Alchohol

[Cendrillon]

Missy this is a very sad story and I suspect a very personal one as well.

[Gluestick]

Missy, yes that is a very sad and at the same time compelling story which can act as an example.

Good can sometimes comes from bad.

What causes this sort of abberant behaviour?

Apparently, the latest thoughts are that is a predisposition to type: in this cause Compulsive Addictive Behavioral Disorder; perhaps.................

Is it a sort of genetic code implant? Perhaps..............

Some people seem to become more rapidly and more easily addicted to a variety of compulsive and thus irrational behaviour. It seems to go hand-in-hand with depression.

Problem is, far too little money is spent on mental health, anyway. It's still far easier to obtain research grants for curing infertility, for example: and this with an over-populated globe!

In the UK, for example, whilst CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is now seen as probably the most valuable and effective tool in treating clinical depression et al, there is simply no funding to train practitioners and little to implement therapy, even if there were sufficient therapists!

Not sure how things stand in France.

Hopefully, as people become more aware of just how easy addiction/dependance to/on alchohol is and the drinks industry perhaps start facing up to their collective responsibility and avoid inculcating  free and easy use of the substance in the young by such dreadful products as AlchoPops, society can start taking this demon to task.

I do very much hope so.

 

[Patf]

tag - about people backing away from the person who's addicted. It used to be the consensus that the addict won't make the effort to change until he/she has reached rock bottom and is abandonned by everyone. Anyone that stays with them is colluding in the problem. On the way back up, yes they need support. But in those last stages before they admit to a problem, they are on their own. Sounds hard, and perhaps this isn't the attitude now. But have you ever lived with a violent alcoholic? There's a limit to how much you can take, especially if there are children involved.

[Cerise]

Tag - I was going to stay out of this horribly personal thread, but since you mention those shying away from the addicted I will say that in a previous life I was married to an alcoholic for 18 years.  A charming man at first but gradually a nightmare that went on and on..  I stayed and tried to help until one day a sensible doctor told me I couldn't save him but I could save myself.  Sadly and reluctantly I did so.  Thirteen years later I have been happily married to someone else for 10 years and can enjoy an occasional drink without fear.  My ex still drinks and even his own family have given up on him.  In the end unless the person themselves is willing to change those trying to help will only get hurt and things won't get better.

[Gemonimo]

Sometimes posts on a thread like this one are too distressing and personal to reply to, but here goes.  The circumstances under which I arrived in France are too complicated and sad to go into but suffice to say I found myself here in France with three school age children, no OH (disappeared) and certainly no child support.  After a huge struggle to find a job and make something of my life (this was seventeen years ago), I met a lovely but nonethless complicated mad and as they say, I remade my life.  My lovely new man was an alcoholic but a funtioning alcoholic although he had previously drank spirits, when he entered my life he only drank wine (he was a viticulteur) which didn't help.  To cut a long story short, we had ten years together of ups and downs but he never stopped drinking even though he really wanted to. He had a heart problem and high blood pressure and his heart was at the limit to its endurance and his cardialogue told him unless he stopped drinking he would be dead within six months.  That night he agreed to go into detox the following morning and I packed his case and told him I'd stay with him as long as he needed me there.  The next morning I woke to go to the clinic with him but he had already left and was to be found in the local bar.  He couldn't help it, it was stronger than him.

Things continued much as before until one night a few months later when he fell from the mezzanine of our house (which was under reconstruction following a fire) where I found him unconcious.  The SAMU and pompiers did everything they could and transported him to  Bordeaux Pellegin Hospital where he was on a life support machine for three days until it was turned off.  In spite of his alcoholism and the damage to his heart and lungs (he was a smoker), he corneas and kidneys were transplanted so his last act on this earth was one of generosity. His family hold me responsible for his death as I didn't force him to take his pills and I didn't force him to go into detox.  They never understood that if someone wants to recover from alcoholism they must take the responsibility for their own health and accept the support and love that friends and family give. This was five years ago and never a day goes by when I think of what our life together could have been without alcohol. 

[mint]

Jen

That is desperately sad and I do wish you all the very best in your new life and I hope you will eventually regain peace of mind and optimism.

[Gemonimo]

Thanx Sweet 17 for your encouragement.  On re-reading my post it seemed a little 'nombrilistic' and for that I apologise.  I really only wanted to encourge Chris, Meg and anyone else out there that what you are doing is really worth the effort for you and those who love you.  Jen

[ann49]

A very happy wife and mother, very light drinker, lost her beautiful son and daughter-in-law in an accident, they left behind a very infant son, wife and husband  gave up their very unsuitable job ( house with job ) to take care of grandson (also pre-teens + teen + special needs young adult of their own ) drink aids sleep,2 years later house broken into and son & daughter-in-laws personel items,jewelry wedding rings etc stolen, never recovered, drink aids sleep, wifes father dies (cancer) drink aids sleep, wifes husband can only find work away from home, won't talk about the accident, suffers severe depression, has long affair, racked with guilt and grief confesses all to wife, destroys what was left of her life, drink aids sleep, husband will do anything to fix things, husband loves wife, wife loves husband but can never forget, drink aids oblivion. I know this person, she is a very private person, she has never spoken of this to anyone but me, she is grateful  that she has her family but only her husband knows everything, it's difficult for her to see a future but she keeps everything together for the family. How do you help?

