powerdesal Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 De: Dégoûté de GuildfordA: L’Editeur, Le TelegraphMonsieur,J’étais dégoûté de reader dans plusieurs newspapiers et magazines quetrès few peuple peuvent parler le français comme quoi je peux. Et quenos enfants sont les plus lazy petits gits sur la planète.Inévitablement, c’est toute la fault de notre Gouvernement, leNouveau Labeur, Mr. Antoine B. Liar, Mr. Jean Presque-Ott, Mr. DavidBlanquette et tous les autres retards. Pas many jeune people aspirent àêtre les teachers nowajours, cos ils ne wantent pas être beaten up oukilled dans le playground pendant le break. La crème de notre yoofanglais ne speak pas even Anglais proprement, mais nous can changertout that.Je propose Mr. Ali G. pour Secrétaire d’Education. Quel rôle-modèlepour nos kids. Un monsieur refined, intelligent, sympathique, en toucheavec les feelings de nos enfants, un monsieur pas frightened à askerles questions nous tous wantons à knower les answers à. Par example,“Avez vous ever tried feminism? Vous savez? Avec une girlfriend?” Ou,toutes les questions il askait Posh et Becks dans l’interview sur“Rouge Nez Jour”. C’est on par avec les interviewing skills du tard SirRougegorge Jour.Imaginez Prime Ministre’s Question Temps: Mr. G: “Will the droîte honorable membre tellez la maison OÙ Leoétait conceived? À Balmoral? Le droîte honorable membre (sic) a fait lebusiness avec la old boiler sous la Reine’s roof? C’est treasonable.Non, non, pas très reasonable, vous fool”.Mr. Parleur: “Ordure, ordure.”Imaginez also que Mr. G. et Mr. Presqu-Ott peuvent understand each autre, ‘cos ils parlent la Reine’s Anglais. Mr. Presqu-Ott: “Je suis gutted.”Mr. G: “Vous meanez guttered.”Mr. Presqu-Ott: “Non, gutted. J’ai eu le liposuction.”Mr. G: “Demandez l’argent back. Vous was robbed.”So, vous voyez, nous must bring les languages à life pour stimulernos kids. (Vous pouvez aller à jail pour stimulatant kids, vous savez?–Ed.) Every famille doît avoir une French au pair girl pour teacher lefrançais aux kids (et Papa). Et après, quand vous parlez parfaitfrançais, vous can have des au pairs Hollandaise, Belge, Italienne,Español, Norwegienne, German et Swedish. Vous neederez à learner lesmots très commonly usé en France: “Divorce Notaire”.Nous must also teacher les kids le culture de nos neighbourseuropéan, les arts, le history et le gastronomie. Nous must explain quec’est quite normal que les francais mangent quoi ils trouvent dans lejardin, des alouettes, pigeons, thrushes, escargots, grenouilles etslugs avec plenty de garlic beurre. Pas à mention les livers de JemimaPuddle Canard. Des stomachs de varieux animals. Des prairie huitres.Ils sont presque as dégoûtant as the Ecossais avec leur haggis. Neforgettez pas que les français et les ecossais sont old amis. Ils usedto ganger up contre les anglais – “La Auld Alliance”- pour beater lem*rde hors de them. Ah, oui, vous neederez aussi une au pair écossaise.So, là vous l’avez, pas si difficile si vous puttez votre mind à it.À next semaine, quand je vous learnerai plus de cette langue magnifique. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
odile Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 perfect! but careful with the verb 'puter' - it could be misunderstood! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DerekJ Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Excellent [:)][:D][B] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mint Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Absolutely crackers and more difficult to understand than French itself, but quite funny all the same.How's the packing going, Steve? How come you have time to go about searching out funnies like this? Does the boss know you are taking time off?[:D] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JMB Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Cor Blimey Riley, I can understand French! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
powerdesal Posted July 2, 2008 Author Share Posted July 2, 2008 [quote user="sweet 17"]Absolutely crackers and more difficult to understand than French itself, but quite funny all the same.How's the packing going, Steve? How come you have time to go about searching out funnies like this? Does the boss know you are taking time off?[:D][/quote]Hey Sweet, check the posted time ! Even I dont work 24 /7.My boss wouldn't care if I was taking time off, he is as demoralised as I am. In fact I am taking time off right now, its 15 mins after work start time and I am still at home, and will be for the next 3 hours. Someone has to show the packers round the house and that is me.I spend most of my time at the moment taking furniture apart to try to reduce the volume needed.The original post was a 'your view' posting in the DT in response to an article about the parlous state of UK language teaching. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnOther Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 [quote user="John Martin BRADLEY"]Cor Blimey Riley, I can understand French![/quote]et moi [8-|]In similar vein:The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k".This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.In the 3rd year publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Coeur de Lion Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 là vous l’avez[:D] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
odile Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 easier than kid's English!Dnt u sumX rekn en lang v lngwindd? 2 mny wds + ltrs? ?ntwe b unsg lss time + papr? ?we b 4wd tnking + txt?13 yr grl from w scot 2ndry skl sd ok. Sh rote GCSE en as (abt hr smmr hols in NY) in txt spk. Sh sd sh 4t txt spk was easr thn stand eng. Sh 4t hr tcher wd b ): but hr tcher 4t ti was nt so gr8! She was (: + takd 2 newspprs. Sh hd Ni@d wot grl was on abut. Sh 4t hr pipl was riting in 'hieroglyphics'!!Got that ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Coeur de Lion Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 [quote user="odile"]easier than kid's English!Dnt u sumX rekn en lang v lngwindd? 2 mny wds + ltrs? ?ntwe b unsg lss time + papr? ?we b 4wd tnking + txt?13 yr grl from w scot 2ndry skl sd ok. Sh rote GCSE en as (abt hr smmr hols in NY) in txt spk. Sh sd sh 4t txt spk was easr thn stand eng. Sh 4t hr tcher wd b ): but hr tcher 4t ti was nt so gr8! She was (: + takd 2 newspprs. Sh hd Ni@d wot grl was on abut. Sh 4t hr pipl was riting in 'hieroglyphics'!!Got that ?[/quote]I've just gone blind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgina Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Thanks Powerdesal for the laugh!!![:)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnOther Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 [quote user="LyndaandRichard"]I've just gone blind.[/quote]Didn't your mother warn you [6] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mint Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 But, Erns, did you heed the warning?[;-)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnOther Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 No, and it's not true [:P] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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