Helping others with medical things

[Teamedup]

I have just noticed that cooperlola registered a friend with a medical condition at her GP's. Which is very nice, I suppose, but exactly how far would any of you take this.

Would you ladies accompany another woman who hadn't had the forethought to learn to say the Gyn/ob's? Same lines, would you men take a mate to see the urologist?

Would you go along with someone to the MST clinic?

 

 

Being squeamish, the thought appals me of doing anything remotely medical when I don't have to. 

I have been to the doctors with a friend who was here on holiday who had a very sore throat, but that is it.

[cooperlola]

Yes, it is a problem and one which is pertinent and goes back to the old chestnut about learning the language.  I've done pretty much a full hand-holding service for these particular people (free) as we are very close friends - notaires, rental agreements, fixing up the phone, internet, buying a car... you name it, as well as the doctor thing.  But I would not be on hand in this way if we were not very close.  I also have to sit while my O/H has dental treatment etc but he could cope in an emergency as he at least has A level standard French.  It's all very well "finding a French-speaking friend" to help you with things but what happens when they're not there? Or if they can't face the kind of situation T/U describes?  LEARN THE LANGUAGE if you're going to live here (sorry to shout!)

[5-element]

I will ONLY do the medical thing, i.e. accompany someone to the doctor, make telephone calls, and give out any information when there are unforeseen medical emergencies... but it also strikes me as odd that a couple in their 70's can, for instance, buy a house here, live in it, and then have no idea of what to do for medical emergencies - have no idea about how to get a doctor, where is the nearest hospital, etc...that somehow they thought that if/when the need arose, they would go back to the UK...

Any other translation/hand-holding services I would do but  for a fee (or rather, a donation- which could be in kind [:)] ), especially since those needing that service are usually, infinitely better off than I am. There has been no problem with this, since I was, at some point, going to start a hand-holding business with a French friend - we were discouraged by all the difficulties with setting up, and so the business never materialised, but we had done the research... having noticed how great the need is in the "communaute anglophone"!

[Weedon]

Unfortunately when ill health strikes it cannot tell whether you speak the language well or not and if it does happen you are very grateful there are kind human beings around to help.

[Teamedup]

Weedon, isn't this just one of those very very very important things that should be taken into account before a move, especially if you aren't young any more and there is more  liklihood of ill health.

Remember helping others can be done with a 'kind' heart or a feeling of being obligated to and even being used. It won't stop the help, just that the recipient should realise that.

[Tresco]

[quote user="Teamedup"]

I have just noticed that cooperlola registered a friend with a medical condition at her GP's. Which is very nice, I suppose, but exactly how far would any of you take this...

I have been to the doctors with a friend who was here on holiday who had a very sore throat, but that is it.

[/quote]

Helping to register, I could manage, because I've done that for myself, but I would be very surprised to be asked.

We took my nieces baby, when she had an ear infection while on holiday here, but we worked out what would be the likely questions/language needing to be used first.

If I needed to see a doctor, that's what I would do.

I suppose my OH might accompany me, but he is as squeamish as you, TU. He really wouldn't appreciate it.[;-)]

[Pierre ZFP]

You don't know always how an emergency will affect you.  One of my boys managed to break his arm while we were visiting a town. Every bit of French I ever knew left me in an instant!  Fortunately we were near a pharmacy and by the time I got my boy back to the car and his Mum I was composed enough to ask for help.  The pharmacy were brilliant, they were going to call an ambulance but I said it would be quicker if I could drive if there was an A&E near (there was) and they gave directions to it.  The A&E were fantastic too . It surprised me just how much the little crisis affected me.

[Tresco]

[quote user="Pierre ZFP"]You don't know always how an emergency will affect you.  [/quote]

OH got a fish hook stuck right through his thumb. Hardly a major emergency I know, but he 'froze' and lost all his French.

