A lighter view of life

[Framboise]

Pierre said to his wife one day "Ow can it be that you can be so beautiful and so stupide at the same time?"

"Cherie" replied madame "I shall explain.   You see God made me beautiful so that you would fall in love with  me.   He also made me stupid so that I would fall in love with you.............."

AND........

As they drove down a quiet lane in deadly silence after a huge argument,Pierre points at a field of pigs and mules.

"Relatives of yours?" he sneers sarcastically.

"Mais oui cherie" repies Madame.    "The in-laws............".

                                                          [:D]     I shall now wait for the replies!!!   [:D]

 

[Pearly Spencer]

[:)]One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very

sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you

want."

So he tied her up and went off to play golf.[:D]

[Framboise]

                                                       Why does that have a ring of truth in it?

Pierre complains that she has not yet made his morning coffee and he is already late.

"You get up first" she says "You could always put the coffee on you know".

Pierre complains "Well cherie, its actually your job to look after me and that includes making the coffee for me in the mornings...." and with that his wife takes her Bible from the shelf and points to the page she has selected.

"Look" she insists.  "Its here in the Bible that the man should make the coffee so you cannot argue against that!!!"

"Pierre does not believe her.  "Show me!   What rubbish!" but there on the pages are the words  "Hebrews".

Pierre storms off to the shed for a sulk.

and finally.........

God may have created Man before he created Woman, but hey you always get a rough draft before a masterpiece  [:P]

And we are here aren't we gals???  [kiss]

[Pierre ZFP]

Pierre took a look at his wife one day and said,

"Cherie, when we got married 30 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a

sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep

every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.

Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but

I'm sleeping with a 55 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not

holding up your side of things."

His wife is a very reasonable woman. She told him to go out and find a hot

25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that he would once again be

living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa

bed, and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

 

 

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis ....

[cooperlola]

Pierre came down to breakfast one morning, and found his wife putting the eggs in the pan ready to boil them.  "Pierre, darling," she said, "please make love to me."

"What now, here?"

"Yes, please."

Not believing his luck, Pierre obliged his wife.  Afterwards, puzzled, he asked her, "What brought that on, then?"

"The egg timer's broken."

[Gine]

Thanks cooperlola - every girl in the office is howling.  Happy Friday !

[Gluestick]

Pierre had lost all interest in making love to his lovely wife, Angeline.

After trying most of the feminine wiles, Angeline secretly visited their GP for advice and assistance.

"Put one of zeeze in his café each morning, for ze week!" said the doc.

Suddenly, after about six days, Pierre throws Angeline over the freezer and makes hot, passionate love to her! It was wonderful!

A few days later, she accidently meets her doctor in town.

"Ow iz everything?" he asks.

"Couldn't be better! Zank you doctor; You are a genius!"

"What 'appened?" he asks.

"One morning, suddenly like a coupe de foudre, Pierre threw me over the freezer and made 'ot passionate love to me for hours!"

"So everything is alright now?"

"Mais oui. 'Owever, we can't shop at Champion any more!"

 

[Pearly Spencer]

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!

You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We

need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?

They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER

listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you

CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you

always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I

don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like

when I'm driving."

[Jonzjob]

 

A Northern Territory farm hand (an Aboriginal) radios back to the farm manager. 

 

"Boss, I gotta helluva problem here.  I hit a pig with the ute.  The pig's OK but he's stuck in the bull-bars at the front of my ute and is wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out."

 

The manager says, "Ok, there's a .303 rifle behind the seat.  Take it, shoot the pig in the head and you'll be able to remove him."

 

Five minutes later the farm hand calls back, "I did what you said boss.  Took the 303, shot the pig in the head and removed him from the bull-bars.  No problem there but I still can't go on".

 

"Now what's the problem?" raged the Manager.

 

"Well boss, it's his motor-bike.  The flashing blue light is stuck under the right-front wheel arch."

 

Boss!!  Boss!!  You there Boss?"