Memories: Roundabouts and ducks,

[anotherbanana]

Roundabouts and Hong Kong ducks

 

Apparently, it was all because of French traffic roundabouts or rather the way that people drove round them that my duck lost her nerve. And I almost lost mine.

In the beginning, she used to travel on the car seat back, nibbling my ear and asking intelligent questions. Such as why do roundabouts have houses and farms and ruins on them? And why do some cars try to drive straight across instead of going round? Did they perhaps live on the roundabout?

After a while I noticed that she was hiding behind the seats, peeping out when we went round roundabout. And she got very upset when I joked that she was a Peekin duck, crying that she was a Hongkon duck.

 

And, she confessed tearfully, out of sheer fear, she had been ducking down behind the car seats every time we went round one which, given the number of roundabouts that the Magic Roundabout Minister has been installing, is very often, resulting in a severely strained neck and a right teasing from the dogs who have been calling her 'chicken'. Now, one thing you should never, never do is call a duck 'chicken'. It is like calling a Scotchman 'Englishman' and the like.

'Why are there so many roundabouts?' she wanted to know. 'Well, they were invented by the Americans to speed up traffic at junctions, but in France they are used to slow traffic down because so many French people used to kill themselves in cars. So they put in lots and lots to make the traffic go slower and slower.'

This is l’exception française

'But they don't slow down. In fact they speed up. Unless there is a slim lady in blue from Air France, taking fotos. Then they crawl by and smile and flash their lights afterwards to say thank you. Or is she like the nice ladies in the Bois de Boulogne, offering to sell something?

And some drivers go straight, some go in the inside lane, some go in the outside lane and they meet and wave at each other and talk with their hands and tap their heads. Then there are the trucks which are too big or the roundabouts which are too small and they squeeze any poor car that is next to them so that the driver makes a poo or exits early.

And lots of drivers, parduckularly trukkies induckate they are going left and go on the outside lane then they suddenly change their minds right in the middle and turn off right and make the cars on the inside lane break and wave.

Then there are the single drivers who always stay in the inside lane and go all the way round, and then there are the old couples with a big smile on their faces who just go round and round and round. As do lots of new drivers who want to make their girlfriends nervous so they will do rude things to them.

Best of all are the express medical delivery drivers; they drive at 100 and dont stop at all and their big, big vans bend over and over and frighten the cars. If they hit the curb they will fall over. Oh and the men with big, flat, flash Mercedes cars that just flash their lights and cut up all the other cars and they never do less than 110 because they are big men and powerful and we have to get out of their way as they are going somewhere important. But they are always alone in their cars. Except when they go down the Bois de Boulogne when they meet painted ladies and then stop and sit there and the ladies bend down and clean out the ashtray.'

And the holiday makers with funny number plates who all drive big 4x4s and it is the only time she gets to drive his big car instead of the nice environmentally bicycle at home, and she is really nervous and he keep telling her what to do so she comes to the 50th roundabout of the morning and he shouts at her to stay right but she wants to go faster and straight like the van in front but he gets all frothy and says something horrible like 'company car' and 'insurance rates' and 'silly lady dog' and she has tears in her eyes and can't make the exit so they go round again and she nearly hits the white car with the blue words on the side and the blue flashing light and he screams at her....'

 

'How on earth is an elderly left-winged HonKonDuk supposed to learn to drive when there are no rules?'

By which time she was crying piteously, so I offered to accompany her to a roundabout and try to work it out with her. And now I am thinking of giving up driving after seeing what I negotiate every day.

[Judith-aka-Judith]

Wonderful!  You have a real talent with words, Wooly!  Keep 'em coming!

[Lori]

Yes, you do have a way with words.  Always fun to read and much appreciated these days especially.