The Martian

I have now discovered that the 'Great' in Great Britain, is a reference to it's size compared to Bretagne in France. I have also discovered a great man is not a large man. The Martian

  I have had Stew. He is thick and has several lumps.   The Martian  

Why is the male playing with balls on grass? There are many West Ham male inhabitants that indulge in this activity. I can only conclude it is for the purpose of caressing and kissing the other males when they have kicked balls into a large fish capturing device. The Martian

I shall purchase the ready made hot dog from the street vendor. I prefer not to hear, or smell the dog while on the cooker. It is dificult to insert the animal into the tubular bread. The Martian

I understand now why the females on the estate are thinking so much about 'detective' but they are so poor, they cannot obtain this object they desire. The Martian

Gluestick is confusing me! If I place the large dog on my cooker, he will run away unless he is secured. I wish to know how to secure the large animal to the cooker? The Martian

[quote user="Miki"] "....I'm off now, possibly permanently. Have a good time" What's up Dick ?.........................      (I know, what comes next  "  I like carrots" but, I said Dick not Doc ! So ? [/quote] I have discovered this thing you refer to as Dick, is slang for Detective. You Earth people place carrots up the detective? Is this a good place to store other vegetable matter, such as the cauliflower? The Martian

I eat, as you human beings eat. Is it legal to consume Indian and Chinese people? I like many Earth things. The Martian

  The island of Tresco is oneof five inhabited islands of the Isles of Scilly, found 29 miles south west of Lands End. I use the facility known as 'Systran' to assist with my communication with your kind.   The Martian

Christine Animal Yes, you resemble the 4 legged hirsute creature in the Volvo conveyance I encountered. You use the derogatory term to address me, why is this?

Gluestick Earthling My mission is to integrate with all earth people, not just the Great British type. I have been taken to a dwelling in the Dordogne area of France. I have seen many British earthlings travelling in the Volvo conveyance with four legged creatures enveloped in hairs. Where can I obtain this conveyance with hair covered creature? Why would you place the sun in a sleeping module? is this where you read? why do ovens wear gloves in the images of fish? The Martian

It is surely wet in wales due to them living in water? Is it possible for the water outside the wale to intrude into the interior of the water mammal? I understand many people have lived in wales and survived, is it possible to survive inside other earth mammals? I have so many questions, forgive me if I ask too much of you. The Martian

Hello The Jupiterians refer to us as 'Marshies' and the Uranians call us 'Martian Mallows'. I was ejected from The Spread Eagle in Stratford by the landlord after he pointed to a sign which stated "Martians Not Welcome"  I took my custom to The Angel, where I was made very welcome regardless of my Martian origins. The Queens Legs were closed all week-end. The Martian

"Welcome to France Dick"   That is very nice of France people to offer this to visitors (I hope this welcome is open to Martian beings) I have not seen this offer while on my visit to the area known as Dordogne!  I found your France male specimens to be very pleasing in most aspects. I notice many differing traits between France and England males. The Martian    

One of my people had been sent to observe the human life in the place you mention. Trunilis had taken the form of a male human and adopted the name of 'Justin' He was last seen in Canal Street and we can only assume he is now a "Wigan Pier" after befriending a hairstylist and opening a curtain shop. Sharon The Martian

Good night to the Dotty person, do not let bugs in your bed, they may bite you! Is there a Womanchester? I understand that there are a lot of Wigan Piers in Manchester, mainly congregating in the area known as Canal Street.   Sharon The Martian

Spotty and Dotty are also ryhming meanings? yes? I have been positioned at West Ham tube station on the advice of a neighbouring person that told me it was the best site for obtaining a male to reproduce with. It was a good place for this purpose. I observed many persons while awaiting a suitable donor. What is the purpose of a male standing in this area of public transport with only a label across his reproductive organs, stating "contains nuts"? is this an example of malfunction? You are very complicated life forms! Tomorrow I shall visit the carpet store for piles of the shag carpet. The appartment I am placed in has wooden floors, it is very uncomfortable. Please inform me of the true meaning of Dotty and Spotty. I am here to learn from you. I am now being taken to a rubber dub to consume pigs ears and a right good jelly eel of my thruppeny bits. Sharon The Martian

Hello I have been learning much today in the streets of West Ham. I now understand that "would ya show us your granny for a tenner" is cockerny slang speech that is not connected to your granny. I informed the oversized male person removing his garments, that I did not have a granny for his viewing pleasure! He said "not yer granny, yer old granny haddock, yer Mrs craddock" I was still in a negative condition untill the male produced a picture from a magazine with female human forms in strange states of posture with no garments adorning them. I accepted his currency.  I am so poor, I had to eat my fish fingers! If I am still poor tomorrow, I shall have to eat my fish toes! It is not cruel as fish do not need fingers or toes. (I am learning your way, yes?) Sharon The Martian

Hello People who have responded Tresco person, I have noticed many of the 'Transitvans' you speak of! It is a large white lifeform with a man inside it, am I correct? You have other van types such as "cockinvan" and "Van Morrison" It will take time for me to become your van type of human. Are there many Transitvans on this forum?  I would like to know of the differences between the many varieties of human. What are "Scrubbers" and "Apple and Hairs" in simple terms? I know of stickleback paste from TV shows that teach minature human beings how to construct a rocket or build a 747 Aeroplane from disused articles of clothing and empty corn flake boxes. They join them together with the stickleback paste as an adhesion matter. Please tell me about the "Dick"  I have heard many times of this on the estate. Dotty is a slang word for being a bit "scatterbrained" or "nutty" from what I can perceive from my speakings with the types you call "council tennants" They are teaching me how to speak proper and write proper too. I cannot understand why you scatter the brains or wash the brains? I have not seen any of the council tennants where I am placed, with openings in there bonce to remove or replace the brain. I am confused by how one word has so many different meanings. I am now needed by a large person that is saying "can I look at your old granny"  He is offering £10 of your currency for this purpose. I am told that "poor" is having little currency with which to purchase objects of great desire or to obtain feeding materials for consumption. If other human males offer currency to see my granny, I will not be poor, yes? "I was so poor I could not afford a toilet roll" I am good, yes? Sharon The Martian    

Greetings people of earth, I am from the planet you know as Mars. I arrived on your planet on tuesday in order to watch Richard and Judy on the entertainment cube you call the "TV" but they have been replaced by a Man with a large organ and his dog. I did observe a swollen female showing 2 of your kind several dwelling houses in a zone known as France. This is something I must do in order to become as you, and behave as you, and experience life as a human. I understand that it is compulsory for all middle class English humans to purchase a 4 walls and a field in a place known as "Dordogne" where you will integrate with other human settlers from the country you have left, and to refer to the inhabitants of the France as "Toads" I will seek out a 4 walled place with uniteruppted views of clouds. I have taken the human name of 'Sharon' and I am attempting to become impregnated by having many Bombay Duck's, which I am told by a taxi driver, is ryhming slang.  I wish to learn about all human traits and experience life as both man, and woman. Thank you for allowing me to become one of your type, I look forward to many years of integration with you in my human form. Sharon The Martian