Renaud Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 I was sent these extracts from school exams. They have nothing to do with France but seem to fit in with this part of the forum as there are other examples of lists.I particularly like nos. 6, 8, 17, 19, 21, 23 and 35>> These are actual metaphors from GCSE essays : 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.3. She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.4. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.5. McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.6. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.7. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre8. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.9. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.10. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.11. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Peterborough at 4:19p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.12. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.13. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.14. The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.15. The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.16. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.17. The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of Family Fortunes.18. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.19. The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.20. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.21. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.22. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."23. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.24. It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.25. The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Glenda Jackson MP in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Robin Cook MP, Leader of the House of Commons, in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the suspension of Keith Vaz MP.26. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Teamedup Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 WOW, I particularly liked no16. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... opas Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 Who knows a No 23? stand clearMrs o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... neil78 Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Dumb? Pure genius if you ask me. They should be writing for Blackadder............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Dick Smith Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Brilliant - who said the art of irony was dead? I choked on me gin & tonic... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Hoddy Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 I wonder if these examples are illustrative of the differrence between the French and English education systems ?Hoddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... SaligoBay Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Judge for yourself, Hoddy! The "Perles du Bac 2004" has been doing the rounds, here are the first few.... - Les égyptiens transformaient les morts en momies pour les garder vivants...- Les empereurs romains organisaient des combats de radiateurs ...- Charlemagne se fit châtrer en l'an 800 ...- La mortalité infantile était très élevée, sauf chez les vieillards ...- Les enfants naissaient souvent en bas âge.- L'armistice est une guerre qui se finit tous les ans le 11 novembre ...- Les nuages les plus chargés de pluie sont les gros cunnilingus ...- Les américains vont souvent à la messe car les protestants sont très catholiques ...- La Chine est le pays le plus peuplé avec un milliard d'habitants au km carré ... More sharing options... Hoddy Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Thanks for those SB. I particularly liked the one about La fontaine. We used to keep a list of these things in the school where I worked. I must ramble in one day and take a copy it it's still there.The only one that springs to mind is, "Coral reefs are made up of millions of microscopic orgasms." Hoddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Dick Smith Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 I think the difference is that the British quotes seem to be intentionally ironic (and taken from English composition papers where such things might well be appropriate), whereas the French ones are on the lines of exam 'howlers' so beloved of teachers' websites. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Teamedup Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Yes, definite howlers Saligo and very funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Owens88 Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 The howlers are very funny, but ..... if they are beloved of Teachers's websites as Dick says then I feel uneasy. Pink Floyd have a verse about 'no more teacher sarcasm' don't they ?John Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Renaud Posted December 1, 2005 Author Share Posted December 1, 2005 "beloved of Teachers's websites"Maybe this is not quite the same as beloved of teachers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Dick Smith Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Oh for gods' sake. How does finding howlers funny equate to sarcasm? And how did Teachers's come about? Is that a howler? (Now that was sarcasm, but quite called for).Sorry to snap, but it's 11:47 and this teacher has just finished for the day, but up early tomorrow to take 44 kids on a trip. Constant sniping about us gets REALLY up my nose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Tresco Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 I hope I am in agreement with Renaud on thisThe howlers are very funny, but ..... if they are beloved of Teachers's websites as Dick says then I feel uneasy.No, they are just funny, no 'ifs', no 'buts'. Anyone who has ever 'taught', in any capacity will have examples. They are never published with names, ages, addresses etc. Has it not occurred to you that most teachers blame themselves first for these 'howlers'?I have my own collection, which, as it grew, only ever encouraged me to be better, clearer etc. Pink Floyd have a verse about 'no more teacher sarcasm' don't they Good teachers don't do sarcasm regularly in the classroom, but a few children love it, and respond very positively to it. In teaching, use of sarcasm is a skill - and has a lot to do with really knowing your student. A skilled teacher - who knows the pupil, (not the classroom) - really knows when it will act as a spur, rather than as a discouragement.The posting of 'howlers' on adult websites is nothing like the same thing.Apologies for apalling punctuation and spelling, but I hop my meaning was cear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Tresco Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 Apologies for apalling punctuation and spelling, but I hop my meaning was cear (me)Oh dear, oh dear; and on, and onI hope the message is clear, If your child writes something funny in an exam;(a) I hope s/he has not had 6 glasses of red(b) I know it will not be published with his/her real name - therefore no embarrassment or humiliation(c) we are all capable of making mistakes, and indeed, learning from them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... 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Teamedup Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 WOW, I particularly liked no16. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
