Looking at the French from within

[Gitane]

 

Re an article on Lance Armstrong and the French.  In our local paper.

 

I sympathise with his apparent struggle to understand the French.

Being French myself I often share in that struggle.

   So does every other Frenchman in a country with a different political party for every twenty voters. But perhaps I can lighten the shadows a little.

  First, I must emphasise there is no such thing as the “French”, so it is not possible to generalise. I do not know of a single Frenchman who even remotely likes another.

  Secondly, I have no idea where you get the impression that they do not like or value ‘Joan of Arc’. She is the focus of their hatred of the English who by burning this pure young woman alive, confirmed what they really are – a vicious, vulgar lot with terrible accents and thuggish imbecility, obviously suffering the consequences of centuries of in-breeding due to their self-imposed isolation from the rest of Europe.

  French teenagers – to use but one topical example – dress far better and prefer to spend hours in cafes discussing metaphysics to getting plastered on cider and hacking each other to death with axes.

  Your football hooligans, of course, have long proved to be made of the same imbecilic mould. It ill becomes the sickest society in Europe to criticise the most civilised.

 As for Lance Armstrong, the unspeakable arrogance of a despised American to keep on winning their national trophy is almost unbearable.

    Arrogance is a right which the French will defend to the death as being their sole entitlement, they being by far the highest achievement of the human race.

  The French are superior and that’s that.

  They just do not like the Americans who are excruciatingly vulgar, and for the most part, grotesquely obese. “No Class”.

 I hope I have been of some help, and long live the “Entente not-so Cordial”.

 

                                 Roger Bouyac.

 

Jerry Atrick 

[gert]

good to know that you have the intelligence to take each person as an individual regardless of race, nationality or colour and would`nt dream of making sweeping generalisations! the world is certainly a better place because of people like you!?

[Christine Animal]

I think it was Andre Previn who said that there were some wonderful French musicians, but try to put them together to form an orchestra and it's a disaster !

[Dick Smith]

Gert - Old Jerry is quoting an article, I don't think he wrote it and I get the impression he doesn't completely agree with it!

But there are some seeds of truth in it (except that it was actually the French who burned Jeanne d'Arc because they were on the side of the English...)

[Christine Animal]

That's exactly what I always answer Dick when attacked about Jeanne d'Arc!  Wasn't it L'Abbé Cochon, or some name like that?

[Dick Smith]

Something like that (it's been a while since I taught it). Certainly he was 'French' and the University of Paris condemned her for heresy and wearing trousers. It was all a bit more comolicated than English v French!

[Dick Smith]

Something like that (it's been a while since I taught it). Certainly he was 'French' and the University of Paris condemned her for heresy and wearing trousers. It was all a bit more complicated than English v French!

[Ex Forum Admin]

Posted By RayB

Well . . . . then there is looking at France from the outside [

The American-Traveller-to-France's Handbook.

The following advisory for American travellers heading for France was compiled from information provided by the US State Department, the Central Intelligence Agency, the US Chamber of Commerce, the Food and
Drug Administration, the Centres for Disease Control, and some very expensive spy satellites that the French don't know about. It is intended as a guide for American travellers only. No guarantee of accuracy is ensured

General overview:
France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in the continent of Europe. It is an important member of the world community, though not nearly as important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular consequence and with not very good shopping. France is a very old country with many treasures, such as the Louvre and EuroDisney. Among its contributions to western civilisation are champagne, Camembert cheese and the guillotine. Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible to get decent Mexican food. One continuing exasperation for American visitors is that the people wilfully persist in speaking French, though many will speak English if shouted at. As in any foreign country, watch your change at all times.

The People:
France has a population of 60 million people, most of whom drink and smoke a great deal, drive like lunatics, are dangerously oversexed, and have no concept of standing patiently in line. The French people are in general gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof, and undisciplined; and those are their good points. Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, though you would hardly guess it from their behaviour. Many people are communists, and topless sunbathing is common. Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie, and they kiss each other when they hand out medals. American travellers are advised to travel in groups and to wear baseball caps and colourful trousers for easier mutual recognition.

