No cds- what would happen

[chessie]

Oh I'm fed up.

Not going into details - but my stress levels are rising again.

I've had a thought - a very nasty thought.

Bear with me......

I'm the one having to sort out his CdS - simply because he can't use computer; I've been responsible for tax returns, and recently taken over more of 'keeping an eye' on bank statements, bills etc.

Now - here's my wicked, cunning little plan.

What would happen if I didn't arrange his CdS - if I 'played dumb';  tbh he's not even aware he needs one...!!

Do you think the 'authorities' would find out  (ie who could I inform?), and how quickly would they deport him for me ..........!!!!  He could easily go and live with his single sister back in the UK - she'd love to have him !!!!!!

Sorry, not really serious (well, not really) - just I've had a bad day and trying to find something to laugh at; thought some of you might see the humour (don't worry if you don't).

Chessie

[Loiseau]

Oh poor Chelsie; all my sympathy. You must have had a terrib,e day. Xx

[Loiseau]

Excuse weirdnesses; can't see to post, and can't see Edit button.

[Lori]

So sorry Chessie.  I know you really need a break.  I'm hoping travel will open up soon and you will be able to go visit loved ones.

As to your idea, I don't think the authorities would find out at all unless OH did something to get questioned (traffic violation, petty theft, physically harmed someone, etc.).  Based on my communications with Gendarmes (and obviously your mileage may vary), I don't think they would even care if you sent them details - unless he had done something illegal (other than not renewing his residency card).

Even then, it can take months, even years for various legal processes to play out here.  Have your travel plans planned (at least in your head) so you'll be ready the minute you are able to leave.

Get your vaccination as soon as you can as a vaccine passport may be needed.

[cajal]

[quote user="chessie"] 

He could easily go and live with his single sister back in the UK - she'd love to have him !!!!!!

[/quote]

If this is the answer to your sanity then when travel restrictions relax both of you take a break and drive to the UK to his sister's and take only clothes/things yourself that you can do without.

Ensure you retain both passports in your possession and when you feel it will be an opportune moment announce that you are just nipping out to the shops/ post office or gas station etc. Jump in your car, head to your port of departure from the UK and once on the ferry telephone the sister and wish her well and tell her to look after him as you could be awhile.

[idun]

Or, take him back and leave him. Just tell the sister you have to go and sort some stuff out, eg the bank, and then buzz off.

We currently have three people quite close to us who have a variety of losing their marbles.

It is all very well moving to a french retreat for retirement, but as we are all living longer, this is happening more and more, and the it takes prisoners, both in the patient and the carer.

Ofcourse covid has been the sabot in the works as to how Chessie can deal with her situation, but hopefully soon Chessie, you will be able to do what you need to do.

What does your french doctor say, surely you have seen them one way or another by now, or spoken to them. It is hardly as if any of us can expect someone who is suffering from this to go and get checked.

Denial is the big thing here, usually the patient, but sometimes the carer too.

[chessie]

Hi Lori - oh damnation - you mean even the authorities don't want him !!

You're right about the vaccination - but I don't fall into any of the priority categories so I'll just have to sit and wait, and twiddle my thumbs..... and pull my hair out.

Oh well - at least I didn't get shouted down for my little plan !!

Chessie

[chessie]

Oh Cajal - I am surprised at you -

You and Idun have same ideas.

What a terrific idea though.  I had never thought of the 'running away' in reverse.  

Love it - just love it.

It could work too............

Thank you for making me laugh

Chessie

[chessie]

Idun - you're as bad as Cajal - you shouldn't encourage me !!

But it's a seriously good idea, must admit.

The french retreat wouldn't work for him; he's going deaf - and doesn't hear me clearly now.  He'd just be stranded and isolated and unable to talk to anyone.   Hmmmm - might serve him right !!!!

As for Dr - oh here we go;  had intended to get him to his doctor just about the time of his birthday - would have been a good excuse as 'routine' checkup.

Guess what happened.

Even worse - our GP is only doing RDVs over the telephone..... which wouldn't work.

So I'm just sitting and sitting and sitting....

and thinking !

I really do appreciate the kind words from everyone - does help keep me sane.

Chessie

[chessie]

Bonjour Loiseau - thank you;  just 'things' got on top of me - more a case of 'the final straw', one of many, that sent me down again.

Thank you - love the kindness of people on here.

Chessie

[idun]

Ah Chessie, I didn't mean that........ I meant the general idea of people moving from the UK to France for retirement, often, the far from the madding crowd idea.

Certainly not putting your OH in a maison de retraite.

I am obviously not like you, because I would be on that phone to the GP regularly telling them every last thing that is happening and how I was at the end of my tether. And he would be getting it in writing.

What is the point in pussyfooting around in circumstances like these.

One just has to fight one's corner, because, as in this case, if the GP doesn't know what is happening, then how can they help they are not 'un devin'.

So as we keep saying, the assistante sociale via the Mairie and the GP. Do something, or you will end up just getting to the end of your tether. Also until he is diagnosed they cannot do something, and some things do help.

[Lori]

I agree with Idun Chessie.  If you are worried about having a RDV via phone with the doctor - while OH is in the house, perhaps you could say  you are going out for a walk and have the RDV via portable?  Make a written list of all the things that he's done so you will not forget anything. 

