Noisy neighbour

[Benjamin]

Sid I don't think you should close the topic just yet.

Looking back through the replies that you got, the majority of posters seem to think that you're a miserable whingeing old git. A deeper analysis of your pitiful responses to each stinging attack would probably reveal you to be a racist bigot with an intense dislike of French people in general and in particular a hatred of French students.[:D]

This behaviour from your neighbours will probably reoccur during the summer weeks but if not you will certainly get the second half  of the party just before they return to college/uni in September. A word of advice.

The next time the music starts up , count to ten and walk slowly up to the young lady who approached you last time. Speak very slowly and quietly, in English, and ask her not to do it again. Then, turn on your heel and begin to walk away. It is at this point that you will hear certain comments about your mother/sister/wife or daughter. Again, turn slowly and retrace your steps, stopping just in front of said young lady, draw your head back slowly and let her have it full in the face. You can practice this manoeuvre in front of your bathroom mirror in the meantime until you get it just so.

The next thing that will happen is that the Gendarmes will arrive and you will be carted off to the Gendarmerie where, because the Sergeant is the Maire's brother you will be slapped on the back several times and then taken to the bar next door where several pastis' will be poured down your neck as  a local hero for standing up to those bloody Parisiennes.

A taxi will be organised to take you home. It will be at this point that all your French neighbours will want to  pour several more pastis' down your neck. A word of warning here; do not accept any of them until much later. Your priority at this point will be to telephone Max Clifford (France) because, in the abscence of TV cameras, you will become a hero of France when the news gets out next day and you will need all the help you can get in handling the media and milking your heroism for as much as it's worth.

There is one potential flaw in this sequence of events: at the point where you let the young lady have it full in the face you may hear some offensive remarks from amongst her friends. To deal with these effectively can I recommend you read a copy of "Eric Cantona - It's a Hard Life" which deals with how to treat hecklers but you may need to get into good physical shape to achieve this.

You will then join the annals of French history together with these two national sporting heroes.

Bonne chance

Benjamin

[Llantony]

But that would assume you have Des O'Connor records!

[Pads]

what do you mean? everyone has Des o'connor records surely?[:D]