Re: Alcohol - addiction and its treatment

[Chris Head]

Yes Gary.

Hey Sweet, at least you're aware...follow your conscience and it'll be fine. Like you said; the stuff seduces and envelopes you and then one day you wake up and think 'oops'.....

[Gluestick]

Sweet. If you search around, French chefs use a form of red and white wine with the alchohol taken out for cooking. Can't remember what it is called, though.

Even if you use copious quantities of wine (or indeed any alchohol) as a marinade ('cos it softens meat fibres better than anything else), as soon as you start cooking, the alchohol evaporates off, since it has a much lower boiling point than water. Thus, it's the same when you cook in wine; the alchohol evaporates off, leaving the grape or other flavours to add ambience to the dish.

Yes, we are all correct to focus on the quantity of alchohol we consume. That said we must, at all costs, try and avoid a natural Knee Jerk reaction to the recent news in Britain about alchohol abuse "In the leafy suburbs..........".

Most of us know, really know when we are drinking too much and too regularly: as we also know when alchohol consumption is affecting our health, work and relationships as well as our quality of life.

My own test is quite simple; going totally on the wagon for short or longer periods to check whether I feel deprived and suffer any significant withdrawal symptoms.

When I was due to go into hospital this February for serious surgery, I jokingly said to my close friends (who were all astounding in their support and kindness!) "With the prospect of surviving on hospital grub for two weeks, please bring real food: and wine!"

One, bless him, actually brought me a bottle of red! Which sat patiently in my locker for the whole time.

In fact, I didn't miss the booze at all. And me, I really love my wine: it's a keen interest, even to buying forward and sharing tastings with friends etc.

Interesting article in Timesonline, that's worth a looksee.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/food_and_drink/article2697975.ece

On the back of fresh "Nanny State" fervour, I feel we have to be a tad cautious in avoiding the clear temptation of labelling alchohol as the Devil's Brew!

Personally, I think that's all the high sugar heavily advertised muck (try leaving a dirty copper coin in a bath of cola overnight!), and even more worrying junk like high-caffeine drinks; which are clearly hugely addictive.

 

[cooperlola]

I always give up the booze when my o/h goes away.  Don't touch it from the moment he leaves until he gets back.  I'm amazed how easy it is when there's nobody else to suggest we open a bottle!  It has just never appeals to me when I'm on my own.  Fags, now, another matter all together....[:D]  We all have our own little crutches - or big ones.

[Gluestick]

JE:

Is it me or there a deep association between fags and motorsport?

OK, I know it's not fashionable now, 'cos all the drivers are midget fitness freaks, however, I always seemed to associate circuits with fags.

Hill used to of course, as did Chunky Chapman; Chris Amon, too and Innes Ireland.

I well remember reading a lovely piece (Motorsport probably) written by an older chap, reminiscincing about Brooklands in the 30s,: he wrote somthing like"I remember the wonderful smell of the clouds of Goldflake everyone seemed to be smoking, mixed with the crisp smell of burnt castor oil.........".

So, is this part of addicition? A clear association of ideas and places and habits?

Probably the hardest battle I ever had was stopping the ciggies.

 

[mint]

Gluey

You speak commonsense, as usual.  We do always know whether we are drinking too much.  I WOULD like to cut down a little.

Today, I managed to cook lunch, the swordfish, from an earlier post ,baked in olive oil and butter and roast pumpkins, without a drink.  In fact, I have decided that, unless I am eating out, I will no longer drink wine at lunch.

However (and there is always a "however", isn't there), a friend came straight after we came in from an appointment at the mairie and walking the dog and, of course, there is the inevitable bottle opened.  I suppose I have had a third, my share, of the bottle.

Sigh..................what to do.  WILL keep trying!

[woolybanana]

Strategy sweet 17: tell all friends you are on the wagon, doctor's orders and then don't keep any booze in the house, keep out of the booze section in the supermarket.  This works. 'Tis the voice of experience m'dear.

[mint]

Wooly

Not easy.  OH likes his tipple.  All my friends tell me I don't drink too much.  I think I do and, of course, they don't really know how much I drink.

I hardly ever go overboard.  Never at any social functions, etc because I wouldn't like to make a spectacle of myself.

