Russethouse Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 The lady who lives opposite us actually told a neighbour that she can't stand anyone to have anything better than her.....very weird indeed......that type of person exists everywhere, sadly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mint Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 [quote user="You can call me Betty"]You mean I could pass for a francophobe in that headscarf?[/quote]No, but, IMHO, you could easily pass for HM the Queen. Well, she must be one of the few remaining people left in the UK, discounting characters from Coronation Street, who still wears a scarf in that rather fetching way? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mint Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 [quote user="gardengirl "]Definitely don't like the examples you mention Val. I've never been around people who play at one-upmanship - most unpleasant; I haven't a clue how well off any friends are, and only know about their houses by visiting one another. Not many people would be impressed by our Prius! [:D][/quote]Wrong, GG! As you know, I was dead impressed with your Prius. I would love one but I don't think I could bother with the hassle of getting it to a Toyota (it is Toyota, isn't it?) garage because the local blokey wouldn't ever have seen one and then the garage bills would truly turn my hair grey overnight! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gardengirl Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 [quote user="sweet 17"][quote user="gardengirl "]Definitely don't like the examples you mention Val. I've never been around people who play at one-upmanship - most unpleasant; I haven't a clue how well off any friends are, and only know about their houses by visiting one another. Not many people would be impressed by our Prius! [:D][/quote]Wrong, GG! As you know, I was dead impressed with your Prius. I would love one but I don't think I could bother with the hassle of getting it to a Toyota (it is Toyota, isn't it?) garage because the local blokey wouldn't ever have seen one and then the garage bills would truly turn my hair grey overnight![/quote]Yes I remember now, Sweet, - you made kind remarks about it when we met at Cooperlola's lunch. Some are impressed by the good fuel economy, but it's a bit much for some people in our walking group - makes not a sound and the steering wheel is on the wrong side! You're right, it is a Toyota; we have a dealer a few minutes' ride away from us, which is very useful, and we paid for 5 years of serving when we bought it, which has worked out very nicely. We haven't had to pay for anything since we bought it, as there's no road tax - except the excess I had to pay when I crashed it, of course - but I can't blame the car for that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Val_2 Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 One upmanship exists and I left another francophile forum where it was and still is horrendous with everyone trying to outdo each other with the latest 4x4, foreign holidays and so on and nothing really that referred to living a normal life in France and making ends meet which most of us have to do these days. When it was the diamond jubilee last year, I was invited (only out of pity I found out afterwards) to a brits only all day party given by some newly arrived people some miles from us.Seemed they just invited anyone who was british and to show off their huge property,camper van and new car etc without a doubt. I actually had more fun with my neighbour who called by for an apero and we saw a few highlights on the BBC!I have three elderly british friends whom my son and I keep an eye on and help them when they get stuck,but they too have never been part of any expat groups and, like me,if someone genuinely needs help,they would do their best. I have seen quite a few Toyota Prius cars locally so they are obviously getting more and more popular but unfortunately a tad too expensive for the folks who work the land here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idun Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 I personally find meanness as unpalatable as I find oneupmanship. I don't mind people saving a bit, but meanness can also be a way of life that I find perhaps worse than people wanting 'more stuff'.Historically people have always done the oneupmanship thing........ given half a chance, it is nothing new and neither is being scrooge.Little impresses me, mes envies, are not, I suppose, those of others. I would be surprised if anyone envied anything I have, or have done. Which is to say I'm probably a bit boring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bixy Posted January 21, 2013 Author Share Posted January 21, 2013 Thanks for all those responses. The general consensus seems to be - wouldn't touch ex-pat groups with a barge pole, but then I guess forum members who do belong to an ex-pat group may not have responded.I thought Val_2 asked a telling question - why do they come here in the first place? I reckon a large part of the answer is house prices. People came on holiday, saw how much house they could get for not much money and didn't think much further. We've seen quite a few come and then go back within a couple of years, after they have realised that not every French person speaks English and there are no Tescos or Sainsburys. Patrick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YCCMB Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 TBH, I think there's perhaps a problem in your last statement, too. There is a certain one-upmanship inherent in people who feel they've cracked the language or (praying for forgiveness that I should be caught using the word) "integrated".The thing about living anywhere is that, as people have said, make friends in your own fashion, for your own reasons and do what (I hope) the majority of people would do in their own country: pay no heed to the rest. It shouldn't really matter to you/me/anyone if a person we don't know hasn't mastered the language, or doesn't like the food, or moved to France for a bigger house....The actions and motivation of complete strangers in going about their everyday lives is of no interest to me in the UK, so why should it be in France? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cendrillon Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 There is a certain one-upmanship inherent in people who feel they've cracked the language or (praying for forgiveness that I should be caught using the word) "integrated".Betty, I think the common spelling is "intergrated" LOL[;-)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YCCMB Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I know, I know....my finger hovered over that "r" for some time![:D] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cendrillon Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Well just remember the "r" next time and try and fit in with the crowd! [;-)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quillan Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 [quote user="You can call me Betty"]TBH, I think there's perhaps a problem in your last statement, too. There is a certain one-upmanship inherent in people who feel they've cracked the language or (praying for forgiveness that I should be caught using the word) "integrated".