Marriage - vow to obey?

[Squirrel]

Did those of you who are in 'wedded bliss' vow to obey your husband/have your wife vow to obey? Do they have that in the French marriage vows? I know in CofE there is one old-fashioned version where they still have obey in there. Me - no way! I believe marriage is an equal partnership.

[powerdesal]

I cant remember, its way too long ago but I am sure if / when I ask my

wife her reply will be on line of 'dont be ridiculous, why would I

promise that' !!!!!!!

Regards

[Gluestick]

Well, if you read the whole text of the Anglican Communion's wedding service and the alternative, you will see that the "Obey" bit is an optional vow the bride renders to the bridegroom.

It is an archaic form of the service and dates back to when the wife was in fact a chattel of the husband. In common, statutory and cannonical law.

There is no reference to husbands vowing to "Obey" their wives.

And if one reads the whole service and its associated texts and prayers and understands the ethos, then it is precisely all about a partnership.

However, the form really applies to when people married and then had children: rather than the kids being pages, bridesmaids etc! The wedding tended to come before the christening............................

Me? I'm just an old fashioned Anglican, I guess.[:(]

 

[Beryl]

I think I 'obeyed'  but it has never been an issue. [:D] 

 

We have an equal partnership, in my favour!

 

 

[Squirrel]

[quote user="Gluestick"]

Well, if you read the whole text of the Anglican Communion's wedding service and the alternative, you will see that the "Obey" bit is an optional vow the bride renders to the bridegroom.

It is an archaic form of the service and dates back to when the wife was in fact a chattel of the husband. In common, statutory and cannonical law.

There is no reference to husbands vowing to "Obey" their wives.

And if one reads the whole service and its associated texts and prayers and understands the ethos, then it is precisely all about a partnership.

However, the form really applies to when people married and then had children: rather than the kids being pages, bridesmaids etc! The wedding tended to come before the christening............................

Me? I'm just an old fashioned Anglican, I guess.[:(]

 

[/quote]

 

Oh I knew it was optional - nowadays anyway.

 

We had a register office wedding and a blessing in a Unitarian church in the USA. Not because either of us had been married before, just worked out easier like that visa-wise. Unitarian church is about as easy-going as you can get. Hubby jokes Unitarians burn question marks in your lawn, lol. But twas a nice white wooden New England church - good for the photos ;D

[Hoddy]

It's been optional for a long time. I'm guessing fifty years at least.

Hoddy

[Will]

In France, marriage is a civil ceremony, the religious part is optional anyway.

As with the Anglican marriage, the wife's promise to obey the husband has not been part of the obligations for some time - in fact nearly 70 years. Here is an excerpt from a French web site about marriage:

"Devenu empereur, Napoléon apporte dans son Code civil des nouvelles modalités au mariage civil et restreint les conditions du divorce. Jusqu'en 1938, les textes lus par l'officier d'état civil le jour du mariage ne connaîtront pas de changement. Ce n'est qu'à cette date que l'article du Code civil qui prévoyait que "le mari doit protection à sa femme, la femme obéissance à son mari" a été modifié. On parle maintenant des "devoirs et droits respectifs des époux".

 

[Mistral]

I didn't vow to obey and the vicar didn't ask me if I wanted to (perhaps because she was a woman) Anyway, it was an Anglican ceremony after a french civil marriage. As Will, says, the code civil is all about respective rights and obligations without mentioning which "epoux". All you do is listen to someone rattling off all the laws at top speed and say "oui" when they pause for breath.

 

[Val_2]

I'm 25 years all but a few month into my marriage and I deliberately asked for the vow to obey to be excluded being a bit of a rebel against all the wedding ceremony stuff which my parents expected and insisted upon, the vicar mentioned it originally so it was his idea and not mine. My husband didn't give a fig about the words,he was green-faced all through the ceremony from a huge curry and lager blow-out the night before and just wanted to get it over with.

[Squirrel]

Will - your doggy is adorable!

[Gluestick]

As I understand it, any religious marriage ceremony (le mariage religeuse) has no meaning or legal standing in law: it is the mariage civil which counts, legally. Explained to me as part of le code Napoleon .

English law was (and partially is) different, in that cannonical (church) law is part of civil law. Thus a C of E marriage is a binding legal obligation.

Interestingly, parts of church law still apply: for example, a parish church is bound to bury anyone who dies within its parish, in the churchyard, communicant or not.

And, of course, the church (of England) still occupies an important part of government, since the Archbishops of Canterbury and York and the Bishops of  London, Durham and Winchester, sit in the House of Lords.  Thus the ancient relationship of church and state is still perpetuated until this day.

Interestingly, my own little medievial church enjoys what is called a Royal Living, rather than a diocesan stipend and the priest is appointed by the Lord Chancellor on behalf of the monarch.

Wife and I fortunately went to the formal service where the new incumbant was finally instituted by the Bishop and other senior members of the diocese.

One of the high points for me, was a representative of HM the Queen, reading out a parchment proclamation, written in old italic script. Wonderful stuff.

And for me, it was 42 years in April, which is worrying![blink]