mint Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 stuffed themselves to the point of death. Chipmunks, you see, are greedy like J Smith and their snouts are also in the trough. However, there's really no comparison between animals who don't know better and humans who............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ViVienne Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 very clearly do, and they would never eat to the point of morbid obesity and Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mint Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 end up having their stomachs stapled; talking of which, can you imagine.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LEO Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 I have never seen a skinny pig but ,I have seen a buxom.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just john Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 . . . Jacqui's shame, not as bad as Mr Goons, at least he believes in holiday homes at the Goverment's expense, I wonder if that will be in the budget?[:)] o tempora, o mores . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ViVienne Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 the size stapler needed for that job, could go to the diy shop and get a staple gun and some.................(decided to ignore the last 2 posts...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mint Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 strong ropes to tie you down while they get on with the job. Don't they say no pain, no gain? So, if this doesn't cure all that greediness, I guess nothing will.But what will I give for a bit of............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ViVienne Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 that yummy microwave chocolate cake with loads of cream that.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cowoman Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 we are paying for.That is eaten on the table that we are paying for in the house that we are paying for.........ok we are just paying.When we are all out of work,and the pot is empty because we have all been paying out on the politician's houses,food,tv's .tables ,bathplugs then what will poor old....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ViVienne Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 us do? stand for parliament I guess and elect to give ourselves........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mint Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 a thumping great big pension, long holidays, short working hours, expenses and allowances for ourselves AND all our family members, nice roomy offices with views over the more select parts of London; in short all the things we have got already but on a bigger scale.As for the poor old sods of voters, why, they are only the............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cowoman Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 audience who are to believe that they have done nothing wrong.Jaqui had just got back from the Blair school of acting. This was set up in the Blair years and has had full attendance ever since.She emerged , her face slightly thinner (her cheeks were sucked in) Her voice was softer not the bombastic voice that she had gone in with.A television interview had been set up.......and the acting began.The interviewer started to ask some interesting questions about the porn movies.Jaqui squirmed and then....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mint Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 in true politician fashion, managed to produce an answer that wasn't really an answer, if you see what I mean. Meanwhile, her husband, the porn fetishist............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just john Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 had gone to see Miss Funnyfanny and Basildon Bond, otherwise known as the secret agent, Hobbo, disguised as a milkman, with the hope that . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mint Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 between them, they would be able to satisfy his not inconsiderable appetite for... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cowoman Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 Bathplugs. The general public had unknowingly bought a whole wardrobe full of them. There were gold plated ones, rubber red ones.plastic see through ones in every shade of pink. They had all been stuffed into the big antique wardrobe sectetly owned by us.Jaqui refused to answer questions on the bathplugs but quickly denied that she had claimed for the barbecue or patio heater....thats ok then.....How about the cuddly toy? the interviewer pressed her.Had she signed this expense claim off or not.?For once Jaqui ...................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just john Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 stopped and pinched herself, maybe it was just a dream, at least it felt like she was in a kind of play, she pinched herself again, nothing good had stopped happening to her bank account or pension; she realised that once this charade had played out, life would troll merrily along and her simpering would have worked, hubby dickie could have as much porn as he liked, washed down with lots of cream. [:)]Russell had twittered "I have decided to pay the Ofcom fine. I'll put it on my expense account. Oh no, I don't have one because I'm a citizen not a corrupt MP." "What do 'ofcom' do with all that money? What is their mandate? I think they spend it all on porn. As head of ''ofporn'' I fine them £150000."Shamed MPs are exploiting us and misusing their expense accounts. They want us to be distracted from this. I'm going to write about it now."That was her only worry, what if it wasn't a dream, maybe she wasn't in a play, maybe she would have to pay him the fine, maybe it was all . . . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cowoman Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 turning into a thing called reality.Yipes .....was she joining the masses of people who had to ask themselves every day if a thing that they were buying was a necessity or a luxury.Once decided then money was to be handed over.You put your hands into your pockets and had to hand over paper notes or coins of the realm.Then when this was done it resulted in your bank balance getting lower and lower and sometimes falling into a thing called debit...oh thats debt...thats what ordinary people have found themselves in.Jaqui was dumbfounded at the very thought ,she had often sat in her bathtub late at night (twiddling with her bath plug) whilst hubby was watching the naughties on the 72 inch plasma tv, wondering how ordinary folk could get themselves into the red. Watching those films on such a big screen made those bodiy images look almost full size, almost as big as Jaqui's lies in factWhen her bank account just kept getting bigger and bigger she had no idea that people were getting themselves into "debt" all over the country. .It was an eye opener, how would she cope? After all this wasn't what she came into politics to do.She walked into her cottage garden and wondered......................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mint Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 long and hard whether resigning wouldn't be such a bad thing after all. We.................eeell, she'd have to give up the expense account but she still gets to keep the generous salary, the pension plan and all the other bits and pieces. True, the old man would have to give up the porn stuff because she'd make sure she audits the debits from the joint bank account.Then, she spun on her heel, her chins (yes, if you look closely, she definitely has more than one) came up, her greedy piggy eyes gleamed and she decided she would tough it out.After all, she has nothing to lose, the Inquiry (or whatever fancy name they call it) would find that she's stuck rigidly to the letter of the law and she gets to keep all the goodies.The antique fireplaces would be left in place and she thought she'd have the marble mantelpieces and the expensive slate hearth added to the claim so that all the fireplaces would look a tad more genuine. After all, genuine means real, means true, means faithful to the original, means fit for purpose and any number of definitions and what if not "genuine" would you call her?Well, what word would YOU use? Over to the next poster............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ViVienne Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 well we are not allowed to use language like that on this forum.......but I bet she wishes that she had given the police their pay rise now.....she has been well and truly busted and as for her husband bet he wishes he had just .......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mint Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 been watching the football instead. But, the football is nothing like as exciting as that film about......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitty Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 ... Universal Bathplugs, which happen to be the plugs that rely on suction and that remain strong and secure whilst fixing themselves into any shaped plughole. Just the sort of thing that Jaqui needed in her life, whilst she mused about how she was going to explain ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cowoman Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 how she had accidently got one stuck about her person.After her acting performance on the tv two days earlier her husband wished that she had plugged the hole that all the lies were coming out of.It hadn't been a very convincing performance and even the x pats on the french forum had not been fooled so what chance was there of convincing the folk of England who were also hot on her case!!With all the leaks about her expenses flowing, Jaqui wished that she could use one of the plugs out of her extensive collection to.................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LEO Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 fit the sink in her new two-berth caravan that her husband ....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just john Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 had bought out of his divorce settlement Dickie said ''I've got a caravan, which I'm really made up about, 'cause I've, like, always wanted a caravan, all my life and now I've got one. Jacqui said ''Yeah to watch pornography in. Dickie said, ''No, not to watch pornography in, but I've got a sexy new entertainment system to watch the footie and a paraffin heater in fingerless gloves. Jacqui said '' And you never shut up about it either.'' Dickie said ''I know. It's just a typical bloke thing really. Jacqui said '' It's not.'' Dickie said '' Shall we row about this now?'' Jacqui said ''Huh you can't . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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