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This is a shortened version of an excellent article by an Australian oncologist: For my patients, life continues to unfold in all its enormity and mundanity. Parking is hard to find, specialists even harder. Tracking appointments is a full-time job. Absorbing good news and swallowing bad news – and having the stomach for both at every visit – demands equanimity. Then, beyond the heavy logistics, there is the sheer emotional fatigue of carrying a diagnosis that everyone feels entitled to weigh in on. The initial shock of a cancer diagnosis takes the wind out of everyone’s sails. What will I do now? Did I ignore the signs? What does my future hold? It doesn’t help that the usual narrative about cancer takes two forms: miracles and disasters. Either people defy the statistics or face an abject death. Of course, the truth lies in between: many cancer experiences have been transformed through modern medicine, agile technology and compassionate palliation. But surrounded by well-wishers, my patients describe feeling alone in the moment of discovery; they know that the weightiest implications will be theirs to negotiate in the silences between the noise. Unlike any other illness I can think of, cancer is a communal diagnosis. The flipside of a flood of sympathy is a tsunami of advice. Try this; eat that; go here; look there Ironically, some of society’s sickest patients face the greatest pressure to make the well among us feel better. So, while their public-facing side valorises positivity and “beating” cancer, inside they are scared and unsettled, as anyone would be. Cancer is synonymous with uncertainty; true success involves treating the body and mind. I rue how little we do of the latter. Patients explain that the way to help is to neither demand optimism nor let them drown in pessimism. Like so much in life, our response to those who have cancer requires moderation Whether treated, cured, palliated or somewhere in between, everyone wants human connection. Even the grumpy patients who scold us to “let me be” and especially the proud ones who insist they are “just fine”. There is a distinction between needing space and being alone – no one who is alone is truly fine.