How to clean your toilet perfectly

[Joh]

Thought  I would post this one here as  I seem to be the target of abuse from a certain born again member on another forum!

Hope the pics work this time! they make all the difference

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.   2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.   3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.   4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.   5. Flush the toilet three and or four times. This provides a "power-wash."   6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.   8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off. 9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.   Sincerely, The Dog

Please note: No animals were harmed in the making of this informational posting...

[Rita]

Like it!!!

Our German Shepherd also sleeps on his back (I reckon he must have been in the oldest industry in the world in his last life!!)

 

Rita

ps

Can someone please tell me how to change this flippin font and colour permanently. I have to keep changing every time I post!

Thanks

(It has a default font and colour, Rita. Sorry, but it will revert back to that. If I can find out any different, I will let you know! Belinda - Moderator)

[Liz]

LOL - I really did. My cat, on the other hand, is keeping a perfectly straight face. The pictures really make the story.

Liz (a cat lover)

[Guest CFrost]

Laugh??? I nearly wet myself Very very funny, the dog wants to know, is it the same process for all breeds of cat as we have a number of them in the neighbourhood that plague her! More of the same

[Diana]

I'm a bit stressed out at the moment with the move to France and setting up 2 businesses and have not had a good laugh for a long time. When I read this I just creased up, it was just what I needed, especially the picture of the poor 'bog brush'.

We have had Persians, two in particular would often need a bath, one a female blue had never learnt the meaning of personal hygiene and would often need to be bathed. A sadder and more bedraggled creature it is hard to imagine. The second was our first ever off-white persian who managed to climb up the inside of a chimney, when we finally got her down she was black. We tried to bathe her very gently in the sink but she went mad and lacerated my husbands arm. He was fearful of any infection he might pick up so took himself off to the local casualty department. The nurse enquired what had attacked him and when he replied the pet cat she broke down in laughter, my husband was highly embarrassed that he could not defend himself against a pussy cat!

Diana

[Mpprh]

"Please note: No animals were harmed in the making of this informational posting..."

And I'm a bit worried about the dog. He seems to be in severe pain ?

Peter

[Mpprh]

Hi

and I suppose if you used two matching cats, and they didn't make it through the process, you could always have a pair of very clean gloves ?

Peter

Every cloud has a silver lining ?

[Dick Smith]

There is another use for cats.

When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system. ....

There is more to consider though, as in the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter the cats. Also, should there be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet.

Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple formula:

p = s * t(t)/t(c)

Where:
p is the probability of carpet impact
s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is zero.
t(c) and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour.

So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet. Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research.

Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet.

[Battypuss]

You been on that rocket fuel again, Dick?

[SaligoBay]

That was funny!

Now I want some rocket fuel.