I give up .....

[Afy]

I have about had it with the French experiment.

My wife is now threatening to file a complaint of Domestic Violence with the Gendamarie because I want her to face up to the fact that our marraige is in the dumps. And no I do not threaten or use violence of any sort. Yes when I am angry I can and do raise my voice.

I am about ready to just pack my bag and move leaving her and everything behind. As far as I go she can have the bank accounts, the mortgage, the jewellery, the dog, the cat, the car, and the country. My life really does suck...

[mint]

afy

i don't know what to say because there is NOTHING to say that would improve things for you.  please DON'T do anything in a hurry and certainly NOT when you are so angry

get some professional help if you can; perhaps a marriage counsellor?

at least calm down a bit and give yourself some space and time before you do something you might really regret later

i shall be thinking of you and hoping you somehow manage to resolve things to result in the best possible outcome

[JayJay]

Sorry Afy, I don't know what to say either although it would be on the lines of what Sweet 17 said. My thoughts are with you. Take care.

[Afy]

Counsellors wont work because I am never there, and dont even speak French.

I am not even angry any longer, just trying to figure out what the hell this woman wants from me. We have two bank accounts, one for my travel expenses and the other for my salary. I dont even have a bank card for the salary account. I dont ask her for any money from the account, never question what she buys. Everything has to be her way or I am being selfish.

And ofcourse I can never be right, and everything is my fault. To the point when I am home, I even cook my own food simply because I will never get anything that I might want to eat otherwise.. Admittedly she does do the laundry and the ironing when she feels like it. (We do have a washer and a dryer though... so she doesnt have to do it by hand). But a laundry service might actually be cheaper for me in the long run.

I am at a complete loss at what I can do other than leave.

[mint]

afy

you sound in considerable despair and i am not sure you are thinking straight just now. if you do decide that leaving is your only option, then at least PLAN your move properly and get the right professional and legal advice.

don't just walk off because then there will be an even bigger mess to clear up later and you might be glad to have some money and assets behind you when it is all over

i do wish you all the very best, afy.

keep well

[Afy]

Thanks for the wishes. Either way I dont think or rather do know... she will drain me of every last penny. So it is easier to start from scratch. Less painful for everyone involved.

I know I am not thinking straight, and also know I wont be able to think straight until I get out of this situation. Something's got to give I guess.

[cooperlola]

It's nothing to do with me and not my decision but I would say, get out of it.  Why carry on with something that so clearly makes you both miserable?  My parents hung on together for years longer than they should have done and it was quite clear to us kids that they hated each other.  They were so much happier when they had parted.  After the first couple of years of financial struggle (for both) they were a good deal better off emotionally and so were we.  Find yourself an English speaking Notaire and get some good professional advice.

[Chris Head]

Afy, I was in the same situation 12 years ago.

It took me months of considering my life and my options.

In the end, I left with two bin liners of clothes and nothing else, apart from a note.  I made the right decision for me at the time and don't have a single regret.

You just have to do what is right for you, you've only got one life mate, if it's that bad then change it. It's tough to face up to stuff like this, I applaud your guts for posting it.

Please feel free to contact me if you get too low. Phone no. on website.

[Meg]

Afy, i think you know what you want to do, or you wouldn't have posted this.

Go with your instincts.

Good luck.

[LanguedocGal]

[quote user="Chris Head"]

You just have to do what is right for you, you've only got one life mate, if it's that bad then change it. It's tough to face up to stuff like this, I applaud your guts for posting it.

[/quote]

I second that and good luck.

[Pip]

Hi Afy.  I agree with Meg in that you seem to have come to a decision but need reassurance that it is the right thing to do.  Only you know how bad you feel and the decision is yours.  If you can't see the situation improving and neither of you can work towards making an improvement, then what is the point in the relationship?

Whatever you decide Afy you have the support of forum members (friends).  Make sure you have somewhere to go before, and if ,you move out, and that you take some money !

[Quillan]

Sorry about this.

Mods Hat ON

There are two threads that are not to different running here and in the Legal section so I have moved the one in the legal section to a none viewing area.

I have placed an Announcement at the beginning of the Legal section with the information posted by a fellow moderator with the thinking that not only would it be immediately helpful to Afy but to others who find them selves in a similar position either as a person raising such a complaint or being on the receiving end.

I personally have no problem with forum members continuing to help and give moral support to Afy in this area of the forum and for those that have raised the issue of should it be discussed I would say yes because its all part of life and as it happening to somebody in France then it is relevant to the forum. France and living here is not all sunshine and smiles and this thread shows the reality of things that can happen only to well.

Mods Hat OFF

On a personal note I totally agree with what some others have already said Afy, walk away and start again. It's not easy but as you can see others here have done it and it's worked well for them. You only get one go at life and this is it so head up, pack up and don't look back it’s a big world. Just put it all down to part of life’s rich experience.

Good luck

 

[Chris Head]

[quote user="Quillan"]

Sorry about this.

Mods Hat ON

There are two threads that are not to different running here and in the Legal section so I have moved the one in the legal section to a none viewing area.

I have placed an Announcement at the beginning of the Legal section with the information posted by a fellow moderator with the thinking that not only would it be immediately helpful to Afy but to others who find them selves in a similar position either as a person raising such a complaint or being on the receiving end.

I personally have no problem with forum members continuing to help and give moral support to Afy in this area of the forum and for those that have raised the issue of should it be discussed I would say yes because its all part of life and as it happening to somebody in France then it is relevant to the forum. France and living here is not all sunshine and smiles and this thread shows the reality of things that can happen only to well.

Mods Hat OFF

On a personal note I totally agree with what some others have already said Afy, walk away and start again. It's not easy but as you can see others here have done it and it's worked well for them. You only get one go at life and this is it so head up, pack up and don't look back it’s a big world. Just put it all down to part of life’s rich experience.

