Code de la Route translation.

[Bugsy]

Not literal, of course, and a great generalisation but .....................

When meeting oncoming traffic on narrow roads always maintain your speed and position in the centre of the road as the other driver will always move over for you.

When negotiating left-hand bends always have your left-side road wheels well over the white line all the way around the bend.

When overtaking a cyclist always take a wide sweep onto the other side of the road and disregard any on-coming traffic.

When following other vehicles always maintain the closest distance possible between your vehicle and the one in front.

When wishing to exit left on a dual carriageway roundabout always maintain a position on the right hand side and do not signal.

Do not overtake when the road is clear, always wait until approaching a bend or oncoming traffic. Be sure to brake hard as soon as you are in the gap in front of the vehicle you have just overtaken.

When passing vehicles on dual carriageways always pass at a speed no greater than 0.0001% faster than the vehicle being overtaken.

When being passed by a heavy goods vehicle on dual carriageways always maintain your speed to keep up with the vehicle overtaking you.

After filling up your vehicle at a petrol station always take the time to check your receipt, stow your credit card, comb your hair and re-arrange any shopping you have purchased before pulling away.

When approaching a stop or give way junction always accelerate right up to the junction and stop with the two front wheels just over the white line. Always check right when coming to a stop.

Only overtake on solid white lines when you can see an overtaking area coming up within the next 50 metres or so.

Always stop quickly without signalling when you see a friend or acquaintance on the side of the road.

Please add to the list as you feel appropriate.

[NickP]

And of course when turning left into a side road always cut the corner and scare the life out of the Brits who were taught to stop at the crown of the road when they are turning left. [:D]

[Polly]

Don't overtake on a straight stretch of road, wait until you come to a bend

[bixy]

If cycling, always do so at least two or three abreast and ignore any traffic trying to get past.

If you are a tractor, drive for 30km on a main road hauling a large trailer and ignore any lay-bys or wide verges which might allow the queue of traffic behind you to get past.

If a lorry, under no circumstances slow down to the speed limit when driving though a village, and if you come up to a car in front obeying the limit, flash your headlights at it.

Patrick

[Chancer]

Bugsy.

Can you also do a code du supermarché?

Loads of humourous material to be written methinks.

[NickP]

[quote user="Chancer"]

Bugsy.

Can you also do a code du supermarché?

Loads of humourous material to be written methinks.

[/quote]

What like rushing  to get in front of you in the Que and then leaving the trolley and going off to finish shopping ? [:-))]

[bixy]

Advice for supermarket customers:

At the checkout make sure you pack away every item in your bags before searching for your cheque book. Tear a cheque out and give it to the cashier and ask her for a pen. Slowly and laboriously fill in all the details on your stub. Look surprised when asked  for your proof of identity, despite the fact you knew you were going to be asked for it, and spend five minutes searching for it. Finally pack your documents carefully away in your handbag/wallet while still standing there, thus preventing the cashier from starting to scan the next person's items.

Alternative strategy: don't pack anything away, but stand there clutching your purse/wallet/cheque book while your stuff is scanned and piles up in a big heap, and only start packing it away once you have paid.

Take fifteen items through the less than ten checkout, pretending you can't count.

Stand chatting with your friend/neighbour/cousin in the aisle, with your trolleys turned sideways so that nobody can get past. Look offended when somebody tries to.

Patrick

[Bugsy]

At the supermarket:

Remember, if the supermarket is busy, to always take the photos of the new grandchild to show the girls at the check-out.

Always pay for your 9 euro purchase with a cheque.

Always pay for your 99 euro purchases with 1, 2 and 5 cent coins.

Always select items for purchase where the bar-code label is missing.

.

[nomoss]

Don't stop at a red traffic light unless the car in front of you stops.

When entering a busy supermarket car park, always drive slowly by, as close as possible, behind cars which are backing out of their spaces.

If the car park is almost full, park your car at an angle to the markings, taking up as much of two spaces as possible.

If you are not sure you brought enough money, pack everything in bags and put in your trolley. When you are a few Euros short, forage around in the bags, checking the prices of possible items with the cashier, before you decide what to return.

When walking back to your car and chatting with a friend you met there, pass behind cars backing out as above, with both your trolleys.

[Cendrillon]

Also at the supermarket, do not bother to weigh fruit and veg, just stand in the queue and then when you reach the check-out run back to do the weighing while the people behind you stand and stare.[;-)]

[Polly]

Shop with a guide dog puppy in training: you will block all the aisles while doggy people want to cuddle him/her, and non doggy kids scream to Mum/Maman about the horrid doggy.

Then make the cheese/charcuterie queue wait while the staff secretly hand over scraps for the mutt who, adorably, waves a paw and waits, ever so patiently.

At the check-out, you will take at least twice as long as everyone else as it will take you longer to pack than even folk with a screaming toddler: the till person will ask for advice on their dog, and the neighbouring checkout will want to chat too.

I love it, but then I'm the mug with the mutt!

[Chancer]

I thought that I maight have exposed a rich seam here, sorry for diverting/hijacking the thread Gary [:)]

Cendrillon, I put my hands up I have not weighed my stuff a couple of times as the stores love to hide the weigh scales and instructions to do so.

Polly, I would just love to do what you do, it would make a work up into a pleasure, are you partially sighted or just a trainer? if the latter in the UK or France? if you dont mind me asking.

[Polly]

I'm a puppy walker for Centre Aliénor, the guide dog school in Bordeaux.

It's the same system as in the UK, volunteers are given puppies when they are weaned and take them through until they enter school at 12-16 months old. We are responsible for all the basic training, from peeing in the right place to behaving in public, including Leclerc, plus knowing left from right and other more advanced tricks.

[Bugsy]

I don't think peeing in Le Clercs would go down too well. [Www][:D][:D]

.

[Polly]

[quote user="Bugsy"]I don't think peeing in Le Clercs would go down too well. [Www][:D][:D].

[/quote]

Pup N° 7 did better than that... and she chose to do it in the special offer aisle. I am always equipped in case of accidents!

[Gardian]

When you're the manageress of the newly-opened Intermarche Express, ensure that only one till is open at any time, despite there being four members of staff (incl yourself) stacking shelves. When a queue of 12 customers forms at the checkout, pointedly ignore the ranting rosbif who seems to be saying something to do with service client, a term hitherto unknown to you. Fix the old idiot with a 'looks could kill' face, as you grudgingly open up a 2nd till. Then seek help for your till logon.  

[just john]

After you have grudgingly opened up a 2nd till and sought help for your till logon, forget to reset the credit card reader so three cards later when the rosbif is beginning to panic, call the manager over, then remember to reset the card reader and when the first card goes through act as if it was just another problem with the rosbif, smile at the other customers before the manager walks off enjoying the smile of satisfaction on the faces of the queue of 12 customers still at the checkout, having jointly conspired to demoralise the stupid rosbif[:D]

edit [quote user="Bugsy"] After filling up your vehicle at a petrol station always take the time to check your receipt, stow your credit card, comb your hair and re-arrange any shopping you have purchased before pulling away.  [/quote]

I think you may have omitted the vital step of checking the mirror and refreshing the lippy before pulling away[:)]