Im thinking of giving up the gites.

[Lori]

And she's in YOUR house !   Sorry Clair.

It must be much cooler over your way.  I just came in from cooking truckloads of meat on the grill  for a bunch of teenagers.  Had to turn the oven on for the fries, but there is no way I'd turn it on again.  Tooooooo   hot !!!!

Who goes on vacation to make biscuits and tarts?   Well, maybe a savoury tart now and then, but in this heat, it's salads all the way.

Hope things calm down chez toi Clair.

[Rose]

[quote user="Clair"]
she is bonkers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


[/quote]

Poor you... you'll be needing a bit of a holiday yourself then will you? [:$]  are they here for a week or a fortnight? [8-)]

[Clair]

one long week........

6 days and 7 nights.......

I want to scream.....

[Russethouse]

Perhaps you should gently enquire whether she belongs to any French forums - I think there may be a chance she could recognise herself [:D][:D]

[Clair]

Should I replace "pizza" with "quiche" to avoid detection?[:P]

They're French, middle-aged parents (they look in their late 40's-early 50's) with two young children (8 and 5).

She has panic-induced verbal diarrhoea, the kind that makes her ask many silly questions without even catching her breath or listening to any replies, all the while waving her hands about... ("I am not going to be able to cook my chicken!!!!!How am i going to cook my chicken????????I can't see any smoke!!!!Why is this alarm going???????Where is the smoke?????")

When they arrived yesterday, I gave them the usual tour, pointing out the back door and adding, as usual, that this could be used as an emergency exit

(high-pitched voice, raised at the end of each question or statement):

"What emergency????? A fire????We've never had a fire!!!!!!!Have you had a fire????????Why do you need an emergency exit?????"

[Catalpa]

Even if she is a member... I'm guessing that Clair wouldn't care. [6] I'm also guessing that Clair won't be taking any repeat bookings from Ms Tart Tin so worrying about losing a "repeat business" customer won't be at the top of Clair's priority list. [;-)]

[Poppy]

Clair, I think it is one of those situations where the less you say the better. Can you also hide for the week.

Last night we were at friends when American guests arrived in friend's gite situated next door. I was nominated to do the tour and first thing guests said was ' your english is very good'. I thanked them very much [:D] Second thing they said was 'where were the heaters and wood for log fire'. Third thing ' there is a washing machine but no electric dryer'.  Bearing in mind it was still 30 odd degrees at 8 pm [blink]

PS Nearly forgot to mention that last weeks guest asked for instructions on how to hoover the pool with the house vacuum cleaner.

[cassis]

Don't forget - when people go on holiday, the thing they are most likely to forget to pack is their brains.

[Poppy]

[quote user="cassis"]Don't forget - when people go on holiday, the thing they are most likely to forget to pack is their brains.


[/quote]Guess that's what holidays are all about [:D]

[nimportequoi]

[quote user="Poppy"]

Third thing ' there is a washing machine but no electric dryer'.  Bearing in mind it was still 30 odd degrees at 8 pm [blink]

[/quote]

I think most Americans expect a tumble drier, it is a cultural thing, they don't line dry as a rule. Fortunately I don't get too many of them!

[Clair]

[quote user="Poppy"]

Clair, I think it is one of those situations where the less you say the better. Can you also hide for the week.

Last night we were at friends when American guests arrived in friend's gite situated next door. I was nominated to do the tour and first thing guests said was ' your english is very good'. I thanked them very much [:D] Second thing they said was 'where were the heaters and wood for log fire'. Third thing ' there is a washing machine but no electric dryer'.  Bearing in mind it was still 30 odd degrees at 8 pm [blink]

PS Nearly forgot to mention that last weeks guest asked for instructions on how to hoover the pool with the house vacuum cleaner.

[/quote]

They must be related to my lot... [:P]

[Benjamin]

[quote user="Clair"]

she is bonkers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[/quote]

There's another myth blown away. I always thought of you and one other Mod as being completely sane and level headed under stress.  [:P]

[Clair]

That should tell you how bad the she-guest is!![:D]

[Clair]

[quote user="cassis"]Don't forget - when people go on holiday, the thing they are most likely to forget to pack is their brains.[/quote]

My delightful she-guest packed silicone baking tray liners for her biscuits...[blink]

Told you she was bonkers...[Www]

[cassis]

Not at all - everyone knows you can't get biscuits in France.  Anyway, you want to fill in your time on hols doing something, don't you?  And what better way than baking biscuits?

[Clair]

They're from Paris... That most probably explains why the little Princess didn't want to walk on the grass, she didn't know what it was!!!

[cassis]

Nah - just you're not allowed to walk on the grass in Paris.  [:)]

[Ejc]

Well I have my guest from hell here this week & will have no choice re repeat business as she is my MIL, a widow now with a new boyfriedn in tow !! I remember the hard time she gave us before we got married.