Good luck

 

[/quote]

What on earth are you on about Quillan?....That's the mods hat on response, not the mods hat off one.

[WJT]

I am not familiar with your situation and don't know how I have missed previous threads.  I know I can't offer much help but I do know this time of year can be very difficult and emotional for many families and is quite normal. Perhaps it would be a very good idea for you and your wife to seek out professional advice or counselling before making any final decisions. Once the holidays have passed the both of you may see things a little more clearly.

In any case, my thoughts are with you and I do hope you find whatever decisions you need to make come easily and you find happiness soon.

[verviale]

[quote user="Chris Head"]

Afy, I was in the same situation 12 years ago.

It took me months of considering my life and my options.

In the end, I left with two bin liners of clothes and nothing else, apart from a note.  I made the right decision for me at the time and don't have a single regret.

You just have to do what is right for you, you've only got one life mate, if it's that bad then change it. It's tough to face up to stuff like this, I applaud your guts for posting it.

Please feel free to contact me if you get too low. Phone no. on website.

[/quote]

[verviale]

 Ditto Chris Heads post,my other half ended up with two bin bags of clothes , his wife sold everything he owned including all his deep sea diving gear,she got the house that he had worked 25 years to provide,simply because she had never worked and needed to be kept in the standard she was used to all this because she chose to have an extra marital affair.Hey dont worry, he lost the lot, but we started together again and are living proof there is life after divorce, yes it has been tough,but we have a happy life and money does not rule and there is another way. Life is to short to spend it miserable, good luck.

[Chris Head]

Complaints about what TP? A human being reaching out for help? Jeeez. Like Twinks says, life isn't all frills and spills for some folk.

[Christine Animal]

I totally agree with all Twinkle has said.  Afy has gone through an enormous personal and financial upheaval recently to leave his country and come to France.  Now, when things haven't worked out, what he needs is support and friends.

I am sure he's going to get both on here.   [:)]

 

[Dick Smith]

[quote user="LanguedocGal"][quote user="TempsPerdu"][quote user="Quillan"]

[/quote]

At last a moderator who could see sense. You might try and educate your fellow mods and modesses as to why this shouldn't have been allowed to continue for as long as it did in spite of complaints, which were just brushed off...

[/quote]

TP, why don't you just ignore this thread and why does it bother you so much? Is there something you want to get of your chest?

Well said Twinkle and Chris.

[/quote]

No, sorry, not 'well said', simply an alternative point of view.

TP should not ignore what he finds worrying - if we are ever to have any sensible discussions we need to be able to put our points of view and not simply have them rubbished as being of no value.

I agree with Steve to an extent, but if Afy wants this to be made public, that's a choice he has made, and so be it. What I find worrying is the shoot-from-the-hip advice he is getting. I would want to hear both sides of any story before advising anyone on anything so important. And 'do it, I did it' is no kind of advice at all.

I objected to the tone of a thread recently and all that happened was that I got shouted down by much the same people who are peddling advice here. I think those people need to think very hard about what they are doing/saying and the effects it might have.

Afy - sorry to break into your thread like this, I feel for you, but I don't know any answers for you I am afraid. Only you can make those decisions, and if airing them on a forum helps, then good luck, I hope it works out for you.

[Christine Animal]

That's well said Dick.  Only Afy can make his own decisions, but if he feels alone and needs some support and friends, we are here.

 

[LanguedocGal]

[quote user="Dick Smith"][quote user="LanguedocGal"][quote user="TempsPerdu"][quote user="Quillan"]

[/quote]

At last a moderator who could see sense. You might try and educate your fellow mods and modesses as to why this shouldn't have been allowed to continue for as long as it did in spite of complaints, which were just brushed off...
[/quote]

TP, why don't you just ignore this thread and why does it bother you so much? Is there something you want to get of your chest?

Well said Twinkle and Chris.

[/quote]

No, sorry, not 'well said', simply an alternative point of view.

[/quote]

Alternative view is a good thing, however, TP should perhaps explain why he feels  ''this shouldn't have been allowed to continue''. That to me is not an alternative opinion on the issue at hand but a sanction on the existence of the thread altogether.  

Reading the conditions of the forum, I never saw anything stating that the reading of  all threads was compulsory. There are a few on here I never read and I'm not interested in so I just ignore them.  Why can't TP simply do the same and leave the small support group for Afy in peace?

 

[Dick Smith]

It's a line which requires some thought. Support is not the same thing as spurious or facile advice.

Of course we want to support him in coming to a decision - apart from anything else, there but for the grace of the gods go us all.

[TWINKLE]

Dick!

I don't consider advising a person in a foriegn country to seek the sevices of a translator and an English speaking solicitor 'spurious or facile'

Quillan!

You just sounded like Jerry Springer when he does his conclusion at the end of a show![:)]  I'm sorry it's so cold in your office but I can't help wondering where Afy slept last night, and I feel very sad for his misfortune so if he comes on again then I will lend him my shoulder to cry on.

There by the grace of God........

[Dick Smith]

I agree completely, and if you re-read this thread, that is what Afy has mostly been given, except:

"Afy, I was in the same situation 12 years ago.It took me months of considering my life and my options.

In the end, I left with two bin liners of clothes and nothing else,

apart from a note.  I made the right decision for me at the time and

don't have a single regret.

You just have to do what is right for you, you've only got one life

mate, if it's that bad then change it. It's tough to face up to stuff

like this, I applaud your guts for posting it.

Please feel free to contact me if you get too low. Phone no. on website."

Now what is that if not spurious advice?

[TWINKLE]

Well it's not my advice so I shall leave that to you pair to sort out - when you've finished on the other thread.[:)]