Returning to Blighty and I cant wait.

[Buster]

Some of you may have been following my postings over the last year or so, so I have decided to finish my story.

WE left London for all the reasons you do and moved to a beautiful house in the north of France. The people were lovely, we had lovely English neighbours, but I knew after the first week it was a mistake. I tried to adapt and struggled for 18 months. I posted on the forum asking for suggestions where I could maybe be happier and Fontainebleau was suggested.WE sold our house in the north and we have rented a house in the centre of town and for the fisrt month or so I really thought I would settle, but slowly I again started to pine for home. Being so near Paris, I thought would be a big plus, but to be honest, although there are some beautiful shops, they dont come close to all the great shops in Knightsbridge, Bond Street and Oxford street. I am a great fan of Paris, but now think London is greater.
My husband is not estatic about returning, but money is always tight and we are fed up watching our pennies. I cant wait to get back and find a job. Giving up work is not all its cracked up to be and I have been throughly bored most of the time.
Our french was rubbish and to integrate one of you must speak good french. When problems come along its not easy trying to fill your tax form in or call someone out to mend you fridge etc is so frustrating.
I also feel I have isolated my daughter from her family. Yes she would have been bilingual, but her English grammar would have suffered unless I kept an eye on her. Now I know its more important to read and write English. I have met french mothers here who cannot understand why I want my daughter to speak french when they are so obsessed with wanting their children to learn English !
I am sure there are those of you out there who are blissfully happy, and good luck to you, but I have met many ex pats in 2 different areas and 95% are not as happy as they want you to believe.
So for me, its back to reading my Daily Mail everyday, Sainsburys, Marks and Spencers, pubs, friends, family, etc.
Yes there are also the awful things about the country, which I am sure I will be reminded about,but we will survive. At least I wont be stir crazy and home sick !!!
THanks to all the help and advice I have received from the forum ,but its au revoir.

[Leschenauds]

I see from today's news that you will be going back to a 10 year transport plan meaning congestion charging, more toll roads, a rail line being driven under central London (what chaos that will cause). Community charge , or whatever it's called now, escalating up to 6,000 pa for homes valued at 400,000, that's pretty much anything in London, and doctors flying in from Germany at weekends to cover for the Uk medics who won't cover at weekends (hypocritcal oath I presume!).
Oh! and don't forget that a minister said last week that Brits should stock up tinned food and water and any important medications as a terrorist attack was only a matter of time.
This precious gem set in a silver sea looks a bit tarnished to me.
I'll stay here. Bored? never did enjoy shopping in London, although my french is pretty bad I am a member of the local activities committee which helps me improve and never known so many (unconditional) friends

[Miki]

Buster,

I am sorry it never worked out for you.

You are right in what you say about how many are not as happy as they would like you to believe. My wife probably would not worry too much about going home tomorrow but I personally, am for staying here, so is one of our kids. Our last move was a mutual agreement in so much, Tina wanted to go all the way home and the rest of us wanted to stay in France. So it was decided to move closer to the UK which suited her, so that's what we eventually did.

What you have said, mirrors more or less exactly what was on ITV earlier today in a programme called TEXT. It featured a family that had lived in Montflanquin in the SW for just 18 months and just could not "hack" their new way of life. They sold up quite quickly and returned home.

They could not emphasise enough about how any newcomers, especially those with childeren, must do their homework and not simply uproot the family on a whim or a dream of what they think it will be like from what is seen on TV most days in the last couple of years or more.

OK, for all of you that hark on about whingeing, I hope this is not seen as such but as real honest facts. These were 2 items that have popped up today, would it be best to sweep them under the carpet or to post about it, if only as a reminder to anyone thinking of migrating to France and who still believe all is as glossy as portrayed in the many programmes, now on TV.

I was surprised to see this programme today and now wonder if we are not now about to see TV show all the people that have returned to the UK, instead of the other way around. I suppose it was only a matter of time!

Miki

[Grobbo]

You have made your decision and I would like to wish you good luck.
You tried something new which has to be better than always wondering.
My family and I go the opposite way in six weeks and although we have done plenty of research and gained plenty from this forum we realise we need to make the leap and find out for ourselves at the end of the day.

