Feeling Deflated!

[April<STRONG><EM>April Carey<EM><STRONG>]

We are planning to move to France in around 2 years.

We had finallt decided on the south/south west of France.

I told a friend this today (she lives abroad and has done in various places for 18 years).

 

She said she has lived in France for 3 years and hated it. She lived in the south, I forget where abouts she said.

She said it's all really expensive and the weather is all over the place, the people don't want to know you unless you're rich and the expats are even worse.

I'm very confused now as to what and where to go from here.

 

[Nick Trollope]

I'm very confused now as to what and where to go from here.

What do you want to hear? Surely this is a descision that only you & your family can make and surely you can't base a descision of this magnitude on one conversation with one friend.

On this forum, for every pro, you will find a con, so I doubt that anyone here will be able (tho' some will try) to make your mind up for you.

FWIW, we based our (original) descision to move on gut instinct alone. However, all our plans were thrown asunder by circumstances, so we moved early. ie. you never can tell.

Whatever you decide, good luck.

[Janey]

April, you can,t really go by what your friend says. Just because she didn,t like it doesn,t mean you won,t. We live in the South, have done for 3 yrs now and love it. We,re in a little village, the people are lovely, no other English families in our village. The weather is not all over the place, Spring is lovely, Summer is HOT, Autumn is lovely and Winter is short! There has been some strange weather the past 2 yrs but that seems to be the same all over now.

Why don,t you try a holiday in the south if you can to see how you like it, saying that the south is pretty big, you,ve got mountains..forest or sea!!

Janey

[April<STRONG><EM>April Carey<EM><STRONG>]

Thanks guys.

Sorry if it sounds like i'm asking for others to decide for me.

I just feel down from what she said..i'm also ill, so that's not helping my mood.

We are definately going to take several holidays in this area first to help us decide.

We really want to move to France...just having trouble deciding where!

[Later]

Perhaps your friend's experience was specific to the south of France.  What about dipping your toe in the water with a year or so in your favourite part of France (somewhere other than than the south perhaps)?  If you like it, then stay.  If not then move back to Blightly or move to a diferent part of France. 

I know this all sounds like stating the obvious, but there are lots of people who move to France and hate the experience and lots who think it is the best thing they've ever done.  Horses for courses.  I think it has a lot to do with preparation and expectations (IMHO lots of one and very low levels of the other gives you the best chance of making a go of it).

[Penny29]

Keep your chin up, April.

I know how easy it is for one person to make you doubt yourself - been there, bought the t-shirt etc.

I'd endorse the other coments regarding taking some holidays and perhaps, later on, considering a few months rental in various areas to help you make up your mind.

Your friend does have some nuggets of truth in her sweeping statements -some things are more expensive here than most of us expected, and some ex-pats can be unbearable, and some French people don't want to know the Brits and, yes, sometimes the weather can be atrocious.

On the flip side there are many, many wonderful people out here, French and British, who are all too willing to be friendly and helpful; booze, fags and many other day-to-day items are cheaper;and mostly the weather is better than in the UK. 

As to area - I guess you must almost let serendipity take you. In our case a chance meeting led to a chance visit to this village & then we realised this was exactly where we wanted to live. I started a post in The Postbag some months ago entitled, "Why did you choose your house?" - and there were some lovely responses (and pictures) to that thread - have a read and it might lift your spirits up! Equally, check out the TF forum - someone has started a topic on there asking "Why do you love France" - it might give you some opposite views to those of your friend.

[Alcazar]

April: have a look at the link at the end of the post by Later.......................some good advice, but in the end, only you and your family can decide.

Any mileage in renting a property for a year or so?

Alcazar

[Tresco]

April, I really feel for you. Your experience reminds me of a friend who 'put off' having children for years because a 'really good mate' went on and on (and on) for years about the (her experience of) birth, adjustment to being a parent, loss of nights out etc.

There's good and bad where ever you live, and many people on this forum have interesting and valid things to say about France.

Go back as far as you can in the archives as they are really useful, but the main thing is, do you think it's right for you and your immediate family? If you think it is, and you prepare as well as you can, what's the worst thing that can happen afterwards? That you find it difficult ( you probably will), that you have to get back into the UK property market? (can you put a safeguard in place?); that your friends will say 'I told you so'? (sod them).