Is the doctor truly NOT receiving patients physically?  I find this rather shocking.  All our doctors here will receive patients in the office.  If you only need a refilled prescription or to consult for something that can be handled via telephone / computer RDV, they will suggest this route.  However, they WILL take patients in their offices.  And, they have during this entire pandemic - short of the first lockdown (that was strictly via telephone/computer).

As Idun says, this really needs doing.  For your sanity.

P.S.  I rather like Cajal's idea too !

[Judith-aka-Judith]

Chessie,

I supprt Lori and Idun, you cannot continue like this (though I do like your idea of depositing him with his sister .... and would be very tempted likewise ..) and I do not understand why your GP is not seeing patients, ours are. Usually very few waiting, and all well controlled. 

Yes, eventually, any doctor would have to see your OH personally, but you have the right to discuss your concerns with your doctor, particularly since they impact greatly on your health. 

You know you can rant on here, which also will help, but that doesn't solve the problem, so you do need to find a longer term solution too. 

Good luck as ever.

[nomoss]

[quote user="cajal"]

[quote user="chessie"] 

He could easily go and live with his single sister back in the UK - she'd love to have him !!!!!!

[/quote]

If this is the answer to your sanity then when travel restrictions relax both of you take a break and drive to the UK to his sister's and take only clothes/things yourself that you can do without.

Ensure you retain both passports in your possession and when you feel it will be an opportune moment announce that you are just nipping out to the shops/ post office or gas station etc. Jump in your car, head to your port of departure from the UK and once on the ferry telephone the sister and wish her well and tell her to look after him as you could be awhile.

[/quote]

The same idea occurred to me.

Make sure the car is registered in your name, or joint names.

Are you sure your doctor is only making appointments to talk to patients by phone, or simply asking patients to make appointments by phone for a visit?

You could also phone your/husband's doctor and ask him to make a home visit.

[NickP]

Chessie, check with your local Doctor or Pharmacie about vaccines as they are now vaccinating with the Astra Zenica, and the age groups have dropped considerably. Stay strong it will soon be proper spring weather, a few days in the spring sunshine and things do or will start to look better, hopefully. ??

[idun]

PLEASE CHESSIE, just get on the phone and speak to your husband's GP and the local Assistante Sociale.

You will not be the first case they have to deal with it, far from it and they should help YOU and him too, I would hope.

[anotherbanana]

Chessie, if and when you do phone, sound distressed, cry, whine, it might get you seen to quicker Use phrases like ‘ au bout de mon rouleau’, ‘ je n’en peux plus’.

ie, no stiff upper lip!

[idun]

What a good idea wooly.

[anotherbanana]

From experience; my late ex wife used to drive fast and carelessly. In Libya she was often stopped for speeding, going the wrong way down one way streets etc and always made a point of bursting into tears and ruffling her hair. She was never fined or penalised as the policemen were utterly bemused by this and sent her on her way without even a finger wag.

[Lori]

Good advice Wooly.

Also Chessie, if you have a different MT than OH, call them both. 

[chessie]

Thanks everyone; another banana - thanks for those phrases - I'm going to memorise them.

I haven't checked our MT's web pages for last few weeks - maybe I did get it wrong;  I'll do another check.

It is good news about the OxfordAstra - if those become available at pharmacie then that does make life easier.

Part of my problem - and some of you have forced me to face the fact (thanks) - that I'm doing my 'head in the sand bit'; that in fact I'm the one that has to sort this out and face facts - not him.

And that makes me more responsible for him - aaarrrghhh....!!

I have been keeping a running 'diary' of sorts; mainly the really nasty times when I was afraid; and sometimes just even the most stupid things he does... poor MT would have 5 pages to read through !!

I'll admit, also, part of my problem is that my french is not very good - and I'm probably reluctant to put myself in a situation of trying to explain myself - and not understanding answers!

I shall have to get myself out and about in next few days and start taking steps.

Thank you everyone for being patient with me - I feel 'trying the patience of saints' comes to mind here - you're the saints and I'm the stupid one.

I'll get it sorted.

Promise !!

Chessie

[idun]

Sounds like you need to do a list and get the dictionary out and make sure you have the proper french words. Keep it simple, but to the point and do it all by Sunday night, and just go for it all on Monday, for your own sanity.

Time flies and in May there are lots of bank holidays and pont, and if you did not realise it is where people take extra time off ie a bank holiday is a Thursday and just about everyone takes the Friday to join up to the weekend, four days off for one days leave. It is hard to get much done in May.

No one should ever be afraid in their own home and most certainly not of

their other half.

Incidentally if it does come to that and he gets violent, I think that you can call 3919 and speak to someone.

[Lori]

Idun is right.  Get out the dictionary and start writing.  Also there are now several good translation websites.  Give them a try.  Translate from English to French and then copy the French translated phrase separately from French to English to try to double check the accuracy.  Isn't always perfect, but your point can usually be understood.

Do you have a fluent French speaking friend/associate/neighbor?  It would be helpful if they could be present during your doctor appointment to assist.  If not, write each thing down in English and translate it to French as best you can.  One issue at a time, French phrase followed by English phrase just below on the same page. 

Have this list, no matter how long it is, with you when you speak to anyone regarding the problem(s).  I would try to sort the issues with most serious being top of the list and less serious ones further down.  The list could also be emailed, faxed or dropped off at a doctor's office.