Dog Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 I was half awake when I heard the quick crack of gunfire... crumbs that was rather quickfire for the local animal murderers and it's monday so there are only lost hunting dogs in the woods today.. no that was automatic gunfire... the army are back playing. I rolled over and caught some more zzzzs.Trundled to the shops for essentials - beer and bread - and there they were in the ditch all dressed up in the camo gear and such beautiful painted faces - blue seems to be the in colour this year.Why they chose to play games in my neck of the woods I am unsure - last year they were just up the road from my house and the games must have been over as they discharged all the guns and lobbed thunderflashes and smoke bombs around. They are messy pups as they don't clear up after themselves and there are cannisters, clips and bullet cases everywhere.This afternoon I might just dress in black and play a resistanace fighter and give them some back - but what colour shall I paint my face and should I have matching finger nails? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pickles Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Are you sure that's the French Army out there and not The Complete France Forum mafia out to silence you?We keep getting told that such-and-such a person has left the forum, but is it really true? I'm sure I've heard through the grapevine of unannounced "Army" manoeuvres in the areas of the Jura and Aveyron coinciding with the departures of members ...Do the soldiers seem a little older than the average French squaddie? Perhaps they seem not so comfortable in the cold water of the the ditches? Letting out the odd Anglo-Saxon curse?Get out the bullet-proof vest and tin hat - they're on to you!RegardsPickles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
virginia.c Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 How about a leopard skin thong? That should see them off permanently..... Oh, and nails to match obviously... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 [quote user="Pickles"]Are you sure that's the French Army out there and not The Complete France Forum mafia out to silence you?We keep getting told that such-and-such a person has left the forum, but is it really true? I'm sure I've heard through the grapevine of unannounced "Army" manoeuvres in the areas of the Jura and Aveyron coinciding with the departures of members ...Do the soldiers seem a little older than the average French squaddie? Perhaps they seem not so comfortable in the cold water of the the ditches? Letting out the odd Anglo-Saxon curse?Get out the bullet-proof vest and tin hat - they're on to you!RegardsPickles[/quote]They can try and silence me but my mouth still shapes words even in silence.Your words have cheered me up as I am having my 3 yearly bought of flu. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 [quote user="virginia.c"]How about a leopard skin thong? That should see them off permanently..... Oh, and nails to match obviously...[/quote]Cor could you really lend me a leopard skin thong? Faux leopard obviously.Have you sorted your lavender? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buelligan Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 So sorry to hear you are currently unwell Dog! Speaking as a totally (un)qualified medical practioner, may I suggest that prancing around the woods in a thong may not speed your recovery. I prescribe plenty of lounging, maybe a little complaining and a good dose of baiting some of the mad old weasels available for such on the internet....[:D] However, if you do choose the thong route, I think it would only be fair to post pictures.[:D] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog Posted October 7, 2009 Author Share Posted October 7, 2009 Thank you for your concern - as it happens I am an honorary Homeopath so also no little about medication.I have been lounging ( I watched some daytime TV - but had to turn Jeremy Vile off after two minutes as I was laughing so much - it is soo funny - Ricky Gervase should get a daytime show and then he may become mildly amusing) I also indulged in some light kite flying in a warm wind. Meanwhile in the forest a noisy gun battle was going on. Where I lived in UK they just pestered foxes and blasted millions of dopey pheasants. I cannot think why the army enjoy playing in the woods with lots of blanks and blasts. Either they want to deafen the cannon fodder or get them blase to the sound of incoming.It would seem dog fighting is on the increase in the UK.I am rather mean and would never buy a thong but if any young lady would like to donate one I may be persuaded to wear one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
virginia.c Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Ive just checked the thong drawer (partner's obviously) only to discover that the leopard skin thong has a velcro lining. Am more than happy to lend it out however...Re the lavender, I was given a tip about a lavender farm near Cazals in the Lot. Run by an English couple I am planning a trip down there. I want to plant two lavender hedges either side of a path (yet to be started) and they sound like good people to source and recommend the right kind of lavender varieties for the terrain here in my part of the Dordogne.I am going to contact your guy - soon as I've managed to gather the rest of my walnuts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
powerdesal Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 [quote user="Dog"] I cannot think why the army enjoy playing in the woods with lots of blanks and blasts. Either they want to deafen the cannon fodder or get them blase to the sound of incoming.[/quote] Its a strange traditional ritual that armies tend to have, they call it 'training', not really allowed to use live rounds and real explosives though, cos cleaning up the blood and guts afterwards is a bit messy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog Posted October 7, 2009 Author Share Posted October 7, 2009 [quote user="powerdesal"][quote user="Dog"] I cannot think why the army enjoy playing in the woods with lots of blanks and blasts. Either they want to deafen the cannon fodder or get them blase to the sound of incoming.[/quote] Its a strange traditional ritual that armies tend to have, they call it 'training', not really allowed to use live rounds and real explosives though, cos cleaning up the blood and guts afterwards is a bit messy.[/quote]They probably cannot trust them with real bullets and bombs - but if it is training and they always use blanks how do the stretcher bearers and medics train? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
powerdesal Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Have you ever seen the effect of a close range blank on the human body ? VERY messy, the last demo I was at resulted in some attendees throwing up in horror, very realistic.Thunderflashes can equally really spoil your day!!!! especially when exploded on gravel [+o(] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buelligan Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 Mmmm....I knew someone once who thought it the apogee of wit to attach thunderflashes to the lavatory cisterns of his "friends" in such a way that when they flushed, they experienced the full force within the confines of those tiny rooms. I'm relieved to say that this sort of bonhomie has always gone over my head, as it were. Talking of allowing them to play with live ones, I am sure you have already read this; http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7480483.stm I was there on the day, saw the shooting but (happily for me) no blood. Quite astounding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog Posted October 8, 2009 Author Share Posted October 8, 2009 Crumbs - sounds like you had a near miss.Quite how you could mistake blanks for live rounds is incredible - certainly the unused blanks we find have a crimped end and have white paint on them. In UK I knew a black powder licencee and for just a quid each I could buy theatrical thunderflashes and smoke generators. They were small black things about the size of a small battery. They had two wires and went off when over 4 volts went through.They made different sized bangs or repeated and some produced smoke. I found them quite useful in waking up the early shift - just wire them into the light circuit and when they arrived and hit the light switch the fun began.It was also amusing wiring them under car bonnets. They started to get difficult to get as nasty people started to use them as detonators. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buelligan Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 I agree with you Dog. To me it is inconceiveable that an experienced soldier could mistake live ammunition for blanks. If this is possible why bother to train them in the first place? We have heaps of them running about in full maquillage in the mountains here and in the village. Which reminds me of something rather amusing that happened here recently; An attractive female friend of mine woke up feeling thirsty. She went down (under cover of darkness, without much on) to the fridge to get a cold drink. She opened the fridge. Fridge light illuminated her, she heard a noise, turned and realised that her volets were not shut and half the army was outside peering in. Needless to say, she now takes a glass of water up to bed with her in the evening.[:D] Hope you are feeling better today BTW! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 I am feeling a lot better - I just needed to rev the ZRX to max in top gear to get a smile back on my face and blast the bug away + plenty of garlic and lentils did the job. Feeling so good I could do with the address of the said lady.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
virginia.c Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 how much extra power do you think you generated via the garlic and lentil intake? I do hope there was no-one standing by lighting matches... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dog Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 Should I be feeling a littled fatigued or slightly under the weather my wifelet serves me a large bowl of hot slop - it's a lentil and mushroom dish of hers that gives you boundless energy. There is no match for this fine elexir I can assure you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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