The one thing I will never have to say when i'm older is, 'I always wished I could have lived in France'.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out.

 

 

[Coco]

Now I'm going to stick my head up over the parapet and wait for it to get shot off, but..........

It never ceases to amaze me how people make statements like:

I want to move to France but I've never  had a proper holiday there yet

I want to move to France but I don't know which bit

I want to move to France but my friends say I may not like it

I want to move to France but I'm not too sure about the weather

I want to move to France but the cost of living seems a bit more expensive now than it was a couple of years ago

I want to move to France but I can't speak French

I want to move to France but I've got to persuade my other half it's the right thing to do

and so on and on and on

We are talking about making a decision here that will affect YOUR WHOLE LIFE IN EVERY ASPECT.  You will never find utopia; likewise you have to be "reasonably" happy with everything about your choice and you have to be certain about it (or as certain as anyone can ever be!)  I never understand how people can make such a life-changing decision on a whim that can be swayed by someone else's view.  We KNEW that we wanted to live in France for a long, long time before we came here.  We KNEW when it was more expensive than the UK and unfortunately we seem to have missed the "cheap" years in France, but c'est la vie - a cheap place to live wasn't reason enough to move.  We KNEW when ALL of our friends and relatives told us we would never make any money on a French property.  We KNEW when all our friends told us it's a nice place to go for a holiday but they wouldn't want to live there.  And I'm not saying I KNOW it all.  But since we've been here I've lost my job.  When I did have it the French authorities took 60% in social charges, we've lived through the worst summer Manche has known in tourism terms for many a year (running a B&B).  We had oil central heating installed and since then the price of oil has spiralled.  And it's rained alll b*&$*y summer!!!! What I do know is that every time something goes wrong we both sit back and ask if we'd be better off back in the UK and agree that the worst day here compares very favourably with a pretty good day in our old lives.

Ultimately, what I am trying to say is that you have to know and like a place for your own reasons before you make such a life-changing decision because there will be plenty of downs as well as ups.  Yes, listen to other people's comments (certainly NOT TV programmes) but if you can be swayed by just one person's comments, or feel that deflated by it, perhaps it's not the right move for you.

 

[Tresco]

Ooooh******o, blimey.  

I agree, lots of these things are curious, but I can't say they are amazing as I have read them many times before on this site alone, and am guilty of at least one of them.

It may be that April 'knew' or 'knows' all the things you or I knew, or thought we knew, but got cold feet, and spewed it out in a post. It may be that she will trawl the archives and come back with more questions.

You did make lots of good points, and I hope April responds?

[Tresco]

Ooooh******o, blimey.  

I agree, lots of these things are curious, but I can't say they are amazing as I have read them many times before on this site alone, and am guilty of at least one of them.

It may be that April 'knew' or 'knows' all the things you or I knew, or thought we knew, but got cold feet, and spewed it out in a post. It may be that she will trawl the archives and come back with more questions.

You did make lots of good points, and I hope April responds.

[Tresco]

Why oh why is******o a forbidden word?

[Teamedup]

I think that your friends comments were fair enough. Nothing hidden at all. If you hadn't been told, wouldn't you have been wondering why they left.

We've heard from people and about people who have not been here that long and are going back, not what they wanted, even hated it. Of those who couldn't afford to live here too. An awful lot of people don't make it past a couple of years and return home. That too is one of the realities of moving here, that it doesn't suite everyone.

 

 

[Later]

Tresco

I really liked your analogy about (not) having children and (not) moving to France. 

I was not that keen on children and had a long shopping list of reasons not to have them, but then, through some process that I don't understand my wife got pregnant, not once, but twice!  I was prepared to accept her claim it was an act of God the first time, but the second time I was a bit dubious.  Funny thing is they both look a lot like me (poor things) and the other thing is, to my astonishment, they are the best thing since sliced bread and, in spite of my reservations, I have fallen madly in love with them (although two nights ago at 3AM I wasn't so sure about this).  

[Tresco]

Later,

I had my only child FAR TOO YOUNG, as he tells me now.  