Safety:
In general, France is a safe destination, though travellers are advised that, from time to time, it is invaded by Germany. By tradition, the French surrender more or less at once and, apart from a temporary shortage of Scotch whisky and increased difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market prices, life for the visitor generally goes on much as before. A tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English Channel has been opened in recent years to make it easier for the Government to flee to London.

History:
France was discovered by Charlemagne in the Dark Ages. Other important historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now an airport.

Government:
The French form of government is democratic but noisy. Elections are held more or less continuously, and always result in a run-off. For administrative purposes, the country is divided into regions, departments, districts, municipalities, cantons, communes, villages, cafes, booths and floor tiles. Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper and Lower (though, confusingly, they are both on the ground floor), whose members are either Gaullists or communists, neither of whom is to be trusted, frankly. Parliament's principal preoccupations are setting off atomic bombs in the South Pacific, and acting indignant when anyone complains. According to the most current State Department intelligence, the President now is someone named Jacques. Further information is not available at this time.

Culture:
The French pride themselves on their culture, though it is not easy to see why. All their songs sound the same, and they have hardly ever made a movie that you would want to watch for anything but the nude scenes. And nothing, of course, is more boring than a French novel

Cuisine:
Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back. Croissants, on the other hand, are excellent, though it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this word. In general, travellers are advised to stick to cheeseburgers at leading hotels such as Sheraton and Holiday Inn.

Economy:
France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's in Europe, which is surprising because people hardly work at all. If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and blocking the roads with their lorries and tractors. France's principal exports, in order of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles, champagne, high-calibre weaponry, grenade launchers, landmines, tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous armaments and cheese.

Public holidays:
France has more holidays than any other nation in the world. Among its 361 national holidays are 197 saints' days, 37 National Liberation Days,16 Declaration of Republic Days, 54 Return of Charles de Gaulle in Triumph as if he Won the War Single-Handed Days, 18 Napoleon Sent into Exile Days, 17 Napoleon Called Back from Exile Days, and 112 France is Great and the Rest of the World is Rubbish Days. Other important holidays are the Feast of St Brigitte Bardot Day (March 1), and National Guillotine Day (November 12).

Conclusion:
France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied landscape, and a temperate climate. In short, it would be a very nice country if it weren't inhabited by French people.


A word of warning:
The consular services of the United States government are intended solely for the promotion of the interests of American businesses such as McDonald's, Pizza Hut and the Coca-Cola Corporation. In the event that you are the victim of a crime or serious injury involving at least the loss of a limb, report to the American Embassy between the hours of 5.l5 am and 5.20 am on a Tuesday or Wednesday, and a consular official who is supremely indifferent to your plight will give you a list of qualified dentists or something similarly useless. Remember, no one ordered you to go abroad. Personally, we always take our holidays at Miami Beach, and you are advised to as well.

Thank you and good luck.

[Teamedup]

Ooooooooooo just reads like the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy doesn't it

[RayB]

[quote]Ooooooooooo just reads like the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy doesn't it[/quote]

**Ooooooooooo just reads like the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy doesn't it**

I have no idea.

[Jonzjob]

Ray you don't know the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy. You have missed a treat, try it and you will see the conexion!!!

Mind the size of a planet and you want me to see who is at the door?

John.

[RayB]

[quote]Ray you don't know the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy. You have missed a treat, try it and you will see the conexion!!! Mind the size of a planet and you want me to see who is at the door? John.[/quote]

**Ray you don't know the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy. You have missed a treat, try it and you will see the conexion!!!**

I have heard the name, John, I'll check it out. Thanks.

[Teamedup]

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy came out in around 1978'ish as a radio series on BBC radio 4. Wonderful it was. They made a new radio series not too long ago, but Peter Jones, who used to narrate the 'voice' that was the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, had been replaced by someone else and it simply wasn't the same. There was just something about Peter Jones voice that was just right.

If ever you get to hear an episode of this surreal radio series, rather than the tv show which followed, hopefully you will know what I mean about the 'France' report sounding like it could be in the Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy.

 

TU

Brain the size of a peanut

[RayB]

[quote]Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy came out in around 1978'ish as a radio series on BBC radio 4. Wonderful it was. They made a new radio series not too long ago, but Peter Jones, who used to narrate the ...[/quote]

**Brain the size of a peanut**

Unless you were told that by an elephant, don't pay any attention to it!