 

[Teamedup]

And I am in danger of losing my lunch if you don't stop being so graphic Tresco.[+o(]

[5-element]

Goodness TU, no wonder you prefer not to have to accompany anyone for anything medical except a sore throat[:D]

I am used to things medical as I was working in that field. And usually, I also like helping people. Having said that, I have been in and out  many hospitals and various doctors' surgeries for Mr 5-E, both in the UK and here in France. In spite of his fairly good French, it is true that I feel I must be with him whenever there is an important appointment, as it is too easy to misunderstand a sentence or to be misunderstood by a very busy medic... The worst was when he had unexpected major surgery and I was not allowed to go and see him before, and not after for a day or so. It was a very upsetting time for him, especially since he was being pumped full of morphine and other heavy medication, and on top of that he had to cope with the unfamiliarity of the language - and with the nurses and doctors who'd assured me that they could "speak English" but in fact, did not, except for "My tailor is rich" and other useful expressions... frankly, that was not worth much to my OH at the time, as he was drifting in and out of consciousness....

So at times like these, of course I would always do what I can to help others.

[Cerise]

I'm not squeamish but I'm thoroughly fed up with people asking me to help out with their various problems.  I feel really mean if I say no - but as yet another person with a sick child/run over cat/blocked fosse/broken central heating rings me my heart sinks.  Unfortunately everybody knows I speak French as I work in local library and am on committee for tourist office so I get asked both by the non-French speaking immigrants and by the local French doctor/vet/mayor/anybody else you care to mention.  My husband works for a French plumbing/heating enterprise and yesterday I had 5 phone calls from their English customers.  Each time I point out politely that I don't work for the company, my husband is an ouvrier and they need to phone the company.  I have to answer my phone/e-mails as I run a B & B but I really am beginning to be at the end of my tether with other Brits as I feel like my life is being taken over. 

Recent example - woman who I barely know rings me, fairly hysterical, to say adult son visiting from UK has walked barefoot on broken glass.  I tell her to ring doctor or pompiers, she says she can't make herself understood.  It is 11.00 pm so through gritted teeth I ring doctor who says send them to him.  I ring them back and they say they don't know how to get to doctors - I tell them and go back to bed.  12.15 a.m. doctor rings, very apologetic, but can't get them to understand (even though he has written it down) about the care for wound and medication.  They have told him it is OK to ring me and I am awaiting his call!!  As these folk have lived here nearly 2 years wouldn't you have thought they would have found a doctor before the emergency.

I always used to like helping people, but my goodwill is frankly beginning to run out.  In this area there seems to be an unusually high number of people who are surprised that not everybody speaks English and they all seem to have got hold of my number.  You would think that if people didn't speak the language they would make an attempt to find out where the doctor/dentist/vet/plumber/central heating oil was BEFORE they had an emergency.  Sorry for the rant, but if your language skills are not good,then please think what you would do if you have a problem and try to make a cunning plan (as Baldrick would say[:)]) before things go wrong.

 

[Catalpa]

[quote user="Teamedup"]Would you ladies accompany another woman who hadn't had the forethought to learn to say the Gyn/ob's? Same lines, would you men take a mate to see the urologist?

Would you go along with someone to the MST clinic?[/quote]

Yes.

I'd be less likely to offer assistance with the minutiae of French daily life - EDF, FT, planning at the Mairie or DDE - because I agree, write your script, pick up your dictionary and go and do it. But.

More detailed stuff - particularly medical... if someone asked me, I'd help. I suppose I'd expect someone to have done their vocab homework (and so would I) but often with medical stuff, moral support and a second mind to remember (understand) and even question something that isn't clear is as important as having the vocabulary.

I'd have been similarly helpful when I lived in England - if someone wanted moral support with a doctors appointment (or, years ago... me taking a flatmate to the cl@p clinic because she wouldn't otherwise go being an example...*) so to purse my lips in a "well, you really should have gone to French classes earlier and be able to do this on your own" judgemental way just because I'm now in France would make me a pretty poor example of a caring human being, imo.

And well said, Mme Element. [:D]

*... btw... it turned out to be good news. [:P]

Edit - after reading Cerise's post:

If people were taking the pee to that extent, I'd have no difficulty in saying no. I don't need to be liked. [6] Though I think the fact you are "a well known (and respected?!) figure in the community" probably makes your life much more difficult. [:D]

[Beryl]

I purchased the medical terminology book that was recommended on this website. I have made some flash cards which I keep in my handbag and by the phone, because I know in an emergency I will not talk sense.

I have also downloaded this and filled it in.

http://freelens.france.free.fr/docs/emergencycard.pdf

Even if you aren't fully fluent, there are little things you can do to help yourself.

[cooperlola]

The doctor was amused when I went into the surgery with a very large dictionary underneath my arm!  However, as I explained to her, I would not want to misinterpret important medical terms when somebody's health is at stake.