 

She has allowed me to tell her story, she say,s people need to realize that there are many different reasons for a person to drink

[woolybanana]

I know a similar type story but instead of booze, substitute H. Losing children is probably the hardest thing of all to get over, if it is possible.

[ann49]

[quote user="woolybanana"]I know a similar type story but instead of booze, substitute H. Losing children is probably the hardest thing of all to get over, if it is possible.[/quote]

I don't think it's possible to get over, I think you just become accustomed to the void.

A husband who loses a wife - a widower

A wife who loses a husband - a widow

A child who loses his parents - an orphan

A parent who loses a child  ---------  

[:(]   

[ann49]

[quote user="Gemonimo"]Sometimes posts on a thread like this one are too distressing and personal to reply to, but here goes.  The circumstances under which I arrived in France are too complicated and sad to go into but suffice to say I found myself here in France with three school age children, no OH (disappeared) and certainly no child support.  After a huge struggle to find a job and make something of my life (this was seventeen years ago), I met a lovely but nonethless complicated mad and as they say, I remade my life.  My lovely new man was an alcoholic but a funtioning alcoholic although he had previously drank spirits, when he entered my life he only drank wine (he was a viticulteur) which didn't help.  To cut a long story short, we had ten years together of ups and downs but he never stopped drinking even though he really wanted to. He had a heart problem and high blood pressure and his heart was at the limit to its endurance and his cardialogue told him unless he stopped drinking he would be dead within six months.  That night he agreed to go into detox the following morning and I packed his case and told him I'd stay with him as long as he needed me there.  The next morning I woke to go to the clinic with him but he had already left and was to be found in the local bar.  He couldn't help it, it was stronger than him.

Things continued much as before until one night a few months later when he fell from the mezzanine of our house (which was under reconstruction following a fire) where I found him unconcious.  The SAMU and pompiers did everything they could and transported him to  Bordeaux Pellegin Hospital where he was on a life support machine for three days until it was turned off.  In spite of his alcoholism and the damage to his heart and lungs (he was a smoker), he corneas and kidneys were transplanted so his last act on this earth was one of generosity. His family hold me responsible for his death as I didn't force him to take his pills and I didn't force him to go into detox.  They never understood that if someone wants to recover from alcoholism they must take the responsibility for their own health and accept the support and love that friends and family give. This was five years ago and never a day goes by when I think of what our life together could have been without alcohol. 
[/quote]

I think sometimes close family members blame others for the loss of a loved one because they cannot face their own helplessness in the situation, you obviously did all you could, I wish you every happiness

[Meg]

[quote user="Gemonimo"]Thanx Sweet 17 for your encouragement.  On re-reading my post it seemed a little 'nombrilistic' and for that I apologise.  I really only wanted to encourge Chris, Meg and anyone else out there that what you are doing is really worth the effort for you and those who love you.  Jen

[/quote]

It certainly does give encouragement Jen. Another painful story to read. Thanks for posting it.

[Chris Head]

The above stuff puts ones own problems very much into perspective...phew. Gutsy for folk to share details like that too...like you'd want to take the chance again after reading that lot? No thanks.

[woolybanana]

For those of you out there who have turned the corner, what made you turn? Was there a moment when you said "enough is enough"? What brought on that moment? How else did you change your life to move on (eg I think Chris now goes in for a lot of walking and fitness stuff, but I may be wrong)?

My reason for asking is to try to nudge someone towards change or at least be able to suggest an avenue.

[Pierre ZFP]

For me it was a lot of little things until I just one day thought that I don't want to be 'ruled' by any possible addiction (never smoked BTW) so I decided that I would stop - full stop that is - and see what it was like.  I didn't find it too hard at all, yes there were days when I really fancied a drink and said no.  Now I don't even think about it.  No I have not stopped completely.  I enjoy (and I do mean enjoy) a glass of wine or beer now and then but at a rate of maybe 1% of what I had been drinking.  So  I think I don't have a problem,  could easily have been a problem if I had carried on though.

The up side has been great.  As with many others here, better sleep, fitter, losing weight and just more alive.  Everyone has to find there own reason and some will find it much harder than others, I was lucky. 

As Chris said, I'ts good to feel good!! 

[ann49]

[quote user="woolybanana"]

For those of you out there who have turned the corner, what made you turn? Was there a moment when you said "enough is enough"? What brought on that moment? How else did you change your life to move on (eg I think Chris now goes in for a lot of walking and fitness stuff, but I may be wrong)?

My reason for asking is to try to nudge someone towards change or at least be able to suggest an avenue.

