Crooked funeral directors.

[Mrs Trellis]

Sorry to be gloomy but my thoughts turned to funerals as OH's cancer is back and outlook is bleak.

Looking on Anglo Info I came across an item in English from Association Française d'Information Funéraire. It gives dire warning of bad practice such as double billing, excessive charges, inadequate estimates, insistence on embalming - and has a helpline you can phone to check an estimate before agreeing.

All very depressing as it's cheating bereaved people who probably aren't thinking clearly and feel it inappropriate to argue about money.

Last year an elderly friend whose partner died was treated very badly and unsympathetically by the village funeral people..

[idun]

Well as we will all die one day, then this is something that I reckon we should look into where ever we live.

At least this gives you time to find out who is best in your area.

Over our years in France we went to quite a few funerals and never heard a complaint about the pompe funebre that was used, and when our neighbour died, they were actually amazing.

I wish you luck finding a company that will suit your eventual needs.

[Loiseau]

I am sorry to hear about the gloomy prognosis, MrsT.

I have had dealings with undertakers on both sides of the Channel.

The local French one was extremely helpful, and fair charge I think (I was not the one who was paying).

As it is the norm for friends to go and view the body during the days before the funeral, they may assume embalming is wanted automatically, I guess.

UK ones along the high street in my London suburb, similarly sympathetic to all family requirements, good humoured and efficient.

It,s vital to discuss charges right at the outset, to save "mauvaises surprises" later.

Angela

[nectarine]

Mrs Trellis, I can't offer any useful information but just wanted to write and say I'm thinking of you, and sending hugs to you and your husband to deal with the problems ahead.

[Val_2]

Having had to deal with such a matter I cannot recommend strongly enough about making sure you dictate exactly what your wishes are. Luckily we have a village PF who is also the local joiner so he makes the coffins to order and does the funeral transport plus the collection of ashes from the crem as the public are not allowed them now. I cannot fault their service and the charge was half of what we paid in 1990 for MIL and here it included fetching the body from the hospital morgue, all the legal paperwork and waw ceiling of the coffin by a gendarme plus the obsequies civile and all the crem work.They kept the ashes for the weekend and we all went on the Monday for them to be interred into the village columbarium for which I paid €90 for ten years to be renewed. At no time were we allowed the ashes as per the law of 2008 which the Maire rigorously enforced.

My thoughts are with you and what you are going through as I know how hard it is!

[Val_2]

What I did forget to mention is that is you opt to use a "fancy" undertaker here you can end up paying huge fees and maybe forced to have the body embalmed. With the hospital morgue you have six days only to store the body before it must be taken and be embalmed or the funeral.You can spot these firms by their fancy buildings,ornate headstones and posh transport plus the uniforms which to me are unnecessary as funerals are for the living who often are too upset to notice all the fripperies.

[Val_2]

Also get an estimate first of the costs before deciding anything concrete.

[Mrs Trellis]

Thanks for supportive and informative posts. I feel OK at the moment about thinking about such matters and if we are very lucky it might not be for a long time. I'd never thought before about funeral directors taking advantage.

Last year when a friend's partner died, the village funeral guy was horrible. He said at one point the body would have to be buried, then dug up for the cremation because it would be more than 6 days. Wrong, 6 working days, which was OK. He wrote down the date and time and my friend informed us all; then phoned back and said it would be the day before! A couple of days after the cremation, he phoned to complain she hadn't fetched the ashes from the crematorium - which according to comments here, is illegal. I obviously didn't see the bill and can't ask - no point now - but my friend has very little money and is now having to sell the house.

[Val_2]

She can get bereavement payments either by the DSS in the UK if a UK national or from the Sécu here in France - tell her to see the Assistante Sociale because bereaved people of modest income can get all sorts of financial help, I have the teeshirt for that!

[NickP]

Collecting the ashes yourself doesn't seem to be illegal in our bit of the Loir et Cher, I know for a fact of three families that have done just that in the last two years.

[PaulT]

My sympathies to you MrsT and your OH - hopefully the medics will keep him going for a long time.

A few years back my dad died and now it was the first time for my sister and I to arrange a funeral. 'Do you just go to an undertaker, shop around or what'. We decided we would go and see three to see how they acted and would we be happy with them. So to the first and the Co-op (this was in the UK). Extremely pleasant woman, sympathetic explained things to us and worked out a price. On to the next and a very uninterested woman who just thrust a brochure at us. To the third and shown in to a very small internal office and told Mr Somebody will be with you soon. Then in came Mr Somebody who closed the door. There were now three of us in this tiny unventilated room and Mr Somebody would have won Gold, Silver and Bronze if B.O. was an Olympic event. So back to the Co-op who were also very good when my sister and I had a blazing row about who was going in the cars - she wanted our mum in one of the following cars and I was adamant she was not. They had divorced many years before and our dad still held a candle for her (who knows why). They obviously met from time to time at family does. Then when he was in hospital and very unwell she would visit him. Then, one day he said 'who is that woman who keeps coming and visiting me, she is horrible'.

Perhaps, if it is not too hard for your OH but there again, it is very hard for you, both visit funeral directors so you are both happy.

A neighbours husband passed away a little while ago. He knew it was terminal and a couple of weeks before he died he took his wife out to buy a new outfit because 'he wanted her to look nice at his funeral'.

[Val_2]

Well it is here and I am living proof to it as are others in the commune I aksed.The maire showed us the act forbidding the ashes to be held on domestic property or interred there and the local PF stuck rigorously to the law bringing the urn himself two days later for us to put in the box and he to screw it down. If you wish to take the ashes abroad then permission is also needed. Perhaps some areas don't know or follow the rules and as we all know from living many many years here,nothing is uniform here at all. What I do know is that it is the most horrendous experience you can have, losing someone without any warning and young!

[NickP]

[quote user="Val_2"]Well it is here and I am living proof to it as are others in the commune I aksed.The maire showed us the act forbidding the ashes to be held on domestic property or interred there and the local PF stuck rigorously to the law bringing the urn himself two days later for us to put in the box and he to screw it down. If you wish to take the ashes abroad then permission is also needed. Perhaps some areas don't know or follow the rules and as we all know from living many many years here,nothing is uniform here at all. What I do know is that it is the most horrendous experience you can have, losing someone without any warning and young![/quote]

I fail to see why you are getting indignant, I was just quoting what appears to be the norm in this bit of the country. Sorry that I put forward a different scenario, but then as I've not been "here" for many many years; maybe I didn't understand the forum rules about offering a different opinion.