TWINKLE Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Twinkle thought the least she could do was get back up on the sideboard and sing a ballad for the chimp. As she elegantly got back down from the sideboard to rapturous applause she was blinded by a white flash of light. It was Jonzjob a jolly sprite of a man who had given up his work as a woodturner and, bored with taking photos of sunsets he had decided to follow Twinkle on her mission to sing to as many LF'ers as possible thus cheering them up - it was proving to be a hard task as there were so many of them that found it difficult to smile. Suddenly Jonzjob shouted at Twinkle "What's that lodged in your ample bosom?" It was the sausage! Twinkle pulled him out and smacked him on the bum with her flute. "I was hiding from the cat and the blue rabbit - I was scared" spluttered the sausage. "If I ever catch you down there again - I'll spray you with my can of ketchup!" threatened the breathtakingly beautiful fairy.She then walked over to have a quiet word in Bettys ear about Botox injections (she was in dire need of some - the poor woman) when there was a loud disturbance just outside the window. She wasn't sure if it was a chainsaw or the engine of a motorbike revving up. Everybody rushed to see what was causing such a comotion - and what they saw chilled them to the bone!The wood cutter was hacking away at Twinkles Volvo with his chainsaw - the poison obviously wasn't strong enough to knock out the big fairy......The last thing she saw was him jumping up and down on Samby the dog.Everything went black after that and she fainted into the arms of...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayJay Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 .....Crispy pea who had had word that a camel had been spotted in the vicinity. Now he was totally shocked & forgot about the camel after looking down & spying what looked like sausage grease running down the flaked out fairy's cleavage, as she hung in his arms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine Animal Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 ... while crafty Furryknickers who had spotted the hairless Dick and taken it away under his forearm was now in his little dingy floating down the currants singing his favourite Boney M song Rivers of Babylon. Little did he know that all those sunset photos were not far behind him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Furry Knickers Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 She hung in his arms untill the Crispy lad could not hold her any longer "ah canny hold her, ah canny hold her" he cried as the weight of the fairy's bosoms became to much for him "someone help me, help me pleeeasssse" he sang as the rabbit returned from the STi clinic with a large bottle of penicillin in her paws "you mean to say that you can't hold onto a little fairy" said the rabbit "this is not a puppy luv" said Mr Pea! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine Animal Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 With that the garde chasse arrived and said "Crispy Pea put that puppy on a string or I'll give you an amende for vagabondage dans la forêt des cepes sautées." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Furry Knickers Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 All of a sudden they heard a faint voice, singing in the darkness "I'll name that tune in 5" said Mrs Animal "it sounds like he is singing about a hairy boiled child" said the beautiful Christine "maybe the chimp got some poor lad pregnant and he is coming back to claim the Volvo" thought Twinkle! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YCCMB Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Betty was not happy. What had started off as a pleasant evening had turned into a shambles. People kept climbing all over her furniture and breaking stuff, and no amount of scrubbing with a damp cloth and a bottle of Mr Propre was going to get the sausage grease off her hearth. There were footprints all over her sideboard, which the fairy (who had a great voice but no taste) had suggested came from Conforama, whereas it had been lovingly made by a nice bloke called David Linley whose mum was a big noise in royalty circles. There was also the matter of her front door, which could be described as many things, but not, any longer, a front door.Betty thought it must have been the amontillado, but she was having difficulty understanding how a variety of exotic animals, transvestite fairies and assorted riff-raff had come to end up in her salon. Things were getting more than a touch out of hand. If she couldn't muster some sort of inner strength and restore order to this chaos, she would have to slip off her tartan house slippers, pull on a pair of stout boots and a headscarf and go forth into the night for help. It was a pity that it had got so late, because Betty thought help would be thin on the ground at this hour. She knew for a fact that it would be no use trying the Maison de Retraite. They'd all have had their medication shortly after "Les chiffres et les lettres", and would be snoring in their beds.What to do???????????? What to do?????????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine Animal Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 At that very moment in the dark she bumped into WJT stumbling along with the help of a stick shaking her weary head as she had just walked all the way back from Bulgaria where she had been seeking a property suitable for all the unwanted animals in France. But the scenery was not a patch on the Dordogne and she knew the dogs wouldn't enjoy it over there, and all those pet passports to take care of... everything would be delayed for another six months.What to do ? What to do ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bugsy Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 What to Do, What to Do.....................those words echo'd in Betty's head as she woke with a start, the bright sun shattering the cool darkness of her bedroom,..........was it just a dream, it all felt so real. She got up and ran into the lounge, fully expecting to find her door shattered, but no, it was all just as she had left it before going to bed.Perhaps it was just the cheese and coffee she had eaten rather late last night. _____________________________________________ I thought I'd put this thread to bed (if thats OK with everyone who contributed) but it must rate as one of the funniest things I've read for years. There are clearly a few budding authors on this site who would probably have no trouble creating a saleable book.Brilliant............................[:D][:D][:D] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TWINKLE Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 [:)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mint Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 You may well smile, Twinkle, but the truth of the matter is that it happened exactly as described.What between the animals and the humans, there isn't really a lot to choose between them. And, as 5-element might sigh, "c'est kif-kif". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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