 Like you catalpa, I'm really happy to help in an emergency but on the other hand, it's important, imo, to make it clear to people that you aren't a free translation service for the entire Brit community (which in my case is luckily very small) every time the roof leaks or the phone goes on the blink.  Coping with these things should be one of the first things people ask themselves about when they contemplate moving here.  Are they able to do it and if not, are they prepared to put the effort into learning enough to at least get by in a crisis?

Btw, the next part of the hand-holding service with my friends is helping them to learn French.

[5-element]

Cerise - I do empathise, what you are expected to provide is really OTT!!!!

That is exactly why my French friend - who was unemployed at the time, in spite of being 39 and with many skills and at the end of her tether with trying to find a job - and I decided to turn this into a business - she was being called upon to do much hand-holding herself, being sympatico with "les Anglais"...we were finding ourselves.impoverished as we both were,  doing  volunteer work for people who could well afford to pay, it was just ridiculous... I think that when it bacame known that we were trying to set up a business  for practical help, translation and advice and hand-holding, then people began to think twice.

I would imagine that people would not expect to come to your gite free of charge, if they know that this is what you are doing for income. Hand-holding is the same, but of course, much harder to define. The boundaries are more blurred, how do you draw the line between "rendre service", or doing something out of friendship, and doing something that warrants some form of remuneration?

Of course, if you were a brain surgeon, nobody would ask you to do a spot of brain surgery in your "spare" time.

Cerise, I hope you get it sorted out, it does sound as if you have to draw clear boundaries, you are entitled to a life and can't hold hands with the whole world! 

[Teamedup]

I help folks out with all sorts of things, always have. ie New neighbours from another region, tell them whats what, where to get things, trucs et astuces you know etc etc, but I don't have to hold their hand and take them to things. I will go and see friends in hospital, I am solidaire. In spite of my squeamishness, I grit my teeth and have done some things that are very very hard for me to do.

I think we have heard about people taking the mickey here. Have you not thought about answering the phone in french? I wouldn't dream of doing otherwise, I live in France and I suspect that it is expected[:)].

I admit that I often feel rather peeved that some people will move here and expect the health service to cater for their lacune. But I hadn't realised that they will 'use' anyone else they can too. In a prepared move, why would people  be such parasites. Unwilling hosts amoungst you, shouldn't you toughen up and tell them that your services will be payante in future.

[Cerise]

You are right of course, and actually I do answer the phone in French but obviously change to English if the person is English as they might be a customer and I don't necessarily expect the customers to speak French.  It is just that, even if I say no, I'm weary of being asked so much.  Probably my own fault.  I'm naturally friendly and in the past have always helped out where I could - but some of hese people are so obtuse that even no doesn't stop them phoning again and I do have to answer the phone.  One person even asked wasn't that the reason thtat I worked for the tourist office so that I could help people like them!  Answer no, I help tourists when I am there (I am a benevole anyway) and I am on the committee because I have a B & B so business wise I am interested in tourism, but I did not move here to be an unpaid handholding service.  The problem is that when it is an emergency (and some people seem to have nothing but) I feel really horrid saying no.  I can say no to permis de construire, but sick children, dogs etc I feel really rotten saying no[:(].  I have now got the phone number of a registered translator by the phone and have started handing out their details.   I never really mind helping anyone in a genuine crisis but so many people just seem unprepared.  If anyone out there is thinking of starting up a hand holding service maybe they should advertise in this part of France!!

[Patf]

I wish I'd had a kind french speaking person to help on Oct. 18th last year when I had a cardiac episode. Husband can't speak on the phone so while in a lot of pain and very frightened , I  couldn't find my specs for a while, then tried to ring our doctor first - his day off. Then looked again in the book for SAMU or sapeurs pompiers and eventually got through to someone and had to try to explain where our house was in the back of beyond. Pain getting worse all the time. Eventually all sorted thank God but it's so important to have a plan ready as Weedon says you never know when illness is going to strike. And maybe even find a kind friend who will agree to call for you in an emergency if your french isn't good on the phone. I certainly would agree to do this for other people after my experience. Pat.

[Will]

Just a thought - we have an Anglo-French association near us. The chairman(?) is a lovely French lady who is always getting called upon to help in situations from form-filling, through routine and emergency medical matters, to sad cases of death. People often rubbish such organisations, saying people should integrate properly and not rely on clubs. But sometimes they show their true worth.

