Jks Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 The recent posting on guest repellant got me thinking - has anyone experienced something similar with French friends. Having made efforts to integrate in our village we are genuinely delighted to have made several French friends especially as my daughter really enjoys playing with the children of one particular family. However our expectation of the French being reserved has been turned on its head. This one family (very lovely and helpful in many respects) don't ever seem to leave. They show up at any time of the day, often stay into the early hours (despite my husband or I making apologies and going to bed!) and are happy to sit for hours and hours making little or no conversation. We really aren't anti-social and love meeting new people, but wonder whether this family is taking the p***? Have tried using stock phrases (in French) that one would use in England in similar situations - but they don't seem to get it. Have also tried making arrangements to see them eg: will meet for coffee on Thursday (they still show up on Tuesday and Wednesday!). It's getting so I feel under seige and feel like hiding when there's a knock at the door. I really don't want the situation to deteriorate nor to lose their friendship but am at a loss as to what I can say or do. The family in question have few friends in the village, although their children are popular and very well behaved. Has anyone experienced something similar, any suggestions for dealing with this or any French phrases that would "politely" hit the mark?Many thanksJulie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monika Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Oh yes I know the feeling and we have suffered it also, not in France, but in Switzerland (there the degree of severity varies from canton to canton) and the Swiss even have a word for this illness it is called "Hockleder", translated "sittingleather". I think you will have to have a few "escape" tactics here, our favourite ones were, important long telephone calls, appointments and in the evening "we just need our sleep". But I do sympathize with you it's not easy. Monika Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaligoBay Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 There's a French verb "s'incruster", you should be able to use it to your advantage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charentehomme Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Maybe you should be grateful that they want to be friendly.If nobody had been kind to you then you would have probably moaned that the French are stand-offish and aloof.If you want to live in an environment where everyone knows that is it impolite to stay after 6pm then why not stay in Surrey or another county in the SE of England. At least there you can be sure that nobody will bother you, after all they are all too busy parking their 4X4s. If you choose to live in France then you have to accept that the locals are hospitable - if you don't like it then don't come and live here - we'll all better off without you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davies Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 Maybe you should be grateful that they want to be friendly.If nobody had been kind to you then you would have probably moaned that the French are stand-offish and aloof.If you want to live in an environment where everyone knows that is it impolite to stay after 6pm then why not stay in Surrey or another county in the SE of England. At least there you can be sure that nobody will bother you, after all they are all too busy parking their 4X4s. If you choose to live in France then you have to accept that the locals are hospitable - if you don't like it then don't come and live here - we'll all better off without you. Well, you have certainly convinced me that you haven't quite taken on board the point that Julie was making.Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Smith Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 Or ever spent any time in Surrey... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayB Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 [quote]Or ever spent any time in Surrey...[/quote]We were sentenced there for almost 4 years once before we escaped! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swissbarry Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 Now that’s enough. You’re starting to squabble again. And I won’t have it, d’you hear? You can jolly well start to show each other a bit of respect, and be nice to each other, or I’ll make you stay in after the bell. And sit on your hands. And write out a thousand times “I must not be a cantankerous git”. I’m going to ask the Great Superintendent Administrator in Chief to give me the job of Making People Be Nice on this site. And if that means visiting each of you personally and kicking you in the groin, I’ll DAMN WELL DO IT, DO YOU HEAR? I’VE HAD ENOUGH! SIT UP STRAIGHT! WIPE THAT SMILE OFF YOUR FACE! I should warn you, I once nearly met someone who had a black belt in karate, and I’m not a man to be trifled with. My ankles simply ripple with muscles. So have a care. And Be Nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kas33 Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 We have the same thing happening here - one particular family that turn up, usully on a weekend when the place is in chaos, and want to stay put. My husband used to work with the mum of the family, and they are so familiar now that my kids refer to her as "daddy's girlfriend" without batting an eyelid (aged 3 and 5). We always offer a coffee and they always politely refuse, then we think, "now what?" and stumble through the next few hours in bad french, usually being told off for not ever dropping in on them unannounced! We have tried saying that the English, well us anyway, prefer to make a proper arrangement, but it falls on deaf ears. Perhaps they have found out that we moved here from Surrey?!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Smith Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 Swiss B - how can we write lines if we are sitting on our hands. Just asking, like... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnM Posted March 13, 2005 Share Posted March 13, 2005 Carefully Smith Minor, you'll be in trouble for answering back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loiseau Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 QUOTE...We always offer a coffee and they always politely refuse, then we think, "now what?" and stumble through the next few hours in bad french, ... Maybe it's like in the rural Vendée (my experience), where you offer somebody a drink, or a cup of coffee, and they politely say No, but if you ask them three times then they will accept on the third. It seems to be a social ritual of some sort. Perhaps they want to be sure they're wanted... (Though it doesn't sound from your post, as if they are really!)Another twist to this is the occasion when you are invited round at tea-time or whatever, and then you sit and talk for hours and *hours* with no food or drink being produced. This has happened to me often with one particular couple, and I would wear myself out with marathon talking to interpret for my husband and keep the conversation going on all sides.Eventually we would despair and get to our feet (still unfed or unquenched), saying: "Well it was lovely to see you, we really must be off." Whereupon they will say "Oh don't go," and will then produce wonderful home-made cake, tea, coffee or whatever!It so runs counter to our British habit of feeling we have to offer food and drink to somebody the minute they have stepped through our door...Angelawww.the-vendee.co.uk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jks Posted March 15, 2005 Author Share Posted March 15, 2005 Ah thank you for that Angela!It is rural Vendee where we live and your post sounds very familiar. We too have experienced the same with family mentioned at the beginning of this posting who invited us to a barbecue at 6pm and put the first sausages on it at midnight! Having not eaten before hand we were ravenous! Contrary to what others on this posting may believe I never intended to give the impression that we don't welcome our new friends merely that we didn't think it too unreasonable that guests return home before 4am on a school night. I can't speak for others but we have found people in the Vendee to be warm, funny and very welcoming (rather similar to our friends in Manchester - not Surrey!)Julie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
opas Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 Nice one, jks ! Mrs Opas from Oldham. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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