Death of a neighbour - help please

[Fionah]

I have come home today to find out one of my neighbours has died.  Although we haven't lived near them for very long we've always said hello and I would like to acknowledge his passing with a condolence card.  In England I would have no problems writing this but am unsure of how to write this correctly in French.  Just wanted to say we were sorry to hear of their loss and offer any assistance if needed.  I would hate to use the wrong word and offend/confuse so if anyone can help with this I would really appreciate it.

[Hoddy]

When a similar thing happened to us we sought advice from another neighbour. He advised us that we ought to attend the funeral even though we barely knew the man. We protested that we had nothing to wear, ours being a holiday home only we simply didn’t have anything that we thought suitable. We were told that what we wore didn’t matter but that we should go.

It was a very different affair from an English funeral but our attendance did a good deal to help us to be accepted into the community.

This was our experience; it may of course be different where you are.

Hoddy

[Idealfrance]

"Je/Nous vous présente/présentons mes/nos sinceres condoléances pour la mort de [votre mari/marie/père/mère/fils/fille]/M. [name]/ Mme [name]]. N'hésitez pas à faire appel à moi/nous si vous avez besoin d'aide."

"I/We offer our sincere condolences for the death of [your husband/wife/father/mother/son/daughter]/Mr [name]/Mrs. [name]]. Don't hestitate to call on me/us if you need anything."

Hope this helps.

Ben Symons
http://www.idealfrance.com

[Will]

In our part of France you would be thought rather strange if you sent a card or letter to a neighbour - such things are for those who cannot speak personally to the bereaved or, better still, attend the funeral to pay your respects and give your condolences personally.

We recently experienced this when the elderly mother of our former neighbours finally passed away, after a very long illness. Although we now live out of the commune (albeit only about 15km away) we received the notification of the death in the post and went to the burial. Significantly we were the only English there, and I don't think this went un-noticed. Our old house was bought by English but apparently and unfortunately they have little to do with the neighbours, while another English couple have a nearby holiday home and were there at the time. They phoned us and said they wouldn't go to the funeral because they only had working clothes and nothing dark. That just doesn't matter in France, I had a dark jacket and trousers and felt overdressed, most of the commune, even the family, turned up in everyday clothes, even the funeral directors wore green uniforms.

Most of the commune turns out for these occasions and if you knew the deceased, even slightly, your attendance is much appreciated.

 

[zeb]

I agree with Will here. Our elderly neighbour died after a long illness a couple of months back and we popped around immediately to offer our condolences and help to his widow and daughter.

Although they seemed to have few visitors, the church was packed (the whole village had turned out) and my partner was the only person wearing a black tie. Everyone was dressed in everyday clothes and one of my other neighbours who we gave a lift to, wore a bright orange trouser outfit.

One of our neighbours sons came round after the interment to thank us for attending, but we wouldn't have dreamt of not going.

regards.....helen (now been to more French funerals than English ones!)

[Fionah]

Thank you everyone for your help.  Have decided to pop a card through the door and attend the funeral as it seems the right thing to do.

[Val_2]

I have been to many funerals over the years and one thing people do not realise is that the actual internment is usually restricted to family and very close friends only. I found my first internment very disturbing and my son had nightmares for a while. Here it is normal to buy the coffin in a concrete bunker just a few feet underground and these usually have room for six people. When our friend's father was buried here last year we had to stand in front of the open chamber and take on board the sight of our dear close friend's coffin that had been in there for over ten years and was still intact. I couldn't stop crying and the memory of her husand climbing down inside to place fresh red roses onthe coffin will stay with me forever. Getting the father's coffin into this narrow opening was another matter and the undertaker and grave digger had to stand the box on end and slide it vertically down inside - very upsetting for the widow to witness and us.  I have also noticed now that condolence cards here often have a selection of words for you to copy out inside the blank card.

[Deby]

I gave some white flowers to my neighbour when her son tragically died.  She really appreciated this (I was informed by another neighbour) as this was something different from her English neighbour.

[Jc85]

Since owning our house we have attended two funerals, this first being my dear neighbour's 5 year old grandson. It was so moving everyone in the village brought white lilies to lay around the coffin in the church. What I was not expecting was that everyone walked up to the coffin a blew a kiss.

The second was another elderly close friend in the village, a collection was made by everyone for a plaque to put on the grave. I was also not prepared for the internment, its all very sad.

I'm sure whatever you send will be appreciated.

 

Jax