opas Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 Who knows a No 23? stand clearMrs o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neil78 Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Dumb? Pure genius if you ask me. They should be writing for Blackadder............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Smith Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Brilliant - who said the art of irony was dead? I choked on me gin & tonic... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoddy Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 I wonder if these examples are illustrative of the differrence between the French and English education systems ?Hoddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaligoBay Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Judge for yourself, Hoddy! The "Perles du Bac 2004" has been doing the rounds, here are the first few.... - Les égyptiens transformaient les morts en momies pour les garder vivants...- Les empereurs romains organisaient des combats de radiateurs ...- Charlemagne se fit châtrer en l'an 800 ...- La mortalité infantile était très élevée, sauf chez les vieillards ...- Les enfants naissaient souvent en bas âge.- L'armistice est une guerre qui se finit tous les ans le 11 novembre ...- Les nuages les plus chargés de pluie sont les gros cunnilingus ...- Les américains vont souvent à la messe car les protestants sont très catholiques ...- La Chine est le pays le plus peuplé avec un milliard d'habitants au km carré ... More sharing options... Hoddy Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Thanks for those SB. I particularly liked the one about La fontaine. We used to keep a list of these things in the school where I worked. I must ramble in one day and take a copy it it's still there.The only one that springs to mind is, "Coral reefs are made up of millions of microscopic orgasms." Hoddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Dick Smith Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 I think the difference is that the British quotes seem to be intentionally ironic (and taken from English composition papers where such things might well be appropriate), whereas the French ones are on the lines of exam 'howlers' so beloved of teachers' websites. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Teamedup Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Yes, definite howlers Saligo and very funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Owens88 Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 The howlers are very funny, but ..... if they are beloved of Teachers's websites as Dick says then I feel uneasy. Pink Floyd have a verse about 'no more teacher sarcasm' don't they ?John Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Renaud Posted December 1, 2005 Author Share Posted December 1, 2005 "beloved of Teachers's websites"Maybe this is not quite the same as beloved of teachers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Dick Smith Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Oh for gods' sake. How does finding howlers funny equate to sarcasm? And how did Teachers's come about? Is that a howler? (Now that was sarcasm, but quite called for).Sorry to snap, but it's 11:47 and this teacher has just finished for the day, but up early tomorrow to take 44 kids on a trip. Constant sniping about us gets REALLY up my nose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Tresco Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 I hope I am in agreement with Renaud on thisThe howlers are very funny, but ..... if they are beloved of Teachers's websites as Dick says then I feel uneasy.No, they are just funny, no 'ifs', no 'buts'. Anyone who has ever 'taught', in any capacity will have examples. They are never published with names, ages, addresses etc. Has it not occurred to you that most teachers blame themselves first for these 'howlers'?I have my own collection, which, as it grew, only ever encouraged me to be better, clearer etc. Pink Floyd have a verse about 'no more teacher sarcasm' don't they Good teachers don't do sarcasm regularly in the classroom, but a few children love it, and respond very positively to it. In teaching, use of sarcasm is a skill - and has a lot to do with really knowing your student. A skilled teacher - who knows the pupil, (not the classroom) - really knows when it will act as a spur, rather than as a discouragement.The posting of 'howlers' on adult websites is nothing like the same thing.Apologies for apalling punctuation and spelling, but I hop my meaning was cear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Tresco Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 Apologies for apalling punctuation and spelling, but I hop my meaning was cear (me)Oh dear, oh dear; and on, and onI hope the message is clear, If your child writes something funny in an exam;(a) I hope s/he has not had 6 glasses of red(b) I know it will not be published with his/her real name - therefore no embarrassment or humiliation(c) we are all capable of making mistakes, and indeed, learning from them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Please sign in to comment You will be able to leave a comment after signing in Sign In Now Share More sharing options... Followers 0
Hoddy Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Thanks for those SB. I particularly liked the one about La fontaine. We used to keep a list of these things in the school where I worked. I must ramble in one day and take a copy it it's still there.The only one that springs to mind is, "Coral reefs are made up of millions of microscopic orgasms." Hoddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Smith Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 I think the difference is that the British quotes seem to be intentionally ironic (and taken from English composition papers where such things might well be appropriate), whereas the French ones are on the lines of exam 'howlers' so beloved of teachers' websites. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teamedup Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Yes, definite howlers Saligo and very funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Owens88 Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 The howlers are very funny, but ..... if they are beloved of Teachers's websites as Dick says then I feel uneasy. Pink Floyd have a verse about 'no more teacher sarcasm' don't they ?John Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renaud Posted December 1, 2005 Author Share Posted December 1, 2005 "beloved of Teachers's websites"Maybe this is not quite the same as beloved of teachers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Smith Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Oh for gods' sake. How does finding howlers funny equate to sarcasm? And how did Teachers's come about? Is that a howler? (Now that was sarcasm, but quite called for).Sorry to snap, but it's 11:47 and this teacher has just finished for the day, but up early tomorrow to take 44 kids on a trip. Constant sniping about us gets REALLY up my nose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tresco Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 I hope I am in agreement with Renaud on thisThe howlers are very funny, but ..... if they are beloved of Teachers's websites as Dick says then I feel uneasy.No, they are just funny, no 'ifs', no 'buts'. Anyone who has ever 'taught', in any capacity will have examples. They are never published with names, ages, addresses etc. Has it not occurred to you that most teachers blame themselves first for these 'howlers'?I have my own collection, which, as it grew, only ever encouraged me to be better, clearer etc. Pink Floyd have a verse about 'no more teacher sarcasm' don't they Good teachers don't do sarcasm regularly in the classroom, but a few children love it, and respond very positively to it. In teaching, use of sarcasm is a skill - and has a lot to do with really knowing your student. A skilled teacher - who knows the pupil, (not the classroom) - really knows when it will act as a spur, rather than as a discouragement.The posting of 'howlers' on adult websites is nothing like the same thing.Apologies for apalling punctuation and spelling, but I hop my meaning was cear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tresco Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 Apologies for apalling punctuation and spelling, but I hop my meaning was cear (me)Oh dear, oh dear; and on, and onI hope the message is clear, If your child writes something funny in an exam;(a) I hope s/he has not had 6 glasses of red(b) I know it will not be published with his/her real name - therefore no embarrassment or humiliation(c) we are all capable of making mistakes, and indeed, learning from them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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