Giving Up and Going Back - Have I Failed?

[Panda]

Hi

I am moving back to the UK after 6 years in France, it's a recent decision that has come about due to the increasing issues with my sons education.  So have we failed?  When I look at what I've done here over the last 6 years I feel I made a good go of it;

• I have continued to work as a contractor under the micro bic regime so income was not a huge issue but has always been a concern.

• My son is fluent in french - language was not a problem

• I speak close to fluent french now - language is not an issue for me either

• I have made investments in France and own 5 properties, all rented, again not an issue.

So what's gone wrong?  The problem is education, I feel that it is just not up to the required standard here to enable my son to reach his potential, when I look at his work in comparison to my nieces and nephews work in a UK school it just lacks so much in terms of allowing him to be creative, to challenging his understadning of things, helping him form opinions.  the list goes on.  If I could have afforded to send him to international school I would have and perhaps stayed, as it is I will return and hopefully get him into a good school, private if I can secure my old job back!!

I was once a fluffy rose tinted poster on here and I stand corrected, I don't regret coming here and will return to retire, I still think France is a great place for those who have no need to earn an income and want a quiet simple life.  Bizarre that I thought coming would bring my son a better education, not sure where that opinion came from now.

Panda

[mint]

Panda

What an energetic and clever person you are.  And only you can decide about your son's education, what's best for him, etc because you know him better than anyone else.

To be bilingual, in my opinion, is worth a great deal and he will always have that.  He's young enough to catch up on all the other stuff that you feel he has lacked so far.

I couldn't help replying and sending you my best wishes for your and your son's future, Panda.

You, in your turn, have given me very good advice from time to time and I want to say thank you also.

Good Luck!

 

[Panda]

Thanks Sweet, althoughI would never class myself as clever, I failed miserably with my own education, perhaps why I want more for my own son and I certainly don't feel energetic today, I'm hoping it's the thin montain air that has me gasping for breath on the dog walk today!  I will check up on this forum from time to time to see how you are all getting on.  Good luvck to you too, hope you find the right house to move on to.

[andyh4]

How on earth can you even think to call that failure?  Experience yes, but certainly not failure.  You and your son would seem to have benefitted enormously through the experience and now you have the courage to see that there might be better oportunities and look further and see if you can expand still further on the experience.

 

Good luck to you both.

[Pickles]

Changing your mind in the light of experience is not failure. With regards to standards in education, you can only report what you see and experience - and that is what matters because you don't experience an "average": yours may only be one point in a distribution, but it is the only one that matters. Your child only gets one go at it, so there is no "failure" in doing what you think is best. The time in France has not been wasted, quite the opposite judging from your own account. I wish you the best of luck with your move.

Regards

Pickles

[woolybanana]

emailed you Panda

[Will]

Definitely not failure - nowhere is perfect in all respects, and trying to find the nearest to perfection is all part of a fulfilled life. Best of luck with your future attempts to find the ideal place for you. It sounds as if you may already have found it, but it's just not ideal for your life as it stands now.

 

[Frederick]

  The best thing any of us can do in life is give our children the best possible start....Education is the most important one and I think you are doing the right thing ...Good luck 

[Callie]

No, Panda, you have certainly not failed by deciding to return to the UK. Living in a foreign country with a different language and culture is an extremely valuable experience.

Don't think of negative things, think of the positive things you and your son have done and learnt.

I would tend to agree with your comments with regard to the difference in education here. Much of it seems to be done by rote with little chance of freedom of expression. This seems to follow on to French universities, which do not seem to have the opportunities, societies and general FUN that the British ones have. Bearing in mind, of course, that everyone in France has the right to go to university - but there is huge drop out rate after the first year of those who are simply not up to it. No doubt I will be jumped on for that heresy, but it's what I have observed over the years living here.

We have heard comments from several of our friends' children saying that school isn't nearly as much fun here, and that the French children don't seem to have a laugh in the same way. Culture difference ?

Best of luck Panda. It's your choice, and a positive step !

[Kitty]

Panda - I am intrigued because I am educating my children here and have to make decisions about their future (still likely to be here in France).

What school year was your son in when he arrived and what school year is he in now?  Also do you feel that his English up to scratch to re-integrate in the UK?

 

[NormanH]

You have not failed! you have succeeded.

You have understood that the French educational system is the most stultified in Europe.

I know.

I worked in it at various levels, and increasing degrees of frustration for many years.

Anyone old and ill who comes to France as a health tourist (and there are more and more) might just have a good reason for being here (until the next round of cuts)

Anyone young and fit with children who will need to earn a living would have to be mad to believe that the system here offers anything other than a controlled conformity leading to non -thinkers (but only of French nationality with a grandmother ins the cemetery) getting a non-job in local administration or as as a teacher handing  on the same poison

[Anton Redman]

I would not totally agree with the above. If I had the money I had now and drive I had when I was any age between 13 and 53 I think I could make serious money in France on the other hand I think I could make a better return for my efforts in the UK.   

[just john]

At least you are aware of the options, if there were any concerns maybe it would be, how your children handle another change;
In the end, as they say, ''the race is only with yourself''. I also believe that as you have shown, people prove themselves despite their education as much as because of it. I wish you best of luck in your choice.

