How could you Mother!

[Teamedup]

I felt quite sorry the girl. Her mother sat there stone faced as the girl complained bitterly.

 

It had all been sparked by H, my fellow benevole as we enrolled kids for the association we help run. The mother said that they were new to the area and had been concerned about her 8 year old integrating into the group and the time of the classes, but decided that they would have a couple of trial lessons and as she filled in the form it turned out that she lived quite close to H. H, being a friendly chap, he asked if they liked it in their new village.

The mother, it turned out was quite pleased with the move. However,the daughter, 14 years old was not. Nothing to do, no public transport, how could you mother, move me, a town girl into a country village like this. The mother as I said, sat stone faced.  She now had to beg and plead to do something as mundane as visit friends, or go to the cinema. Where they had lived, she could do these things easily. Now, she always needed a lift, which due to her parents working full time, was usually not available. 

She was articulate and gave as far as I was concerned, perfectly valid arguments as to why she hated the move.

Poor H, he extolled the virtues of being near ski slopes and good mountain walks etc etc, the girl just looked at him as if he was off his rocker and I suspect that he wished he hadn't asked in the first place.

 

The village in question is around 5kms from a town. There is some public transport based around work times, so for social activities not very convenient.

 

I haven't worked since I have been here and have been available to taxi my kids, I realised that I was going to have to do that. And I certainly would not have liked to have been trapped here as an ado.

 

If a french adolescent doesn't want to live out in the sticks, how on earth do these brit ados who come out here with no french initially cope, especially if they have moved from a town?

 

 

[Russethouse]

I often wonder the same. I grew up 3 miles from the nearest town - my mother did not drive and it certainly would never have occured to me to expect my father to pick me up, and so my social life was ruled by the last bus (5 minutes after the film finished at the cinema )

Now I have children of my own. At one time I really rather fancied moving to a village 3 miles away from here, but the thought of being a 'taxi' put me off..........

[Battypuss]

Kids survive these days. They have gameboys and Internet and what they can can figure. They have the love of their parent(s)but of course, don't realise that until they get to twenty. Or more. Still, they can leave school after 3ième and sort it out themselves!

[Teamedup]

Some children aren't even 15 by the end of 3eme and some will still be 14. And how could a 14/15 year old be that desparate to get away, I don't even think it is legal to leave school in France until one is 16 especially to find somewhere new to live. Don't think any kid escaping at that age would feel they were quitting a 'loving' household. They would not be able to rent anywhere, or sort themselves out in any way without help, even at 16.

Game boy and internet, pleassssssssssssse, no one tell me that this is a healthier activity for a child than human contact with friends. My kids told me by the time they were in their late teens that I had 'won'..... I said I would never buy them a game boy or sega and I never did. I'd take them anywhere, but that sort of electronic entertainment never seemed a good idea to me.

We hear better life for the kids on here? and this when  most know next to nothing about France, and what they know is often mythic. They aren't keeping their kids from drugs, alcahol, early age smoking, child abuse, bullying etc etc......all are alive and well in France. We even have petty crime and acts of vandalism commited by youth, even in small villages.  And I mustn't forget rampant unemployment amoungst the young, whether one is highly qualified or not.

[SaligoBay]

I agree, deep rural might be okay for young children, but for teenagers - no way!   I was a part-time deep-rural teen, and it was much more scary than being in town.   Teenagers are the same everywhere, but in the country there are fewer options for time-passing, and a strange intensity in spending all your time with the same small group of people.  Sex and drugs are much... ow you say... nearer the surface.  

[Deby]

Teamed UP!

I just sent you a PM and forgive me - this seemed to happen 30 times!! or more.  It also missed half of my message, I will look into whether I pressed something or have a bug or not.

So if you have received this 30+ times - sorry - just delete them all.
Deby

[Teamedup]

It went through 26 times. I hope my reply only went through once.

[Miki]

I agree, deep rural might be okay for young children, but for teenagers - no way!   I was a part-time deep-rural teen, and it was much more scary than being in town.   Teenagers are the same everywhere, but in the country there are fewer options for time-passing, and a strange intensity in spending all your time with the same small group of people.  Sex and drugs are much... ow you say... nearer the surface.  

I won't repeat what I must have said a million times but our kids, once in to their teenage years were climbing the walls in our tiny rural commune.

Yep, all there, even in a one horse commune, drinks, drugs, sex,  not sure about the old rock n'roll though but, life as they preferred it to be, probably much the same mind you, was to be in a more all year round vibrant area.  Can't say I argued too much against the move ! 

Served my time in the sticks, at the end of the day, I'm a boy up from the smoke !! Now I live in the boondocks but have towns right on my doorstep, cooshty

 

[Tresco]

[quote]I often wonder the same. I grew up 3 miles from the nearest town - my mother did not drive and it certainly would never have occured to me to expect my father to pick me up, and so my social life was ...[/quote]

Yes, spot on, we tried several long holidays, many with friends of my teeenager. These were sparky kids, open to just about anything, but rural France? No way. These were city boys, so rural Britain was bad enough for them.

