Teamedup Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Yes I hate it when people try to do the bise on the 'other' cheek. I've nearly ended up head butting when that happens, or just about planting a kiss on the their lips. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teamedup Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Yes I hate it when people try to do the bise on the 'other' cheek. I've nearly ended up head butting when that happens, or just about planting a kiss on the their lips. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayB Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 [quote]Yes I hate it when people try to do the bise on the 'other' cheek. I've nearly ended up head butting when that happens, or just about planting a kiss on the their lips.[/quote]I never know how many either. BTW - More than four is considered becoming emotionally involved and could get you shot!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tourangelle Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 the whole kissing thing, you can't know, it's regional. I never know what to when I see somebody from elsewhere. My husband's family is problematic in that I see them, (I'm talking aunties uncles cousins here) but not enough to be sure. Is it two because we're in Lyon and it's two here (we're always in a hurry folks) or three because they're from Ardeche, and let's face it I'm not from Lyon I'm just living here. And what if I meet them elsewhere, where it is four for instance? It is a minefield. It's easier for men, half the time you shake hands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teamedup Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 We know several people from the Lille region and they seem to do four and start on the wrong cheek, which for me is being left cheek to left cheek. It really feels awkward to me. I'm a right cheek to right cheek sort of gal for starters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letrangere Posted March 26, 2005 Share Posted March 26, 2005 I like kissing as a form of greeting but it is so difficult to get it right. Do you remember we had a thread on the subject once and it was incredible how much it varied and, yes, it did appear to be regional.Re tu and vous, I'm terribly old fashioned and with few exceptions always stick to vous until the person I'm addressing suggests otherwise (and people do with time). I will tu the younger girls at the office if they tu me first but never anyone older or senior or those in authority. And as stuffy as this may sound I shudder when people I barely know tu me, which happens increasingly. M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tourangelle Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 MWJ, I agree with you on the tu/vous thing, I never tutoie without being asked, unless obviously it would be rude not to. That is what is complicated, the way you could give offense by using vous rather than tu. I mean when I met a close friend's brother for the first time recently, I knew that if I used vous I would be being unfriendly, even offensive.I actually think as a British person, you 'get away with' using vous easily as for a lot of French people, knowing we only have 'you', see it as a vous rather than a tu. I suppose it is as strange for them that we don't have it as it is for us when we start learning French and find that they do!However, I have been waiting 7 years for my mother-in-law to suggest that I use 'tu'. I know that it is out of the question for me to ask her, although she is clearly ill at ease with the vous, and went through a period of speaking to me in the third person singular. I think it is just not going to happen! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letrangere Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 However, I have been waiting 7 years for my mother-in-law to suggest that I use 'tu'. I know that it is out of the question for me to ask her, although she is clearly ill at ease with the vous, and went through a period of speaking to me in the third person singular. I think it is just not going to happen!Goodness, how interesting and what a tricky situation. I don't wish to pry but if you have children, how do they address their grande mere? Margaret Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tourangelle Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 We don't have children (yet). My MIL is quite traditional and I had entertained hopes that an offer to tutoie might materialise when we got married, but that was 2 years ago, and nothing has happened! To be fair, it is not just me, she also uses "vous" with close friends she has known for years. My husband thinks it is silly and has said as much to his mum, but she is very set in her ways! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chicfille Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 My MIL is also very traditional. She has always said "tu" to me, but I would never dare reciprocate. She very grandly announced shortly after our wedding that I may now call her by her first name (previously it had been "Madame.."), but no question of "tu". Of course our children tutoie her, which makes me feel even more like the outsider I am! I do have friends who tutoie their inlaws and in my opinion it makes for a much more equitable relationship, but who am I to go against French tradition?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tourangelle Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 My MIL uses vous to me, so at least it is recipricol, but I do use her first name, which makes it all a bit odd. Chicfille, are your children old enough to comment on this yet, what do they make of it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chicfille Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Hi Tourangelle,My children are too young to have noticed, but exactly the same thing happens in the generation above: my husband and all his cousins tutoie their grand-mère (my MIL's mother), but the grand-mère's children-in-law all say "vous" to her. Grand-mère tutoies everyone, including the children-in-law.This really used to bother me because it seemed so divisive - separating the flesh-and-blood from the "pièces rapportées"! But it seems not to bother any of the daughters- & sons-in-law, and family protocol seems to be very strict on this so I've just had to get used to it. Doesn't do much for the "not losing a son but gaining a daughter" school of parenting though, in my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teamedup Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 pièces rapportées, how polite. My have I heard some embittered daughter in laws recently. They have been treat like les enmerdeuses since they married many years ago. And now are paying for their 'Belles Meres' care, who are old and poor and in care, as is the way here. If they visit they get insulted, if they don't the old hags go mad too. Fortunately some of my friends have lovely MIL's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chicfille Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 [quote]pièces rapportées, how polite . My have I heard some embittered daughter in laws recently. They have been treat like les enmerdeuses since they married many years ago. And now are...