Would really like to think I can take it or leave it. I am now on "red alert" and have started keeping a drinking diary.  I don't think I am a serious case yet but it won't take an awful lot before I am!

Not unduly worried as YET.  But, its' going to be a bit of a painful journey, I fear.  Thanks for the advice.

[woolybanana]

Water the wine for yourself if necessary, no spirits at all. It is as much habits that must be broken, so note when and where you drink too. Then set a target of say one month (six is better) without booze at all. Say it is for a bet if necessary or for raising money for say leukaemia research.

(sorry, can't type too well as one of the dogs is asleep on my knees)

[mint]

Love to drink when I am preparing meals, chopping vegetables, stirring sauces, etc.  So, you see, not easy when I have to cook!

Strangely enough, don't mind if I drink or not WITH meals, just love to drink when I am humming in my kitchen, making nice things to share with others.  Mad or what?

Same thing with going out.  Don't mind if I don't drink when I am out, but love having a nice large G & T or whisky when I am getting ready, putting on the glad rags, the war paint and happily anticipating my evening out!

In a way, I think it's easy if you drink when you are miserable because you can change your mindset to be happy.  But I love to drink when I am happy and God's in his heaven and all's right with the world.  Wouldn't want to make myself unhappy now, would I?

[Gluestick]

Good advice Sweets!

My one is the ol' pill trick! "Sorry! Much as I'd love to, the damn quack has put me on these pills and if I drink, I'll probably vomit all over your nice carpet!"

This one works well when one is in the company of the hardened boozers, for some reason of social or work necessity.

You sit on the sidelines and when they start slurring, yours is the only clear head and voice of reason.

Smug self-righteousness kicks in and you think, "What plonkers!" [:D]

Good luck Sweets: be tough with yourself!

 

[woolybanana]

Right Gluey, absolutely right.

[Chris Head]

Smug self-righteousness kicks in and you think, "What plonkers!"

I carved a bench in September at a yearly local event over a couple of days and the booze flows freely there, there was one older chap who was slurring and I didn't want to talk to him; actually I just looked at him and felt horrified that I had been like that, he must've thought me strange 'cos I just stared at him, he had the physical appearance of an alchoholic, he was charming but it was tough to witness....the other happening was a group of perhaps four or five lads who were drunk and gobbing off to me about chainsaws and other stuff....I felt threatened and had to be 'assertive' in order to get them to back off. It was interesting to see the effects of the alchohol on both age groups. The evenings there are traditionally a riot but unfortunately no longer for me!

You're aware Sweet; don't let the awareness turn into paranoia.

[woolybanana]

The wife of a Brit I know regularly comes round here just to let off steam because her husband is a heavy drinker who gets verbally and occasionally physically abusive. He is drinking a minimum of two bottles of wine a day. And despite three major heart attacks, smokes 40 a day. The problem is that he refuses to seek help for either problem. Any ideas as to how to deal with this?

[Cerise]

Tell her to leave.  This is not a flippant comment.  In a previous life I was married to an alcoholic and put up with it for 19 years.  It was always going to get better - but you know it never did.  Eventually a kind doctor pointed out that I couldn't save my ex-husband, but I could save me.  I did and now thank heaven that my last 13 years have been free of that misery.  I've married again to someone who enjoys an occasional drink but for whom it is not his life.  I am sorry that I wasn't able to do anything to help my first husband.   I did try but only the addicted person themselves can change.  If they can't or won't then nothing anyone can say will make a difference.  If she leaves then this might shock him into getting help, sadly if she stays the abuse is simply likely to continue, her life will become a total misery and he will still drink.

 

 

[Missy]

He will not go for help EVER, even kicking and screeming. People this far are way above help seeking. FULLSTOP

She can leave him ... not that very easy, especially if there are children involved ... at least she could 'emigrate' to another part of the house she shares with him ... There must be a spare bedroom where she can make a sanctuary for herself ...  Physical/verbal abuse she could curb by threatening to call the police and to go as far as taking the blower off the hook ready to dial.... It works on some, sometime ...

Is she able to get a job? That job could be a saving grace to think straight about the next move, save money for herself, straighten her own finances ... A heck of a boost to self confidence ... It shifts the attention seeking that the abuser/drinker craves as she will no longer be able as much as before to stand around waiting for his 'tantrums' to happen ...