[/quote]Ha, ain't that the truth. A couple stayed with us and the woman asked how I got on with the French language to which I replied unashamedly "Well I slaughter the language but I do try and my French friends help me with my pronunciation etc". She informed me straight away that she had a degree in French. At dinner that evening she started talking to a French couple at the table and both were very polite but the look on their faces was brilliant like I don't understand a word she is saying even worse they seem to understand my terrible French without to much of a problem. Mind you it does happen to me from time to time, try as I may I just can't get it out right and people give me that blank look but then I don't even have an 'O' level (or a 'Z' level even) in French.I have come across more than a few who just because they can order a coffee or beer in French think they are fluent. My approach is that if you openly admit your naff but try hard you get on much better and people are definitely more helpful. I do wish that somebody would come up with a universal translator like on Star Trek or we could be hypnotised and then programed as I do find it very frustrating sometimes. Anything 'technical' like medical, bank or the vets is nerve racking to say the least. I am aways worried I might get it wrong and end up getting my leg cut off (metaphorically speaking). Apart from any basic stuff (like a word) I never offer to translate for the same reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idun Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 One upmanship about speaking french, moi. For me getting to the level, poor level I have, was like climbing Everest and I'm afraid of heights. I have a great sense of achievement about my poor french, because I don't have the ear and my tongue cannot get around some of the sounds. My eldest son has a gift for languages, but not from me.Does it make me feel superior, no, but because I chose to move to France, I reckon, just out of plain courtesy it was something that had to be learned and I am understood. I cannot be 'one up' because EVERYBODY who choses to move to France as a full time resident should learn french. And the majority will do far better than me, if they chose to start, they'd be hard pushed to do worse really.[blink]And even with my poor french, I have good friends who love me......... you should see what they sent me yesterday a gift that was far too much, so I'm loved and gater. I am slightly embarrassed about it, but a lucky girl never the less. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NickP Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 As it appears that nobody in forum land has any desire to lower themselves to join an "ex-pat group" It begs the question about belonging to a French forum populated mainly by ex-pats, or am I missing the point? [6] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Val_2 Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Forum members don't come round your house and you can choose whether to join,respond or leave when you want. You don't get personally involved, don't have to conform and certainly don't have to worry about the language. I always remember a client we had, a bigheaded brit who moved here without any french.After a year or so, he kept speaking to people and his dogs in english with french words added every so often that he sounded like a nutcase who didn't know whether he was coming or going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YCCMB Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Nope, you're just reiterating it, as it's already been said!The difference is that quite a few people on here are NOT expats (although I take your point about "mainly") and the other difference is that, of course, if you choose to meet the people from a forum you can, but you don't ever have to. I imagine there's less likelihood of the sort of robust exchange of views face-to-face that can often take place on a forum, and of course even the most diehard plonker feels a bit silly posting on a forum about their lifestyle with a view to one-upmanship. Some do try, but as has oft been demonstrated, it's less difficult to call them out on it in writing than it probably would be face-to-face.I remember one poster on here who seemed hell-bent on telling all and sundry that they knew all about running a B&B/Restaurant in France, and would not accept any criticism, however constructive. They knew it ALL, they'd done it ALL, they had it ALL...I think they very much left the majority with the impression that the only place they'd ever want to meet them was down a dark alley... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 [quote user="idun"]One upmanship about speaking french, moi.I have a great sense of achievement about my poor french,because EVERYBODY who choses to move to France as a full time resident should learn french........ you should see what they sent me yesterday a gift that was far too much,[/quote] I think I know where you're coming from but it doesn't come across very well. [:)]Around these parts it's also called bragging. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NickP Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 [quote user="Val_2"]Forum members don't come round your house and you can choose whether to join,respond or leave when you want. You don't get personally involved, don't have to conform and certainly don't have to worry about the language. I always remember a client we had, a bigheaded brit who moved here without any french.After a year or so, he kept speaking to people and his dogs in english with french words added every so often that he sounded like a nutcase who didn't know whether he was coming or going.