[Iceni]

I am glad you have made the decision to return as not being happy is the worst thing that can happen to you and life is too short not to admit your mistakes and move on. (Mistakes is totally the wrong word but I don't know how else to put it - it is very brave of anyone trying to make a new life in a new country and just because it does not work does not make you any the less brave for trying it).

I wish you all the joy possible in your move and return to the UK.

I suddenly realised in the last few weeks just how happy I am here in rural France. My only problem is that I have so much to do outside that I resent the time I spend working - but I have to so I knuckle down. I love the garden, I love watching things grow, I am not paranoid about the weeds and am getting more 'rural' as time goes on. It is not for everyone. One persons rural retreat is another persons rural hell, one persons traffic jam is another persons time to relax before getting to work.

I no longer list all the reasons we came here for and those that have to keep doing it to remind themselves of why they came are losing that time to enjoy the fact that they are here.

Di
http://www.iceni-it.co.uk

[Evianers]

I am so sorry that things did not work out for you... or maybe you only think that at the moment. Whilst we lived in South Africa and Australia, there were those immigrants who had also had great difficulty settling to their new life and upped and went back to the UK. However, once there, they could see all the good points about the life they had just quitted and only stayed in Blighty for less than 18 months and then returned to SA. I'm not saying this will happen to you, only that you should perhaps be aware that this might be the case. I hope not, as it proved very costly. BTW there is a also a private message in your box. In any case, good luck wherever you end up.

[Hegs]

"Sometimes you have to leave home to find it" : Dorothy, Wizard of Oz.

Good luck for the future. Try to look on the positive side of your stay, I am sure in years to come you will not regret either the choice to come to France nor the decision to go back to the UK!

[Pucette<P><FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3>Pucette<FONT><P><FONT face="Times New Roman" size=3><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt">"Qui ne connaît pas la campagne lhiver, ne connaît pas la campagne et ne connaît pas]

You don't have to leave the forum just because you're leaving France!
Hope you'll share some of your thoughts with us from time to time whichever side of the water you are.
Best of luck.

[Mpprh]

Hi

this is not uncommon.

I think all potential expats should be aware that there is no magical paradise. All locations have +'s and -'s that are not immediately visible.

And moving to another country should be in the stress tables along with marriage, divorce, moving house, new job, death in the family, retirement, etc.

As an expat in my 4th country (and with widely spread family), I've seen many follow the stages :

1)ecstatic arrival
2)joy of discovery
3)busy with visitors
4)review after 12 months
5)focus on the annoying -'s
6)only socialise with other expats
7)family disruption
8)hatred of all things in the adopted country
9)move on

It is worse with families :

Children in expat schools have a higher incidence of eating disorders, etc
Changes in lifestyle (working / retired, city / country, high/low income, etc) are equally stressful.

There are other more subtle differences in culture that can have an impact.

Living in a foreign country is not for everyone, particularly without a good grasp of the language.

I hope you settle well back in UK.

Peter
http://tlp.netfirms.com

[Poppyt]

Just wanted to say I have been waiting for someone to say this. I thought about it myself, as I feel in the same situation as you are but was reluctant to post it on the site because of the negative responses I felt would be posted back. I was therefore quite surprised that only one or two felt the need to be negative and most people are wishing you luck, as I do. I must say I have not looked at the site for some time as I was getting rather annoyed with all the petty back biting. Maybe things have changed! Anyway Buster good luck and I will be following back to Blighty in September, house sold or not.
Poppyt

[Val_2]

Buster, best of luck to you. At least you gave it a go and as you have found out, it's not for everyone at the end of the day. Maybe you will return some years down the line,even just have a small holiday place to enjoy without the worries and restraints of everyday survival.

[Teamedup]

Good Luck to you Buster.

And please post about your experiences of moving back....the good and the bad, for I'm sure that there will be things that drive you crazy.

[Eskenazi]

Buster - message in your mailbox.

[Neilc]

Good Luck to you Buster. Did the same ourselves two and a half years ago. Best thing I ever did both the going and the coming back. Never looked back since.

[Landix]

well, you have made an exremely difficult decision and I wish you well.No amount of research can prepare you for such a big change in life.I'm a Brummie and found rural life here too isolated so after three years went back to the UK. After another two years was back here, hopefully to stay this time.Reading your post it sounds like you are doing the right thing so as the French so beautifully put it " Bon Courage"

P.S. Does any one know the origins of the word Blighty?

