems difficult, I know, but it may be possible. And don't worry about sounding off!

[Lori]

Yes, Afy - I guess we are your virtual friends.  So, we want to help you.  Those hours are terrible.  It is no wonder you don't have any "real" friends.  Can you cut back those hours?

You need a life outside of work.

 

[Afy]

Work/Life balance is something I am not too sure about. Life outside of work aint too good either... marital issues. Which essentially just adds to background noise...

Cutting back the hours isnt really possible, since that is what keeps the money flowing. Yes money is not everything, but being unhappy with money in the bank  is easier than being poor and unhappy.

Well today is day one of the patch... and have switched to a smaller glass... :)

 

[Lori]

Very good Afy.  Positive moves.

Sorry about the background noise.

 

[Meg]

[quote user="Afy"]

Well today is day one of the patch... and have switched to a smaller glass... :)

 

[/quote]

Well done Afy......you can do it, take each day as it comes, you can't fix everything in one go.  (I'm just over a week without smoking......it's getting easier now, so don't give up!)

As for booze, i need to cut down, but that can wait for now!

One thing at a time..............

Louise

[TWINKLE]

Well done Afy! 

Your post has really made me think and take a look at how frequently I crave a glass of wine - so this week I tried to see if I could go without for a couple of days.  I did and I was fine. However I've been so  afraid that I couldn't and so haven't been 'without' for quite some time now. 

Your honesty has given me the courage to go where I was so scared to go and realise how much I was in denial. I'll be looking in on this thread and giving you all the virtual support you need.

[Chris Head]

Good on yer Afy! Every long journey starts with the first step, keep focused.

[united]

Afy,

I've read these supportive posts and I hope you get a warm feeling from the virual wagons being circled around you.

There are a number of good suggestions for helping the with pop and ciggies, good luck.

Sorry to add more to to your to do list.

I think a long term help will be to sit down a decide what your ideal situation will be in say 2 years time. Write down what you want in terms of work and none work. Your hours are extraordinary can you see yourself continuing them for 2 years? can you reduce them in your current role? or can you investigate other jobs? If you can reduce your hours you can then improve your none work life.

I used to work long hours and was told they would kill me if I did not change. I reduced them became chair of a charity and a school board and strangely became a lot better at my job. I ended up running a large division of my company. It was hard but my view of my ideal situation helped.

Remember nobody's last words were 'I wish I'd spent more time at work'  

[Beryl]

That's sound advice.

You really need to get a good work : home ratio even if you are on your own. It will give you the time to join clubs and associations etc and get to know real people.

Even if you are nervous at going to places on your own as a single, you can find friendships in the most unexpected of places, eg being able to just go for a walk in a park at the same time every day.

Do you mind me asking what if any connection you have with France? second home or just holidays? May be if its the latter you could do an activity style holiday in France, cooking or painting and make new aquaintances that way also.

You job and long hours are probably driving you to drink and you may have an addictive personality, we just need to get you addicted to something good for you! [:)]

 

[Afy]

I am looking at finding another job. However I dont speak French, and given that I keep getting shunted off to go work in Belgium or the Netherlands or Denmark... hasnt been making learning French easier. When I do go work in these places, my commute time drops to negligeable levels, but then I am typically in office 12+ hours a day, and normally dont even get time for lunch. Also lets not forget that I am required to keep my tech certifications up to date, which literally translates into one exam a month, amongst other things like learning new things, and writing.

Yes I know workers have rights, and this is the 21st century, but I am not about to complain about this. Though ironically I did not get a raise this year, because I work too much. Catch-22.

I am looking for a job, something saner but until I get one... this is what I have to do. As for work killing me... lets see so far: Acid reflux has prgressed into Barrets Esophagus, with Stage II ulcers that are fairly active. A massive haitial hernia this year, for which I should be undergoing surgery soon. Probably on a Thursday.. so that I can be back at work on Monday. And then next year not get a raise again.... and of course the old bogey... Blood Pressure which earlier this year was averaging 180/130 on medication, and is now down to a a saner 140/90. So yes Work will kill me ... and maybe I will make history with my last words. Who knows..