She manages to virtually destroy anything she cooks, can get things out of the kitchen cupboards & units but not put anything awy, thinks our son is not put in his place or dealt with firmly enough & expects her orders to be fulfilled yesterday. The dog's spoiled, the cat's a thief, (she shouldn't have left her bread & butter uncoverd on the table while she use our phone for a chat outside) the hens are not prducing enough eggs & what do we want sheep & goats for anyway as they are noisy in the morning. Why do we have funny plugs, why can't boyfriend change up his sterling at the local bank, (it's cashless) why isn't our air conditioning working - we don't have any & she cannot flush the loo without leaving it running

She barged into our bedroom the other night to tell us the cat had come in - We knew he had already visited us complaining loudly about the rain, & I have never had to lock our door when we've had guests before.

She is driving me completly bonkers, I'm even working late just to avoid her, at least until she's had her second glass of wine & I know she'll be back at some point, there are only so many moans this wicked unfeeling daughter in law (who forced her son to move abroad & give up work to play house husband whilest she persues her unatural desires for a career) can stand..........Can I recomend any of your gites for her to visit next year....................please?

 

Well at least I got it off my chest, sorry for if I offended anyone with my rant

[Clair]

Fully booked here... [Www]

[dave21478]

Im obviously some kind of nutter-magnet.

 

Just had an interesting phone call....

French lady, speaking above the noise of a car...

"hello, we are coming to stay at the gite tomorrow, we have looked at your map and the website and know where we are going ( a good start!) we will be there around lunchtime" (going downhill already)

"Im afraid you cant arrive that early, arrivals are after 16.00 to allow for cleaning"

"But it doesnt say that on your advert"

"Its explained on our rental agreement"

"what rental agreement?" (i can feel something coming - im not sure what just yet!)

"the contract I sent you, which you will have signed and returned with your deposit"

"deposit?"  (BINGO!")

"Are you sure you have the right number?

" Yes, this is the Gite Le XXX at XXXX isnt it?"

"yes, thats me. What is your name?"

"its xxxx"

*looks at diary "would you have made the booking under another name? as thats not a name I have here"

"booking?"

"So you havent made a booking? we are already booked up for the rest of this month"

"BOOKINGS BUT BUT, There is nothing about booking in your advert, WE ARE ON OUR WAY NOW!"

"What advert is this?"

"on LeBonCoin, it says the gite is available all year"

*I do place an ad there every month, just states along the lines of Gite for rent throughout the year see website for details, with a few photos. generates a reasonable amount of interest and its free!

"Yes, but you have to make a booking to get a place"

"We are on our way, we left this morning, will stay in a hotel tonight and will arive tomorrow lunchtime"

"Other peole are staying here tomorrow, they made arrangements"

"if they are arriving after 16.00, we will be there first! we could....."

"No, they have paid deposits"

 

The conversation faffed on a little further and ended with her hanging up in a less-than-pleased mood. I dont know if its some kind of wind-up or are people really that stupid?

On the other hand, that might be an interesting way to arrange bookings at peak times. Have everyone arrive at once and slug it out on the front lawn - winners get to stay the week. I could video it and put it online for us all to watch!

 

 

*despairs*

 

[cassis]

[quote user="dave21478"]

I dont know if its some kind of wind-up or are people really that stupid?[/quote]

[Www]

Marvellous - thank you!  [:D]

[Clair]

Dave! I nearly choked on my apéro! [:D]

[Cerise]

Dave - my guests are obviously moving on to your place[6].  Our loonies are in general nice enough but I've had some really strange folk recently.  I really think you should write the definitive gite book!

[dave21478]

Well, the new folk have arrived for the big gite. They have a baby that looks so young, the mum may well have given birth to it in the car on the way here.

If its going to cry all the time, Im going to pitch a tent at the bottom of the garden and live there for the week.

 

 

On the plus side, the last two lots left both gites spotless again - minimal cleaning for me - woohoo. I got the grass cut then did the usual and spent 20 minutes trying to start the strimmer, then 3 minutes actualy using it to do the borders and stuff. I hate that wretched device, but am too tight to buy a new one while this one still works (sort of). The rest of the day has been spent in the hammock with a large G&T and some Maltesers ice cream bars.  Its a tough life, but I suppose someone has to do it.

 

[Cerise]

Pah, I thought we were on the same side Dave!!  How dare you lie around in hammock while I have been tackling the ironing pile from hell.   3 solid hours this afternoon and that after doing changeovers all morning.  My motorbikers have just informed me that breakfast needs to be at 7.00 so they can get to their trials on time.  I hope your Maltesers Bars melt[6]