Pensioners falling and freezing to death

[cooperlola]

You were obviously fond of both your parents, Kathy, and are fond of your mother in law.  Believe me, you are very lucky.

[Gardengirl]

[quote user="KathyF"]

We have two children and three grandchildren, Coops. If you mean support financially, then no, not at all. We have enough to live on, and being reasonably frugal souls, we have adequate savings. However, if I were old and alone and unable to cope on my own any longer, I would hope they would care enough about my welfare to see that I am appropriately looked after. Not by them personally, I hasten to add, as I don't think that would work any better than having my MiL living with any of her sons. But that they would care enough to make arrangements for me if I were unable to make them for myself and go on caring enough to ensure that this care remained adequate and suitable.

At present my MiL lives independently, many miles from any of her sons.  However, as her memory starts to deteriorate gradually, they keep a watching brief on her affairs and help her out in all sorts of ways, some small, some bigger, but none of them financial.

All this seems to me to be absolutely unremarkable behaviour in the context of family life. No, I didn't ask my parents to have me, but I'm extremely glad they did and am still grateful for their love and care and support when I needed it.  Sadly, they are long dead, so that I can't repay them in their old age, but I can for my MiL and am glad to do it.  I rather hope my children will feel the same in their turn.

[/quote]

Kathy, you've put that very well. That's how we were with my inlaws, although they lived quite a distance from us. The two sons took overMIL's financial affairs etc; one lived close at hand but was abroad a lot, and we visited regularly, whether from France or UK. An enduring power of attorney was invaluable at this point, and ensured that we had a great say in her treatment etc. As MIL became less capable, visits increased, and we were in close touch with the care home she had moved into; this was excellent, by the way - run by a charitable trust and formerly by Norwich council.

It's the sort of watching brief we would wish from our sons, and think we could count on as/when necessary. Most of our friends have acted similarly with their elderly relatives and also hope for a similar tactful overview themselves. If our sons had turned out to be the sort of characters who wouldn't act in this way, they wouldn't be people we would choose to spend time with now. But as for moving in with them, I couldn't see it ever happening; I think we two are just too independent for that to happen - stubborn is another way of putting it! [:)]

However, not everyone is on good terms with their elderly relatives, for whatever reason, and communication can break down long before any thought needs to be given to provision of care. If the breakdown is particularly bitter, I can see that any contact would be difficult.