This again is what I consider background noise, since it is not in my direct sphere of influence since I cant really do anything about it without jeopardising other things. So am looking for another job that probably pays me a more realistic salary and gives me the weekends off.

Yes I am truly grateful for the support I have recieved in this thread, some of my lack of confidence in my fellow man has been eroded. Which is always a good thing... (Yes I am very very cynical. Am working on that as well.)

[Afy]

[quote user="beryl"]

Do you mind me asking what if any connection you have with France? second home or just holidays? May be if its the latter you could do an activity style holiday in France, cooking or painting and make new aquaintances that way also.

You job and long hours are probably driving you to drink and you may have an addictive personality, we just need to get you addicted to something good for you! [:)]

 

[/quote]

The wife is French, which is why I am here, since she didnt like living in India... and I now am in a country I am not particularly fond of. And I dont even like cheese other than cheddar...

Life is very strange and surreal at times.

[Maddie]

Afy, I sypmathise with you. The one good thing about living in France is the health service. Get yourself off to your GP and discuss your worries with him/her. I did and mentioned as an aside that I thought I was drinking too much and he prescribed me a drug called Aotal. It has worked a treat and I have cut down loads. Well done on what you have acheived so far. My GP also said he would prefer I smoked up to 5 cigarettes a day to drinking excess alcohol. Just a thought. Good luck anyway.

[Albert the InfoGipsy]

[quote user="Afy"]

I am looking at finding another job. However I dont speak French, and given that I keep getting shunted off to go work in Belgium or the Netherlands or Denmark...

[/quote]

Afy,

You've definitely got to get your life together, but you know that. The person who said you should work out where you want to be in 2 years has the right idea.

Speaking as a guy in the same profession, I'd strongly suggest that you look at the possibility of freelancing. It can't be any worse than your present job, from the sound of things, and you could probably gain in all sorts of ways.

I've been freelancing for 8 years now and never had more than 2 weeks out of contract. I know that France is probably one of the worst markets for freelances in Europe, because I've researched it, but it is possible to find work there. Otherwise, if you are within reasonable range of transport (airports, etc.) you've got the UK, Germany .... I've known consultants working in the UK and flying in from Nice and La Rochelle, not to mention Romania, Poland...

In terms of tax & cotisations you'd probably be better off working outside France and operating through a UK (or other) company. From the little I know about the various deductions, ideally you would pay National Insurance (social security) in the UK and taxes in France, but you need to talk to an expert about that.

I'm not sure about your work permit situation, but if you could get French citizenship then you're OK for the whole EU.

As I see it, the advantages of freelancing in IT are:

   You can specialise a bit, rather than having to keep up with loads of different certifications. Freelances are typically judged by experience rather than qualifications, anyway.

   You don't have all the 'keep the boss happy for your next appraisal' saga.

   If you're not happy you can walk! I've had clients where I've terminated because I didn't like what was happening.

   You'll probably earn more. Maybe clear 50% more if you can organise your affairs properly.

   My work involves occasional weekend working, because that's when they can take systems offline for data loading (I specialise in migration) but I doubt if I've worked more than 20 weekends in the last 5 years.

   I know a lot of freelances who work 4 (long) day weeks and have three day weekends. 

   If you're on an hourly rate then really long weeks are lucrative. Also, the client has an incentive not to make yopu work all the hours.

   On a day rate you don't feel forced to work 12 hour days all the time (I do if I'm responsible for a delay, but that's exceptional).

   When I've worked away from home Mrs IG seems to have got more attentive (absence makes the heart grow fonder?). Also, quite often she comes to me and we do the tourist bit. Makes a contract feel more like a holiday.

I don't know anything about your relationship with your wife, but all the other factors you've described must make holding a family together hellishly difficult.

PM or email me if I can help in any way, although I'll be on holiday for the next week so my access may be limited.