Kitty Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 My son had a birthday party today but 9 (yes, nine!) children did not turn up. The invitations went out in plenty of time and I know that they all received them Everyone there had a great time (it was a Softball party) and it saved me a lot of money as I only had to pay for attendees.However, is it usual for French parents not to reply to invitations and the children just not turn up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Cathy, I've asked a neighbour whose son had a party a couple of weeks ago. and sent you a PM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted July 3, 2008 Author Share Posted July 3, 2008 I saw a couple of the parents this morning in the playground and when I asked (carefully) about their children not coming, they just shrugged their shoulders. Weird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Katie Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 If it were your party Cathy I doubt you would really care but children break your heart dont they? It happens in the UK. There may have been a bug going around, they may not have been, it could have been coincidence. What I would look at is if the mothers of the absentees are close mates, then I think I would smell a rat and if they shrug at you in the playground sod 'em! What else can you do? You can worry over people and things that you have no control over all your life but where will that get you?As long as you are respectful and kind to people, you can hold your head up.I would bet you know all that anyway so I thought I would give you a little reminder [:)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted July 3, 2008 Author Share Posted July 3, 2008 Thanks JK. I actually don't mind (it saved me a lot of money) and neither did my son (he really enjoyed himself with those that bothered to turn up).I was asking because I was genuinely wondering whether this is something cultural - failure to reply to written invitations.I've had children's parties in the UK and we've the occasional absence but not loads of them.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suze01 Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Did you make it clear on the invite that you'd be paying?Was it a 'whole class' invite, or did he invite his genuine friends only? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted July 3, 2008 Author Share Posted July 3, 2008 Ah Lisle. I wonder if they did think that they would have to pay? The ones that arrived didn't seem to think that they had to pay and, although a plausible explanation, I doubt if it was a deterrent (but maybe?). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5-element Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Cathy, my considered reply is that it's mostly, plain bad manners. There is a lot of that in France - people who do not return your calls, who barely (if at all) acknowledge a present, who don't turn up for appointments and don't bother to ring and apologise, etc. etc. As a French person, I don't feel I have to be careful about what I say about the French[:D] But having spent half my life in one country, and the other half in the other, I am not so surprised about children not turning up for a party, and the invitation not even being acknowledged. Overall I find that people are more polite in the UK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
odile Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 do you live in a rural area? When I was a child growing up in the Jura, birthday parties just didn't exist. I shall always remember the ONLY one I went to, with sandwiches without the crust, cakes and jelly and ice-cream, pass the parcel, a clown, etc, and a present on departure! We were amazed - the mum of the little girl was English. Now just like Valentine's day or even Holloween - French have caught on to some extent, but mainly in cities. Birthday parties and being taken out to a special venue, is just not part of French culture. They may have been worried about having to reciprocate. But there is no excuse for not replying, even if just verbally via the child. Hope you enjoy spending the fortune you have saved.One of my daughters lives in suburbian Surrey - and I can't believe the 'one upmanship' of birthday parties and leaving presents - all trying to outdo each other, and kids throwing tantrums if they don't get a Gucci bag filled with other designer products - or a stretch limo.She and her friends have decided to break the vicious circle and go back to more simple things, Pheew. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted July 4, 2008 Author Share Posted July 4, 2008 In my defence, I didn't do any party bags. They left with a kiss on both cheeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
odile Posted July 5, 2008 Share Posted July 5, 2008 just had coffee with a friend from the Loire Valley - birthday parties were definitely not part of her childhood. Her daughter in law had a few kids over for her daughter's 6th birthday the other day- went to the park + pizza and ice-cream - but agrees this is just a Paris thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendy Posted July 5, 2008 Share Posted July 5, 2008 In answer to the OP - yes, this seems to be the norm. We sent out 15 invites for my son's 12th birthday here and only two kids turned up...the others did not bother to reply RSVP at all. And those two kids had obviously not been to a normal, run-of-the-mill birthday party (as WE know it ) before as they found the balloons, party favours and party food ( pizza slices, sausage rolls, fruit salad, ice cream, sweets, soft drinks, etc ) quite a curiousity. Just take a trip to your local 'Quick' or 'Macs' on a Wednesday or weekend and you will see that those are the places the French seem to favour as venues for their kids birthday parties. I have also seen the 'birthday cake' these places serve out...pathetic - they look like a large chocolate cookie rather than a proper cake. And the staff who have to 'entertain' the kiddies at these 'fast food parties' all look as though they have drawn the short-straw...I think in your case, as with ours, those French parents were just too suspicious of something 'non-french' being offered to their kids. Or else they are just plain rude. I think both apply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted July 5, 2008 Author Share Posted July 5, 2008 Thanks Jura. You live and learn. McDo next year then? Mmm... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jill<br><br>Jill (99) Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Not birthday parties, but in the last couple of years, we have been invited to two weddings in France. We never received an official invitation, but were told in letters and e.mails in general correspondence that they hoped we would be there for the wedding. However, on both occasions I ended up having to phone up and ask where the wedding was going to be and at what time. I did wonder if they hadn't really intended inviting us after all, but they had mentioned it plenty of times, so it seemed a genuine invitation, if not official. We only received a thank you letter for our gift from one of the couples. It probably is a manners thing and that people are not always used to official procedures - perhaps the same with birthday parties. But in England it is the same with parties. My nephew only had a few attend his party. Party bags seem to be newish even in England. We certainly didn't have them when I was a child. I don't know when it sprung up, but it seemed to be expected when my children were small, but I don't think I knew that for their first few parties. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
odile Posted July 7, 2008 Share Posted July 7, 2008 be very careful with wedding invitations! In France it is customary for Faire Part de mariage to be sent to all friends of the family, however distant to 'announce' the wedding - if you are invited, an insert will be added. The family usually prints 2 inserts, 1 to ask lots of people to the 'aperitif' and 1 for the more select group who would be invited for the whole caboodle! A colleague from my school received a Faire Part from the French teacher who used to organise the students' exchange with me. He travelled to Normandy for the event... they were very surprised to see him and his wife! They were most welcomed, but a bit embarrassed when they realised they were in fact gate crashing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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