An early Xmas thank you

[AnOther]

Dear

Friends

As we

move closer to the end of another year I wanted to thank you for all the e-mails you have forwarded

to me.

 

I must send a big

thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat s**t in the glue on envelopes, because

I now have to use a wet sponge

with every envelope that needs sealing.  Also, I

now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason.

 

I no longer have any

savings because I gave it all to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital for

the 1,387,258th time. But that

will all change once I receive the

£15m that Bill Gates and Microsoft

are sending me for participating in their special email programs or from the senior bank clerk

in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars with me for

pretending to be a long lost

relative of a customer who died intestate.

And I

need no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for

me.

I

have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within

five minutes.

 

I no longer drink

Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

 

I no longer can buy

petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl

in my back seat when I'm filling

up.

 

I no longer go to

shopping centres because someone will drug me with a food sample and rob

me.

 

I no longer answer the

phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and then I'll get a phone bill

with calls to Jamaica,

Uganda,

Singapore and

Uzbekistan.

I

can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to

cause me instant death when it

bites my bum.

 

I can't even pick up

the five quid I found dropped in the car park because it was probably put there by a

crazed axe murderer waiting under

my car to grab my leg.

 

If you don't send this

email to at least 144,000 people in the next 10 minutes, a large pelican with an

acute case of diarrhoea will s**t

on your head and fleas from 12

camels will infest your back,

causing you to grow a most unsightly hairy hump.  I know this because it actually happened to a

friend of my next door neighbour's

ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's plumber and it was on Good Morning

Australia.

 

By the way.... did you

know that a South American scientist has discovered after a lengthy study, that people with

low IQs who don't have enough sex always read their emails while holding the

mouse.

 

Don't bother taking it

off now, it's too late!

 

Regards

[DerekJ]

[quote user="ErnieY"]

 

By the way....  did you

know that a South American scientist has discovered after a lengthy study, that people with

low IQs who don't have enough sex always read their emails while holding the

mouse.

 

Don't bother taking it

off now, it's too late!

 

Regards

[/quote]

 I hate you Ernie [:(][:)][:D][:P]