[Patf]

Thanks for the idea Will. There is such an organisation in SW Gers too. It has reminded me that we do have a bilingual friend who helps a lot of people and who I could have contacted. Pat.

[Teamedup]

Patf, I am sure that was awful for you. But there is nothing like DIY when this happens.

Time is being wasted phoning someone else to phone for you. What if it's in the middle of the night. Would someone's emergency friend be available. Ofcourse I would phone for someone if they called me, but I would think that they were mad for calling me first though. And I am a very heavy sleeper though and if anyone calls during the night, there is no way I would hear the phone anyway. I don't hear a thing, not the door, not someone knocking on the bedroom shutter and often not the alarm either.

I would always call the pompiers, they are local, and as they are, even a house perdue dans le bled should be easy enough for them to find without complicated instruction.

Will I'm not knocking these associations per se, but the one that was in the first place we lived was full of Mrs Buckets who were far too interested in other people's business. And yet I am sure this group had some expectation that people would not become dependant upon them. They expected people to learn french.

I know it isn't easy, it was so hard for me, but what the heck should one do if one lives here. As far as I am concerned there is no alternative to learning. It's either being dependant and as time goes by that would be pathetically dependant, or one learns a bit and then a bit more and we get by like this. We aren't all great linguists but at any age it is possible.

[Weedon]

Sometimes TU you don't half go on.  I seem to remember the other day you had a bit of a dig about the farrier having the temerity to try to speak French on the telly.  Maybe if enough people tell him how bad he is at it he wouldn't bother trying again.

I think most people accept that there is no substitute to learning the language, but like I said before, you can plan all you like but when your health is on the line you need all the friends you can muster.

This is said not to upset you but simply to say that there are some people who do not have a good grasp of the language and taking a crash course with the phone in your hand is not the time to do it.

 

[mint]

weedon

you have injected some commonsense.  it is sorely needed.  let's just accept that some people will NEVER learn the language, for whatever reason.

i personally would not mind helping someone out on medical stuff because i do know the latin phrases, if not the french, for most medical conditions.

it can't be easy if you can't say what you want.  i don't say i am brilliant because i haven't even gone over to live yet and we are VERY new owners.  but, i am confident that i can communicate well enough on medical things to be able to explain my own condition (asthma), my husband's (glaucoma) and anyone else's (as long as it's not something like munchausen's syndrome by proxy) and even then, i'd have a stab at it!

[Teamedup]

Apart from the odd person on here, no one moved here unplanned. 

 Sacre bleu, it is a foreign country and suddenly someone's ill health becomes the problem of any tom, vic or marie who has learned the language. My friendships aren't about 'using' another person and I don't make friends just because someone might have something I need. That is how I read what you are saying to me.

Incidentally the farrier had been in France for two years, not two months. 'Un petit', he said, well yes, he was in the bar maybe he meant he wanted a small drink, only someone asked him how well he spoke french. One of the first things we learn to say is how 'limited' our  french is. AND we do not say 'un petit'.

The farrier had the temerity to say he was learning, well mon oeil, is all I can say. As far as I am concerned he could have picked up more just living in the UK and watching ads on the tv.

 

[Teamedup]

[quote user="sweet 17"]

weedon

you have injected some commonsense.  it is sorely needed.  let's just accept that some people will NEVER learn the language, for whatever reason.

i personally would not mind helping someone out on medical stuff because i do know the latin phrases, if not the french, for most medical conditions.

it can't be easy if you can't say what you want.  i don't say i am brilliant because i haven't even gone over to live yet and we are VERY new owners.  but, i am confident that i can communicate well enough on medical things to be able to explain my own condition (asthma), my husband's (glaucoma) and anyone else's (as long as it's not something like munchausen's syndrome by proxy) and even then, i'd have a stab at it!

[/quote]

 

So why would that be sweet17. Can't be bothered and just happy to be users. Or just can't, which is actually not impossible but is very rare. So what to call them,  users,  lazy folks or let's say jolly good folks who really don't need to  learn as we have 'mug' written through us like sticks of rock and we are happy to be their hand maidens.

What a very odd post this is. I find it incredible arrogance that any 'people' other than colonialists or invaders would want to move to someone else's country and not learn their language.