I met a  young guy the other day, 19, moved with family to rural France just after he'd finished his GCSE's. Parents refused to 'lift him' as he was 'grown up now'. Younger sibs, who were 10 and 12 at the time are 'just about OK'. He 'gets by' with the language, but has no friends, spends a lot of time with his parents and their (English) friends, all much older than him. He wondered aloud to me whether he would 'ever have a girlfriend' at this rate. He was deeply serious, and had considered movong back on his own, but what to, and he loves his sisters, they 'keep him going' - can this be good?

I'm sure we all do what we think is right at the time, for ourselves and our children, but surely moving from the city to the countryside in England would be bad for a, lets say 11 to 17 year old? Never mind a whole new country.

I love all the positive stuff, keep it coming, but can't help but wonder if people don't really think it through, and by the way, I am not someone who consults the child on the big stuff. I think that's the adults job.

 

[Hegs]

>The village in question is around 5kms from a town.

Whatever happened to push bikes and/or walking? The kids in my village cycle 9 kms over a huge hill to get to the next one most evenings. In any case, won't she be able to get a scooter in less than a year?

I personally wonder what her mother wanted to get her away from

[Teamedup]

Hegs: 

5kms and most of that a very steep mountain road, (most mountain roads are not this steep) where the cars speed up and down and there are lots of accidents. It is dangerous day and night. I wouldn't want my kids, or husband or me either walking up it or trying to cycle up it. I believe they moved for husband's job. The mother after all could have made some little comment about where they were from and how rough it was etc.

My kids have walked. My kids catch the buses, because we have a more regular service. They hitch hike, and use bikes although using bikes has resulted in two accidents chez nous. And no the kids around here would not cycle 9kms for a night out. If mortality rates for the young in France are already bad, that would be a very good way of making the figures far worse, a sort of adolescenticide. And my kids have already lost enough friends thankyou very much.

 

Tresco: what does this 19 year old do, is he studying? working? what?

[Tresco]

He works part time for his dad, not sure what they do, but I got the impression they employ and work mainly with English people. They live in a rural area, and he seemed quite a shy young man to me, which probably hasn't helped.

 When he was talking about going back to the UK I was on the verge of saying 'go, don't get sucked further into this middle aged ex-pat vortex'. Stopped myself because he was open about his love and respect for his family here.

TU, I think you have a couple of lad yourself don't you? Do you have any advice you think might be appropriate.

[Teamedup]

I am really for kids travelling and expanding their horizons. I seem to be more enthusiastic about this than either of my sons at the moment though.

 

 Frankly, it would worry me to death that my son was living a life as you have described this young man is. I would rather worry that my sons are up to mischief than being in an insular world. 

[Patf]

We have farming friends whose oldest son is 15. He's an extremely physical, energetic lad . During term-time he's at a boarding school in a large town, so has plenty to do and a social life.He also plays rugby. His parents have to do a lot of taxiing about though. I think boarding school fees in France are a lot less than in uk. During the holidays he works for other local farmers. Up to now he seems to be doing ok. Pat.

[Battypuss]

[quote]Some children aren't even 15 by the end of 3eme and some will still be 14. And how could a 14/15 year old be that desparate to get away, I don't even think it is legal to leave school in France until ...[/quote]

I have three daughters, aged 20, 11 and nearly ten. We don't have a game boy, though obviously we have Internet. The eldest, by some stroke of sheer blessing from God (I can't think of any other explanation), left home with my permission, at 16 to live with her boyfriend. He had seen her at age 14, decided that was it, and they have been like a couple of Lovebirds ever since.

Mind you; I made sure she could cook.

The boyfriend was over the moon, he'd never been exposed to stir fries and yorkshire pudding.

Don't consider that your kids are all that bored in the countryside; show them your values and wishes, give them your love and the tools they need and they will survive.

I had to run a house at 11, it is possible.

And there are lots of kinds of love, one is called let go.

[Russethouse]

>>Don't consider that your kids are all that bored in the countryside; show them your values and wishes, give them your love and the tools they need and they will survive.<<<

I'm glad your daughter is happy to live in the way you describe, but feel that she is the exception that proves the rule.

Most kids want broader horizons and that is only right and natural IMHO.

[Chrisb]

For me, Wednesday's are a good example of what it's like to live in the countryside.

7.50am Take eldest to bus-stop to catch bus to school.
9.30 - 10am Take youngest to music lesson in town (10km)
1.00pm Pick up eldest from bus-stop 3km away
2.00 - 3ish pm Back into town for Table-tennis
5.00-5.30 pm Back again for trumpet lesson
7.00-8.30 pm and once more back again for Aikido!!!

Horse/donkey/dogs/chickens and chores get sorted out in that small window of opportunity between about 10.30 and 12.45!!

We used to live in the countryside in the UK so I am used to a fair amount of ferrying about, especially at weekends, and I don't mind doing it at all, but it is certainly much more of an effort than if they could just wander into town by themselves!!

Regards

Chris