[Panda]

[quote user="Cathy"]

Panda - I am intrigued because I am educating my children here and have to make decisions about their future (still likely to be here in France).

What school year was your son in when he arrived and what school year is he in now?  Also do you feel that his English up to scratch to re-integrate in the UK?

 

[/quote]

Hello Cathy

My son was 3 when he started in school here and is now 9 (CM1).  His spoken english is of course good, he can read to a good level for his age, Harry Potter being his favourite.  His written work is not great at all and he will need extra tuition to catch up.  Due to his birthday being in October though he will have 2 years at junior in the UK before senior school.

Thanks all for the good wishes!

[Patf]

Panda - look at it from a positive angle: you've given your son the advantage of experiencing life in a different culture. To say nothing of being bi-lingual.

He should develop as an adaptable person who has the background to evaluate what he will find in the UK.

And you are starting again at a good time - before the teenage years, when social ties become more important.

When our chidren were young we lived in Singapore for a few years and this experience has definitely broadened their outlook.

[woolybanana]

Education takes many forms and for a child to have had the chance to live another culture is a massive bonus. Large chunks of what traditonal school teaches are crap anyway so not necessary, as is the myth of socializing. The only problem is that he will have missed out on a load of English stuff so you may find private education better (if the dosh is there).

[KathyF]

It's most definitely not failure to change your mind for good and valid reasons, Panda. You came to France because you thought it was the best thing for you and yours at the time and you are returning to the UK for the same reason. I wish you and your son the very best of luck as you settle back into life in the UK.

Kathy

[powerdesal]

Having lived around the World since 1968, and having 'dragged' children with us (our mantra was 'people are portable') I would say that you should have no problems with your offspring. Exposure to and education in different cultural settings makes a 'more rounded' individual (IMHO).

It certainly has made our children better adults (I hope) albeit less tolerant of small minded parochialism.

[Kitty]

Panda - It looks as if you have got your timing right about going back to France for your son to do Years 5 and 6 in a primary school before going to senior school.  I suppose that you will have to decide how to keep his French current.  When I have more time, I'll PM you.

 

[Cendrillon]

Panda

I would not class you as a failure, indeed your move to France seems to have been very successful. You have to decide what is best for your child and you can only do what you think is best at the time. Good luck with the move back, you are not the first on here to take this decision, where's Debbie? she doesn't often post these days but I know she made the same decision for her children.

Bon courage.

[Hoddy]

I thought of Debbie too when I first read this. The only thing I would add is that you need to take care on exactly where you move to in order to get your child into a good school.

Hoddy

[Panda]

[quote user="Cendrillon"]Panda
I would not class you as a failure, indeed your move to France seems to have been very successful. You have to decide what is best for your child and you can only do what you think is best at the time. Good luck with the move back, you are not the first on here to take this decision, where's Debbie? she doesn't often post these days but I know she made the same decision for her children.

Bon courage.
[/quote]

Oh no don't remind me!  Debbie told me all this and I very strongly told her how wrong I thought she was. Live and learn and all that.  Sorry Debbie..[blink]

[Deby]

Hello Panda,

I only dip in and out these days regarding the forum, but do like to keep abreast.   

You are certainly not a failure, I never felt I failed - just moved on to pastures new, a new phase in mine and my children's lives.  You afforded your child a fantastic opportunity and I can really see the benefits that my children have had from growing up in France. They stand out from other children in a very positive way, their horizons are broadened, their understanding of life is wider, their acceptances of other people, their appreciation of other food, their ability to go outdoors and enjoy it, their ability to make do - I could go on and on. I never have regretted moving to France, never regretted returning to the UK.  I miss certain things about France, but then I missed things about the UK and other places which I have lived. You sound as if you have the opportunity to go back and forth, a foot in both camps so to speak, that is a good thing.

I am happy with the education system here and that was one of the main reasons for returning and it is also what I expected, I feel comfortable with it whereas I did not with the French system.  Not that the French system is bad, just simply not for me and my children.  My children really adapted to change very well which hopefully will set them in good stead for life.  Some children do not get the opportunities which we have been able to afford to our children.  So no you have not failed you have given your son fantastic foundations for him throughout his childhood. 

No need for apologies, I never needed/expected one for a minute - cant even remember what you said!

A+

Deby

[Deby]

Ps.

Not sure where you are returning to in the UK, but some private schools do offer language scholarships - something you might want to look into before you return.

Deby

[Cerise]

Panda - you have certainly not failed and instead of saying 'giving up and going back' how about 'making a decision and moving on'.   There is no law that says you have to stay anywhere if you see something you prefer elsewhere.  Your son has had an opportunity to see another way of life and that will always be valuable.

There is a very real possibility that we will move to the UK in the next couple of years.  I've mostly enjoyed being here, but think that if we stay we will end up too poor to have a decent retirement - we get by but never make enough money to save anything.  I don't want a 'simple' make do old age such as my neighbours have - I want travel, warmth and no worries over the bills.  If we go - either to Uk or elsewhere - then it will just be the next adventure as this has been.

I wish you luck and admire you for having the courage to say 'This isn't working, let's try something else'