My best wishes to this lady ...[:)]

[Gluestick]

Sadly and very realistically (and not callously, I assure you) WB, if this chap drinks two bottles of wine/day and does 40 fags; and has had three major coronaries, then he isn't gone to be around much longer! His arteries will soon be like old waste pipes in a very high calcium area! No flow.

Thus the poor lady's problem will self-solve; what dire trauma for her though.

Having watched certain people destroy themselves and been involved in trying to help, it really does go back to something I said earlier in this thread: with any addictive behavioural anomoly, it has to be the subject who undergoes a sort of Damascene moment, holds their hands up and says" I have a problem! I'm going to cure myself!"

Many years ago, I had a chum and we started a small but potentially very successful part-time business.

I got on with selling and assembling sales teams: his job was the stock and buying.

We reached a point where we just didn't ever seem to have any cash!

He was not long married (as was I) but he had a young baby.

At a point of somewhere between total puzzlement and growing annoyance, one evening I went to his flat to demand some explanations.

The place was in darkness however I banged furiously on the door! Eventually his charming young wife appeared: she was very stressed and hugely defensive!

Eventually, she invited me in: no carpets; no electricity: and she was trying to feed the babe by heating feed on an old oil stove!

The business forgotten, I demanded to know what was going on!

Turned out he was a compulsive gambler - in his early 20s! - the electricity was cut off, as was the gas; the carpets (on HP) had been repossessed.

His poor dear wife was struggling to retain some dignity and a sense of normality: poor lass.

I found him and dragged him out of a local gaming club!

I and another of his friends tried everything to sort him put: most evenings one or both of us would go around the local dens dragging him out, telling people not to gamble with him since he had no money.

We tried hitting him; religion; hypnotism. With all this he would never, ever accept he had a problem!

By this time, for me, the business was forgotten (great shame!) the money was ignored: I tried to help him for him but above all his lovely wife and baby.

Over the years he continued as before: greater business success: remarriage, but always down he would come tumbling: gambling!

What a fool!

And, in human terms, how very, very sad. Yet another kid growing up without her real dad.

 

[woolybanana]

Yes Gluey, I am sorry to say that is what his wife is now hoping for as the only way out.

[Cerise]

Wooly - unfortunately it doesn't always work that way and it sounds as though she may spend what is left of her life nursing a bad tempered alcoholic.  It may well finish her off before it does him.  If he won't get help she could try going to the doctor for her own sanity - even if she can't bring herself to leave she may get some support.

I wish her well, poor woman.

[mint]

Took Wooly's advice, didn't go near the booze section in the supermarket today; would normally have bought some whisky as the whisky decanter is quite empty.  Had barely one and a bit glass of really nice Chardonnay whilst preparing dinner. 

Don't want to give the wrong impression.  I don't really drink that much but just don't much like feeling I HAVE to have a drink EVERYDAY and I do mean everyday, without fail.

Just gets scary when I read stuff like the recent articles in the Times and hear about people going overboard.  I'd love to feel that I could "take it or leave it".  Don't aim for teetotalism or anything like that; just want to keep things in proportion.

[Russethouse]

Well I did the wrong thing last night. I decided it was an alcohol free day and just had slimline tonic water to drink in the evening (no Gin)

It was 4 am before I got any sleep [:'(][:'(][:'(]

I'm still not sure which ingredient was to blame........quinine ?

[woolybanana]

There is a bit of a support network for her round about plus the fone helps. But, yes, I do worry she will crack herself.

Leaving, she says,  is not an option for other reasons but I still think she should.

[woolybanana]

Your body was in a state of shock, like going to bed on an empty stomach[6]

[Chris Head]

Poor lass wooly, what a way to live a life? For both of them.

Try horlicks instead Gay, blimey, 4am! That's an hour before I'm up...bet you were fun to be with!

 

[Russethouse]

I don't think there was too much shock involved, I don't drink every day, however I am having two glasses of red wine tonight -I have just got to catch up on some zzzzzz.......

[woolybanana]

Gay, because you are such a kind honest person we believe your story. However, I wonder if it really would stand up to serious scrutiny by the new booze police?