[/quote]Not my phrase, incidentally, I heard it from an embittered daughter-in-law! A recent conversation with some of our French friends revealed some really insulting treatment from the boys' mothers to their daughters-in-law (son-in-law don't suffer the same fate, interestingly). Mothers really don't like to give away their precious sons, it seems! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teamedup Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 chicfille, I was sure that you had heard it from daughter in laws....... as I said, that is polite compared to what I have heard recently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zeb Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Another difference is eating the main meal of the day at lunchtime. Our neighbours think we are bizarre having a sandwich or light snack at lunchtime when MOH is at home. They worry that a) I am lazy b) I can't cook, c) I am starving him etc and if I am out for the day they invite him round for a proper meal!A friend's French lover has just moved in with her and they are very happy. However, she has to shop/cook/clearup non-stop now as he comes home from work at mid-day and wants a full meal as well as another cooked but lighter meal in the evenings. This was something in the first heat of love/lust that she hadn't bargained for. What do the rest of you do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geranium Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 I think it depends on what is happening. For instance if we are out shopping and need to stay in town, then we'll take advantage of the closedown and have a proper lunch out. However we prefer to eat dinner in the evening and are often at friends or have friends over for a full evening meal.As for the tu and vous, I think I rather look forward to being a highly honoured Grandmere and have everyone use vous. Now where's that pedestal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaligoBay Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Zeb, you're right about meals. Even if the midday meal is "léger", it still has to be a proper meal! A sandwich just will NOT DO, especially for a man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tourangelle Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Zeb's story just confirms how in some respects traditional roles are maintained in France. It makes me think of the Intermarché adverts on the radio which have been annoying me for months and have the slogan Donnons plus à celles qui donnnent tant. I can't say they've lost a customer, because there isn't one near me, but my husband generally does the shopping and we both feel irritated by the slogan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chicfille Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 My ma-in-law takes 2 hours off work every lunchtime to shop, cook, eat (starter-main-cheese-fruit/yoghurt/dessert) and then clean the kitchen completely, sweep the floor etc. Then she does it all again in the evening, even when it's just her and him.Consequently I fly into a panic when they come to us for a meal because my approach is rather less rigid. So I have to make superhuman (for me) efforts to produce a 4-course banquet. But it has to be good, because I feel like I'd be letting Britain down if I don't put on a good show! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerise Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 My French girlfriends and neighbours are shocked to the core that I do not worry whether or not I get home at 'midi' to feed Him Indoors. I, in turn, cannot understand why they all turn into demented things at 11.45 and find it incredible that they feel unable to ask their own 'mecs' to discover that the big white thing in the corner of the kitchen is the fridge and the thing next to it the cooker!! Him Indoors says 'Vive La Difference' as whenever Her Supreme Heartlessness (me) takes off for a day or a week without spending a fortnight leaving provisions for him, he is immediately inundated with invitations to eat properly! I recently went to UK for a week and he managed to get invited out every day, and two of our elderly neighbours almost came to blows over the right to feed the poor neglected foreigner!Maggi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richardbk Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Another difference is eating the main meal of the day at lunchtimeThere is something to be said for this approach, particularly if you are dieting or trying to maintain your weight. It tends to enable the body to better regulate its metabolism, as much of what is consumed in the way of protein/carbohydrate is actually turned to sugar and burnt off the following morning, reducing hunger pangs up to the next mid day meal, thus there is less tendency to snack. If you snack at lunch time, particularly on too much processed sugar or overdo it on the bread, rather than proteins and salads (i.e sandwiches every day ) the body tend to turn this to sugar and use it more quickly, resulting in hunger pangs - leading to snacking late afternoon. In addition eating a large meal in the evening tends to not be burnt of so efficiently - at least this is what a dietician told me - 2 months ago and so far I have lost nearly 9kilos simply by eating properly at lunchtime and reducing the evening meal. Is this perhaps the real reason that the French are not so obese as the Brits perhaps.regsRichard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
letrangere Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 There's a lot of sense in what you say, Richard. In the Middle East and Asia obesity amongst adults is often explained as being due to the culture of eating a huge meal very late at night and then going straight to bed. Incidentally, I've found this thread absolutely fascinating, especially the insight into Anglo/French marriages. Thanks everyone. M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teamedup Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 Ah chicfille your post about your MIL...... well what can one say, she is really a 205. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chicfille Posted March 31, 2005 Share Posted March 31, 2005 TU - sorry if I'm being really dense, but what is a 205?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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