I think there is actually no good, sensible, viable, unselfish reason to have a child, apart from the aim/hope/desire to bring a child up to happy healthy adulthood. 

Adding it all up, no person in their right mind would consciously choose to have a child, so it's best that the good guys, or gals have these little 'accidents' or are impregnated by 'acts of god'. I wish I had had more children, it's still the best, most fun, and most important thing I ever did.  

But Later, they don't get easier, so don't believe the old ladies at the bus stop. (Mind you, believing their lies kept me going for about 20 years).

[Later]

Tresco

Better watch out now, Co co might tell us off for being off topic ...    

[Jc85]

We've had our house in the Vendee for five years now and have finally got to the stage when we are ready to make the move within the next two. In all the time we have owned the place whenever we go out there its a bonus if we get the good weather and still hasn't put us off! We have lovely neighbours who are always willing to help us if we have any problems and they keep asking how long is it before we stay permanently.

We will still both have to work and fully expect there to be hard times ahead but if you don't try you will never know.

Hopefully our house in England will be rented out so at least we will not have burnt our bridges should we be unfortunate and have to return.

Somethings may be expensive in France but so is living in Surrey (and not in a brilliant area at that)!!

Hope you do what feels right for you

Jax

 

 

 

[SaligoBay]

April, do you know exactly where your friend was and what was wrong with it?

If your friend is following a job around to different countries, maybe she ended up in some suburb somewhere?   Suburbs exist for working people to get to work, and that's what they spend most of their life doing, so the ambiance (or lack of) can be pretty much the same as in English suburbs. 

Only you know what you want.  I have friends who dislike France and the French, I have friends who like it very much but wouldn't dream of uprooting children when they can get already get the best out of it on long holidays.  I've done deep rural in a previous existence so feel no need to do it in France, and if I was single, child-free, etc, I'd be straight into a flat in central Montpellier or Marseille, streetlife, nightlife, brilliant!!

France isn't for everyone, but it might be for you.

[letrangere]

April, I don't think you've said why you want to move to France.  What's the attraction for you?  Margaret

[Nathalie]

Someone once said to me "regret what you haven't done - don't regret what you have done". 

Look at the reasons to why you want to make the move, bu what I would say is - if you have the slightest doubt, don't do it - yet. 

Moving abroad isn't the recipe for automatic success and happiness, I'm not saying that's what you're looking for but I imagine some people want to escape one way of life for another in the hope of finding, as******o says, utopia.  But it can help if you're looking for the things that matter to you and which you know will improve your quality of life.

Good luck. 

Nathalie 

[Jirac18]

Lots of second guessing as to what April is thinking. It is scary no matter how much you want to do it. It is a massive step. The best question so far is "why do you want to come to France?" I too am intruiged to know. April once you have establish why and what you want to do there will probably be far more practical advice on hand rather than speculation.

[Tresco]

Come back April, please don't not tell us what you think about all this comment in response to your post, and tell whatever you can about your own thoughts about moving to France. 

[Evianers]

We once posted a thread 'who settles best' which obtained a great many responses. We have lived six years in Switzerland, eleven years in South Africa, six years in Australia and now twelve years in Belgium. We are going to live in France in two years time because we no longer have a 'home' anywhere. Looking at all options, GB, Oz, SA, Cyprus and noting 'fors' and 'againsts' on lengthy lists, France came out on top for very many reasons. But the later one leaves a big move, the more difficult it is to settle, especially if one has never had this gruelling experience before. Think carefully and do your homework.

[letrangere]

I can't help thinking that quite a few of the people we see popping up on this site would be far better off in Aus, if they're still of working age, or Cyprus, if they want to retire.  I often think they're not using their imaginations for so often France seems such an odd choice of destination bearing in mind their background and what they want to do.  This is why I keep asking "why France?"

Cyprus has a lot of attractions, ie no language problem, low taxes, fabulous weather.  (I hope the person who referred to France as "the land of sunshine" is reading this.)  Cyprus doesn't appeal to us in the slightest but we know several couples who are blissfully happy there for all the above reasons.  They would no doubt add, "no French people either"...  M

[Later]

A couple more to add to that shopping list: British Columbia and New Zealand.  IMHO South Africa has a lot going for it, but you can keep Oz.