Battypuss

If your dog does turn out to be 'dangerous', you will also have to have it neutered (obviously if male). I would check this asap as the fines are high and frequently result in the poor dog being put down.

One of our ex-neighbours decided that a garden pond would be a tasteful addition to her manicured garden. She badgered her husband non-stop until he dug the hole, lined it with plastic, built a rockery at one end, stocked it with plants and fish...in all, quite a bit of work. But the pool lacked something. She wasn't sure what exactly, but eventually it came to her in a blinding flash. A statue of the Virgin Mary that glowed in the dark - and in the day, to be truthful, due to the lurid colour scheme - overlooking, protecting and casting a benign influence over all who fell under her gaze. Frankly, you'd have needed something stronger than the Virgin to cast a benevolent eye upon that lady, but there you go. So, Virgin in the boot, she rolled up to priest's house for the Blessing. He refused. The woman was a known troublemaker. She went to the next village; they'd heard of her too. And so it continued, kilometer by kilometer in an ever-widening search, to no avail. Her reputation had preceeded her. After about three months, she finally found some old dodderer who was stone deaf and the deed was done. She and Mary came home in triumph. Installed and glowing eerily on the goldfish, Mary did her stuff. No herons ate the goldfish, the kids were doing well at school, battered husband gave up smoking etc. Then the lady ran off with the postman. Ten minutes later, Mary fell into the pool and broke her neck. The following day, the husband won the Loto. Moral: Be careful what you stick in your garden!

We had chickens in the countryside here, and daft birds they were too. They had a hen house, but almostnever went in it, they wandered hither and thither but never far and came when you called them! One even liked being cuddled by middle daughter, aged about three at the time and used to sit down and wait to be picked up!

dd3 has just come back from a week away with the school demanding oysters! Last time it was mussels, we already know she eats fois gras...she's ten. Thank God they are cheaper here than in England!

Try www.epicerieanglaise.com They sell bacon and bring back what you want from England then mail it in cold boxes...no I don't work for them!!!

Been there done it; yes the kids get faster and seem to regard it as normal after a while. I might not agree with the amount/sort of homework, but there's no escaping it. Failure to comply with the rules here will only end in more homework and more tears. Just accept it as fact, whether or not you agree and try and persuade your child to do the same...

This years record is out now; usual people singing, I shall buy it.

The recipe book was written around what was available that week: little old lady in Valognes sent me the list each week (can of tuna, one potato, 2 eggs and so forth) and I constructed the book round that. I had no computer, all was written by hand in understandable French and photocopied by either me or them. But apparently it went down a storm. I still have the master copy, if you are interested. Our friend in Valognes, whom we nickenamed our 'crevette', much to her amusement -she was rather short of stature - used to drive all the way from there to here to bring the kids pots of finger paint, until she had two hip replacements. Her husband died and we have no car, or method of getting to her, more's the pity. I miss her. OK I took; but I gave, too.

Download the forms, which are a nightmare. You even get money off if you fill them in on line. But, they don't send you the cash if you have no tax to pay....

They will penalise you for sending the form in late, so go and get one! I don't pay any tax, but still have to turn the form in, especially as it might cover your taxe d'habitation and consequently TV licence as well from this year. Just put '0' in every box and sign it; providing you are not sitting on hidden millions.......

Long time, no see, Pippa. How is the little one now? Last I heard, looked a superstar!

We are not great church goers, nor are many who go to Lourdes. But my heart goes out to those who seek help there. I have brought up my kids on compassion, rather than commercialism and all three are rather upset by the idea that one would go on a gawking holiday to Lourdes. I suppose the epicentre of the latest tsunami will be the latest hot spot this year. I think the wave wrecked the cricket pitches, too, there.

[quote]Well, not exactly free, but shared among those of us who don't have kids I was a Scout leader for many years and it did irk that some parents just thought of Scouts as being somewhere to get rid of...[/quote] My perception of the Scouts was seriously damaged here in France. Not only did it cost an arm and a leg (with uniform et al), it was held in an unheated shack on the other side of town and there was precious little transport to get there or back. I spent every other saturday throughout the winter standing outside said shack for 4 hours and managed to go down with pneumonia once and bronchitis twice...my help was not acceptable becuase we had no car. The children got sick too. Nobody ever offered to help us: we were regarded as the poor relations and shrugged off and scorned at every chance they got! Two Scout uniforms (yellow shirts et al) free to someone who still thinks 'be prepared' is a good motto. I am still sneezing and cursing Baden Powell. Note: we provided cakes and so forth at every turn of the road, all hand carried and made with best wishes. We had no thanks, ever, while those who turned up in 4X4 with a purchased, 1.50 euro 'gateau' were welcomed with kisses. The last straw was when I scraped together enough money to puchase 2 old fashioned bikes (read not VTT) and spent I don't know how many hours fixing them up for a 'bike ramble'. This caused a certain amount of financial hardship for several weeks, but we did it. I received a phone call...could I please come and get the children, aged 8 and 9 from somewhere 5 miles away as their bikes weren't flash enough and were letting the side down? I did, on foot, and this whole sorry troupe limped home, bike helmets and all, in tears. Scouts? Don't get me started. An éliteist, jumped-up bande de cons here. May they rot in hell, I wouldn't send our stick insect. Previous to this, I add, I had no problems. We are, in addition, fluent French speakers and Catholics, so that wasn't the problem. I guess I hate snobs, especially those with no manners.

