Personal Protection

[Quillan]

[quote user="idun"]

Re the locking people up, well at the moment he has committed a very violent act, which did not even merit a night in the cells. So as far as I am concerned, the law is hogwash and not fit for purpose. He should not have been bailed without a thought and immediately.

[/quote]

So he has been charged, with assault one would guess, and let out on bail. Was the woman in court and legally represented when he was bailed, if not, why not? Anyway the fact he has been to court and bailed on criminal charges legates the need to apply for an injunction and she can apply for a restraining order with a penal order attached immediately. Should he then attempt to attack her again he will go straight to prison where he will stay till he appears in court for the first offence after which he will also have to appear for breaking the restraining order (he will probably stay in prison till then as well). Your friend needs to get to a solicitor quickly, like first thing tomorrow morning.

[Russethouse]

Well, this is easy to say and not so easy to do I know, but most bullies are cowards at heart. By acting as she is, she is making herself into the victim he wants her to be. Don't let him win!

Hopefully there is a court date, until then your friend should probably try to stay with friends where possible and change her routine in which ever ways she can. At the same time she should see a solicitor and impress on them the gravity of the situation.

Anything such as hairspray , deodorant or perfume is unpleasant if sprayed in the face, I'd have something with me the whole time, in a pocket or a bag, as well as a personal alarm and a mobile with an emergency button ( I thinik they dial 999 automatically)

It must be terrifying and I don't underestimate her fear or your difficulty in trying to help her idun.

[PaulT]

[quote user="Boiling a frog"]So, just how do the "others" prevent the attack? . I am fully aware that people are threatened all the time and that the current process cannot /does not protect them, but apart from locking up the perp without any due legal process there is only a certain amount that can be done. What do you suggest, apart from some sort of draconian law where the alleged victim only has to say that the person is threatening them and the perp is immediately locked up on suspicion and is never released.[/quote]

The police could provide a watch on her - they can for criminals who agree to provide evidence against others.

When they hear that a crime, such as a robbery, might be committed they take action then by laying in wait.

In a civilised country should someone be terrified of their life without the authorities doing something.

I think that if this person is alleging that a threat has been made then at the very least the person who is alleged to have made the threats should be interviewed and, if they have been already arrested for assault then they should no longer be on bail.

[idun]

[quote user="idun"]

So after a severe beating, the aggressor says that they will come back and kill their victim and no one will be able to get there in time.

How do you protect yourself when out and about and your home against infraction?

 

This is a very serious question as I am very worried about someone I know.

 

Yes, the police know and are doing whatever is necessary about the beating, but apparently are doing nothing about the threats, real threats might I add, this person is a maniac. This is in the UK, but sadly I know of someone who was in a similar situation in France, but they left France to get away. This person cannot go anywhere.

[/quote]

 

Back to my first post. Yes, the police have done something, but little.

Truthfully I cannot post everything I have been told at the moment. I'm afraid that if they found out, it may have some effect on any future trial and there is no way on earth I would do that.

[dave21478]

Quillan is on the money with the legal side of things. This woman needs to seek immediate, urgent legal advice from someone who specialises on this sort of thing regarding how to proceed.

As for the physical side, In my experience, sprays and potions can have a limited use, and can give a dangerous false sense of security, to say nothing of being used against the victim herself. Fractions of a second can count during a confrontation and loosing time fumbling for a bottle, taking aim etc can put the victim at a disadvantge, to say nothing of some home-brew concotion merely serving to infuriate the attacker further.

I know it sounds like some Zen Buddhist nonsense, but the first step in winning a fight is to not fight in the first place. Every possible step should be taken to avoid confrontation. If the attacker can not be talked out of it, she should be ready at a moments notice to drop EVERYTHING and get the hell away....run, drive, whatever means are available. If that means abandoning posessions, pets, handbag etc or even other people, then so be it. Her life is the thing at stake and that takes ALL priority. Once she has escaped to safety, she can then worry about summoning help, helping others or retrieving property. She MUST have no doubts about this point - getting away is all that matters. If that means using her car as a battering ram should she be blocked in by him, or damaging bystanders cars etc in the process then so be it. I know that sounds a bit "Hollywood", but her life is worth more than her insurance excess.

There is a little "however" to the above though. If she is on foot, he needs to be sure that escape is possible without exhausting herself. No point in her running quarter of a mile down the road only for him to catch up and find her weakened by the escape attempt. If a foot escape looks unlikely she should conserve her energy for the confrontation.

When it is clear that negotiation or escape are not viable and that violence is unavoidable, she needs to prepare. Never stand squarely facing the attacker as it is too easy to be pushed off balance, but stand at a slight angle with her right foot further back (assuming right handed).

