Urgent - Our Neighbour has died- Can any one help woth protocol?

[the hepples]

Hi, hope someone out there can help quickly.  I have just recieved an e-mail to let us know that our neighbour out in France has died.  He's been ill for some months now and it was expected.  I am friendly with his wife and have already written out a condolence card - used the standard phrases from a french website - but I am unsure as to whether to send flowers to her at home.  He died 1st December so funeral may have already taken place, but I want house flowers not funeral flowers.  Is this the done thing?  Cheers

[Gardian]

[quote user="the hepples"]......so funeral may have already taken place[/quote]

Almost certainly.

This is an intensely personal thing and really (for me) protocol goes out of the window. If you are well acquianted with the widow, then as well as your condolence card, then there's nothing to beat a telephone call.

Even if your French isn't perfect, the sentiment will come through. If it was a lengthy illness, then maybe an offer to make a donation to a charity of her choice in memory of her husband?

Never easy, but whatever you do which is clearly well intentioned, will be well received, whatever the nationality.  

[Gardengirl]

Absolutely right, Ian. Definitely the heart is what you follow, I think. Whatever you feel is generally the right thing, I've found, whether flowers, phone call, letter mentioning some of your best memories of the person concerned. They all help and mean a lot, whoever and wherever.

[buelligan]

Yes I agree, really bereavement is a pretty international thing - of course there can be special rules for different religions and cultures - but as G and GG say above, most humans need comfort, reminding that there are others out there who care.  I don't know about Gironde but here (Corbieres) the funeral would normally be held within a very few days of someone's death.  Sending a card is a very good idea.  I can only speak from my own experience of bereavement and I'm not french.  At the time I was far too shocked to notice flowers and I really wasn't that keen on phone calls (it made me think too much about what had happened and dissolve into a weeping mess again).  The cards and letters (though I hardly read them at the time) meant the most.  That, and the odd hug.  [:D]

[Kitty]

Welcome to the Forum!  This has been discussed before - see the frollowing thread:

http://www.completefrance.com/cs/forums/1173967/ShowPost.aspx

Also a thread about funerals in France:

http://www.completefrance.com/cs/forums/1860669/ShowPost.aspx

[the hepples]

Thanks to all of you.  I has already read the two threads suggested by Cathy, but they didn't really cover my problem, which is why I posted.