I think one should consider the people who go to Lourdes to hope. Whether it works or not, I feel strongly anti the place being a Tourist attraction. I have never been there, but my childrens Godfather has, many times. He is not religious at all, but divides his time between pushing wheelchairs and brancardes and drinking himself silly. His best friend, a devout Catholic, goes only to help. There are many people who trust and believe this might help them in their lives. I don't think the tourist shops have a bearing on this, the place has to keep going. But for a holiday? I think this is sick. Leave enough space for those who wish to believe and hope, or go and help them. They are not Museum exhibits. They're people too.

I think anyone who has a car, without a valid reason (ie work, in which case why do they NEED the food?) and 7 kids, frequently borrowed, does not require the help of this, generally speaking, kind bunch of people. I'm sorry if I upset anyone, but this kind of scrounging makes me *loody furious. No, I didn't want to go to them, but I think I was a valid case and gave enough back in terms of my ability. Shoot me down if you wish. Better still, shoot the person who left us in this position............

Having been in the position to accept the aid of the Restos de Couer from time to time over the last 12 years (I'm handicapped and have 3 kids), I do wonder about the people accepted... There is virtually nobody who arrives at the St Lo branch on foot or by bus. All come by car (not having one, we don't) and some of these cars would feed a very large family for a very long time. Dressed in Nike trainers and Adidas tracksuits - brand new by the look of it - they then proceed to take the piss out of the food on offer; grab everything they can and depart, making rude remarks. The people helping behind the counters are all volunteers, many of whom have been in same position at one time or another. Before you ask about MY contribution, I wrote a recipe book for the Restos in Valognes (St Lo having told me to take a hike, they weren't interested) which was distributed free in 150 000 exemplaires from lower Normandy/Mayenne to Paris. Except in St Lo, of course. Obviously there is an enormous abuse of this system; which I find abhorrent. The people really in need can't get it and the******** do.

I know nothing about E forms, but your wife will need to register with a doctor asap upon your arrival. The law changed recently... Having babies in France is preferable to England, in my opinion (though I realise this may not be much help!) After two in England and one here, I'll stay In France. Not that I am planning on any more kids.

Daughter has clarified matters a little; all teachers except the sporty one are on grève and there will be no lunch. For one hour of sport, I reckon she can skip the day; there's no guarantee about the bus anyway! I did warn her all fallout from this decision (eg extra homework etc) would fall on her, not me, and this has been accepted. So she can stay home, as most of her friends are doing. Incidentally, I neither agree nor disagree with strikes, but walking about three miles to College, and three miles back seems a bit stupid for an hour of long jump.

You been on that rocket fuel again, Dick?

We have bags, too, provided by the Marie. The dispenser is always empty however, the local brats use them for water bombs. My brats take a bag out with the dog.

As I expected, the daughter in 6ième came home with a great big smile on her face and a slip of paper from College yesterday. 'Classes may or may not be disrupted on thursday due a proposed action'. Mmm. Clear as mud. She has her own key and can find her own way home, thank heavens.

Do you speak French?

Stuff you need is either 'sans clous, sans vis' in a cylinder with a squirty thingy, or Pattex: "Cloue tout" of the little cylinders of paste that you mix between your hands for a couple of minutes (About the size of 2x a lip salve)

I'm a parent who home schooled eldest daughter for three years (ages 6-9) before coming here. The English authorities were unhelpful in the extreme, but I got there in the end. Education Otherwise is a good place to start, they have members all over the world, and we were lucky enough to meet one lady; a French/English teacher in Vendée, who had given up and sent all three children to ordinary schools here in France. As they seemed perfectly happy, I added dd1 to the system, followed by dd2 and dd3. I would love to teach dd3 at home; she's bored to utter distraction at school, but with no car and no income, I am stuffed at the first hurdle.

I attempted to install aol and failed. I eventually had recourse to our computer bloke. At the mention of aol, he started giggling and wouldn't stop!