She needs to be bold - lacking in stature or strength can be compensated by speed and surprise. A hefty kick to the nuts will give any man second thoughts. The advantage of standing at an angle means that her right leg is ready to kick out without having to be swung back first - a sure giveaway allowing the man time to react and protect himself. Whipping her leg up, she should aim for her toes to connect with the bum-hole. Its easy to miss the target with your toes, but aiming a little "beyond" will mean the top of her foot is what connects with the nuts - a much better chance of a direct hit.

As soon as he bends over, she needs to follow up with further blows to immobilise him. She is unlikely to be able to punch hard enough to cause damage, so kicking is best. Body, head, face......it sounds nasty, but fighting is unpleasant and she needs to do whatever it takes to survive.

If she is attacked from behind, she should use her heel on his shins, or

if he is close enough, ram her head backwards into his nose.

She should try to maintain a distance and not get trapped in his grasp. If there is something to hand that can be improvised as a club, then she should use it without hesitation. Saucepan, bit of wood, bottle, even a bunch of keys can do a lot of damage. If the fight becomes "close quarters" she needs to do anything to get away from his grasp, scratching, biting and gouging on any soft flesh will help this...face, throat, ears and eyes etc

Her aim is to give herself enough time to get away or for help to arrive. She should never worry about anything beyond the immediate escape. Immobilising the guy for long enough to get to a public place or for police to arrive is all she needs to do, and she should never be worrying about facing assault charges herself. Even if things go very wrong afterwards legally, its better for her friends to be visiting her in a cell than to be attending her funeral. As the saying goes. "Its better to be tried by twelve than carried by six."

Acting reasonably to defend herself is what counts. The above is not unreasonable for a woman to defend her life against a much stronger attacker.

[Quillan]

Unfortunately Dave its a bit like telling a drowning person not to panic. Unless you have received specific training and even with the best will in the world blind panic will set in. My personal advice in a situation like this is what we were taught (survival and evasion) "a man that runs away lives to run away another day".

[Russethouse]

If there is a pending trial and this guy is still using threatening behavior then surely your friend has every reason to seek that he is jailed until trial ?  If he is bailed then surely the terms of that bail include leaving her alone ?

There are some things that are difficult to protect against : http://www.getreading.co.uk/news/s/2088811_80mph_driver_was_spurned_boyfriend There was an 8 year sentence.

[Hoddy]

Reading about the original story on this thread and on the other cases one reads in the papers it seems to me that we need some serious research into why some people behave in this extremely irrational way.

Hoddy

[nectarine]

I'd suggest your friend also keeps a daily log, a diary, of what is happening and how she is feeling. Also she should write up everything that happened leading up to this. Sometimes this can be used as a 'victim impact statement' but also it provides a good testimony, if ever it is needed, of the insidious and harrowing experience that she has been under. You never know when it might be needed. Then copy it to her MP, to the papers if necessary, to a womens refuge ... anywhere that might be interested and take up her case. The law is complicated on this matter. Stalking has to be proven, threats are your word vs. his,

Mods Hat ON.

I have deleted some text from this post because it could be seen as inciting an illegal act. We cant have that sort of thing, sorry.

'Q'

Mods Hat OFF

[cooperlola]

[quote user="Quillan"]Unfortunately Dave its a bit like telling a drowning person not to panic. Unless you have received specific training and even with the best will in the world blind panic will set in. [/quote]Exactly, which was why I suggested the contacts at the shelter.  Most battered women have commitments - they must earn a living, see family etc etc etc which is why these organsisations exist.  They are well used to protecting people from the most persistent and viscious of batterers, and have, as I said, EXPERTS - real, trained ones - who can help with the psychological aspects of battering.  Here's another group and a very useful website resource:

http://www.lawc.on.ca/ResourceAbused.htm

Have a look at the opening page of the link, Idun, as it provides some hints as to how friends and others can provide real, practical help for her too.

[idun]

thankyou one and all. I'll post no more about this, as I really am tempted to say things, that on this world wide web, may be seen and jepodise a court case.

I, I must say, have a vivid imagination and have, spurred on by some posts, mentally taken them further and had some very odd and probably illegal ideas. Still I am going to look into them, just in case they are not illegal, because you never know.

 

We have spoken yesterday and if she walked into a room with any of you, you'd think that all was well. The signs are there if you know her, but she is acting, as many of us do when we don't want to distress those around us. She is going to come and see me to go over a lot of the things I have mentioned and have been disucussed on here. Currenly she is not living alone either, which is helping.

 

Sadly someone has asked her what she had done to provoke him. Hein......... some people, well, what can one say to them? However, in spite of such a comment, this person has been wonderfully supportive in other ways, in fact a marvel. I just wish they'd think before they say anything.