[/quote]Nobody comes round my house in England or France unless I make them welcome or invite them in. If I get into conversation with anybody for arguments sake in the Café/bar or in the local shop, the opportunity to find out they and I might be kindred spirits is one of life's great experiences, so what I'm saying is "what is the problem with engaging with an ex-pat group, as unless you try you'll never know" and after all some of the people might be really nice. So to say I wouldn't get involved with ex-pats; does seem rather strange, or is it just snobbishness on the part of the "integrated". I don't belong to an ex-pat group myself per say, but I know people who do and through them and their group members I've gained quite a few useful contacts. I find it difficult to understand the "I wouldn't" attitude as to me it doesn't make sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Ceour de Lion II Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I've never understood this concept. I've always gone along with if you like certain people, you spend time with them. If you don't, you don't. Doesn't matter what nationality you are, you get tossers and great people in every culture.As for integration, I don't really know what that means either. I don't really believe anyone is ever fully integrated into a foreign society, there will always be your own specific background and experiences that make you different. I will never be fully integrated into American society, as much as I never was fully integrated into Australian or French society before. There is just so much that exists in me that makes me different from the natives.I will of course try to abide by their laws and customs as much as I can, but there will always be something that makes me different. I don't mean it in a snobbish way, but basically the way I was brought up in England is always going to be different to the way people in America are brought up. Hope you can understand what I'm saying. Personally, I feel very unique as I feel I don't belong to any country now. I've become a mixture of different nationalities :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quillan Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I like to sit and observe life especially in or outside bars in the summer if I have time. Some might call it being nosey but I prefer my wife's description, "Bogging". Sometimes it is impossible not to listen to other peoples conversation because they are either too close or very loud. I overheard the Expats in out local bar years ago and decided it was not a group I would want to join. One thing I did notice is that a few seem to raise their voice just a tad and say the words "South of France" as the place they live. Well I must admit I have never thought as where we live as "South of France". When people say it I think of the famous towns along the Med not just the other side of the Pyrenees from the sea. I refer to the area as South West France which for some reason they are not so keen on. To my mind they are just playing at being snobbish, fur coat and no knickers as some would say.I remember one couple who used to 'give it large' in the bar, I never spoke to them but even when the bar was full with all the rugby lads you could hear them at the opposite end of the bar as they told the newest Expats what France was really like. They would buy anyone a drink who happened to be English. One day I remember standing in the bank as they put one card after another in to the machine to try and get money and the machine wouldn't let them have any, they must have gone through about 10 or 15 cards before walking away with nothing. We have not seen them in the bar since.On the other hand I have a mixture of French and English friends who I have met either through rugby or playing boules and they are really nice people but then none of us ever went out of our way to make friends with each other it just happened which to my mind is how good friendships start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Ceour de Lion II Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I think you're saying what I tried to say Q, just be real and be yourself, and whatever happens, happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idun Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 [quote user="Benjamin"][quote user="idun"]One upmanship about speaking french, moi.I have a great sense of achievement about my poor french,because EVERYBODY who choses to move to France as a full time resident should learn french........ you should see what they sent me yesterday a gift that was far too much,[/quote] I think I know where you're coming from but it doesn't come across very well. [:)]Around these parts it's also called bragging.[/quote]Bragging? my french is too awful to brag about, but it is the best I can do. And it was hard for me, so I am quietly proud about getting as far as I have and even though it is not good, nay, in spite of it, I made good friends and led a life for a very long time in France. I have no time for anyone that doesn't try and learn, they can make a million mistakes, but not trying will never ever be an acceptable excuse. I suppose that if you said that these expat groups were groups of people learning french, I would feel rather better about the whole idea. I remember being told about the group in the city I lived in in the early 80's, get together and slag off the french........ well not for me, ever! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NickP Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 [quote user="idun"] I remember being told about the group in the city I lived in in the early 80's, get together and slag off the french........ well not for me, ever![/quote]Sounds a bit like a lot of Brits I heard about; who are now resident in France spending all their time on forums slagging off the UK. What would forums be without hearsay? [:D] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idun Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Hearsay! Yes, I'm afraid I was not committed enough to actually go and do some proper face to face research. Because sometimes when you get echos about something, and instinctively your whole being is telling you to stay away, then I reckon it's best to. I heard several years later that the group had changed......... not only slagging off the french, but the UK too............ nice eh![:-))] And all these years later the majority of these people have remained in France for their retirement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ivor Nidea Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Seems I may be the only to own up to (or not too snobby to admit it) being a member of an ex-pat group. It would appear to me that the other members are mostly like other groups, some I get on with, some I don't and I guess the same goes for them. Even the French members are just like other people...funny that.In my village there is an English run bar frequented largely by people who I would choose to avoid if I was in the habit of going there frequently, but they do a nice Sunday roast so it's not all bad news.The ex-pat group is something I would have avoided like the plague a few years ago so much to my surprise some of them have become friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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