[Laotze]

Good luck Buster. I echo what others have said - life is for living and you need to feel glad to get up in the morning. Let us know how things pan out.

[Frenchie]

extracts from www.enhancefrance.com/moving%20to%20France.htm

"If you are thinking of moving to France, may we suggest that you print this page off? It may well change your future... for the better.
So you want to move to France? Forget for a moment the wildflowers, the wine and the golden sands. These are all true, but so too is the seriousness of the step that you are considering. The British Medical Council publishes a table which allows you to measure the amount of stress you have suffered during the past year. It lists various events, such as illness, moving house, changing a job and so on. These are given points. You tot up the points to see whether you are near the danger level. Changing a lifestyle, a culture and a country takes you right up to the danger line. You can't afford to make any mistakes.

That this is more than just theory was borne out to me when I worked selling French property. I was appalled at the failure rate among people who moved to France with the intention of living there permanently, and yet returned home within two years. It was about half. Makes Russian Roulette seem quite safe. To understand why this happened, I did a survey of over a hundred of British ex-patriates living in France to find out what could and had gone wrong. My fifty point questionnaire turned up much that could have been predicted, such as too-often incompetent (and sometimes crooked) estate agents. In a sea as rich as this, sharks are to be expected. My survey also turned up thirteen reefs that have claimed victim after victim and caused untold misery and expense. Some of these that I've mentioned already in these pages are the four to do with buying property: These are:.

*
Underestimating renovation costs.
*
Buying with the wrong legal entity.
*
Not putting the correct suspensive clauses in the sales agreement (example, not saying you intend to use the property for business)
*
Buying an isolated house and therefore having a very limited social life.


(Four of the others were to do with working in France, which I will talk about more further on). I also came up with a series of recommendations for those wishing to move to France. The most popular (all but one of the respondents) was:

* Don't buy. Rent first. There are many reasons why it is wisest to try living in France before moving there for good. As I've mentioned, up to half of the 'Brits' who go to live in France will be trying to get out again within two years. A shocking statistic. Renting gives you the chance to look for a house in leisure, not just 'on the fly', at the end of a couple of days' visit.


Of course, this is information you won't come by at a property-selling fair. Estate agents are salesmen, not free advice centres, so, be careful....

[pagnol]

Just wanted to wish well with your return to the UK. I know its not going to be easy. Love to you and your family. Keep in touch
Vanessa

[GRT17]

Good Luck Buster and thanks for your honest views and for keeping us posted.

England (well my part) is very green and pleasant and the moment.

Hope all goes well with the move and as others have said, do stay in touch.

all the best
Gill

[CatherineS]

Don't feel a failure because you are returning home, look at it as a period of "French Leave", and you are now going back having experienced 18 months broadening your horizons and enjoying a different lifestyle! You will probably find that you appreciate your life in the UK more now that you have been away for some time. And when you are older and looking back over your life, you will never have to say "what if?", because you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you'd been there, done that, and got the T-Shirt, and then moved on to try something else.

Why does moving to France have to be forever?!!!

My husband and I nearly moved out to our house in Normandy earlier this year, but changed our minds and have decided that by keeping it as a holiday home we have the best of both worlds. This was for a number of reasons, but for me, a very important one was when I looked at my parents. They moved to England 45 years ago, and although they made many friends over the years, they are still not 100% comfortable in their skins. They live in a block of retirement flats, and although there are lots of other people around who are very nice to them and a good social scene (if you like bridge!), somehow they are still slightly apart. They don't always understand all the jokes, they do not have the same heritage as all the others. They still make grammatical mistakes in their spoken English and they still find it hard to write in English. And yet, they have found that over the years they have started to lose their own languages (they are not both from the same country so they speak to each other in English). My mum in particular feels very isolated because she cannot fully express herself in either language. BUT... Neither of them could ever return to their own countries now because so much has changed since they left.

So I look at them, and I wonder, would I end up like them in 40 years time? I am not sure that this is necessarily inevitable, but I just didn't want to take the risk.

I wish you lots of luck with the next stage in your life adventure - and well done for having the courage to do something about it rather than "hanging on in quiet desperation" (which apparently is the English way, according to Pink Floyd!).

Catherine