[/quote]For me it was reading Chris's story, I just thought this man has been to hell & back, he really inspired me to take the first step. I had known for a long time that I needed to do something but always managed to come up with a reason to put it off. I have not had a drink in 7 days and at the moment I really don't want one and I want my children & grandson to be proud and not ashamed of me. It is so nice getting up in the morning feeling fit and refreshed, ready to face the day instead of wishing for 6pm ( self imposed water shed ) so I could have the first of many glasses of wine. Also started doing my callanetics again[8-|]

[Chris Head]

Gluestick had some good points...I'm sure there are genes that cause predisposition to many human traits that a generation ago were not recognised or understood, perhaps because genetic science wasn't as advanced? There are now more answers to questions that have been bugging humankind for yonks.

Getting to understand your own personality and the influences that could cause adverse reactions and how those reactions manifest themselves is kind of important...the trigger points and how to avoid them is a huge subject. I have many more questions than answers (just how do you deal with money[blink]) and use the pros as much as necessary and I've got one or two people around who don't seem to mind being fired off at...it's all a part of becoming 'normalised' I think.

What makes one turn? Who knows? A trauma of one sort or another perhaps and hopefully professionals at hand to put the pieces back together again...if the person has the will to be helped. One thing that stuck in my mind was being told that I simply didn't understand how ill I was...how can you know? It's like a mechanic saying your car is bruggered...you've just got to trust sometimes....I think.

Yes Wooly, the physical stuff is one of my replacements...but just one of them, if your body is feeling good then your brain stands half a chance, like I said...I couldn't imagine undoing the hard work of the past weeks by putting alcohol into my system again. The rest is re-constructing life, putting in place routines and schedules, being disciplined and planning for a new future...getting used to a new 'self'. It doesn't just land in your lap...it has to be worked for.

Limiting damage is another aspect...dealing with the aftermath calmly...reassuring young ones, facing responsibilities etc...the list goes on!

Keep going folks...anyone need a kick up the bum?

 

[Gemonimo]

You are all truly wonderful, courageous people and I hope that your families hug you often and tell you how much they love you. When you feel worthy and loved, you can do ANYTHING!!!!!! Jen

[vervialle]

Well you will all probably be suprised that I have met a great deal of alchoholics in my job in a bank, but often it is the finances that often bring someone to book.I can honestly say in all my dealings, alchoholics are people with a generous nature and kind beyond belief,soft hearted and wanting to make everyone happy and always unselfish,lovely lovely people that always want to be givers.I am only putting this into the discussion, because people can so pigeon hole people without any experience.Everyone must ask themselves why has it got a hold of me, is it trying to fulfill a dream that is impossible, are you responsible for someone elses happiness, do you take all the blame for something that has gone wrong in a relationship.I had a very very strict upbringing,and was always taught to put other people before myself, and always blame myself if things are not quite right.Why do I do that, it cannot always be my fault. I am interested in how all of you feel and if you do take responsibility for everything that goes wrong in your personal relationship.I honestly know dozens of people who are so soft hearted that drinking was a way out.

[woolybanana]

Perhaps a little sand in the machine. Soft hearted or weak?

[vervialle]

Attitudes are coragious, are yours worth catching?

[woolybanana]

It is the urge to know and understand which questions.

[Missy]

[quote user="woolybanana"]  Soft hearted or weak?[/quote]

Both.

Soft hearted in the hope that that trait will redeem them to their families and friends for all the horrible things done and said in moments of drunkeness.

Weak for not having any balls to front the bullies or demons or whatever takes them under.

[TWINKLE]

A whole week without a drink!  It's not bothered me at all which is so reassuring as I honestly thought deep down that I wouldn't be able to do it!

I've been singing last night and tonight and will be tomorrow as well.  All of the concerts are in cafés or pubs and tomorrow is a local football club event.  Plenty of people drinking lots of alcohol and it's all there for me too (free) if I want it.  I don't! 

I feel great and I'm sleeping like a baby - I've loads more energy too which is one of the reasons I wanted to have a break from drinking.

I can't believe the stories I've read on here - they are real inspiration and thank you all for having the guts to share them with us[:)]

 

I do have doubts though.  As long as I can remember I've needed to be perfect at everything I do and failure is not an option.  So is this 'excercise' just another way of me proving to myself how 'in control' I am?  Time will tell........

[Chris Head]

I feel great and I'm sleeping like a baby -

It's the sleep thing 'aint it Twinks...what's that all about? Everyone knows about drunken comas...you're supposed to be out like a light all night long and dragging yourself out of bed in the morning...right? I was always awake during the night before...now it's more like sober comas and fresh as a daisy in t'morn.

I've loads more energy too which is one of the reasons I wanted to have a break from drinking.

Doesn't that feeling make you want more of that feeling? It's like "If I feel this good I could be feeling better" which is where the exercise/workout comes in. So OK the first few weeks hurt and you wonder what the point is...then the scales keep telling you what the point is and the feeling of physical power just keeps creeping up and up and one day you realise none of your clothes fit you, you look good and you feel like WOW! For you ladies it'd be worth it just for the excuse to go on major shopping sprees.[:P]