What am I missing?

[Montsauton]

We've always found our neighbours in France somewhat standoffish. Even a Parisian described the local people as "hard". Then the following happened. While we have been in the UK a water leak developed. This was noticed by the lady friend of our neighbour. She drove to the lady who holds our spare keys. They both returned and turned the water off. Then our neighbour, who happens to be a plumber, went in and repaired the leak. Finally the lady friend returned the keys to the keyhoder. All of this happened in a day. I've only ever spoken to the lady friend once and the neighbour avoids eye contact whenever he can.

What am I missing here? Our place is in a deeply rural location, where I daresay until relatively recent times people seldom went further than their local town - probably still true of many of them - and where life must have been incredibly difficult. Has this got something to do with it? Have other people found this coolness which isn't really coolness? Is the coolness actually just reserve and undemonstrativeness?

Patrick

[Piprob]

Maybe they're letting-out your house for a tidy rent on the QT, while you're not looking, and the occassional down-cast eye merely reflects disappointment in your standard of maintenance.
Hey ho.
Rob

[Sue56]

LAST EDITED ON 14-Jul-04 AT 10:44 AM (BST)

Rather than being cool towards us we have found our neighbours initially wary.

When we completed on the house purchase we gave a card and box of biscuits/chocolates to our immediate 3 neighbours. In the card we introduced ourselves and explained the house was for our use only. In such a small hamlet I felt they would not be receptive to lots of holiday makers and anyway this was never our intention so we just wanted to make that clear. The couple across the road in return invited us in for drinks and gave us some honey. The old lady behind us after a few visits would acknowledge us, I have to say we took every opportunity to say "bonjour" etc and feel it has paid off. I was quite anxious about her at first, she seemed quite cool towards us. Last time she smiled and spoke to us and at Easter she came out and gave the children a bag of sweets each. The man next door always comes in for a drink with my husband and brings a bottle or two with him. We always speak French to them, however basic, and I think they appreciate it.

So I think they were probably more wary of us than anything else as they seem warmer each time we visit.

[Miki]

Patrick,

You are experiencing a fairly normal practice, that in some places, would be what to expect. The French are not being so much standoffish, as reserved and valuing their space or privacy.

You may need to make a few moves first before they will open up a little. If you have already done so, then more time may well be needed.

You have had proof that you are more or less accepted, perhaps in a similar suituation elsewhere you would not have been so lucky. If you haven't already, why not now invite some around for apperos to thank them for their very kind gesture.

Our neighbour (we only have one, the next one is half a mile away)and we both respect our privacy but whenever we meet we chat away about this and that like long lost friends.

We have found that some areas can certainly make a difference in attitudes but like most things in life, you have to put in much to get something out, not always easy but......

Miki